WALL-E and Building Safe Communities | Jennica Anusua on Human Connection in the Age of AI

WEBVTT

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To be honest, like, I never wanted anybody to

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feel alone. My loneliness growing up, being adopted

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and feeling out of place made me just... Never

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want someone else to feel isolated. The reason

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I survived orphanhood, adoption, cancer, like

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the things I've survived, was literally to build

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a community, to build a world, an environment

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that's like, you're welcome to come into this

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space and it will always be safe. Wally is like

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a little cute little robot. The story is really

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just about like human overconsumption. Basically,

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Earth has become uninhabitable and people live

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in space, but like they're... literally in these

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little pods rather than these little pods these

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little like hover machines and they have a screen

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in front of them all the time because they're

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never walking they're never doing anything physical

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they're not having any real connection yes and

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then i think the key point about wally is that

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even though wally is a machine he's built to

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be a machine he's like embracing the thing that

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it is to be human and like what we see is like

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this spark of humanness which is like this desire

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to connect. Not every room is meant for you at

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every time but I will say that all the rooms

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that are meant for you are waiting for you. There

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are people who are waiting for your most authentic

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self to be present with you because they want

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that. We have to start seeing things less as

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like failures and losses and more about like

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I'm a human figuring it out and I'm at this place.

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right now welcome to yes and land where we say

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yes to the reality of yesterday and today and

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we say and to the possibility growth and imagination

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of tomorrow Welcome to Yes and Land. So excited

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today. We have a good, good friend of mine, Jennica,

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here on the program today. Jennica and I have

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had loads of conversations and I always walk

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away from conversations with you just really

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feeling like my mind was opened and I thought

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about things in a new way. And so I'm so excited

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to share that with everybody else that listens.

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And so we're really excited about having you

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on today. Um, uh, Jenica has a really, um, and

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a really impressive background. I'm being honest.

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Like it's pretty impressive. Like we're talking

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about a master's of health science from Johns

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Hopkins. We're talking about, uh, doing some

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education, getting a certificate at Harvard.

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You're at NYU currently, uh, you've worked in

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the mental health space, done a lot of great

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things for immigrants. Your experience spans

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continents and across the country. I mean, just

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bring a lot to the table, uh, of, of things that

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you've experienced. And so I'm really excited

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to see. kind of what we can talk about today

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to help those who listen. We're talking about,

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I think, a really timely and an important topic,

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something I know you're really passionate about,

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which is building safe communities. Yes. It's,

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of course, important to build community. I think

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right now in the age of AI, it's important to

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have connection, build community, but it's not

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the same unless it's with safety. That's why

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I think talking about that today is going to

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be something that I think a lot of people could

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really use. And we're going to look at that through

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a lens of mostly WALL -E today, but we might

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do a little touch on a little Moana here and

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there, maybe a little Encanto. We're going to

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see maybe a little Winnie the Pooh. Who knows?

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It's kind of a surprise. You'll see. We're just

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going to see where this goes. That's the secret

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to the whole thing. It's kind of fun and surprising.

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That's right. That's right. Who knows? So, Jennica,

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maybe walk us back a little bit. How did you

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start into kind of the field of study that you

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were doing? Why, why did you start studying those

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things? Where did your initial professional career

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take you until you're where you are now? which

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is you're like getting ready to film a movie

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that you wrote. You wrote, you're going to star

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in it. You're filming in New York here in three

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weeks, I think you said. And so, you know, it's

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such an interesting journey. So take us all the

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way back and kind of walk us through that. I'll

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try to keep it relatively brief for all of you.

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too arduous for us to traverse the pathways.

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But, you know, I'm adopted. And I think being

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adopted gives you like a lot of. interesting

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intersections with relationships. And like, I

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think I was just talking about this with a friend

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the other day about the idea of like blood being

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thicker than water, right? That like your family

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is like your bond. I have a little tidbit on

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that. Please. Do you want to hear it? Yes. So

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that is a very commonly misunderstood saying.

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Is it? Tell me. It is. So blood is thicker than

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water. Blood of the covenant is thicker than

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water of the womb. Interesting. That totally

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changes it. Which totally changes it to more

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of what you're saying. Yes. Right? That like

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when you have that bond that you create with

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somebody, that can be stronger than a familial

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relationship. Well, there you go. I know, right?

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You kind of said the thing I was... Okay, there

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you go. I love it. I love it. The riff was perfect.

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Thank you for using your infinite knowledge.

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That's actually wild. I didn't know that. So

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yeah, I think like this idea though is like that

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you are like. inherently bonded to the people

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you're born to and that like they must be the

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closest relationship to you and I think being

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adopted like upends that idea just inherently

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because you're not biologically related to the

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person that is your closest familial family members

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or family member and so I think being adopted

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made me really interested in like identity and

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and like where does your identity come from and

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how and and Thinking through this idea of where

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you belong. And so that was always, I think,

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ingrained in me. My mom is very, very, very cool.

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And everyone who knows my mom knows this. It's

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true. I'm just throwing it out there. It's definitely

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true. She has her PhD. Very educated. She was

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a single mom by choice and adopted my sister

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and I and another little girl between who passed.

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But my mom's very cool. And I think she also

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was very interested in mental health and supporting

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kids in particular. And so I think that was ingrained

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in the way we grew up. And then I just to be

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honest, like I never wanted anybody to feel alone.

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I think we all do. And in a way now in my adult

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life, I think there's like a. a healthy quality

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to understanding what loneliness feels like versus

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developing solitude versus like being in relationship

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with yourself and being in relationship with

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others. So kind of exploring that inter and interpersonal

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space has been a thing I've just always really

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cared about. And I think my loneliness growing

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up, being adopted and feeling out of place made

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me just never want someone else to feel isolated.

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And so that kind of led me down this path of,

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like, how do I connect? And so I'm an artist.

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I would say I've always been an artist. So I

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connected through arts all growing up, violin,

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dance, singing, all of those things I've done,

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theater, acting. And then I think I also was

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a writer and was interested in that. And then

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I started understanding this other side of being

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a mental health professional. I became a teacher's

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aide when I was really young for kids with multiple

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disabilities. That was really powerful. And long

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story long, I kept going on that pathway. And

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I think I eventually just knew that there was

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like a beautiful union of mental health work

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with art and with creative expression. And I

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just started seeing these different ways we could

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build communities. And I think working with refugees

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overseas in different contexts and then also

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here in the United States. led me to doing specifically

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intervention development so I was like creating

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developing interventions that were running in

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different countries and here with different populations

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of people who had often like specific needs around

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healing or trauma um so how did you how did you

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get connected with that so what was that path

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yeah yeah education to going and working in other

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countries my education i mean i i moved to africa

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even like when i was young during my undergrad

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and so and i was working i'd been working with

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survivors of abuse and assault already um and

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so i was really passionate about that world And

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then I was like, OK, I'm going to go to Africa.

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So I went to Africa. I was like. Was hired to

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be a Disney princess and then I went to Africa

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instead. So it's like this. Yeah, I like was

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Jasmine and then ended up in Africa. So I was

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in Africa and got to work with kids at the lowest

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socioeconomic status and like looked really I

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wasn't started out with me just being like, how

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do I help kids? How do I help these kids? And

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I had been working with survivors of abuse who

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were very young children in particular and seeing

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like. really meaningful movements forward and

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their ability to heal from really awful things

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so I was like this is possible there's a world

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here but I was like but what is the what's the

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magic to making that work and I finally got to

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this place in Africa where I was like it's not

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just at the kid level it's at the family level

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and like it's actually at this whole community

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level because it's not just the family who's

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taking care of this kid it's actually this entire

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village it's this entire group of people so I

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started looking at that as well And I think that

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started informing the way I thought about healing

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and safety because, I mean, I think it became

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very clear to me early on that you can't heal

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when you're not safe. So it was like, we can't

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even get to the part that I'm wanting to get

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to, which is like the breakout moment of like,

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okay. We're getting somewhere here in the healing

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trajectory. But you can't get there if the environment

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isn't safe to begin with. So I started examining,

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like, where are the gaps in safe environments

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for kids to even feel safe enough to heal? One

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thing I would talk about parents with when I

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was working with survivors of abuse was these

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are little kids. It's like, well, you know. Once

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the kid is finally safe, you might see this uptick

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in their behaviors. You might actually see them

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act out more. And part of it is like the trauma

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gets stored in their body. And so then it has

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to come out somewhere. So like to even get to

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a place where we're having these breakthrough

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moments of like, wow, okay, I'm actually able

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to regulate my emotions. I'm actually able to

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calm down. We had to get. Into a safe place,

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let all the trauma kind of show itself and then

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handle those pieces and then create some healing

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that like created wholeness. What does it look

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like to create that safe space? Like what was

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missing and what needed to be done to create

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a safe space in which that could then begin to

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operate? Yeah, that's a great question. I think...

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truly like for kids it's structure and consistency

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and um some predictability so that seems so obvious

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but for kids who have gone through really difficult

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things like what they can expect what they understand

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is like how do I create some sort of like okay

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mom will Mom will say this. Mom will do this.

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Mom will hug me. She'll come home like those

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type of things when they don't have that, when

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everything is different all the time. That lack

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of stability creates a lot of anxiety and tension

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and fear. And kids brains literally don't allow

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them to think like about the larger picture.

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They're not thinking macro. They're literally

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thinking about like, is this me? It must be me.

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Even if they're not actively thinking that it's

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just that's why, you know, when people talk about.

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Parents got divorced and kids are like, that

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was my fault. It's like not because anybody actually

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said this was your fault. It's because that's

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the way kids' brains work. They're like, it has

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to be about me because my life is about me. It's

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so interesting you say that because there's so

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many times when I'm dealing with divorce as a

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divorce attorney and each side will point at

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the other to say, oh, they blame the divorce

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on me to my kid. Now my kid has taken it on themselves.

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That might not actually have happened. The child

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might have just absorbed that because they just

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blame themselves because. That's what the development

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of their brain is. It might not have actually

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been the other side trying to sabotage. It might

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have just happened. And like, I think that's

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the other thing in situations where like there's

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a fracturing, right? Like we can talk about any

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trauma as a fracture or like a difficult experience

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that has the ability to crack something. Like

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if I'm a whole piece of glass and then something

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hits me, like I can crack and I can have these

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cracks that appear in these different ways. And

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I think for kiddos, especially there's this sense

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that like, Like you have to adults often think

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in their adult brain about how kids think. But

00:13:04.730 --> 00:13:06.789
the reality is that kids think in kid brain.

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And when I was working overseas and with refugees

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here, a lot of times I'd remind them like, OK,

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you've finally gotten out of a war zone. You're

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literally not in the war zone anymore. So the

00:13:17.090 --> 00:13:18.830
first thing I'm doing is putting you in a safe

00:13:18.830 --> 00:13:22.490
physical space. You're safe. But then all these

00:13:22.490 --> 00:13:24.919
things are the cracks start to show. because

00:13:24.919 --> 00:13:28.799
we put a thing over the glass or it was obscured

00:13:28.799 --> 00:13:30.980
by smoke because we're rushing the glass out

00:13:30.980 --> 00:13:34.080
of the war zone. And now we put it in a clean

00:13:34.080 --> 00:13:37.039
room where there's no war and now we see the

00:13:37.039 --> 00:13:41.440
cracks in the glass. And I think that a lot of

00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:44.340
our families, the parents were still in a survival

00:13:44.340 --> 00:13:46.580
mode where they were like... I have to just think

00:13:46.580 --> 00:13:49.039
of my kids as extensions of myself instead of

00:13:49.039 --> 00:13:51.240
like autonomous, unique individuals that they

00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:54.779
are. And so that is a thing I would remind parents

00:13:54.779 --> 00:13:56.759
a lot. It's like your kid just doesn't see it

00:13:56.759 --> 00:13:59.269
the way you think they do. And you experience

00:13:59.269 --> 00:14:01.350
the exact same thing, but they're a different

00:14:01.350 --> 00:14:03.470
brain and a different body. And their brain is

00:14:03.470 --> 00:14:05.450
at a different level of development than yours.

00:14:05.909 --> 00:14:08.269
So you see all these factors and all these pieces.

00:14:08.350 --> 00:14:11.090
They only see it the way they see it. And I think

00:14:11.090 --> 00:14:13.149
to your point, like that's what we're talking

00:14:13.149 --> 00:14:15.750
about, right? Like these kids don't have the

00:14:15.750 --> 00:14:19.169
ability to neurologically. They're just not at

00:14:19.169 --> 00:14:20.929
the place where they can process it the same

00:14:20.929 --> 00:14:23.179
way. So we have to like. meet them where they

00:14:23.179 --> 00:14:25.580
are so I think that was really what led me to

00:14:25.580 --> 00:14:28.240
like what do I build how do I build safety I'm

00:14:28.240 --> 00:14:30.120
like well first I need to put people in a safe

00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:33.100
environment physically then I need to put them

00:14:33.100 --> 00:14:36.000
in a safe environment emotionally and psychologically

00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:38.960
to say like you're free to let those cracks show

00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:42.679
we need to like allow you to be exactly as you

00:14:42.679 --> 00:14:45.000
are and that really started with kids because

00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:47.919
kids do it They will just show you exactly what

00:14:47.919 --> 00:14:50.039
they think and how they are. And they will show

00:14:50.039 --> 00:14:52.720
you their their behaviors that maybe were adaptive

00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:55.580
in one context and are now not adaptive, not

00:14:55.580 --> 00:15:01.000
helpful. And so I think what I realized is I

00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:05.909
needed to provide. all of that in how I addressed

00:15:05.909 --> 00:15:08.809
these situations. So we would create psychosocial

00:15:08.809 --> 00:15:11.210
groups that took place in a community garden.

00:15:11.289 --> 00:15:13.750
So it's like we're in a physically really beautifully,

00:15:13.750 --> 00:15:16.769
wonderful, safe place. I've secured that place.

