I remember that moment when really my life changed was just a regular Tuesday like today. And I remember something's missing, but you don't know what it is, but you just go throughout your day. And that's how it felt that day. When we found out that it was going to be a girl, we knew she was going to be the princess of both households. We lost it.

I was like, I can't believe I'm going to be a daddy's girl. Right? Seeing her in those tubes, fighting for her life really destroyed me. But it was the strength that I needed. I saw her in that bed as she's progressing in a positive way.

And I'm like, this little girl is fighting for her life to be here. I need to do the same. I need to fight to be here for her. I wanted to be a father. This is my time to shine.

I needed it. And I think that's why I really resonate more with Casita because I always felt this energy. And I don't know if it's her present, my late wife present always guided me. When I noticed like butterflies or a hummingbird, I always been like, that's her. That's her checking in on us.

I could get through this. Yeah. He has my back. Welcome to Yes, And Land, where we say yes to the reality of yesterday and today. And we say, and to the possibility, growth and imagination of tomorrow.

All right. Welcome to another episode of Yes, And Land. We are very excited today because we are talking with somebody who has a very inspiring story of overcoming grief and loss. And there's also, of course, as we always do, there's a Disney tie in, but a real life Disney tie in for James and for the things he's experienced with his family. He's a real inspiration to many, many people.

He's got quite the following online because so many people connect with this story that we can all relate to. We all have loss and grief that we experience in our lives. And the strength that James has showed is he's overcome the loss that he'll talk about more in detail today, again, is very inspiring. So James, welcome to the program. Thank you.

Thank you for having me. Looking forward to telling my story and sharing with your audience. Yeah. And I can already tell, right, we can already see the Disney-ness with you because you've got your snow white shirt on. You're repping today.

So appreciate that. And it looks like a beautiful, beautiful place that you're there too. You're in California, right? Absolutely. Not so far away from Disneyland.

So how long of a drive? How long would drive to get to Disneyland? I would say, I would say about, depending on LA traffic, I am residing in LA. Depending on LA traffic, it could take from 40 minutes to even up to two hours. But, and it has never stopped me from going.

So you get to go at the right time, right? A lot of times when we go to Disneyland, we'll fly into LAX. So we've got to have that, you know, that commute over. We try to make sure we avoid that happening during rush hour in the morning or the afternoon, because otherwise it can end up being those two hours. And that's the last thing you want, right?

Yeah, it's dreadful. But you know what? Once you're there, once you're at the park, you forget about all your worries and you kind of enjoy it and a little escape from reality, right? So it's beautiful. You know, that's what I love about Disney.

You know, it just, it gives me the opportunity to kind of escape from all the troubles, all the stress, you know, anything and just kind of leave that behind and just be able to enjoy the moment. And then it, but most importantly now having children, enjoying the moment with them, you know, it's, it's this nostalgia that always brings you back to living your childhood memories, right? And, and then you kind of reminisce those beautiful memories. And now that you have children, now it's your job to do the same for them, right? Now it's your opportunity to kind of embed those beautiful memories in them.

So it's, to me, it's so special because it's like I'm reliving it again, because it's like I'm reliving it through them. And I love that. So it's just like, man, you know, like, this is where I, this is what I used to, this is my first ride, or this is where I used to get my favorite churro and then just, you know, telling the kids and then the kids get excited and then they're excited too. They're like, oh my gosh, can't wait to have a churro, or, you know, I can't wait to ride the dumbbell ride, you know? So those little memories, it's, it's beautiful because I get to relive it again.

So. Yeah, for sure. So, so what I've heard you kind of referencing is, is kind of this nostalgia from childhood. So did you grow up going to Disneyland? You know what?

I grew up in a Mexican family. You know, it's, unfortunately, there weren't the type of family that had passes and we used to go often, you know, it was more of like, at least once a year, but at least we went a year, right? So we were, we were thankful for that. So I remember, I even have a picture of my first time that I went, I was one years old. I remember that.

Then I still have that picture of myself. And that was at that time when Thriller was going on, because I swear I had the little Michael Jackson red latex suit at Disney, you know, but that's beautiful, you know, that, that they gave me the opportunity to experience it. And then, yeah, we would go like every year. And I remember there was a time that they used to give out free tickets for your birthday. And I used to take advantage of that.

And I used to go for my birthday. And yes, I pretty much grew, grew up with Disney, watching their cartoons. I wanted to be an animator. You want to be an animator? Yeah, so I actually wanted to be an animator.

So I used to watch, I used to grow up, you know, like wake up every morning and watch Disney cartoons. I mean, you're talking, I'm not talking about Mickey's Clubhouse. I'm talking about the original Steamboat Willie, you know, Mickey's The Silly Symphony. You were watching the old ones. I like that.

The throwbacks, like the originals, like that hand, that hand drawn original selves, you know, like, I watched that. And I grew up and I always wanted to be an animator because those cartoons made me so happy that for me, it was like, I want to bring that happiness to a kid. I want to be able to give that feeling that I had when watching these cartoons to a kid in my generation. So I was like, I always want to be an animator. And I used to, I went to school, I did all that.

Unfortunately, I I went to the medical field. What did you study? I'm actually in ultrasound tech. So yes. Yeah, I'll just sound yes.

So different. But you know what I love it because I love to help. I love to help the community as much possible. And for me, it was just helping somebody you know, it means a lot to me. And even though I do ultrasound, I still dabble a little bit.