00:15:16.870 --> 00:15:19.929
I've checked it out. Then we create, we open

00:15:19.929 --> 00:15:22.629
the conversation for these. families to talk

00:15:22.629 --> 00:15:24.889
about like what they're thinking and it's sort

00:15:24.889 --> 00:15:27.370
of free form there's no like rules about how

00:15:27.370 --> 00:15:30.610
we communicate except for out of respect we're

00:15:30.610 --> 00:15:32.809
respectful and we're thoughtful and we you know

00:15:32.809 --> 00:15:35.769
take care of each other and then we like establish

00:15:35.769 --> 00:15:38.509
what safety feels and looks like by demonstrating

00:15:38.509 --> 00:15:42.629
it and by embodying it ourselves and then we

00:15:42.629 --> 00:15:45.230
start doing practices that can build safety in

00:15:45.230 --> 00:15:47.870
our own personal bodies whether that's mindfulness

00:15:47.870 --> 00:15:51.519
-based practices whether that's um Breathing

00:15:51.519 --> 00:15:54.460
exercises, yoga nidra, like thinking about these

00:15:54.460 --> 00:15:56.899
ways to engage our physical body because when

00:15:56.899 --> 00:16:00.240
we experience complex and a lot of trauma, we

00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:02.559
are fractured from ourselves. Like if we think

00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:05.000
of those cracks happening in ourselves, it's

00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:08.850
like, oh. I have I cut off this part of my body

00:16:08.850 --> 00:16:10.629
like the trauma happened. I mean, if we're thinking

00:16:10.629 --> 00:16:12.450
about it in a very literal way, it's like, oh,

00:16:12.509 --> 00:16:14.529
the trauma happened to my hand. So I just stopped

00:16:14.529 --> 00:16:16.590
feeling my hand because I don't want to address

00:16:16.590 --> 00:16:18.269
that. So I'm just going to pretend like I don't

00:16:18.269 --> 00:16:20.870
feel it anymore. But that happens in this internal

00:16:20.870 --> 00:16:23.929
way as well. And you see how different people

00:16:23.929 --> 00:16:26.889
respond to traumatic experiences. You know, you

00:16:26.889 --> 00:16:29.350
have one person who's like, I forgot everything.

00:16:29.710 --> 00:16:31.509
I don't remember a thing. And then you have one

00:16:31.509 --> 00:16:34.350
person who's like. hear and then hear and then

00:16:34.350 --> 00:16:35.830
hear and then hear and then hear about how they're

00:16:35.830 --> 00:16:39.389
talking because it's fractured so i think my

00:16:39.389 --> 00:16:42.889
um my mom went through a bit of that she had

00:16:42.889 --> 00:16:45.649
some very traumatic things happen when she was

00:16:45.649 --> 00:16:49.710
young and she blocked it out for decades decades

00:16:49.710 --> 00:16:52.990
and only once she was able to do some work with

00:16:54.060 --> 00:16:56.799
therapist and actually some um hypnotist work

00:16:56.799 --> 00:17:00.039
uh that like helped to bring that out could she

00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:03.240
really address and deal with it and she had suffered

00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:05.779
from depression for a long time but not really

00:17:05.779 --> 00:17:08.779
understanding why because she was fractured and

00:17:08.779 --> 00:17:11.079
she had she had that was it was too hard for

00:17:11.079 --> 00:17:13.299
her child brain to handle so that arm was never

00:17:13.299 --> 00:17:16.720
there exactly for a very very long time and the

00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:18.759
healing only came once she could actually understand

00:17:19.579 --> 00:17:21.640
that, that, that existed, that that happened

00:17:21.640 --> 00:17:24.180
and to deal with that fracture. That's exactly

00:17:24.180 --> 00:17:26.559
it. And when I lived overseas, you know, some

00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:28.359
of the work I mentioned to you before we recorded,

00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:31.240
but I worked with former child soldiers who were

00:17:31.240 --> 00:17:33.220
then adults. Right. And we're like talking about

00:17:33.220 --> 00:17:37.779
the literal reintegration of, of wound into,

00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:40.960
into community. Like how do we heal and bring

00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:43.200
people back in like this intermeshing, which

00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:47.700
is, I think, um, we. often neglect our bodies

00:17:47.700 --> 00:17:49.839
and I think the world we live in like loves that

00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:53.319
we want to be distracted in every given way but

00:17:53.319 --> 00:17:56.279
the reality is like the embodied self is the

00:17:56.279 --> 00:18:00.240
self that is probably our most centered and healed

00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:04.460
and stable um But embodiment requires acknowledgement.

00:18:04.740 --> 00:18:08.839
And that is super scary. And so I often use that

00:18:08.839 --> 00:18:11.559
way of like almost the visual of how it felt

00:18:11.559 --> 00:18:14.700
to see these like adults who are child soldiers,

00:18:14.759 --> 00:18:17.539
like take their wounds and work. And then this

00:18:17.539 --> 00:18:19.420
community being like, OK, we're bringing you

00:18:19.420 --> 00:18:21.000
back in and we're intermeshing you and you're

00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:24.259
not part of. what we were because we aren't what

00:18:24.259 --> 00:18:26.200
we were anymore and you're not who you were but

00:18:26.200 --> 00:18:28.680
we're like bringing you back into this this healing

00:18:28.680 --> 00:18:32.240
process and I do think that it's kind of like

00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:34.359
what you're saying if we cut off our arm and

00:18:34.359 --> 00:18:36.440
then we're suddenly re -acknowledging its existence

00:18:36.440 --> 00:18:39.259
it's like we're sewing it back on right We're

00:18:39.259 --> 00:18:41.559
different. It's different. But we're like reattaching

00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:44.059
something. And then we have to learn how to love

00:18:44.059 --> 00:18:46.079
it again and we have to nurture it again. And

00:18:46.079 --> 00:18:49.519
so I think all of that is so vital. And in order

00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:51.960
for people to be able to even start that process,

00:18:52.099 --> 00:18:54.240
we have to create environments that facilitate

00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:57.779
it. And so we have to come from a centered space

00:18:57.779 --> 00:19:02.049
ourselves. But like offering that space. I believe

00:19:02.049 --> 00:19:04.269
like I kind of just came to this realization

00:19:04.269 --> 00:19:06.309
even this year it's like it keeps reoccurring

00:19:06.309 --> 00:19:09.250
to me over like periods of my life but um where

00:19:09.250 --> 00:19:12.849
I was like oh I think the reason I survived orphanhood

00:19:12.849 --> 00:19:15.369
adoption cancer like the things I've survived

00:19:15.369 --> 00:19:20.769
was literally uh to be this like to build a community

00:19:20.769 --> 00:19:23.650
to build a world and an environment that's like

00:19:23.650 --> 00:19:25.849
you're welcome to come into this space and it

00:19:25.849 --> 00:19:28.829
will always be safe and then like we will build

00:19:28.829 --> 00:19:31.730
you into the safest version of you with your

00:19:31.730 --> 00:19:34.309
work and then you will go out and create safe

00:19:34.309 --> 00:19:36.450
spaces too and then it will continue to like

00:19:36.450 --> 00:19:39.529
expand beyond just me because I don't think it's

00:19:39.529 --> 00:19:43.000
actually about me I think it's about others in

00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:45.480
community for sure you know one of the things

00:19:45.480 --> 00:19:48.000
that struck me too as you were talking is um

00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:51.299
i think your work in in those war zones those

00:19:51.299 --> 00:19:54.359
other countries is so informative for us and

00:19:54.359 --> 00:19:56.200
i think maybe sometimes people miss it because

00:19:57.150 --> 00:20:00.369
If we're just looking at kids, I do some work

00:20:00.369 --> 00:20:02.049
with the Jordan Education Foundation. Yeah, very

00:20:02.049 --> 00:20:05.109
cool. And one of the primary purposes that they

00:20:05.109 --> 00:20:08.710
have is to provide these pantry packs. Because

00:20:08.710 --> 00:20:12.230
in Jordan School District, which if you're listening

00:20:12.230 --> 00:20:14.690
to this and you don't know this area here in

00:20:14.690 --> 00:20:17.170
Utah, it's a fine, it's a well -to -do area.

00:20:17.230 --> 00:20:19.829
It's very middle class, right? And yet there

00:20:19.829 --> 00:20:28.089
are so many students. that don't have food they'll

00:20:28.089 --> 00:20:29.890
go home on a weekend and they don't need to eat

00:20:29.890 --> 00:20:33.349
and they'll have these extended uh you know a

00:20:33.349 --> 00:20:35.269
three -day weekend or a week off from school

00:20:35.269 --> 00:20:37.589
and them not being at school means they don't

00:20:37.589 --> 00:20:42.109
get to eat and how can they live in a safe place

00:20:42.109 --> 00:20:45.049
if if they don't have that kind of safety they

00:20:45.049 --> 00:20:48.250
don't have their physical needs met it's how

00:20:48.250 --> 00:20:50.029
can we possibly think that those kids are going

00:20:50.029 --> 00:20:52.289
to be able to learn and grow when they're worried

00:20:52.289 --> 00:20:55.539
about that all the time And they can't. I mean,

00:20:55.559 --> 00:20:58.660
you can't function if you can't nourish, if you're

00:20:58.660 --> 00:21:00.859
not nourished. And, you know, my mom used to

00:21:00.859 --> 00:21:04.700
work with, maybe run, she would correct me, but

00:21:04.700 --> 00:21:07.700
the Head Start program out in Sandy by Sandy

00:21:07.700 --> 00:21:12.680
Elementary. And I think, again, like, and I think

00:21:12.680 --> 00:21:15.559
back to my experiences overseas, it's like I

00:21:15.559 --> 00:21:18.839
watched people say like, oh, yeah, no doubt about

00:21:18.839 --> 00:21:21.039
it. This is our community. These kids, their

00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:25.519
parents died. They're my kid. And I really think

00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:28.880
that we've gotten away from that, not just in

00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:31.180
the U .S., I think just like a lot of places.

00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:34.700
We've gotten away from this concept of like we

00:21:34.700 --> 00:21:38.670
belong to each other. um like we are each other's

00:21:38.670 --> 00:21:42.150
bond again like back to like the quote that I

00:21:42.150 --> 00:21:44.210
misquoted but you helped me it's like really

00:21:44.210 --> 00:21:46.490
like you you have your chosen family but your

00:21:46.490 --> 00:21:49.869
community the people you invest in not not just

00:21:49.869 --> 00:21:52.789
your time but like you feed them you nurture

00:21:52.789 --> 00:21:57.410
them like we we belong to each other um I always

00:21:57.410 --> 00:21:59.369
think about this like you know we talk about

00:21:59.369 --> 00:22:03.289
images of gardens and plants but I'm like We

00:22:03.289 --> 00:22:06.309
really like have this opportunity to flourish

00:22:06.309 --> 00:22:09.670
in this really beautiful way that spreads us

00:22:09.670 --> 00:22:11.589
further than I think we thought we could go.

00:22:11.809 --> 00:22:15.559
But we have to be like. also the soil for one

00:22:15.559 --> 00:22:18.039
another. We have to be like a foundational earth,

00:22:18.079 --> 00:22:20.400
like that holds gravity where people feel like

00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:23.920
they can land and land safely and softly. Um,

00:22:24.019 --> 00:22:26.880
and I think we all deserve that softness and

00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:29.660
we deserve like a place to also make mistakes

00:22:29.660 --> 00:22:33.140
and experience what life is. Um, and I think

00:22:33.140 --> 00:22:36.720
we've become very afraid of, of, of all of it.

00:22:36.759 --> 00:22:38.940
We're afraid of communicating. We're afraid of

00:22:38.940 --> 00:22:41.099
connecting. We're afraid, but at the end of the

00:22:41.099 --> 00:22:42.519
day, that's what Brene Brown says. We're all

00:22:42.519 --> 00:22:44.869
armored up. We've got to protect ourselves. We

00:22:44.869 --> 00:22:46.369
can't possibly show that vulnerability because

00:22:46.369 --> 00:22:48.470
we don't feel safe. When we don't feel safe,

00:22:48.509 --> 00:22:50.049
we can't show it. And then when we can't show

00:22:50.049 --> 00:22:51.609
it, then we can't grow and we can't have that

00:22:51.609 --> 00:22:53.630
connection. We just lose it. And how do we know

00:22:53.630 --> 00:22:55.490
what safety is if we're not demonstrating it

00:22:55.490 --> 00:22:58.309
and experiencing it? I can't just be like, hey,

00:22:58.410 --> 00:23:02.990
you're safe. Hey, nice to meet you. Wave a magical

00:23:02.990 --> 00:23:05.319
wand and you are safe. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't

00:23:05.319 --> 00:23:09.460
work that way. It really has to be like demonstrative

00:23:09.460 --> 00:23:12.220
in the way we live in our own bodies and then

00:23:12.220 --> 00:23:15.259
the way we carry ourselves into spaces. And and

00:23:15.259 --> 00:23:17.059
like I'm thinking about it, you know, because

00:23:17.059 --> 00:23:20.160
I've transitioned from mental health full time

00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:24.920
to filmmaking full time and acting and developing

00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:27.339
that world. But it's literally because I saw

00:23:27.339 --> 00:23:30.160
the stories I was working on or the stories that

00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:32.420
were coming out of these safe spaces with refugees

00:23:32.420 --> 00:23:35.180
where they were like. I didn't know if I was

00:23:35.180 --> 00:23:37.140
ever going to feel home again. And then suddenly

00:23:37.140 --> 00:23:39.700
I'm in this community with other people and now

00:23:39.700 --> 00:23:41.900
I want to talk and I want to dance and I want

00:23:41.900 --> 00:23:45.380
to like have joy again. And, and I never thought

00:23:45.380 --> 00:23:47.980
I'd have home and I never had it before. And,

00:23:48.019 --> 00:23:50.640
you know, these Rohingya women saying like, I

00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:53.319
lost everyone in my family, but now I have family.

00:23:53.359 --> 00:23:57.670
Like those things changed my life. Like. it so

00:23:57.670 --> 00:24:00.049
much have changed my these people that I've worked

00:24:00.049 --> 00:24:02.569
with have changed my life and so I was like what

00:24:02.569 --> 00:24:06.670
how do I take what's right here and like give

00:24:06.670 --> 00:24:09.670
it a more space and help people who are totally

00:24:09.670 --> 00:24:11.789
external to this community understand this community

00:24:11.789 --> 00:24:14.549
better because I felt like there was a big gap

00:24:14.549 --> 00:24:16.609
between where I was working and the beauty I

00:24:16.609 --> 00:24:19.250
was experiencing here and what I was doing when

00:24:19.250 --> 00:24:21.470
I was interfacing with the external world of

00:24:21.470 --> 00:24:23.650
people people just didn't understand refugees

00:24:23.650 --> 00:24:26.009
so that was a big part of it but then I think

00:24:26.009 --> 00:24:28.410
it was also like how do I take what's being curated

00:24:28.410 --> 00:24:32.890
here and extend it so that we can keep humanizing

00:24:32.890 --> 00:24:36.500
each other and I kind of came to this ethos around

00:24:36.500 --> 00:24:40.000
humanization which was like my job as a filmmaker

00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:43.240
is to like humanize and re -humanize each other

00:24:43.240 --> 00:24:46.079
to to each other until there's no distinction

00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:49.240
in our humanness yeah and we see the distinctions

00:24:49.240 --> 00:24:51.440
in our beings and our experiences but there's

00:24:51.440 --> 00:24:53.680
no distinction in what what we understand about

00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:55.220
one another which is we are human and there's

00:24:55.220 --> 00:24:58.119
value there sure and so like if we are all on

00:24:58.119 --> 00:25:01.420
that same level that's safety Like that's a safe

00:25:01.420 --> 00:25:04.720
community to start with. So I just think in every

00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:08.200
industry, any industry, any job you do, like

00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:11.240
you have the opportunity to like explore yourself,

00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:14.299
your own being and like find safety within you.

00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:16.900
And like that's hard, but it's powerful. And

00:25:16.900 --> 00:25:18.880
then you have the opportunity to go into every

00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:20.319
space you're in, every room you're in, every

00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:22.480
meeting you go into and say like, I'm going to

00:25:22.480 --> 00:25:26.759
be a center of safe experience and safety for

00:25:26.759 --> 00:25:29.420
the people here. And I'm going to like. Encourage

00:25:29.420 --> 00:25:31.220
it like, hey, let's have a meeting. Let's have

00:25:31.220 --> 00:25:32.880
a check in. How's everybody doing? Should we

00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:35.380
do a little exercise? Like there's so many ways

00:25:35.380 --> 00:25:38.039
to encourage what I think is safe, safe community

00:25:38.039 --> 00:25:41.660
building. When we look at, so we kind of talked

00:25:41.660 --> 00:25:43.920
about a little bit with the lack of that first

00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:46.140
step of safety, right? We talked about kind of

00:25:46.140 --> 00:25:48.940
the refugees, also the children in the other

00:25:48.940 --> 00:25:50.059
countries. We talked a little bit, obviously,

00:25:50.119 --> 00:25:53.299
about kids here and need to have their core needs

00:25:53.299 --> 00:25:56.380
met. What do you see, like, in our community

00:25:56.380 --> 00:25:59.420
with some of the lack of safety, that first step

00:25:59.420 --> 00:26:01.220
of safety for adults? Yeah. What have you seen?

00:26:01.609 --> 00:26:03.329
Great question. So we're going to know where

00:26:03.329 --> 00:26:04.509
to start from, right? If we understand like,

00:26:04.529 --> 00:26:06.950
okay, here's the safety gap we have in that very

00:26:06.950 --> 00:26:10.009
first step of like actual physical, they've got

00:26:10.009 --> 00:26:12.329
to be safe before we can even get to this other

00:26:12.329 --> 00:26:17.730
one. Yeah, for adults, I think there's a self

00:26:17.730 --> 00:26:20.109
-acknowledgement piece that comes along with

00:26:20.109 --> 00:26:24.990
like recognizing where you're coming from, what

00:26:24.990 --> 00:26:26.869
you're doing. I think there's even like this

00:26:26.869 --> 00:26:28.630
embodiment piece that we talked about kind of

00:26:28.630 --> 00:26:32.950
with your mom where it's like, adults I heard

00:26:32.950 --> 00:26:35.109
a quote once that was like adult we're all just

00:26:35.109 --> 00:26:38.650
like our child selves now in adult bodies trying

00:26:38.650 --> 00:26:41.970
to like grapple with our trauma or whatever right

00:26:41.970 --> 00:26:44.849
like we're just like kind of our our child selves

00:26:44.849 --> 00:26:49.190
still in our adult bodies and I think um it's

00:26:49.190 --> 00:26:52.950
really about like how do you how do you live

00:26:52.950 --> 00:26:55.069
your life like I think there's a lot of like

00:26:55.069 --> 00:26:57.950
are you willing to sit down and unpack like Do

00:26:57.950 --> 00:27:01.349
I spend X number of hours on my phone or on the

00:27:01.349 --> 00:27:04.369
TV or whatever? Because the world around us is

00:27:04.369 --> 00:27:07.130
really designed to get us to consume, to buy

00:27:07.130 --> 00:27:11.250
things, and to, like, really distract us from

00:27:11.250 --> 00:27:15.130
time with ourselves in our own beings, in our

00:27:15.130 --> 00:27:17.289
bodies. And I think a lot of people, this is

00:27:17.289 --> 00:27:18.890
why a lot of people, like, get out into nature,

00:27:18.970 --> 00:27:21.029
do these things, because it's really just this

00:27:21.029 --> 00:27:24.730
way of existing in a mindful practice, in a centered

00:27:24.730 --> 00:27:29.769
way. I think what happens for adults is we get

00:27:29.769 --> 00:27:33.990
really wrapped up in the things we think matter

00:27:33.990 --> 00:27:38.029
around resources, money, time, you know, like

00:27:38.029 --> 00:27:41.069
all the resources we have. And to me, time is

00:27:41.069 --> 00:27:43.470
quite literally like our most valuable resource.

00:27:43.549 --> 00:27:46.529
It's the only one you actually really truly can't

00:27:46.529 --> 00:27:49.549
get back or you lose. And so I'm like time is

00:27:49.549 --> 00:27:53.210
so, so valuable. And if you really sat down and

00:27:53.210 --> 00:27:55.630
thought like, what am I doing with my time? It's

00:27:55.630 --> 00:27:58.549
not just like. what am I working on it's like

00:27:58.549 --> 00:28:00.750
what am I actually doing with my body and my

00:28:00.750 --> 00:28:04.710
brain and my being in this time like am I present

00:28:04.710 --> 00:28:08.289
like even in my work am I present in my work

00:28:08.289 --> 00:28:11.269
right now am I like distracted thinking about

00:28:11.269 --> 00:28:13.250
other things am I like ready to get back on my

00:28:13.250 --> 00:28:15.930
Instagram or am I like present you know and I

00:28:15.930 --> 00:28:18.430
I think that's actually where I think the arts

00:28:18.430 --> 00:28:20.970
have such a powerful impact on people because

00:28:20.970 --> 00:28:25.220
I think acting the arts music i grew up as a

00:28:25.220 --> 00:28:27.920
musician i'm semi -professional violinist and

00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:31.079
music and then i also have done acting and dance

00:28:31.079 --> 00:28:34.119
all of those things force you a to be inside

00:28:34.119 --> 00:28:36.240
your body and and feel what's happening with

00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:40.279
it and like notice stuff and b they force you

00:28:40.279 --> 00:28:42.339
to be right here right now like you don't really

00:28:42.339 --> 00:28:45.400
have an option because if you're not present

00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:47.940
in any of those things nothing connects yeah

00:28:47.940 --> 00:28:50.640
it doesn't work It's like a broken chain link

00:28:50.640 --> 00:28:54.579
on the chain link fence. You're like there, but

00:28:54.579 --> 00:28:56.960
like the link is not connected. You're not doing

00:28:56.960 --> 00:29:00.880
it. And so I think I found that too because we

00:29:00.880 --> 00:29:05.000
did music therapy with kids overseas. And I write

00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:07.539
poetry like I think anything that allows you

00:29:07.539 --> 00:29:10.099
to observe the world around you and and within

00:29:10.099 --> 00:29:13.940
you, both worlds is like really beneficial, especially

00:29:13.940 --> 00:29:16.240
for adults who I think have gotten away from

00:29:16.240 --> 00:29:19.440
that so far and really get lost in in the in

00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:23.059
the rat race of of whatever capitalist stuff

00:29:23.059 --> 00:29:24.960
we're worried about, to be honest, you know,

00:29:24.960 --> 00:29:26.819
and I'm not saying that those things aren't real.

00:29:26.900 --> 00:29:29.859
They are real, but like they also aren't the

00:29:29.859 --> 00:29:33.269
central thing about you. Right. Right. Yeah,

00:29:33.289 --> 00:29:35.250
totally. And I think this is actually really,

00:29:35.289 --> 00:29:38.769
it's a really natural lead into to Wally, right?

00:29:39.089 --> 00:29:41.190
Because, you know, I think as we talked about

00:29:41.190 --> 00:29:44.089
before we started is this is a cautionary tale.

00:29:44.210 --> 00:29:48.750
Yes. Right. Wally is. Eva, Wally. So for anybody

00:29:48.750 --> 00:29:52.109
hasn't seen Wally, if you wouldn't mind just

00:29:52.109 --> 00:29:54.970
kind of giving a 30 ,000 foot overview of what

00:29:54.970 --> 00:29:57.170
the story is. And then we can kind of dive into

00:29:57.170 --> 00:29:59.450
why this is a cautionary tale for exactly what

00:29:59.450 --> 00:30:02.880
we're talking about. Yeah, I think. Well, WALL

00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:05.799
-E is so cute. I've always really liked WALL

00:30:05.799 --> 00:30:07.579
-E, but I feel like not a lot of people like

00:30:07.579 --> 00:30:09.099
it. But if you do, if you're a fan, you're a

00:30:09.099 --> 00:30:11.880
fan. You get what I'm saying? So all you WALL

00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:15.019
-E fans out there, I see you. WALL -E is like

00:30:15.019 --> 00:30:18.940
a little cute little robot. And the story is

00:30:18.940 --> 00:30:21.579
really just about like human overconsumption,

00:30:21.579 --> 00:30:27.259
greed. I think like addiction to capital, to

00:30:27.259 --> 00:30:31.460
capitalism, to like things. And the byproduct

00:30:31.460 --> 00:30:34.500
of things instead of community. It's like breaking

00:30:34.500 --> 00:30:37.880
little community to the point where. Basically,

00:30:38.059 --> 00:30:40.319
Earth has become uninhabitable and people live

00:30:40.319 --> 00:30:43.200
in space, but they're literally in these little

00:30:43.200 --> 00:30:45.700
pods. Right, they're in these little pods, these

00:30:45.700 --> 00:30:48.119
little hover machines, and they have a screen

00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:49.880
in front of them all the time. And they're not

00:30:49.880 --> 00:30:52.599
even looking at each other. They're not even

00:30:52.599 --> 00:30:54.660
interacting with each other. All their interaction

00:30:54.660 --> 00:30:56.720
is happening with this screen. So they've just

00:30:56.720 --> 00:30:59.819
become just super overweight, right? Because

00:30:59.819 --> 00:31:01.460
they're never walking, they're never doing anything

00:31:01.460 --> 00:31:03.140
physical, and they're not having any real connection.

00:31:03.460 --> 00:31:05.960
Yes, and then I think the key point about Wall

00:31:05.960 --> 00:31:08.910
-E is... that even though Wally is a machine,

00:31:09.069 --> 00:31:12.329
he's built to be a machine. He's like embracing

00:31:12.329 --> 00:31:14.849
the thing that it is to be human. And like what

00:31:14.849 --> 00:31:17.650
we see is like the spark of humanness, which

00:31:17.650 --> 00:31:21.309
is like this desire to connect. And he wants

00:31:21.309 --> 00:31:23.930
to connect. And so he finds another sweet little

00:31:23.930 --> 00:31:26.609
robot and they have a very cute connection. But

00:31:26.609 --> 00:31:29.269
I think like what I've always liked about that

00:31:29.269 --> 00:31:32.130
movie in the character of Wally is like, I think

00:31:32.130 --> 00:31:34.670
it also changes our idea. It makes us think about

00:31:34.670 --> 00:31:38.240
like. What is it that makes us human? And I think

00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:41.380
that is the conversation of right this minute,

00:31:41.460 --> 00:31:45.220
which is like, what makes us human and what do

00:31:45.220 --> 00:31:48.400
we want to preserve? A few years ago, one of

00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:51.460
my best friends was chatting with me about GPT

00:31:51.460 --> 00:31:54.880
in its earliest. I think it was GPT -2. And she

00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:57.880
was like, look, this is years ago. She was like,

00:31:57.900 --> 00:32:01.059
it's going to change the landscape of how we

00:32:01.059 --> 00:32:04.119
function. And I was like, I agree, but like,

00:32:04.160 --> 00:32:07.299
what do we do? And we had this conversation on

00:32:07.299 --> 00:32:08.759
the phone with each other where we were like,

00:32:08.839 --> 00:32:13.099
what is it that we want to preserve about what

00:32:13.099 --> 00:32:14.940
is human? And, you know, a lot of people are

00:32:14.940 --> 00:32:18.740
now in this space saying like, well, look, AI

00:32:18.740 --> 00:32:22.079
will never take away what it is that makes us

00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:24.279
human and like these special things about what

00:32:24.279 --> 00:32:26.880
makes us human. I'm like, but what is that to

00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:30.670
you? What do you think that is? What is that?

00:32:30.730 --> 00:32:33.509
And what is that for you? Yeah, for me, it's

00:32:33.509 --> 00:32:37.069
like, I think it's the soul. I think it's the

00:32:37.069 --> 00:32:40.009
spark of what is our soul. And then I think it

00:32:40.009 --> 00:32:44.950
is our ability to like organically touch the

00:32:44.950 --> 00:32:47.210
hum of that which is living, not just human,

00:32:47.309 --> 00:32:52.049
all living life and create something beautiful

00:32:52.049 --> 00:32:55.609
from it, like community. And I think it's interesting

00:32:55.609 --> 00:33:00.259
because... I just think that when we get into

00:33:00.259 --> 00:33:02.440
this space, which is like Wally is the cautionary

00:33:02.440 --> 00:33:06.740
tale of, right? Like when we get so lost far

00:33:06.740 --> 00:33:09.200
into the things that are built to distract us

00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:11.279
and built to take our attention and our money

00:33:11.279 --> 00:33:15.420
and our time, our resources, we literally don't

00:33:15.420 --> 00:33:17.819
have the time and resources and energy to pour

00:33:17.819 --> 00:33:21.319
back into the thing that is just like. us this

00:33:21.319 --> 00:33:24.640
right here and then this right here this communication

00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:29.940
and i think um what's so cute about wally as

00:33:29.940 --> 00:33:34.740
a little guy is that he's also like he has like

00:33:34.740 --> 00:33:39.500
human curiosity and yearning and like that is

00:33:39.500 --> 00:33:41.740
why i think people love wally as a character

00:33:41.740 --> 00:33:45.920
because we're like oh that's so true to us and

00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:48.839
i think the film is asking us like what is human

00:33:49.339 --> 00:33:51.440
What is human? What's uniquely human? What's

00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:54.740
not? And like, what do we want to keep in a world

00:33:54.740 --> 00:33:57.859
that's rapidly pushing us toward like what we

00:33:57.859 --> 00:34:00.059
don't like to a thing we don't know? I think

00:34:00.059 --> 00:34:02.819
it's wild to consider the fact that we get online

00:34:02.819 --> 00:34:04.900
and you literally don't know if it's AI or not.