I still draw. I help the kids with their projects. You know, I love you know, sometimes when we go out to dinner and Get a chance. I'll scribble like a little cartoon on the receipt With my signature on it and kind of you know, give give the waitress or the waiter A little uh happiness happiness note or picture, you know, so I dabble a little bit here and there I haven't lost I haven't lost the the the touch of of drawing. I still love it.

It's still in my head. So you um, you Finished high school you go do some schooling you become an ultrasound tech when when uh When did you end up getting married? What did that look like and and kind of walk us through that? Yeah, well, that's where I actually met uh My my late wife that's where I actually met her and and in uh ultrasound school So she was going to ultrasound school as well um, I was a little bit shy and really focused on my uh, my schooling so I was really determined to finish school I wanted to Uh, you know just have something a degree right so I was really focused I really didn't talk to her. Um, I knew she was in classes and I see her around school But I never really get a chance to talk to her I talked to her finally when I graduated She was still going to school.

I graduated and I uh messaged her on Facebook and uh, we just started hitting it off and started hanging out and Next thing led to another and we decided we wanted to take that next step of getting married, you know doing things right, you know So we were dating for For two years, uh, we wanted to make sure everything was correct in our end You know before Moving in and you know having kids and stuff like that So we did it the correct way like in you know, our parents really loved that so We asked for their their blessings. They gave it to us um, we got engaged we started living together set up for the wedding and Um, we got married. It was a beautiful wedding. Um, and so what what uh, what was her name? Uh, her name was yesenia aguilar So yesenia so you and yesenia you you meet kind of this uh at school kind of as you're kind of finishing Uh, you guys date just really hitting off you get engaged.

Did she have a love for disney at that time? Did she have any disney ties? Well, yeah, well the thing was um, she lived in anaheim. So she lived very close to to disney uh, and She didn't have the uh The chances to go as often you know, she used to go like here and there, you know when she had family that worked there but when we started uh Dating she started going to school. So she she went to ultrasound school to kind of Get it Get a degree but it wasn't Her passion her passion was to do hair to do cosmetology So I kind of pushed her to do that So when we started dating I kind of told her like, you know, do follow your dreams like do what you will make you happy don't do something that's gonna Pay you bill you pay your bills, you know, like If you love what you do, you can still pay your bills too.

But if you don't do something that you don't love then it's gonna it's It's gonna kill the joy in life, you know, so do something that you love so she just decided to go back to school And at that time uh with school, you know, uh, it was hard to find a job that's flexible with her school schedule So I told her hey I know disney will work with you and will be happy to kind of or be happy to support you while you're going to school So yeah, she applied and she became a cast member. She was actually actually worked main gate. So she was um, Handling tickets and scanning people in and stuff like that. So she That's her tie-in and for me it was a benefit because I get to go to disney for free Yeah, it was great. It was it was a great.

Yeah, so she she became to love disney as much as I did by working there Yeah, and they I mean I think it's it's well documented that Cast members generally speaking just really really love working for disney I watched one of the specials They'd done I think originally on 2020 and now showing on Disney+ and they were talking with josh gad uh, who of course played olaf and they let him go be the jungle crew skipper for a day and He was just talking about how just walking around the park and getting exposed to different cast members how much the cast members loved Being there no matter what their role was right like any role that a cast member had that there's just such Joy that they're bringing to other people and helps them also have joy as a cast member Yeah, it was beautiful. It was beautiful to see her work there because um, you know, she was a very quiet, you know person and uh being there like kind of helped her open up and she made a lot of friends, um, and even after uh What happened a lot of cast members reach out to me and was there for me? I remember, um Telling me stories about uh their interactions with her Yeah, and we'll definitely get into that. Uh, yeah, but it was it was very beautiful to to hear Uh such loving and caring parts that work at disney and that's why I believe that what makes disney so magical you know when you go to disney and it's it's not all about the the rides and the food and and uh Clothes and everything that you go for but it's the people that work there that makes it truly special Yeah, they they definitely bring it bring it home. They make it more real.

It's uh, yeah, it's really something special So so she's working there as a cast member working the main gate um when did she um Stop working because I think uh, this was right This was before right before kovat when kovat shut down Disneyland that was yeah, that was in the That was pretty much it. Yeah, she she was furloughed um Because of kovat that's when it was like They're shutting out everything Uh for the first time they shut down Disneyland, which was crazy to to find out, you know, that was a big shocker for us because uh, I believe the only time they ever closed out before was uh, 911 and To hear that they were closing down it was It was a shocker to all of us. And then when we found out that you know She was kind of furloughed Which kind of was perf I would say it was perfect timing in a sense because uh That was a time when we found that she was pregnant so it was a beautiful time, um, I would say, uh Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody ! kinda kinda kinda kinda kinda kinda kinda kinda happened. And I think what changed the most was when we changed our our mindset.

So I remember one day we were talking about it. And after many attempts and you know, late, was it the warnings that we thought that she was and found out it wasn't, you know, so many attempts, I would say. How long how long did you guys try before you're I would say like for over a year. Over a year. Yeah.

Yeah. So over a year, we tried. And it just wasn't happening. So we kind of changed our thoughts. We're just like, you know what?