00:34:04.960 --> 00:34:07.420
You're like, is that real? Yeah. Is it? I don't

00:34:07.420 --> 00:34:09.860
know. And my mom's generation, you know, they're

00:34:09.860 --> 00:34:11.760
like, they don't even know to know it's not real.

00:34:11.860 --> 00:34:14.119
They're like, oh, I saw this video of this like

00:34:14.119 --> 00:34:16.340
bunny jumping on a trampoline. And you're like,

00:34:16.380 --> 00:34:19.320
that's AI, mom. And she's like, what? What are

00:34:19.320 --> 00:34:21.880
you talking about? And I think like that's important.

00:34:22.139 --> 00:34:25.420
But what I love is I keep seeing people in our

00:34:25.420 --> 00:34:27.539
generation and younger, especially saying like,

00:34:27.599 --> 00:34:31.300
we don't want that. We actually don't want that.

00:34:31.440 --> 00:34:33.579
Yeah, we like funny videos. But at the end of

00:34:33.579 --> 00:34:36.679
the day, we actually do not want to be disconnected

00:34:36.679 --> 00:34:39.480
from each other anymore. And, you know, I love

00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:41.380
that the Surgeon General came out with a warning

00:34:41.380 --> 00:34:45.139
about social media for teens. I think that finally

00:34:45.139 --> 00:34:47.440
Facebook is under that or Meta is under that

00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:49.739
lawsuit where they're talking about like in California

00:34:49.739 --> 00:34:52.380
about like, is this harming kids? Like, are we

00:34:52.380 --> 00:34:54.980
harming kids? And I think that's the conversation

00:34:54.980 --> 00:34:58.659
in my mental health world. I'm working and working

00:34:58.659 --> 00:35:00.480
with teens because that was a big part of my

00:35:00.480 --> 00:35:04.099
career as well in neuropsychiatric research and

00:35:04.099 --> 00:35:06.559
stuff like that is looking at like. What are

00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:08.599
teens being impacted by? How are their brains

00:35:08.599 --> 00:35:13.599
getting changed? And the reality is that social

00:35:13.599 --> 00:35:17.519
media just alone made kids feel more isolated

00:35:17.519 --> 00:35:21.360
and alone. For sure. And what is really helpful

00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:25.099
for kids is old school texting and phone calls.

00:35:25.199 --> 00:35:28.659
Like they talk about, you know, researchers and

00:35:28.659 --> 00:35:30.780
experts will talk about like. The best thing

00:35:30.780 --> 00:35:32.760
you can do is like, yeah, let your kid have a

00:35:32.760 --> 00:35:35.519
phone, but let it only text because text is real

00:35:35.519 --> 00:35:38.579
communication. It's like actually having to practice

00:35:38.579 --> 00:35:42.039
talking to one another. But social media is not.

00:35:42.219 --> 00:35:44.460
And then we create these parasocial relationships.

00:35:44.619 --> 00:35:49.480
And so I think. when we talk about building safe

00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:52.039
community, not only do we have to key into like,

00:35:52.099 --> 00:35:53.940
who am I? What am I going through? What am I

00:35:53.940 --> 00:35:57.340
doing? Have I like, am I embodied? And am I living

00:35:57.340 --> 00:35:59.719
in my body and knowing it? And like, what's going

00:35:59.719 --> 00:36:03.019
on for me? And then do I feel brave enough to

00:36:03.019 --> 00:36:05.840
go into a space with someone else and be honest

00:36:05.840 --> 00:36:08.039
about that? And like, is there a space where

00:36:08.039 --> 00:36:10.980
that exists? I really like the idea of third

00:36:10.980 --> 00:36:14.519
spaces, right? Like the third space is the space

00:36:14.519 --> 00:36:16.559
outside of your home or whatever where you like

00:36:16.559 --> 00:36:19.239
can go when it's safe and I'm like yeah let's

00:36:19.239 --> 00:36:21.280
build more third spaces let's build let's go

00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:24.059
to more gardens let's go on more like let's be

00:36:24.059 --> 00:36:27.619
out in the world and then I think it's like once

00:36:27.619 --> 00:36:30.300
you've finally gotten that once you've disconnected

00:36:30.300 --> 00:36:34.119
from tech and like a world that like puts you

00:36:34.119 --> 00:36:36.420
behind a screen so you're not face to face and

00:36:36.420 --> 00:36:39.340
you're not like with other people um but once

00:36:39.340 --> 00:36:40.719
you start getting into the world where you're

00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:43.019
with other people then you can be like how do

00:36:43.019 --> 00:36:46.380
I keep doing this and how do i preserve this

00:36:46.380 --> 00:36:49.559
and still engage with tech or not and i think

00:36:49.559 --> 00:36:52.980
um i'm grateful because i think a lot of people

00:36:52.980 --> 00:36:55.159
are asking that question i think like there's

00:36:55.159 --> 00:36:57.739
been a big call for people to be like i just

00:36:57.739 --> 00:36:59.480
want to be in nature again i just want to be

00:36:59.480 --> 00:37:03.199
with people again for sure so um let me i'm gonna

00:37:03.199 --> 00:37:04.460
read a couple quotes i'm gonna get to your take

00:37:04.460 --> 00:37:07.659
on them yeah okay Um, so there's one here and

00:37:07.659 --> 00:37:08.980
I want to start with this one because I think

00:37:08.980 --> 00:37:10.800
it goes back to this idea of kind of starting

00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:13.219
with ourselves. Right. Um, and, and then put

00:37:13.219 --> 00:37:15.460
it in context of, uh, this is by Jay Shetty and

00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:17.820
he's talking about, um, loving others. Right.

00:37:18.099 --> 00:37:21.019
Um, and he says, and we prepare for love by learning

00:37:21.019 --> 00:37:24.500
how to love ourselves in solitude. And so give

00:37:24.500 --> 00:37:26.940
me your take on that in the context of building

00:37:26.940 --> 00:37:29.780
a safe place for ourselves first. Yeah. I think,

00:37:29.780 --> 00:37:32.659
um, it's so funny we talked about solitude earlier

00:37:32.659 --> 00:37:39.119
a lot of people i think mistake uh mistake being

00:37:39.119 --> 00:37:42.320
alone is just lonely um and i think learning

00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:45.099
how to be with yourself and curating rainier

00:37:45.099 --> 00:37:47.599
maria wrote talks about this too right like what

00:37:47.599 --> 00:37:50.360
solitude is and i think a lot of our great writers

00:37:50.360 --> 00:37:52.880
in the world have done this where they're like

00:37:52.880 --> 00:37:56.530
very alone but then they're like oh There's a

00:37:56.530 --> 00:37:59.070
time where I finally built a relationship with

00:37:59.070 --> 00:38:03.050
myself where being alone wasn't scary and sad.

00:38:03.230 --> 00:38:07.250
It was actually beautiful and wonderful and something

00:38:07.250 --> 00:38:10.449
that I needed. Even if you're an extrovert, you

00:38:10.449 --> 00:38:13.889
know, you need solitude. You were talking to

00:38:13.889 --> 00:38:15.489
me on that, right? Just now, literally just now,

00:38:15.550 --> 00:38:17.989
because that is totally me. Like I'm an extrovert

00:38:17.989 --> 00:38:20.590
through and through. And so many times I fail

00:38:20.590 --> 00:38:23.230
to take those opportunities for solitude because

00:38:23.230 --> 00:38:26.230
I like being around people so much. Yes, I'm

00:38:26.230 --> 00:38:30.030
the same way. But I, especially in the last couple

00:38:30.030 --> 00:38:32.699
of years. There's like the moments when I'm just

00:38:32.699 --> 00:38:36.340
sitting, it's just quiet, and I can like kind

00:38:36.340 --> 00:38:37.920
of do whatever I want, whether that's like journal

00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:40.920
or just sit there or I do a little like yoga

00:38:40.920 --> 00:38:43.619
with Adrian, you know, whatever that is. Like

00:38:43.619 --> 00:38:46.780
that is really important time. It's like this

00:38:46.780 --> 00:38:49.780
nourishment of self, giving back to self. And

00:38:49.780 --> 00:38:51.780
like how do you really know what you're like

00:38:51.780 --> 00:38:53.719
in relationship to other people if you've never

00:38:53.719 --> 00:38:56.639
understood your relationship with you through

00:38:56.639 --> 00:39:00.719
this solitude experience? You really have to

00:39:00.719 --> 00:39:03.019
do the hard work there. I actually think the

00:39:03.019 --> 00:39:06.519
work with self is often the hardest work. Genuinely.

00:39:06.780 --> 00:39:09.199
And I think that's why it does start there. But

00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:11.500
I think once you start developing the tools,

00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:17.059
it becomes the most rewarding work. And it becomes

00:39:17.059 --> 00:39:18.900
the foundational work for what happens next.

00:39:19.300 --> 00:39:21.940
Yeah. Okay, so then to build on that, here's

00:39:21.940 --> 00:39:23.880
another one. And this one we might have to talk

00:39:23.880 --> 00:39:25.360
about a little bit. Because when I first read

00:39:25.360 --> 00:39:29.119
it, I was kind of like... So I'm really interested

00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:31.199
to get your kind of expert take on this. This

00:39:31.199 --> 00:39:33.639
is what Brene Brown said. We love her. We love

00:39:33.639 --> 00:39:36.039
Brene. Yeah, right? If you trade your authenticity

00:39:36.039 --> 00:39:39.320
for safety, you may experience the following.

00:39:39.739 --> 00:39:41.860
Anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction,

00:39:42.159 --> 00:39:44.880
rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.

00:39:45.239 --> 00:39:47.860
So if you trade authenticity for safety, in other

00:39:47.860 --> 00:39:50.820
words, a trade -off, like not both. Someone get

00:39:50.820 --> 00:39:54.869
your take on that. Okay, so I think this also

00:39:54.869 --> 00:39:57.150
gets into the definition of what safety is, right?

00:39:57.150 --> 00:39:58.710
Yes, which is where I was hoping you would go.

00:39:59.369 --> 00:40:05.030
So I think what she's also saying is group safety

00:40:05.030 --> 00:40:08.210
or perceived safety within a community. So my

00:40:08.210 --> 00:40:13.010
thought about this is like safety as in like

00:40:13.010 --> 00:40:18.050
not experiencing conflict or like not experiencing,

00:40:18.090 --> 00:40:23.090
you know, so I'm like, okay. uh safety takes

00:40:23.090 --> 00:40:25.250
on a different term here it's a different version

00:40:25.250 --> 00:40:26.670
of what we're talking because we're not talking

00:40:26.670 --> 00:40:29.469
about like actual deep level holistic internal

00:40:29.469 --> 00:40:34.210
communal safety we're talking about um absence

00:40:34.210 --> 00:40:37.130
of reprisal we're talking about like the absence

00:40:37.130 --> 00:40:40.730
of conflict and the reality is that safe communities

00:40:40.730 --> 00:40:45.019
and safe relationships do bring conflict safe

00:40:45.019 --> 00:40:47.679
communities and relationships bring you into

00:40:47.679 --> 00:40:50.340
places where you have to be challenged and you

00:40:50.340 --> 00:40:53.360
have to be like do i like that it does that feel

00:40:53.360 --> 00:40:56.579
right to me and your authenticity is the only

00:40:56.579 --> 00:41:01.260
way you can hang on to yourself and actually

00:41:01.260 --> 00:41:04.300
be in a safe space i mean if we're sitting here

00:41:04.300 --> 00:41:06.619
you and me and we agree about absolutely everything

00:41:06.619 --> 00:41:09.480
like what have we really achieved we haven't

00:41:09.480 --> 00:41:12.619
built community per se we've we've built like

00:41:13.369 --> 00:41:15.710
camaraderie we're hanging out together but like

00:41:15.710 --> 00:41:17.550
you don't want to be in a community of people

00:41:17.550 --> 00:41:20.809
who think everything you think all the time and

00:41:20.809 --> 00:41:22.510
always agree with you you don't want an echo

00:41:22.510 --> 00:41:24.909
chamber at least you shouldn't you shouldn't

00:41:24.909 --> 00:41:28.369
because how do you grow right like and how do

00:41:28.369 --> 00:41:29.929
you even if we're talking about like relationship

00:41:29.929 --> 00:41:33.139
to self and like We want our most authentic selves

00:41:33.139 --> 00:41:35.280
to show up. That means like you're going to get

00:41:35.280 --> 00:41:36.920
in the space. You might just disagree. You might

00:41:36.920 --> 00:41:39.500
be like, oh, I don't see it that way. How incredible

00:41:39.500 --> 00:41:42.300
is that? So in this situation, I think she's

00:41:42.300 --> 00:41:45.639
very much talking about like safety as perceived

00:41:45.639 --> 00:41:48.079
safety, which is like no one's going to criticize

00:41:48.079 --> 00:41:49.960
me. No one's going to make me feel bad. No one's

00:41:49.960 --> 00:41:51.780
going to think I'm weird. No one's going to say

00:41:51.780 --> 00:41:54.760
I'm dumb. I don't want to. But the reality is

00:41:54.760 --> 00:41:57.019
like you need to face those feelings when you

00:41:57.019 --> 00:41:59.460
stand up fully as yourself because you're going

00:41:59.460 --> 00:42:02.039
to find your right people. that way not every

00:42:02.039 --> 00:42:04.559
room is meant for you at every time but I will

00:42:04.559 --> 00:42:06.719
say that all the rooms that are meant for you

00:42:06.719 --> 00:42:09.239
are waiting for you there are people who are

00:42:09.239 --> 00:42:11.980
waiting for your most authentic self to be present

00:42:11.980 --> 00:42:14.860
with you because they want that and I want that

00:42:14.860 --> 00:42:17.159
like when I'm in these communities whatever it

00:42:17.159 --> 00:42:18.880
is whether it's my filmmaking communities whether

00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:21.420
it's writers whether it's other mental professionals

00:42:21.420 --> 00:42:24.579
whatever it is you know I want people to come

00:42:24.579 --> 00:42:26.179
into the room with their thoughts and ideas and

00:42:26.179 --> 00:42:28.380
maybe disagree with me or maybe push back like

00:42:28.380 --> 00:42:32.079
oh I love that That makes me not only feel closer

00:42:32.079 --> 00:42:35.139
to them, it makes me feel closer to myself. And

00:42:35.139 --> 00:42:38.099
it's the practice of standing up in authenticity

00:42:38.099 --> 00:42:41.400
that makes me like myself even more. It's actually

00:42:41.400 --> 00:42:45.059
building self -esteem. Can I challenge the, not

00:42:45.059 --> 00:42:47.360
necessarily challenge, but let me dig a little

00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:49.159
deeper on the idea of authenticity. Because this

00:42:49.159 --> 00:42:51.739
is one thing that I think there's potentially

00:42:51.739 --> 00:42:54.199
a lot of misunderstanding about what that means.

00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:58.559
Because when I think about, okay, who's authentic

00:42:58.559 --> 00:43:04.179
Ryan? Who am I, you know, what is my real reaction?

00:43:04.559 --> 00:43:07.800
What is my, who am I at my core? Like, I think

00:43:07.800 --> 00:43:09.860
it's a lot of things. You know, I think like

00:43:09.860 --> 00:43:13.980
duality of man, right? Like, you know, sometimes

00:43:13.980 --> 00:43:18.710
like I... My self is to act irrationally sometimes,

00:43:18.929 --> 00:43:21.230
unfortunately. And sometimes my self is to overreact.

00:43:21.349 --> 00:43:23.329
Like, you know, if my kids do something wrong

00:43:23.329 --> 00:43:25.889
and I'm just like not feeling great that day,

00:43:25.949 --> 00:43:27.889
I might yell and I wish that I wouldn't, right?

00:43:28.110 --> 00:43:31.929
So what is this authentic self we're talking

00:43:31.929 --> 00:43:33.909
about? Because for me, when I think about it,

00:43:33.969 --> 00:43:37.269
the way that I like to think about it just personally

00:43:37.269 --> 00:43:40.349
that helps me is like the best version of my

00:43:40.349 --> 00:43:43.369
authentic self. So it's still me, but it's like...

00:43:43.550 --> 00:43:46.369
It's the best version of me, me acting as the

00:43:46.369 --> 00:43:48.909
best authentic Ryan as opposed to like, well,

00:43:49.010 --> 00:43:51.130
maybe authentic Ryan would be a little bit jealous

00:43:51.130 --> 00:43:53.110
or would be a little bit crusty or would be a

00:43:53.110 --> 00:43:55.289
little bit selfish. Interesting. But that's not

00:43:55.289 --> 00:43:57.750
the version that I want to have come out. Yeah,

00:43:57.769 --> 00:44:00.250
that's so interesting because I was going to

00:44:00.250 --> 00:44:07.329
say to your comment, I think best in my mind

00:44:07.329 --> 00:44:11.610
is actually honest. Okay. Honest with the caveat

00:44:11.610 --> 00:44:14.900
of. keeping yourself in balance in terms of your

00:44:14.900 --> 00:44:17.039
behaviors that might be harmful like if we're

00:44:17.039 --> 00:44:19.440
not harming other people if we're like because

00:44:19.440 --> 00:44:21.780
i also want to talk about like safe spaces don't

00:44:21.780 --> 00:44:26.059
just mean not harmful yeah safe space doesn't

00:44:26.059 --> 00:44:29.039
mean oh there's no active harm happening like

00:44:29.039 --> 00:44:32.619
we're not hurting people no safe is not just

00:44:32.619 --> 00:44:34.820
we're not harming people it's we're actively

00:44:34.820 --> 00:44:36.900
keeping people safe like there's a difference

00:44:36.900 --> 00:44:40.139
between that i would say so that's like a kind

00:44:40.139 --> 00:44:42.840
of side tangent but to your point about authenticity

00:44:42.840 --> 00:44:46.239
I think it is okay to show up in a space that's

00:44:46.239 --> 00:44:48.579
actually safe as yourself as long as you're not

00:44:48.579 --> 00:44:51.420
harming people meaning so sometimes you are you're

00:44:51.420 --> 00:44:54.139
not perfect nobody's perfect and like actually

00:44:54.139 --> 00:44:56.900
kids learn the best when parents for example

00:44:56.900 --> 00:44:59.320
come in the space that they're sharing and maybe

00:44:59.320 --> 00:45:01.420
they do fly off the handle and then they what

00:45:01.420 --> 00:45:03.719
what we talk about a lot is like it's not what

00:45:03.719 --> 00:45:07.119
you did per se It's what you did to repair. The

00:45:07.119 --> 00:45:09.880
reparation is the most important part of the

00:45:09.880 --> 00:45:13.780
step. Kids often remember what happened, but

00:45:13.780 --> 00:45:15.739
they really remember what you did after. They

00:45:15.739 --> 00:45:17.519
really remember how you took accountability for

00:45:17.519 --> 00:45:19.280
it or how you said, I'm sorry. You know what?

00:45:19.340 --> 00:45:22.179
I did yell there, and I didn't like that I yelled.

00:45:22.400 --> 00:45:26.300
And I think I got pretty upset, and my body was

00:45:26.300 --> 00:45:28.800
feeling really overwhelmed, and then I let that

00:45:28.800 --> 00:45:31.039
come out. I wish I hadn't done that. I'm sorry

00:45:31.039 --> 00:45:34.400
I did. That's what. people remember very often

00:45:34.400 --> 00:45:38.539
and then the active effort to not do it again

00:45:38.539 --> 00:45:41.340
that's what people that's what means something

00:45:41.340 --> 00:45:43.539
to people i don't think people are unwilling

00:45:43.539 --> 00:45:47.340
to forgive a transgression i think it's the like

00:45:47.340 --> 00:45:49.719
lack of accountability acknowledgement and then

00:45:49.719 --> 00:45:53.300
repair that that hurt people in the long term

00:45:53.300 --> 00:45:57.550
yeah It's not just apology. It's also repair.

00:45:57.650 --> 00:46:00.610
You can't have just apology. No, the repair is

00:46:00.610 --> 00:46:02.789
everything. If I just say I'm sorry, then it's

00:46:02.789 --> 00:46:04.750
fine. Sorries are kind of meaningless if they're

00:46:04.750 --> 00:46:06.610
not followed with action, in my opinion. It's

00:46:06.610 --> 00:46:09.730
funny. It actually made me think about one of

00:46:09.730 --> 00:46:14.730
my, honestly, favorite people growing up. He

00:46:14.730 --> 00:46:17.610
was a teacher with my dad and being a principal,

00:46:17.750 --> 00:46:20.110
and he worked for Grant School District. He was

00:46:20.110 --> 00:46:22.909
a major administrator there. But I knew him because

00:46:22.909 --> 00:46:25.610
he was in my neighborhood. His daughter was the

00:46:25.610 --> 00:46:30.289
same age that I was. And he, at the time, when

00:46:30.289 --> 00:46:33.269
I was a teenager, was teaching a Sunday school

00:46:33.269 --> 00:46:35.889
class at our church. He was a teacher. And one

00:46:35.889 --> 00:46:38.250
of the kids in the class, she was always interrupting

00:46:38.250 --> 00:46:40.230
and talking, like always. And then she would

00:46:40.230 --> 00:46:41.889
say, I'm sorry. And I can remember him being

00:46:41.889 --> 00:46:44.269
like, hey, look. it's great that you're saying

00:46:44.269 --> 00:46:46.869
you're sorry but like you need to actually stop

00:46:46.869 --> 00:46:49.829
doing it and that stuck with me and they stuck

00:46:49.829 --> 00:46:52.579
with me for 30 years that it was like in that

00:46:52.579 --> 00:46:54.500
moment, like one of the kindest people I know,

00:46:54.559 --> 00:46:56.820
one of the most influential people I know, like

00:46:56.820 --> 00:46:59.099
just spewing wisdom. I was like, that was the

00:46:59.099 --> 00:47:00.860
most valuable thing I learned in class. And like,

00:47:00.940 --> 00:47:03.340
it's not enough. Yes. Like, it's great that you're

00:47:03.340 --> 00:47:05.519
sorry, but that's just not enough. The other

00:47:05.519 --> 00:47:07.119
comment I was going to kind of make about your

00:47:07.119 --> 00:47:09.179
thing about authenticity is I think we've like

00:47:09.179 --> 00:47:11.980
a little bit, like we veered off course with

00:47:11.980 --> 00:47:15.059
like kind of toxic wellness culture, which is

00:47:15.059 --> 00:47:17.059
like, there are a few things that pop up in toxic

00:47:17.059 --> 00:47:19.559
wellness culture. One is like, if I don't like

00:47:19.559 --> 00:47:22.579
the thing you say, boundary. That's my choice,

00:47:22.579 --> 00:47:24.880
and you've got to respect it. That's my boundary.

00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:30.780
So I'm taking care of myself. But actually, what's

00:47:30.780 --> 00:47:33.340
healthy is you did or said this thing I didn't

00:47:33.340 --> 00:47:35.659
love. Can we talk about it? Because I love you.

00:47:35.900 --> 00:47:38.199
Like there's a relationship here, and I'm willing

00:47:38.199 --> 00:47:40.780
to work on it. Boundaries are important. I will

00:47:40.780 --> 00:47:42.280
never dismiss that boundaries are important,

00:47:42.340 --> 00:47:44.000
but boundaries are for the person setting them.

00:47:45.059 --> 00:47:47.030
That's the key. And they're not for the other

00:47:47.030 --> 00:47:48.989
person. That's right. It's okay. What the boundaries

00:47:48.989 --> 00:47:51.110
of what my behavior is and where am I going to

00:47:51.110 --> 00:47:53.349
set what I'm willing to tolerate? Not, not I'm

00:47:53.349 --> 00:47:54.750
going to dictate what you have. Yes. And I'm

00:47:54.750 --> 00:47:56.929
going to like step away if I need to. That's

00:47:56.929 --> 00:47:59.369
the boundary. Like, or this is how far I'm willing

00:47:59.369 --> 00:48:01.980
to go at this moment. But when you're trying

00:48:01.980 --> 00:48:04.059
to build healthy, safe communities and relationships,

00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:06.460
you need to be willing to go up against what's

00:48:06.460 --> 00:48:09.039
hard. Go up against the thing. So that's important.

00:48:09.280 --> 00:48:11.300
I think the other thing that comes out of it

00:48:11.300 --> 00:48:14.019
is like, I'm my best self. I'm my authentic self.

00:48:14.179 --> 00:48:16.679
And I get to be whoever I want. It's like, well.

00:48:17.780 --> 00:48:20.119
you do in your spaces maybe in your solitude

00:48:20.119 --> 00:48:22.179
do whatever you want scream whatever but like

00:48:22.179 --> 00:48:24.699
think about how your actions actually do influence

00:48:24.699 --> 00:48:27.179
other people and consider that that matters and

00:48:27.179 --> 00:48:29.179
that other people aren't you and they aren't

00:48:29.179 --> 00:48:31.320
coming from your same like I think this lack

00:48:31.320 --> 00:48:33.760
of thoughtfulness of other people has like started

00:48:33.760 --> 00:48:36.530
to pervade this idea of like boss women it's

00:48:36.530 --> 00:48:38.110
me it's not all about women but you know it's

00:48:38.110 --> 00:48:42.070
like me only me top me first and I'm like I do

00:48:42.070 --> 00:48:44.329
think the idea of like take care of yourself

00:48:44.329 --> 00:48:46.630
first has gotten like a little bit twisted because

00:48:46.630 --> 00:48:49.329
again when I think about authenticity I'm like

00:48:49.329 --> 00:48:51.269
actually I think you need to be willing to say

00:48:51.269 --> 00:48:53.989
I do have these other parts I remember when I

00:48:53.989 --> 00:48:56.489
went to therapy you know in my therapeutic journey

00:48:56.489 --> 00:48:58.309
one of my one of the things my therapist said

00:48:58.309 --> 00:49:02.309
was like hey uh like have you considered that

00:49:02.309 --> 00:49:04.960
you're kind of like everybody else like that

00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:08.300
you also make mistakes and that sometimes people

00:49:08.300 --> 00:49:10.320
don't like you and they're going to not like

00:49:10.320 --> 00:49:13.000
you and that that's normal. And I was like, well,

00:49:13.079 --> 00:49:16.039
I can't survive if I make mistakes. Like, I can't

00:49:16.039 --> 00:49:19.079
make mistakes. I have to be right. And I had

00:49:19.079 --> 00:49:20.920
to realize, like, oh, my God, making mistakes

00:49:20.920 --> 00:49:24.300
is actually, like, a really normal. thing being

00:49:24.300 --> 00:49:27.500
not perfect is really normal and i think we need

00:49:27.500 --> 00:49:29.980
to keep showing that to each other and to the

00:49:29.980 --> 00:49:31.940
kids in our lives to be like you're not going

00:49:31.940 --> 00:49:35.119
to be perfect but you can still be good you can

00:49:35.119 --> 00:49:37.739
do good you can engage in good you can let the

00:49:37.739 --> 00:49:40.739
good that's in you feed other people's good and

00:49:40.739 --> 00:49:43.360
it can create this like karmic cyclical thing

00:49:43.360 --> 00:49:46.519
but i think authenticity requires you to do both

00:49:46.519 --> 00:49:49.679
to be all of it so i would say that it's an honest

00:49:49.679 --> 00:49:52.179
representation of yourself yeah I really like

00:49:52.179 --> 00:49:54.500
that. I really like that. Yeah, I think to your

00:49:54.500 --> 00:49:57.519
point of what sometimes happens when people weaponize

00:49:57.519 --> 00:50:00.440
it is people will use authenticity just to excuse

00:50:00.440 --> 00:50:03.099
really bad behavior, rude behavior, cruel behavior,

00:50:03.260 --> 00:50:04.840
and they just use it to excuse it. Like, I'm

00:50:04.840 --> 00:50:07.579
myself. I'm myself. And that's not what it's

00:50:07.579 --> 00:50:10.760
intended for. And I'm like, but are you? Is this

00:50:10.760 --> 00:50:12.639
who you want to be? Like, I think that's the

00:50:12.639 --> 00:50:15.139
other question is like, yeah, I think you're

00:50:15.139 --> 00:50:17.019
right. Unfortunately, there's a shortcutting

00:50:17.019 --> 00:50:19.599
that happens sometimes when we use language.