Um, hey, if, you know, we're not blessed with the child, as long as we have each other, then that's what we need. That's all we need. You know, we have our family here. If we're not blessed with the kids, then this is our family, just you and me. And then once we change that mentality, man, right away, like, I remember she was late.

And then she was getting like, nauseous all the time. But I didn't want to like, I was kind of like, maybe she is, right? And but I didn't want to see anything. Yeah, I didn't want to say anything. Because, you know, there's many times that I like, she was late.

And then I'm like, Oh, my gosh, she's pregnant. And then she finally was like, Oh, no, no, I got my period. And I'm like, dang. So then this time, she was like, I'm late. And she was nauseous.

And I'm like, no, I'm gonna wait for her to tell me. I don't want to give my whole tie. I'm just gonna let it be right. But it was so funny, because even my parents noticed it like, man, she's like, got to the restroom with throw up like couple times that it was something she ate. And I'm like, I don't know, could be.

And then I remember one Thursday, I know it was like, her dad's birthday was coming up. And she just spontaneously just told me she's like, come to the room, I need to tell you something. And I'm like, okay, what's wrong? What's wrong? And then she shows me the slip for the doctor where it was pregnant.

And I started crying. I started bawling. I remember I was like, I can't believe this is really happening. Like, I'm actually gonna be a father, you know, like, she knew how bad I wanted this. What was that emotion?

Like, talk me through what that emotion was. So been wanting to for so long, you didn't want to get your hopes up too much. She comes to you and you finally know you're a father, like, what are the emotions you're experiencing when that happened? It's, it was joy. I feel like it was that emotional moment because we tried so hard and I felt like we were gonna just give up on that.

And to find out like we were blessed to be a father, like, you know, I was kind of already getting adjusted that like, I'll never be a father, like, I'll just might not never have kids. And to find out that we're having one of our kids on the way, and really kind of, it was speech, I couldn't put it in words, but it was just, it was so emotional to find out that, you know, finally, God answered my prayers, and I can finally be that father that I always wanted to be and that I could be. It was truly great, grateful feeling. Yeah. And, and so I mean, I just I can imagine, right?

And I have I have four kids. And so I can, I can relate in a sense that like, you know, it's, it's this joy, it's this relief, it's this anticipation, sometimes a little bit of fear, because we all want to be good parents and being a parents a lot. And so there's a little bit of that. So you guys are kind of going through, you know, her being pregnant, and then, you know, walk us through leading up to kind of that that kind of fateful day. Yeah, so, like you mentioned, you know, it, parenting can be tough.

We wanted to prepare as much possible, you know, being the first time parents, you know, we're the ones that were like, reading books, and listening to what the doctor is telling us and just following directions and trying to eat healthy and just try to be the best parents possibly to welcoming this, this baby. When we found out that was a baby girl, that's where I lost it. And her side of the family had all boys, all boys. Her older sister had all boys. So it was dominated by boys, my side of the family, my parents didn't have any grandkids.

This was the first grandkid. So regardless, when we found out that was going to be a girl, we knew she was going to be the princess of both households. Guaranteed, she's gonna be the one running the show, right? And when we found out it was a baby girl, like we lost it. I was like, I can't believe I'm gonna be a daddy's girl, right?

I'm gonna be a dad, like a girl dad, like to me that was a beautiful feeling. So we definitely took advantage of making sure that our baby girl was coming into this world with the best atmosphere, the best energy, the best everything possible. So we took it, took it very heavily. So the doctor did tell us, hey, you know, in order to have a quick and successful delivery, you know, walk, right walk. So we started walking every single day.

At that time, we were living in Anaheim and there was a neighborhood because we lived in a kind of like a like a townhouse complex. And behind us was like a residential area. So we used to walk a lot in that residential area. And we always move with reminisce, we always talk about different topics of our dream form and looking at homes and what kind of car we should be driving and how to raise our daughter and Disney. I mean, we talked about everything and we love that.

I believe those were the times that we connected more, more deeply. And I remember that moment when really my my life change was just a regular Tuesday like today. I remember at that time was still COVID going on. But I worked for a company that worked for the banks. So we were allowed to work at the office.

So I would go to the office to work. And I remember a little off that day. I don't know, it was like that something that something's missing, but you don't know what it is. But you just go throughout your day. And that's how it felt that day.

I remember my colleagues knew how excited I was for this babies to be born my baby girl to arrive that they do a little baby shower thing in my cubicle. And they had I still have a picture of it like all the decorations and gifts and all this stuff because they knew how excited I was to be a father. And but still I felt a little off that day. I don't know what it was. And I would check in, see how she's doing how she's feeling.

And I remember she was telling me she's like, I'm doing well, I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm like, okay. And I remember driving home. And I told her I was like, Hey, would you like to go on a walk? And then maybe have dinner afterwards?

Or do you want to have dinner and then go walk? Because that was our thing, you know, either dinner and walk or walk and have dinner. And she's like, No, let's go let's go walk. Like I want to go look at a store and kind of check out some blinds for the baby's room. I'm like, Okay, that's perfect.

So there's a shopping center right right by us, we'll go that direction and we'll wrap around and end up at the end at the residential area and just come home. And she's like, perfect. So when I got home, I know she was waiting for me at the sofa. And she wasn't I can tell she wasn't feeling well. But she still had the courage to go walking.