00:50:20.099 --> 00:50:24.559
And I think... It really is like you need to

00:50:24.559 --> 00:50:26.900
be thinking about what's good for you while also

00:50:26.900 --> 00:50:28.920
holding the reality of where you're in, of the

00:50:28.920 --> 00:50:31.000
space you're in. And other people, like other

00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:34.980
people do exist. And they do matter. Like whether

00:50:34.980 --> 00:50:37.019
they're your top priority or not doesn't actually

00:50:37.019 --> 00:50:39.940
matter. They matter too. So it's like you've

00:50:39.940 --> 00:50:42.159
got to navigate the world that way. And I think

00:50:42.159 --> 00:50:45.300
a lot of us, especially with like online culture,

00:50:45.440 --> 00:50:47.550
like we've gotten away from that. We forget,

00:50:47.610 --> 00:50:49.269
like, there are people on the other side of these

00:50:49.269 --> 00:50:52.190
screens. These are people. And so I think that's

00:50:52.190 --> 00:50:54.710
really an important part of that. For sure. Okay,

00:50:54.769 --> 00:50:55.969
here's the next quote I wanted to get your take

00:50:55.969 --> 00:50:58.329
on. Quote. Hit me. This is from Simon Sinek.

00:50:58.570 --> 00:51:00.289
Okay. Who's one of my favorites. Yes. Do you

00:51:00.289 --> 00:51:02.130
know who Simon Sinek is? I do. Okay, so he's

00:51:02.130 --> 00:51:04.769
so great. A team is not a group of people that

00:51:04.769 --> 00:51:07.269
work together. A team is a group of people that

00:51:07.269 --> 00:51:11.030
trust each other. Yes, okay. So this reminds

00:51:11.030 --> 00:51:13.050
me of when I worked more in the corporate world,

00:51:13.190 --> 00:51:16.449
and I was always like, your manager is supposed

00:51:16.449 --> 00:51:18.389
to be, like when I led a program, I was like,

00:51:18.429 --> 00:51:19.969
your manager is supposed to be behind you, not

00:51:19.969 --> 00:51:21.789
in front. Or they're supposed to be in front

00:51:21.789 --> 00:51:25.210
of you, either taking what comes, or they're

00:51:25.210 --> 00:51:28.670
behind you in the background, meaning they're

00:51:28.670 --> 00:51:30.550
letting you do the thing so you can succeed.

00:51:30.829 --> 00:51:37.460
And I think teams that function well... function

00:51:37.460 --> 00:51:40.420
because of the relationships and the trust they

00:51:40.420 --> 00:51:42.280
don't function well because everyone's like good

00:51:42.280 --> 00:51:44.780
at their job like being good at your job is a

00:51:44.780 --> 00:51:49.500
is a side component absolutely like and the thing

00:51:49.500 --> 00:51:51.760
is even people who are phenomenal at their jobs

00:51:51.760 --> 00:51:55.099
often don't get the opportunity to flourish unless

00:51:55.099 --> 00:51:58.269
they're in the right team where they trust each

00:51:58.269 --> 00:52:00.469
other and care for each other it's interesting

00:52:00.469 --> 00:52:04.469
um I think it was Tron one of the films that

00:52:04.469 --> 00:52:07.389
was made it was like I think it was Tron but

00:52:07.389 --> 00:52:10.530
when it was first made like the team there was

00:52:10.530 --> 00:52:15.039
like some misalignment if I'm and anybody in

00:52:15.039 --> 00:52:16.719
this space that seeing this could correct me

00:52:16.719 --> 00:52:19.099
on this so I will not be offended because I'm

00:52:19.099 --> 00:52:21.900
probably misremembering but it was like there

00:52:21.900 --> 00:52:23.579
was some misalignment with team or something

00:52:23.579 --> 00:52:25.800
and like the product didn't turn out great but

00:52:25.800 --> 00:52:27.760
then they went to redo either the second one

00:52:27.760 --> 00:52:30.280
or another film together that was not drawn and

00:52:30.280 --> 00:52:33.179
the director like re put everybody in different

00:52:33.179 --> 00:52:34.800
positions where they thought they would shine

00:52:34.800 --> 00:52:37.500
and then that film was really successful and

00:52:37.500 --> 00:52:40.320
it worked really well and even in the film I'm

00:52:40.320 --> 00:52:42.179
making now and films I make in general it's like

00:52:42.650 --> 00:52:45.510
You have to be aligned. There has to be alignment.

00:52:45.550 --> 00:52:48.570
And the alignment comes from trust and care for

00:52:48.570 --> 00:52:51.429
each other. It's safety, actually, at the base

00:52:51.429 --> 00:52:56.710
of it. And it really is true that, like, people

00:52:56.710 --> 00:52:59.989
shine. in what they're good at and in their skill

00:52:59.989 --> 00:53:01.889
sets, like if we're talking about teams, like

00:53:01.889 --> 00:53:04.170
people do their job better when they trust you

00:53:04.170 --> 00:53:07.230
and when they're safe. And so if you can create

00:53:07.230 --> 00:53:10.829
an environment where people feel like seen, understood,

00:53:11.070 --> 00:53:14.210
valued, and then you like acknowledge their skills

00:53:14.210 --> 00:53:17.469
as well, then they're like, sweet, this person

00:53:17.469 --> 00:53:19.289
thinks I'm good and they kind of like me. And

00:53:19.289 --> 00:53:21.769
I trust that this person that's talking to me,

00:53:21.869 --> 00:53:24.869
A, is telling the truth, and B, is invested in

00:53:24.869 --> 00:53:28.739
me just as much as the outcome. And I think that's

00:53:28.739 --> 00:53:31.400
really important. And I think you kind of answered

00:53:31.400 --> 00:53:33.760
what I wanted to ask, but maybe let's just dig

00:53:33.760 --> 00:53:37.139
into it a little bit more, which is after we've

00:53:37.139 --> 00:53:40.559
done the work for ourselves, right, how do we

00:53:40.559 --> 00:53:44.659
then help to build that safety in whatever group

00:53:44.659 --> 00:53:46.440
it is that we're participating in? And that might

00:53:46.440 --> 00:53:49.719
be a group in our community. It might be in our

00:53:49.719 --> 00:53:52.300
neighborhood. It might be at work. It might be

00:53:52.300 --> 00:53:57.980
on set, right? How do we... do that? How do we

00:53:57.980 --> 00:54:02.440
actually create that safe space? Yes. Yeah. It's

00:54:02.440 --> 00:54:05.340
such a great question. I think first it is acknowledgement

00:54:05.340 --> 00:54:09.320
of self. So like I'm having a bad day. I'm coming

00:54:09.320 --> 00:54:11.320
into my neighborhood PTA meeting or whatever.

00:54:11.400 --> 00:54:13.139
I'm coming into whatever group I'm coming into.

00:54:13.300 --> 00:54:15.579
And like, I know where I'm coming from. I think

00:54:15.579 --> 00:54:17.760
that needs to be our top. Like I know where I'm

00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:20.739
coming from. I'm aware. Then I'm like aware of

00:54:20.739 --> 00:54:22.639
who else is in the room. I'm paying attention.

00:54:23.480 --> 00:54:26.300
And then I think it's like active engagement.

00:54:27.000 --> 00:54:33.059
being present like i think that um like on set

00:54:33.059 --> 00:54:35.760
what there are a lot of like things that each

00:54:35.760 --> 00:54:38.579
position can do which is why i think it's a great

00:54:38.579 --> 00:54:41.500
example of this it's like you get on the set

00:54:41.500 --> 00:54:45.500
and your ad or your director is like hey everybody

00:54:45.500 --> 00:54:47.920
we're gonna introduce each other we're all gonna

00:54:47.920 --> 00:54:51.159
like get to know who everybody is by name, by

00:54:51.159 --> 00:54:53.480
face. And then we're going to do a little breathing

00:54:53.480 --> 00:54:55.880
exercise together. And we're also going to establish

00:54:55.880 --> 00:54:59.000
some like actual rules about how this is going

00:54:59.000 --> 00:55:02.659
to function, not just the day, but like how we

00:55:02.659 --> 00:55:06.340
expect people to show up and what we're requesting

00:55:06.340 --> 00:55:09.860
of you and also offering you resources if you

00:55:09.860 --> 00:55:12.989
can't show up that way. So like I do this where

00:55:12.989 --> 00:55:15.110
I'll say like, okay, everybody, like here's some

00:55:15.110 --> 00:55:16.409
of our, here's what the day is going to look

00:55:16.409 --> 00:55:18.030
like. Here's what we're expecting. Here's the

00:55:18.030 --> 00:55:19.670
type of communication we're hoping to have after

00:55:19.670 --> 00:55:21.170
we've done all the intros and everyone feels

00:55:21.170 --> 00:55:24.590
seen as themselves. And then we say like, hey,

00:55:24.789 --> 00:55:26.750
we're going to do a little breathing. We're going

00:55:26.750 --> 00:55:29.130
to do a little minute of quiet meditation, you

00:55:29.130 --> 00:55:31.030
know, just like we used to do for theater, like

00:55:31.030 --> 00:55:35.409
this whole idea. And then it's like. Now I'm

00:55:35.409 --> 00:55:37.150
going to let you know that if you're feeling

00:55:37.150 --> 00:55:39.289
off, if something wrong is happening, if something's

00:55:39.289 --> 00:55:41.510
going on with you, you need to take a step back.

00:55:41.610 --> 00:55:44.530
You're safe to do so. We have a resource for

00:55:44.530 --> 00:55:47.570
you on the side. I will sit with you or I will

00:55:47.570 --> 00:55:50.250
check in with you. We will get you what you need

00:55:50.250 --> 00:55:52.610
and you're not going to be penalized for needing

00:55:52.610 --> 00:55:56.710
help. So I think like all of those things immediately

00:55:56.710 --> 00:56:00.570
established. I see you. I'm glad you're here.

00:56:00.710 --> 00:56:03.829
I value you because I know exactly why you're

00:56:03.829 --> 00:56:06.590
here. You've identified yourself as you choose

00:56:06.590 --> 00:56:08.710
to be identified, including your pronouns, your

00:56:08.710 --> 00:56:13.070
identity. And then you're offered an opportunity

00:56:13.070 --> 00:56:15.349
to connect to self and connect to the group.

00:56:15.469 --> 00:56:18.570
And then you're also given opportunities for

00:56:18.570 --> 00:56:20.809
safety if something goes wrong. And you're not

00:56:20.809 --> 00:56:23.949
going to be penalized for life happening. I think

00:56:23.949 --> 00:56:25.730
that's the thing that happens a lot is we're

00:56:25.730 --> 00:56:28.110
like, if I have a life problem, I can't go anywhere.

00:56:28.210 --> 00:56:30.650
And then I have to suck it in or I have to like

00:56:30.650 --> 00:56:33.530
suffer with it alone. And it's like, no, in a

00:56:33.530 --> 00:56:36.780
safe community, you go to the right. point person

00:56:36.780 --> 00:56:39.960
you say I'm struggling say okay what can we do

00:56:39.960 --> 00:56:42.239
to resolve this what needs to happen here's what's

00:56:42.239 --> 00:56:45.099
possible like I think a lot of it has to do with

00:56:45.099 --> 00:56:48.619
the resource of time and energy it's like are

00:56:48.619 --> 00:56:51.199
we willing to put in enough time and energy to

00:56:51.199 --> 00:56:53.940
help people understand that it's okay for them

00:56:53.940 --> 00:56:57.460
to be human and then that humanity will be honored

00:56:57.460 --> 00:57:00.260
and addressed as it comes up that like I think

00:57:00.260 --> 00:57:02.019
people are like oh I'm wasting time I'm wasting

00:57:02.019 --> 00:57:05.199
energy I'm wasting money it's like But it wastes

00:57:05.199 --> 00:57:07.139
more time, energy, and money if you're not doing

00:57:07.139 --> 00:57:09.699
what you're here to do. It wastes more time,

00:57:09.739 --> 00:57:11.739
energy, and money if we're not sure what's going

00:57:11.739 --> 00:57:15.019
on. It's much better if we communicate clearly,

00:57:15.119 --> 00:57:17.800
if we're present with each other. So I think

00:57:17.800 --> 00:57:20.699
it's really simple things about communication

00:57:20.699 --> 00:57:23.280
and offering the opportunity for people to show

00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:26.679
up authentically, honestly, and then handling

00:57:26.679 --> 00:57:29.699
things as they come. And I really think communication

00:57:29.699 --> 00:57:33.860
is the key. across so many things because if

00:57:33.860 --> 00:57:37.139
I'm the leader of the team and I just say this

00:57:37.139 --> 00:57:39.260
is what I need this is what I expect this is

00:57:39.260 --> 00:57:41.980
how I kind of expect it to be done but I've also

00:57:41.980 --> 00:57:44.139
built in wiggle room if things change and like

00:57:44.139 --> 00:57:47.840
let's communicate like if you if you communicate

00:57:47.840 --> 00:57:50.860
really honestly clearly and with respect and

00:57:50.860 --> 00:57:53.260
you expect that other people in response to you,

00:57:53.340 --> 00:57:55.300
hopefully that's what you get back, and it's

00:57:55.300 --> 00:57:58.039
like this beautiful symbiosis. Sometimes that

00:57:58.039 --> 00:57:59.900
doesn't happen because people are showing up

00:57:59.900 --> 00:58:01.679
however they're showing up, and that's an opportunity

00:58:01.679 --> 00:58:04.380
for you to kind of do intervention of like, hey,

00:58:04.400 --> 00:58:07.300
can we, let's check in. But that's kind of where

00:58:07.300 --> 00:58:10.219
I see it actively coming to life. So in that

00:58:10.219 --> 00:58:11.820
vein, here's something I've struggled with lately,

00:58:11.980 --> 00:58:13.820
maybe you can help me think through, which is

00:58:13.820 --> 00:58:18.360
in an effort to acknowledge that life sometimes

00:58:18.360 --> 00:58:20.929
happens and to give people grace for it, Where's

00:58:20.929 --> 00:58:23.090
the breaking point though? Where's the line?

00:58:23.190 --> 00:58:25.170
Because at some point in time, somebody just

00:58:25.170 --> 00:58:27.210
can't be a part of that thing anymore because

00:58:27.210 --> 00:58:29.550
they can't show up. Yeah. And it doesn't mean

00:58:29.550 --> 00:58:32.190
that they're a bad person, but it might mean

00:58:32.190 --> 00:58:34.429
that they're just not cut out for whatever that

00:58:34.429 --> 00:58:37.369
thing is. At that moment. Yes. Yes. How do you

00:58:37.369 --> 00:58:39.849
find that? Yeah. I think that's a really good

00:58:39.849 --> 00:58:41.710
question. I think this also like comes up in

00:58:41.710 --> 00:58:43.769
relationships a lot where people are like, when

00:58:43.769 --> 00:58:46.340
do I break up with somebody? when do I what do

00:58:46.340 --> 00:58:49.860
I do and I'm like I I think we need to not be

00:58:49.860 --> 00:58:52.440
so afraid again of like what is the mess because

00:58:52.440 --> 00:58:54.139
what is the mess is part of what's human back

00:58:54.139 --> 00:58:57.119
to like our souls our humanness like we love

00:58:57.119 --> 00:58:59.960
our humanness we need to actually act as though

00:58:59.960 --> 00:59:03.039
we do and I do think you know and I've had this

00:59:03.039 --> 00:59:05.199
experience in different arenas of my life where

00:59:05.199 --> 00:59:08.150
I'm like hey You know, we've kind of we've checked

00:59:08.150 --> 00:59:10.889
in. We gave you a little bit of an opportunity.

00:59:11.070 --> 00:59:12.909
You know, you kind of said this is what you would

00:59:12.909 --> 00:59:14.909
like to do. We together we problem solved and

00:59:14.909 --> 00:59:16.929
you came up with a thing. But then I saw that

00:59:16.929 --> 00:59:19.869
it was difficult again, you know, and I think

00:59:19.869 --> 00:59:23.130
it is really dependent on the situation, because

00:59:23.130 --> 00:59:26.889
if it's like, look, I needed this last week and

00:59:26.889 --> 00:59:28.789
it's been a full week and we haven't I haven't

00:59:28.789 --> 00:59:30.289
heard from you. I'm not sure what's going on.

00:59:30.989 --> 00:59:34.260
I think. you know, you can decide what the outcome

00:59:34.260 --> 00:59:36.320
is that we're working toward. Like if we're working

00:59:36.320 --> 00:59:39.480
toward a joint outcome and like your job is like

00:59:39.480 --> 00:59:41.739
very, what you're doing, the skills you bring

00:59:41.739 --> 00:59:44.300
are like very integral to making that job happen.

00:59:44.480 --> 00:59:47.300
It's like at some point you've got to say, this

00:59:47.300 --> 00:59:49.059
is really what I need from you, which is again,

00:59:49.099 --> 00:59:51.179
why I think. clear communication the whole way

00:59:51.179 --> 00:59:53.360
through like I see you're struggling I'm present

00:59:53.360 --> 00:59:56.619
with you let's adjust what can we adjust we adjust

00:59:56.619 --> 01:00:00.000
that doesn't work okay let's see if we can adjust

01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.159
again if that makes sense but if you're like

01:00:02.159 --> 01:00:06.969
I really only have a day maybe this is the time

01:00:06.969 --> 01:00:10.050
to step away. And that, again, I think clearly

01:00:10.050 --> 01:00:12.889
communicating, this isn't about you as a person.

01:00:13.190 --> 01:00:17.050
This isn't a personal indictment of you. But

01:00:17.050 --> 01:00:19.989
what it is saying is this thing is requiring

01:00:19.989 --> 01:00:23.070
something that you're not quite capable of offering

01:00:23.070 --> 01:00:25.570
at the moment, and that's okay. There's just

01:00:25.570 --> 01:00:28.090
a misalignment. So we're going to let you go

01:00:28.090 --> 01:00:30.599
do the thing you need to do. I'm going to do

01:00:30.599 --> 01:00:33.760
this other thing. And then like eventually we'll

01:00:33.760 --> 01:00:36.599
find another way maybe. Or who knows? Like maybe

01:00:36.599 --> 01:00:38.380
you'll move into a new thing that's better for

01:00:38.380 --> 01:00:42.159
you. I think in acting, they always say like

01:00:42.159 --> 01:00:46.300
every rejection is redirection. And acting provides

01:00:46.300 --> 01:00:50.059
like such a great reminder that like. Because

01:00:50.059 --> 01:00:52.739
you have to or else you'll go crazy. I don't

01:00:52.739 --> 01:00:54.659
like saying going crazy. You have to or else

01:00:54.659 --> 01:00:58.099
you will, like, not be unwell, I would say. Is,

01:00:58.119 --> 01:00:59.960
like, you have to remind yourself that, like,

01:00:59.960 --> 01:01:03.780
it's not about you. specifically you it's about

01:01:03.780 --> 01:01:05.880
like a lot of pieces and things you probably

01:01:05.880 --> 01:01:09.199
don't understand and that like it really is like

01:01:09.199 --> 01:01:11.440
the moment you lose something like it's just

01:01:11.440 --> 01:01:13.380
opening the pathway for you to do something else

01:01:13.380 --> 01:01:15.500
and move somewhere else and I think that's true

01:01:15.500 --> 01:01:17.280
in life I think that's true in relationships

01:01:17.280 --> 01:01:20.559
I think like we have to start seeing things less

01:01:20.559 --> 01:01:23.179
as like failures and losses and like permanent

01:01:23.179 --> 01:01:26.750
and like like permanent marks on our personal

01:01:26.750 --> 01:01:29.050
record as a person and they say something about

01:01:29.050 --> 01:01:32.010
us and more about like i'm a human figuring it

01:01:32.010 --> 01:01:36.210
out and i'm at this place right now with me and

01:01:36.210 --> 01:01:38.670
this place right now with this team or this place

01:01:38.670 --> 01:01:40.389
right now with this project or this place right

01:01:40.389 --> 01:01:43.349
now with this relationship. And as I keep moving

01:01:43.349 --> 01:01:45.989
through my life, things will ebb and flow and

01:01:45.989 --> 01:01:48.530
change and I will grow and I'll get better and

01:01:48.530 --> 01:01:51.170
I'll whatever, right? Hopefully. But I would

01:01:51.170 --> 01:01:53.730
say like we have to be willing to be honest about

01:01:53.730 --> 01:01:56.070
the fact that sometimes things aren't meant for

01:01:56.070 --> 01:01:59.110
us at the moment or they were and then they misaligned

01:01:59.110 --> 01:02:01.510
and we have to move on. And it's the kind of

01:02:01.510 --> 01:02:04.630
that doing so with grace. Yeah. And like when

01:02:04.630 --> 01:02:07.050
we're the person in charge of the team, I think

01:02:07.050 --> 01:02:10.349
we have to like be really gentle because that's

01:02:10.349 --> 01:02:13.130
not how people see things often. But I think

01:02:13.130 --> 01:02:16.010
like offering people the opportunity to be like,

01:02:16.070 --> 01:02:18.849
maybe this just wasn't the right fit right now,

01:02:18.969 --> 01:02:22.650
but you are great and it's going to be okay.

01:02:22.710 --> 01:02:25.130
Like whatever comes next will be okay. It's just

01:02:25.130 --> 01:02:26.809
like we have to keep doing this other thing.

01:02:27.260 --> 01:02:30.300
And if you can't be present for it, we're bummed,

01:02:30.300 --> 01:02:32.900
but that's okay. Like, everything is going to

01:02:32.900 --> 01:02:35.280
be fine. And sometimes with films, I'm like,

01:02:35.360 --> 01:02:39.340
guys, we're not flying Artemis 2. Like, we're

01:02:39.340 --> 01:02:42.460
okay. You know, like, we're going to be okay.

01:02:42.659 --> 01:02:46.340
It's going to be okay. It truly is. But I think

01:02:46.340 --> 01:02:51.199
people get so afraid of what things mean. And

01:02:51.199 --> 01:02:53.960
I'm really, like, also, like, I really want to

01:02:53.960 --> 01:02:56.539
leave room for people to, like. make mistakes

01:02:56.539 --> 01:02:59.380
and be human and I think like sometimes people

01:02:59.380 --> 01:03:01.360
are like oh well I messed up at this job and

01:03:01.360 --> 01:03:03.300
now I'm never going to get a job again because

01:03:03.300 --> 01:03:05.239
they're going to go and tell everybody and it's

01:03:05.239 --> 01:03:08.000
like I kind of wish we didn't do that unless

01:03:08.000 --> 01:03:10.639
someone's like unsafe or we're like really worried

01:03:10.639 --> 01:03:13.880
about harm i'm like let people be human and i

01:03:13.880 --> 01:03:15.360
think it's okay to be like they were going through

01:03:15.360 --> 01:03:17.179
a hard time when i worked with them and so we

01:03:17.179 --> 01:03:19.280
had to let them go but i think they're a great

01:03:19.280 --> 01:03:21.119
person and they would succeed in this other environment

01:03:21.119 --> 01:03:23.360
very well like i think we need to be generous

01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:25.760
with each other in that particular way too for

01:03:25.760 --> 01:03:27.880
sure yeah i totally agree yeah that's excellent

01:03:27.880 --> 01:03:33.480
um okay so let's go to A this or that segment.

01:03:33.659 --> 01:03:35.599
Yeah. Okay. You ready for this or that? Yes.

01:03:35.659 --> 01:03:38.500
Yes. I love segments. It's going to be just,

01:03:38.639 --> 01:03:41.219
you know, if your opinion is controversial, you

01:03:41.219 --> 01:03:42.920
might have to defend it. Oh, okay. But let's

01:03:42.920 --> 01:03:45.260
just see how that goes. And then after that,

01:03:45.300 --> 01:03:47.360
we'll do a rapid fire. Okay. Sorry. My friend

01:03:47.360 --> 01:03:49.019
is buzzing. So I was like, I just didn't want

01:03:49.019 --> 01:03:50.960
to be loud. You're good. You're good. Okay. Okay.

01:03:51.300 --> 01:03:57.659
Here it is. Wally or Eva? Oh, Wally. Okay. Okay,

01:03:57.719 --> 01:04:00.300
I would say that as well. Wait, is this like

01:04:00.300 --> 01:04:02.400
a you and me if we disagree to defend it? Well,

01:04:02.440 --> 01:04:04.159
I mean, if I disagree, I might ask you to defend

01:04:04.159 --> 01:04:06.039
it. That's actually a good point. I was like,

01:04:06.079 --> 01:04:06.880
I kind of want to see. That's actually the way

01:04:06.880 --> 01:04:08.599
I've usually done that. Yeah, I'm like, if I

01:04:08.599 --> 01:04:10.340
call you out, I'll be like, hey. You're like,

01:04:10.400 --> 01:04:12.219
okay, girl. Yeah, I'll be like, we're talking

01:04:12.219 --> 01:04:15.079
about Kiva. Okay. Always amazing. Hover chair

01:04:15.079 --> 01:04:19.119
or walking? Walking. I'm going to say yes. I

01:04:19.119 --> 01:04:21.800
mean, a hover chair is cool if we actually had

01:04:21.800 --> 01:04:24.119
that technology, but like. Yeah, I mean, we've

01:04:24.119 --> 01:04:25.619
talked about how walking's helpful. We're here,

01:04:25.639 --> 01:04:29.219
like, investing in, like, AI. And I'm like, bro,

01:04:29.320 --> 01:04:31.639
could we just, like, invest in making my life

01:04:31.639 --> 01:04:35.980
easier? Like, what happened to the Jetsons plane?

01:04:36.260 --> 01:04:37.840
I mean, what happened to Back to the Future,

01:04:37.980 --> 01:04:40.840
right? His hover skateboard. Like, where are

01:04:40.840 --> 01:04:43.510
we with this? Could we invest in, like? Something

01:04:43.510 --> 01:04:45.690
that makes it easier for me to remove all the

01:04:45.690 --> 01:04:48.889
fur from my clothes? My dog fur that's not a

01:04:48.889 --> 01:04:52.150
roller? We've got to be spending this money some

01:04:52.150 --> 01:04:56.090
other way. Give me tech that makes my life improved.

01:04:57.769 --> 01:05:00.929
Nothing's there yet. Okay, phone call or text?

01:05:01.769 --> 01:05:08.849
Phone call. In every context? Well, here's my

01:05:08.849 --> 01:05:12.369
weird caveat. Voice messaging. You like voicemails?

01:05:12.880 --> 01:05:15.519
Voice messages like text like you like though

01:05:15.519 --> 01:05:18.940
you like those I do I actually there's I don't

01:05:18.940 --> 01:05:21.679
use them for some reason But I actually think

01:05:21.679 --> 01:05:24.219
they're really effective there I think I need

01:05:24.219 --> 01:05:25.320
to start doing it more. Okay. That's going to

01:05:25.320 --> 01:05:27.820
be, this is going to be, yes. Yeah. I love it.

01:05:27.880 --> 01:05:30.139
That's, that's going to be what I do. Yeah. I

01:05:30.139 --> 01:05:32.320
also like, you know, Marco Polo and stuff. Like

01:05:32.320 --> 01:05:34.980
it's fun to see the other person, but it's still

01:05:34.980 --> 01:05:36.699
like, you can still respond when you need to.

01:05:36.719 --> 01:05:38.619
Cause the nice thing about text is like, you

01:05:38.619 --> 01:05:40.599
can't always respond to a text right away. Although

01:05:40.599 --> 01:05:42.280
I feel like the world has become like respond

01:05:42.280 --> 01:05:45.079
right away to emails and texts, um, always be

01:05:45.079 --> 01:05:47.750
available, which is another problem. But. I'm

01:05:47.750 --> 01:05:50.469
like, yeah, I want to be able to have the freedom

01:05:50.469 --> 01:05:53.250
of watching and reading when I'm ready. But I

01:05:53.250 --> 01:05:55.630
also like the context of hearing people's voice

01:05:55.630 --> 01:05:58.429
and how they feel and think. So it's like the

01:05:58.429 --> 01:06:00.869
blend. So for me, it's voice messaging. So good.

01:06:01.050 --> 01:06:04.010
So good. Okay. And people who know me, like my

01:06:04.010 --> 01:06:07.309
friends out there, they know that I'm like an

01:06:07.309 --> 01:06:10.070
insane voice messenger. Like, I love them. You

01:06:10.070 --> 01:06:12.610
are obsessed. Okay. No, I just like leave really

01:06:12.610 --> 01:06:15.789
long voice messages. So it's not like a 20 second.