Which later I found out from her mom that she had really, really bad morning sickness that day. And it was she was not feeling well at all. But yeah, she still had the strength to like, continue our daily routine. And I remember walking a different route. And we went to the store, we didn't find anything we liked.

And we're like, let's just walk home. So we cut through the shopping center. And we were walking down. If people are familiar with the area, we were going eastbound down Cotella, really close by to Disneyland. So we're by Cotella and Euclid.

So we're going eastbound down Cotella. We hear a screeching sound of a vehicle, like losing control. We both turn around facing westbound. We see this vehicle just lose control and hop onto this sidewalk, a sidewalk that like we're literally standing facing us. As it was going like this, moving towards our direction.

Where we're standing, we're standing in front of like this insurance agency office. But in front of us was the shopping center. So there was like a Taco Bell, there's like a Burger King, there's, there's so many things that could have stopped this vehicle from from going towards us. It ended up and missed the pull and missed the power box and missed the Taco Bell sign and missed the brick wall. But yet it was so out of control, still going towards us.

And being a gentleman that I am, I always would stand between the street and her. And even being a gentleman could not stop what was going to happen. This vehicle struck her as I was holding her hand as we're facing this vehicle. And it's crazy because people always say it's like your life flashes in front of you. It really does.

It flashes in front of you and makes you realize like, this is your end. This is how your story ends. And to me was like, I can't believe this is this is it. And I can only imagine what she was thinking. Being pregnant at that time, she was 36 weeks pregnant with our baby girl.

I can only imagine her thinking our baby, our baby girl. And the reason I know this is because when it struck her, the car kept going. It didn't stop. It kept going. The only way it stopped this vehicle was stopped was by metal fence across the street.

As I'm seeing her laying there, motionless, or holding her tummy. It was like a nightmare. A nightmare that was waiting to wake up but I wasn't waking up. I didn't know what to do. Reality wasn't like I couldn't grasp this was reality.

I tried to resuscitate her. I tried to do what I could, what was right. And just seeing her look at me. It was hard. It was hard to see that it was hard to see someone just leaving this earth and couldn't do nothing.

And I didn't even notice people were around me. I was just in a in a in a daze. I just couldn't believe it. And I remember calling the 911 calling 911 telling me what was trying to grasp my thoughts, my words to try to explain what was going on and nothing was coming out. Finally, they arrived and because of COVID, I couldn't go with her.

I was left there in her remains. And not knowing if she was alive, she was passed away. Nothing, not knowing anything. And I remember like just telling any officer where she I didn't even know what hospital she was taken to. Finally, officer told me that they were taken to the UCI Medical Center there in Irvine, very close to to where we lived.

And I remember trying to talk to her parents, because they lived like around the corner to try to like, explain what was going on. And it was hard. It was hard to explain what was going on. Words wasn't coming out. They finally arrived to the scene.

They kind of put two and two together and we finally made it to the hospital. I remember right away when we got to the hospital there, they took us to a room and already knew that was they're gonna give us bad news. And that's when they told us that she passed away. And she wasn't able to make it that they tried to do their best. But she passed away.

And then in this moment, you have just had this horrible accident happen. Literally, right, right before you right in front of your eyes where you think you might also lose your life and it kind of flashes before you and then you unfortunately see her happens to her and she's, I mean, I just can't get my image out of my head where you said she's like still like holding her belly as she's sitting there. And so they take her off. You don't get to go with and then you're arriving and they're giving you the bad news. I got to assume that in this moment too, you're also assuming that you've lost your daughter, you've lost both your wife and your and your daughter.

Correct. Yeah, correct. I already knew what they were gonna tell me like, hey, you know, like it was kind of like your daughter, you know, it's us you assume you know, like she passed away. Obviously, you know, she was in the womb, she's gonna pass away too. Right.

And I was already waiting for them to tell me. But when they told me but but we have great news. I'm like, what, what, what good news is coming out of this? Right. And then they're like, well, your daughter survived.

And I'm like, wait, what can you repeat that again? How did my daughter survive? You're telling me that she passed away? Yeah, we were she went with 20 to 20 minutes too little to no oxygen, oxygen in her wound. So when we could not save your late wife, we had to do an emergency c-section.

She was unresponsive as well. But there was CPR that we're able to bring her back. Wow. And she's in the NICU at the moment. She we're still trying to stabilize stabilize her.

Once she stabilized and you can see her. So then I'm like, I wasn't shocked. You know, I was expecting this bad news. I mean, it's just like what what else more pain can you give me? You know, but then to find out that she's she's surviving.

All I was thinking was, I hope she works that she she fights for her life, right? Now it's a critical she's a critical condition. I hope she fights for her life that she wants to be there. And I was just I remember just sitting out her family was coming and they were all grieving and you know, it's just it was really tough time. Finally, my parents arrived.

I told them what happened. They couldn't believe it. When I told them that like, my daughter survived, they were shocked. They're like, wait, you just told me that she passed away. Like, how did they save her?

I'm like, I don't I don't know. They just did. And I guess it was almost till midnight. I remember it was almost midnight when I was finally able to see see my daughter. And I remember telling them, you want to come and see her.

But they were so like, in grief, you know, they just were in the right state of mind, you know, to see her. So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna take my mom, just be there to support you know, mentally. So I go up go up there. And seeing her, there's videos on my page too, that you could see what I'm referring to, but she was with tubes and everything and breathing apparatus and senior in that condition really broke me. Because I think I'm gonna imagine at that point in time, you don't you don't know how well she's going to survive even right, you know, in 20 minutes, without oxygen is a long time.

And I gotta imagine that that there's also some of that, like, how is this going to affect her? Is she even going to make it? So they've got her here now, is she going to make it? What's that going to be like? Is she going to have permanent brain damage?

I mean, I just got to imagine there's this whirlwind of emotions you're experiencing in that moment. Yeah, it just can never get that out of my head. Just seeing her. It really broke me because she was forced into this world. It was still not her time to come into this world.

But because of a junk driver deciding to get in a vehicle at seven o'clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday and change my whole life, and not even just my life. But you're talking about my daughter, because they're the ones that are the ones that are affected the most. Our children is always the ones that being affected the most. And to me that what broke me seeing her in those tubes, seeing her how she was just fighting for her life, really destroyed me. But it was the strength that I needed.

Seeing her fight for her life and getting better and progressing. The next day or two, the breathing apparatus was removed. She was breathing on her own. Even though she was brought into the world forcefully, she had jaundice, because they consider her still a preemie. She fought through that she got rid of it.

And they are too. They didn't know how much brain damage she was going to get because she had what they call it infarct, which is a small stroke in the frontal lobe. So we didn't know what kind of damage it was going to happen. So they did this new procedure, which they would cool down her body to almost freezing temperature to kind of what they say to restart or reboot the brain to avoid any further damage. Whatever damage would happen.

Yes, that's going to happen. But any further damage, we're trying to avoid that. So they did that procedure and seeing her just go through that in this cold bed, like cold bed, like freezing cold. And she's a warrior. And you know, she's a warrior.

She fought through it. I remember when they told me that I had to restart her body, like pretty much bring up her body temperature to where it's supposed to be. I remember they were telling me that there could be a possibility of her getting a seizure. I suffered from epilepsy. I had it since I was nine years old.

I always had epilepsy. A lot of people don't know about it. So to me was a big deal. So I wanted to be there for her. So I remember staying that night, staying up, just seeing hopefully that she didn't get a seizure.

She didn't, you know, thank God. She fought through her body was at the right temperature, body stabilized. She was fighting. And they told me she overcame so many obstacles that there was there were stunned by her condition. They said we thought we were going to keep her for months.

You might take her for in a few weeks. I'm stunned, right? And at that time, I'm going through the funeral process, going through the funeral. I don't know if you ever had to deal with that. But imagine it's a lot of stress.

Yeah. And then on top of that, having a daughter and then the naked you and then going through my grief, right going through my feelings going through my pain and suffering. Yeah, it was tough. It was tough. It was really tough.

It's a lot, a lot to handle. But you know what? I was like, I have to get through it. I have to get through it. I can't give up.

Did that did the idea of how hard your daughter had to fight for her own life and the miracle of her surviving? Did that really carry you through a lot of this grief? To this very day. This is what helps me up. This is what wakes me up in work every morning.

It's her strength, her strength that she always fights, always, always fights. And, and I always remember this. I always remember. I remember this the biggest lesson I learned from my daughter is that I saw her in that bed as she's progressing in a positive way. And I'm like, if this, this little girl is fighting for her life to be here in this world, I need to do the same.

I need to fight to be here for her. I wanted to be a father. This is my time to shine. And I would be the best father that could possibly be for her because she wants to be here for me. So I need to be here for her.

And that's where my whole perspective changed. I decided to never show my, my pain, my suffering in front of my daughter. It was always positivity. There's always happiness in my face. Every time I held her, every time I was with her, it was positive energy because it wasn't her fault that she was placed in that, in that position that she was.

It wasn't her fault. And I wanted to make sure that she had all the love that she needs in this world. And that's what like, made me keep fighting, keep pushing through. And I remember like, finally taking her home. They told me that like, I hope you got plenty of rest.

You're definitely gonna, and if you haven't, rest up because next Tuesday, like I remember it was, I think it was a Tuesday. I forget what day it was. You're taking her home. So get as much rest. But at that time, I couldn't sleep.

You know, I'm going through everything, every emotion possible. But I should have took their advice because taking her home. I thought she was going to be in that hospital cycle. I'll be fine. It was a contrary.

And let me tell you, I admire, admire every single woman, like single mother out there that raised kids on their own. I admire them because it was hard, hard. I remember like, the first week, like, zero sleep, I swear to you, like, I looked like those zombies in the walking dead. Like, I can teach you not like, it was so bad. I had to call my mom.

I'm like, Mom, I haven't slept for a week. Like, every time I like close my eyes, like, I catch myself falling asleep. And it's, it's not good. Because like, I'm with my baby girl, you know, like, it's, it's not good. So I remember, like, she would come sometimes and help me or, you know, her side of the family would help me like, watch her and try to like, catch some Z's.

But it's never the case, you know, like, at the the parenting mindset, right, like, hearing her cry, like, what's going on? What's she? What's wrong? You know, it was just like my father, father and me, like, just kick it. And I would have to, I remember, you know, when she would get hungry, wake up with her and she's hysterical, crying, like, so hungry.

And I would go to the kitchen, warm up the water up while holding her and trying to get the little formula into the little bottle, like, with a lack of sleep, and the struggle to try to get it in the cup and in the bottle and then pouring the hot water and that is not hot enough. And then you just testing it and then just make sure it's just right. And then going back to the room and feeding her and then waiting to her to finish and then burp her and then you know, this struggle burping the kids, sometimes they don't burp and you're there for like almost 30 minutes trying to burp them and you finally do. And you put them to sleep. Finally close your eyes.

And then 10 minutes later, they're up again, hungry. And it's all over again. And then they have to and then diaper change. I remember I remember telling my late wife before when she was pregnant, I was like, I'll do everything, everything that you want me to do. Just not change the diaper.

I think it was just because I think it was just because she was a baby girl and I know hot girls, you know, it could be sensitive, right. So for me, it was like, that's a lot of responsibility for me. I don't know. I don't know. I'm up for it.

Right. And I was scared about that. And I was like, I'll do everything that you want me to do. Just don't change the diaper. Right.

And then guess what? I had to change them, you know, All of them. Yep, you had to change all of them. All of them. No break for me.

So I remember that I would say shout out to if anybody's listening from the UCI Irvine Medical Center. Thank you so much for everything that you have done for me. Giving me done for my child and for myself and prepare me because they definitely I remember they were like the nurses were like, you're going to learn how to change a diaper. And I'm like, I just came to visit my daughter, you know, be here with her and I like now you're going to learn because you didn't need it. And I'm glad they did because they taught me.

I remember the first time changing her at the hospital at the NICU. She had a blowout. I remember as soon as I got to her diaper, it was like a like a shotgun. It was like, boom. And it was like all over me all over the medical equipment.

I was embarrassed. I was like, Oh, that was my girl doing that. I'm like, I felt so embarrassed. And they're like, No, don't worry about it. You're good.

I cleaned her up. But that was a great experience. I was like, it can't get any worse than this. So let's do it. So then I learned how to change diapers and I became an expert.

I mean, yeah, I was on it. You know, I loved it, you know, and for me, it was just like, these are those special moments, right? These are the special moments that that you look forward to. And well, isn't that interesting, right? Like, I think for anybody that has had children, you can relate because being a parent, especially for a young child like that is hard.

Like, there's a lot of difficulty in it, not getting sleep and trying to find ways to get them calm or to keep them happy when they can't speak and they can't communicate and changing dirty diapers. And and yet, just like you said, like when when you can reframe it, and appreciate it that those like those are the moments that you have with this precious little child, it can it can make all the difference. It's when I was when I was kind of preparing for for us visiting, I came across a quote from Victor Frankel, who wrote Man's Search for Meaning. And he wrote, when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. And that just as you were talking, it just reminded me exactly that I was like, that was the perfect quote for me to put on here.

Because as you're talking about the situation that you're thrust into, and that you had an opportunity, you could either just kind of just continue to grieve and go into a hole and shut out the rest of the world and not take care of your daughter, or you could choose to find strength in your daughter's strength and to know that you had to be there for her. And then to find meaning in changing a blowout and changing a diaper and doing those things for her, which you did. Yeah, I you know that it's it was for me it was just, it's easy to give up, right. But that wasn't the case. For me, that wasn't an option.

This, this baby girl needed me, she needs me. And I had to step up. I had to step up. I had to change, I had to change my mentality. I needed to change everything.

Right? Everything. And my home, the biggest change to me was my mindset, right? With my mindset of just like, I've been blessed for all these opportunities. I've been blessed for a beautiful community that I was always supporting me.

I remember during the journey of trying to raise my daughter, people reaching out to me and saying how much they prayed for me and my daughter and being there for me. It was beautiful. And then just being there for my daughter and just being positive for her. To me, it was just, I need to change this, this mindset to a positivity. You know, I was given a second chance in life, you know, I could have also been dead too.

I could have been struck with that vehicle as well. But I didn't. But I'm still here now. And I found my purpose, you know, to be the best father that I could possibly be. But yet, be inspiration to this world, you know, I wanted to make sure that I use my story in a positive way.

You know, the when I share my story, you know, I, I do it for free. I don't, I don't do it for any financial gain. I don't do it for any publicity. No, I do this slowly. It's only only to be able to inspire others.

This is why I tell my story. I only tell my story to help others that are maybe struggling or maybe in a in a downtime and trying to find that that light at the end of the tunnel, you know, and I found it, I found it. And all I'm doing is trying to help others find their purpose in life too. Yeah, I love that. And so you know, one of the things too, that we, we talked about preparing for this was what's our what's our Disney movie tie in going to be right.

And the one that really struck a chord for you was in Kanto. And there's just a lot of, you know, really great lessons we can learn from in Kanto that parallel really, really closely with the story that that you have. And one of the ones from the very beginning of the story, I think, kind of sets the stage exactly like it did for you, which is with a wella. And when she's kind of reading the story, the beginning, she says long ago, when my three babies had just been born, your abuelo Pedro and I were forced to flee our home. And though many joined us hoping to find a new home, we could not escape the dangers.

And your abuelo was lost. But in our darkest moment, we were given a miracle. You know, for you, why is that? What does that resonate for you and what your story is? My darkest times, my whole life changed.

You know, we were planning, you know, a family, maybe having more kids, you know, having a beautiful home. We're thinking of like, where to move to where we can buy a beautiful home or, you know, where we can raise our kids, you know, building a future. And then all of a sudden, just my life turned upside down, turned into this darkness. But out of that darkness, like came into my world in the shape of my my baby girl, my daughter, you know, I can I can truly say, I have a miracle as a daughter, because she was the miracle that I needed. She was the strength that I needed to find purpose again.

Yeah. And you know, it's with a wella, you know, it's it's losing losing her husband, you know, you you lost your wife, obviously, and then she's got these three little babies that she's got to try to raise. And you've got your daughter that you've got to try to raise. And and what's really this this sweet moment in in kind of this overarching journey, right of inconto and, and maybe you can weigh into one kind of how it how it evolves over the over the course of the movie relating to stuff that you do. But at the very end, when they're finally kind of rebuilding the casita after it after it kind of Yeah, after it collapsed.

And there's the song called All of You. And in it, you know, a way that's kind of coming to some realizations about things, right about how, you know, maybe she could have done things a little bit different after having gotten that miracle and loving your family so much. But but maybe some mistakes she made. And part of the song she says, and I'm sorry, I held on too tight, just so afraid to lose you to the miracle is not some magic that you've got. The miracle is you not some gift, just you, the miracle is you.

And so as I hear your story, so much of that is just like you said, you know, your daughter's the miracle, it's not about some gift, some external talent she has, like she is a miracle, you are the miracle, because you just as easily could have lost your life as well. But you didn't. It's now you become a miracle. And it's just so wonderful that you're willing to share this story that you have of kind of what you experienced, because it is something so difficult that you went through and yet, you're using it for good, you've been able to create this beautiful life that you have for you and for your daughter and gain this great appreciation for what life is because you were given this gift. What other things from inconto really resonate for you?

Was there any other parts of this story that you really liked from inconto that you feel, you know, are either parallels to your story that you learned from? Yeah, I would say, you know, my daughter, she looked so like me and I barely with her look, short curly hair, and just her stature. And we used to watch it all the time. And she loved inconto. We even did one of her birthdays, inconto theme.

And I brought like, I even dressed up like Bruno. I remember we got to Boogie Bash and she was dressed like inconto. I was Bruno as well. So I did a lot of for her, you know, just great memories to build with her. And what I love so much about that movie was, yes, I would say, a story.

And then seeing Adeline, my daughter, being like me that bit, you know, like, finding trying to find herself, you know, trying to find herself in a house full of people that have these extraordinary powers and blessings, right. And she's just trying to find her. She's trying to find her purpose. But yet, she's so supportive of her family. You know, she's regardless that she has powers or no powers.

She always cared about her family. She always put her family first. And that's what I noticed a lot with my daughter. She has so much love to give. You know, she's so loving, you know, she's that little person that lights up the room, you know, hugs random strangers.

Just really kind and really loving. And I love that. No matter that she has no mommy that she will never get to meet her mommy. She still knows what love is. She still knows how to give love.

And I remember every time every little moment, like she hugs me and she embraces me and she's like, I love you, daddy. And it's like the most beautiful thing. Those are the moments that are worth all the sacrifices, all the pain, everything I went through. For those very moments. Those are the moments that I share most.

I think it's such a great reminder for us that those are the moments to cherish. You know, when I think about my two little girls, they're 10 and six, and one of my favorite things in the world is when I come home from work, and they just run up to me, give me a big hug, just because I'm their dad. And they love me and they tell me they love me and they give me that hug. And it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just the moments in life that bring us such great joy, because life is not always easy. Sometimes life has challenges and sometimes huge challenges like you had immense like you don't know how you could possibly overcome those challenges.

And yet there's these moments in life that remind us that life is worth living and that we can find joy and we can find happiness, even when we go through trials, which which we all do. And, you know, not many of us will go through a trial like you did. But we all have trials. And and knowing that you had the strength to overcome the trial you did, it makes it for the rest of us like, okay, I can do it too. You know, I can overcome a little a little thing that I've got a difficulty at work or a difficult relationship, that I can still overcome it, I can still find happiness and joy, even though I might have these little challenges that come up in life.

Absolutely. I agree. You know, and just in sometimes we're so busy with life that we take it for granted. We take those little special moments for granted. That's why I always say, you know, when the other fathers you know, like, or they ever reach out to me, you know, I always tell them like, just dedicate at least at least 20 minutes of your time a day, right?

Those 20 minutes will feel like an eternity for them. You know, they won't care that you were gone for eight to 10 hours at work. All they look forward to in their throughout their day is that little bit of time that they have with their dad, dedicated solely all their attention to that. Like, it's the best feeling and I always try to do that all the time, just dedicate every little segment that I possibly can for my daughter, just give them and you know, now that I have a growing family and a newborn, and I try to embed that same mentality with our newborn, you know, I'm dedicating spending time changing his diaper, you know, he's being so excited. While I'm changing his diaper and looking up and he's just giggling and I love it.

It's those are the moments that you share it, Shaya. This is the moments why you wanted to become a father. So it's a beautiful thing. And I'm glad you brought that out too, because you know, a huge congratulations on having your little one, another little miracle that you have in your life and you know, the joy and the happiness that that will continue to bring and how does your daughter like having a little brother? She loves it.

Yeah, she loves it. Yes, I think that's what made me step out into the world. I remember at the time, our neighbor had a daughter. So they had a baby girl, and then my daughter holding the baby for the first time and I could see I even have a video where her eyes just lit up holding the baby. Just embracing the baby, being so gentle and just made me realize like, I was so determined to live a life of just being her and I, right, just kind of living a life of just, I'll be content with just having my daughter, not realizing what she wanted.

And what I saw with my daughter is that she wanted a family. She wanted siblings. And at that moment, I was like, I think I'm just being selfish, right? I wasn't thinking about her and what she wanted in this life. And I was like, I think it's time.

It's already been five years. I think I grieved enough, you know, in a sense of just, if I wait longer, then it's gonna be a little harder for her, you know, and I decided to put myself out there and I found an amazing partner that supports me that's there for me. I love her with all my heart and she's, she's been there for me understands what I've went through and when I'm going through and, you know, she always supported me, you know, she's always been there and she embraced my daughter as one of her own and she's been a great mother figure and you know, sometimes we bump heads and you know, you know, we don't we don't coordinate but yet I know her good intentions, you know, she's always been good to my daughter and teaching her well and and I've been truly appreciative of her and found out that, you know, she was pregnant and I couldn't believe it because I was like, man, I never expected to be a father again. So having to become a father again was a beautiful thing, a beautiful feeling. I'm blessed and a miracle again, you know, and then to find out it was a baby boy, I was like, yes, you know, now I can be able to experience having a boy, you know, being a boy dad now.

So it's been a beautiful journey, you know, changing diapers again and enjoying the little moments and my daughter embracing him and she loves him. She sings to him all the time. Oh, cute. Yes. So she sings to him all the time and it's a beautiful bond and you know, having a stepson as well, you know, having all those ties in.

So it's it's kind of like I would say it's been beautiful to kind of put on the different dad type jobs in a sense of being that father for my daughter being their supportive, you know, as she's growing up, trying to figure out who she is, and then change the hat to be kind of being that supportive dad for the stepson that, you know, he's older. So being there for him and then putting on the hat of that newborn that needs me as well and it's helping my partner. So it's been it's been a journey. It's been challenges at times, but I'm truly blessed. I'm truly thankful.

Like in the movie Encanto, you know, at the end, like you mentioned, you know, the miracle is you. I feel like that's that sometimes we take for granted of what we have. And we're so focused on making sure that we're trying to do our best and trying to live life the best we can. But at the end of the day, what matters most is being at home and being with your family and cherish one another, right? Yeah.

Powers are no powers, right? So that's me. That's me when I come home, enjoy all the kids and, you know, spend time and be in the backyard playing catch and playing baseball. You know, that's, that's what really life is about. So for sure.

That's why that's why I love about Encanto. It just really brings me back to what's important and perspiration, right? It's a being able to overcome something horrific. It's something beautiful. So that's why I love that movie so much.

So let me ask you kind of one final question before we go to our our this or that segment. Yeah, what did you what do you feel like you learned about love that you really couldn't have learned had you not gone through this experience? Oh, man, that's he I would say that I would say love will find you even when you're not looking. That sometimes when you think you on love, love will find you. And love comes in different forms and shapes.

I never expected to fall in love again, find a partner again. But I did. And it's a beautiful thing. And that's I think that's what I learned the most. I think it's more of like, love is love can overcome anything.

Anger, grief. Yeah. Ain't Yeah, because you've had your fair share. You've had your fair share of that. And I love that.

I love that. So what we'll do then is let's move to our this or that segment. All right, you ready for this? I'm ready. Okay, so you know, you might have some controversial opinions on these this or that.

So we'll have to see if you can challenge those if you do. All right. So the first one this or that Mirabelle or Abuela? Oh, Mirabelle. Okay.

Okay. Look, she's like Mirabelle is such a great character. She's she's just the best. Because she looks just like she looked like my daughter. So that's how I'm like, yeah, how can you not?

I see the movie and I see my daughter. So yeah, Mirabelle. I know a lot of love for Abuelita but Mirabelle. How about Bruno or Casita? Oh my gosh.

Oof. Oof. You know what? Geez, geez, geez, geez. Oh, man.

I'm oh geez. Okay, Bruno Bruno or Casita. Dang. I would say Oof. Sorry, Bruno, but I say Casita.

Casita is so fun. It's like such a character in and of itself and so sweet with Mirabelle too, right? Like Mirabelle and Casita have this great relationship together. They just did a great job with Casita. I just feel like Casita was kind of like the that that that that spirit that kind of guided them, right?

It's that little warmth that they needed. And I think that's why I really resonate more with Casita because I always felt this energy and I don't know if it's her present, my late wife present always guiding me. And it's so funny because you mentioned that. Sorry to interrupt that real quickly. You know, sometimes, I don't know, I'm very superstitious like that but when I noticed like butterflies or hummingbird, you know, and I always been like, that's her.

That's her checking in on us. See if we're okay. And sometimes it was the most random things that sometimes when I'm like struggling with something, I'm like, I don't know what to do. And then she would pop up and she'd be like, I would see the white butterfly and I'm like, I could get through this. Yeah, he has my back, you know, so that's how I feel about like Casita.

Yeah, I love that. It's perfect. It's been an absolute pleasure to visit with you. I'm so inspired by you. I am inspired by your strength, by your character, by the love that you show for those around you for how you freely share your gift, which is you, and which is your daughter.

It's been so lovely to visit with you. I appreciate your time. As you leave this conversation, remember that yes, the past can hurt. And you can either run from it, or you can learn from it. So here's to learning and finding joy in the journey.

See you real soon.