01:06:16.449 --> 01:06:19.710
No, they're like at least four minutes. Wow,

01:06:19.809 --> 01:06:22.760
okay. I don't want to say. When you listen back

01:06:22.760 --> 01:06:24.599
to those, can somebody listen to it at like one

01:06:24.599 --> 01:06:25.960
and a half speed? Yeah, you can speed them up.

01:06:26.119 --> 01:06:28.280
Oh, see, that's amazing. See, I'm even more of

01:06:28.280 --> 01:06:30.039
a proponent now of this. Because I always listen

01:06:30.039 --> 01:06:32.159
to like every podcast, every audio book in like

01:06:32.159 --> 01:06:36.860
1 .75 or 2. Yeah. I'm a big podcast girly too

01:06:36.860 --> 01:06:40.400
and audio book girly. And I usually do like 1

01:06:40.400 --> 01:06:43.139
.5 on that. But sometimes I want to just chill

01:06:43.139 --> 01:06:45.280
with them at their speed. You never know. Sometimes

01:06:45.280 --> 01:06:47.380
I want a slow day. Well, it's funny when I go

01:06:47.380 --> 01:06:51.030
down to one, how slow it seems. Yeah. What I've

01:06:51.030 --> 01:06:53.949
also realized listening to this podcast is I

01:06:53.949 --> 01:06:56.469
talk really fast. So when I speed it up. You've

01:06:56.469 --> 01:06:59.789
kind of always been a fast talker, fast. Anytime

01:06:59.789 --> 01:07:03.269
I've performed on stage, I've always received

01:07:03.269 --> 01:07:04.949
the direction that I need to slow down. Does

01:07:04.949 --> 01:07:07.949
your audience know that you're like a very proficient,

01:07:07.949 --> 01:07:10.570
wonderful actor? They probably do not. Yeah,

01:07:10.610 --> 01:07:11.489
I haven't talked about it much. Oh my gosh, this

01:07:11.489 --> 01:07:14.469
guy's an actor. And he's so good. He's like this

01:07:14.469 --> 01:07:18.090
man of many talents, but he's an actor. That's

01:07:18.090 --> 01:07:19.969
how we really know each other. It is. It's very

01:07:19.969 --> 01:07:21.769
gracious and kind of you. There is something

01:07:21.769 --> 01:07:25.719
so fun about being on stage. in the bond that

01:07:25.719 --> 01:07:27.139
you build with the people that you're doing it

01:07:27.139 --> 01:07:29.119
with, with the bond that you're creating with

01:07:29.119 --> 01:07:30.760
the audience. It's unique. Which you can't create

01:07:30.760 --> 01:07:33.099
in any other way. Literally any other way. It's

01:07:33.099 --> 01:07:35.139
just so, it's really special. It's powerful.

01:07:35.159 --> 01:07:36.960
And I love it. Talk about safe community. That's

01:07:36.960 --> 01:07:39.099
like a really beautiful community. No question.

01:07:40.079 --> 01:07:46.739
Okay. Dinner party or backyard bonfire? Oh. this

01:07:46.739 --> 01:07:48.539
really has to do with the food. It's going to

01:07:48.539 --> 01:07:51.880
be dinner party for me. Yeah. Just purely based

01:07:51.880 --> 01:07:54.340
on the food or like dressing up fancy versus

01:07:54.340 --> 01:07:57.699
being super cash? Well, I do love dressing up

01:07:57.699 --> 01:08:00.960
fancy. Fame. I love me a gala. Look at you. Yeah,

01:08:01.000 --> 01:08:05.059
you're a fancy guy. I also, I love dressing up

01:08:05.059 --> 01:08:08.880
fancy. So yeah, I also love good wine. But for

01:08:08.880 --> 01:08:14.090
me, dinner party feels like. We prepped a specific

01:08:14.090 --> 01:08:17.430
spread of food. And it's like, because I'm all

01:08:17.430 --> 01:08:19.829
about that. I'm like, I used to have wine flight

01:08:19.829 --> 01:08:23.350
parties where I'd prep specific food to go with

01:08:23.350 --> 01:08:27.550
a different wine. See, I don't drink. But if

01:08:27.550 --> 01:08:30.310
I did, I would drink wine. And it would be so

01:08:30.310 --> 01:08:31.850
that I could pair it with food. Because I love

01:08:31.850 --> 01:08:36.529
food so much. Food is amazing. Wine is there

01:08:36.529 --> 01:08:39.149
to be paired with it. Yeah. Absolutely. Okay.

01:08:39.250 --> 01:08:41.529
Here's our rapid fire. Okay. So just first thing

01:08:41.529 --> 01:08:43.729
that comes to your mind. Okay. Okay. Favorite

01:08:43.729 --> 01:08:47.680
Disney movie. Encanto. Oh, so good. One of my

01:08:47.680 --> 01:08:49.539
very favorites ever. I just love it. I just love

01:08:49.539 --> 01:08:51.380
it so much. It's actually, that is my absolute

01:08:51.380 --> 01:08:54.659
favorite. Oh my gosh. It is. I just like, so

01:08:54.659 --> 01:08:58.000
I love Lin -Manuel Miranda so much. I love the

01:08:58.000 --> 01:09:00.619
music. I love the story. There's so many things

01:09:00.619 --> 01:09:03.199
about it that like life lessons. I never don't

01:09:03.199 --> 01:09:06.079
cry. Like I cry every time. When they start singing

01:09:06.079 --> 01:09:09.119
Dos Horiguitas, like girl, and because I speak

01:09:09.119 --> 01:09:11.319
Spanish too, for me, like there's this extra

01:09:11.319 --> 01:09:14.119
connection I feel like I have because that song

01:09:14.119 --> 01:09:16.560
in Spanish is actually more beautiful. Same.

01:09:16.960 --> 01:09:19.319
I agree. I listen to the album in Spanish. I

01:09:19.319 --> 01:09:22.699
watch the movie in Spanish. I'm all there with

01:09:22.699 --> 01:09:24.680
you. My 10 -year -old, she is in dual immersion

01:09:24.680 --> 01:09:29.140
right now. Why? I play Name That Tune Disney

01:09:29.140 --> 01:09:31.800
with the kids all the time in the car. She always

01:09:31.800 --> 01:09:33.579
wants me to play the Spanish versions of the

01:09:33.579 --> 01:09:35.699
Encanto songs. That's the way to do it. That

01:09:35.699 --> 01:09:38.520
makes me so happy. I listen to Spanish music

01:09:38.520 --> 01:09:44.020
mostly, primarily. But then I also will say Monsters,

01:09:44.020 --> 01:09:47.340
Inc. is a big fave. It's very good. It's a big

01:09:47.340 --> 01:09:50.720
fave. It's very good. Childhood fave was Aladdin.

01:09:51.659 --> 01:09:54.380
Okay. See, yeah. You're hitting some great ones.

01:09:54.460 --> 01:09:57.300
Like, yes. And Lion King. When I was a kid, I

01:09:57.300 --> 01:09:59.920
mean, Jasmine was the bomb. She is. And Aladdin

01:09:59.920 --> 01:10:02.819
was so cool. And Aladdin's like, oh, I'm just

01:10:02.819 --> 01:10:05.180
like a rebel, so I don't know. Exactly. Like,

01:10:05.180 --> 01:10:08.380
every kid, every boy wanted to be Aladdin, right?

01:10:08.479 --> 01:10:11.199
Like, oh, man, he's so free and cool. Yeah. And

01:10:11.199 --> 01:10:15.100
he's got the best girl. Okay. And along that

01:10:15.100 --> 01:10:17.630
vein. Maybe we know the answer to this. Favorite

01:10:17.630 --> 01:10:22.529
Disney princess? Jasmine. Although my very close

01:10:22.529 --> 01:10:27.029
runner up is Tiana. I'm a huge Tiana fan. I wasn't

01:10:27.029 --> 01:10:29.930
before, but the more that I've watched it, the

01:10:29.930 --> 01:10:32.250
more that I actually really enjoy that movie

01:10:32.250 --> 01:10:36.569
and the music. It also has a great villain, which

01:10:36.569 --> 01:10:39.210
we will come to in a second. I love Tiana. I

01:10:39.210 --> 01:10:42.210
love Mulan. I love Pocahontas. Those are my girlies.

01:10:43.649 --> 01:10:49.770
Favorite... Disney hero or heroine? Oh, oh, this

01:10:49.770 --> 01:10:58.189
one's actually harder. Like, okay, give me yours.

01:10:58.689 --> 01:11:02.029
Mulan. Okay, so we can make them be a princess

01:11:02.029 --> 01:11:04.770
still? Yeah, because I see Mulan as a heroine.

01:11:05.029 --> 01:11:07.409
Yeah, me too. Because that's who she is. Like,

01:11:07.409 --> 01:11:10.909
I love Mulan. Now, number two is probably Hercules,

01:11:10.909 --> 01:11:13.689
but Mulan's my number one. I love Mulan, actually.

01:11:19.110 --> 01:11:23.550
I really like Emperor's New Groove. Okay. So

01:11:23.550 --> 01:11:25.710
I'm like, I don't really, but I would say actually

01:11:25.710 --> 01:11:28.390
say Mulan is probably my favorite hero as well

01:11:28.390 --> 01:11:33.569
because she's like so cool. She is so cool. Like

01:11:33.569 --> 01:11:35.470
there's so many things about her story. She literally

01:11:35.470 --> 01:11:37.510
saves China. Yeah, like she has the best hero's

01:11:37.510 --> 01:11:39.970
journey. She does. And I just adore that movie.

01:11:39.970 --> 01:11:42.710
And then I would probably say like Mike and Sally.

01:11:44.079 --> 01:11:47.960
And then I'd probably say, because I love Monsters

01:11:47.960 --> 01:11:53.619
University. And then I really love whatever one

01:11:53.619 --> 01:11:57.760
I just said. The movie I just watched. Oh, Emperor's

01:11:57.760 --> 01:12:00.279
New Groove. But there's not. Are they heroes?

01:12:00.859 --> 01:12:02.840
Is there a hero? I mean, we can go with that.

01:12:03.060 --> 01:12:06.359
I actually, this is going to be, hopefully I

01:12:06.359 --> 01:12:08.539
don't ostracize anybody. I don't love that movie.

01:12:08.760 --> 01:12:11.380
Oh, wow. And here's why. I've watched it once.

01:12:11.579 --> 01:12:15.359
It was by myself. And I don't usually, especially

01:12:15.359 --> 01:12:18.699
if it's a comedy, I have to watch a comedy with

01:12:18.699 --> 01:12:20.600
somebody else. To me, it's a shared experience

01:12:20.600 --> 01:12:22.199
of watching something, enjoying it, and having

01:12:22.199 --> 01:12:23.359
a connection with the person I'm watching with

01:12:23.359 --> 01:12:27.260
to enjoy the humor. When I'm just by myself watching

01:12:27.260 --> 01:12:29.359
a comedy, I just don't have the same buzz for

01:12:29.359 --> 01:12:31.560
it. Oh my gosh, that's so interesting. And Richard

01:12:31.560 --> 01:12:33.079
Grieve is one of my favorite movies ever. But

01:12:33.079 --> 01:12:35.460
I do want to kind of go outside of traditional

01:12:35.460 --> 01:12:40.609
Disney here for heroes. Cassie and Andor. Okay.

01:12:40.930 --> 01:12:43.770
And Anakin, like, he's not a hero, but he's,

01:12:43.789 --> 01:12:47.210
like, an anti -hero. And, like, I love Anakin

01:12:47.210 --> 01:12:50.810
Skywalker. I think Andor's a really interesting

01:12:50.810 --> 01:12:52.890
one because I was actually having this discussion

01:12:52.890 --> 01:12:56.170
with somebody early on, actually, our second

01:12:56.170 --> 01:12:59.470
episode. And I think he's an interesting one

01:12:59.470 --> 01:13:01.989
in the Star Wars universe because he's one of

01:13:01.989 --> 01:13:05.289
the heroes that doesn't have the Force. Yeah.

01:13:05.310 --> 01:13:08.229
One of the very few. Like, in all of Star Wars

01:13:08.229 --> 01:13:10.810
lore. Kind of like the Batman. Yes, he totally

01:13:10.810 --> 01:13:14.010
is. Yeah. And he's so compelling. I know. And

01:13:14.010 --> 01:13:16.810
it's so good. And I grew up loving Ahsoka as

01:13:16.810 --> 01:13:19.770
well, like I've always loved. So funny side note

01:13:19.770 --> 01:13:24.289
about me is my very first video game that I played

01:13:24.289 --> 01:13:26.489
twice through, three times through, that I was

01:13:26.489 --> 01:13:28.909
like, oh my gosh, I can't get enough of this,

01:13:29.010 --> 01:13:34.009
was Knights of the Old Republic on Xbox. And

01:13:34.009 --> 01:13:37.430
my handle for video games is still Revan because

01:13:37.430 --> 01:13:41.970
I'm like a huge Revan fan. So I just like, I

01:13:41.970 --> 01:13:44.729
love that universe. And so I feel like there's

01:13:44.729 --> 01:13:47.090
some great heroes there. But I'm all about the

01:13:47.090 --> 01:13:50.710
like broody anti -hero a little bit. So I'm like

01:13:50.710 --> 01:13:54.569
Cassian Andor, Ahsoka, like Anakin. He's not

01:13:54.569 --> 01:13:57.609
the hero, but he's the hero. Ahsoka, she's really

01:13:57.609 --> 01:14:04.350
good. In fact, when I go get my lightsaber, at

01:14:04.350 --> 01:14:06.789
Disneyland, which I will do this year, it's going

01:14:06.789 --> 01:14:09.529
to be the dual -wheeled Ahsoka ones because I

01:14:09.529 --> 01:14:12.149
wanted to. When my son got one a couple of years

01:14:12.149 --> 01:14:15.189
ago, he got Emperor Palpatine's, and he kind

01:14:15.189 --> 01:14:17.949
of wanted Ahsoka's, and then I've had my eye

01:14:17.949 --> 01:14:19.529
on it since. I'm finally like, next time I go,

01:14:19.689 --> 01:14:21.350
I'm just getting them because they're rad. Am

01:14:21.350 --> 01:14:23.329
I going to use them ever? Not unless I'm playing

01:14:23.329 --> 01:14:24.670
around with him and we're just goofing off, but

01:14:24.670 --> 01:14:26.939
I still just want them. They're so cool. Like,

01:14:27.020 --> 01:14:28.479
if we're hopping through the universes, then

01:14:28.479 --> 01:14:30.779
I'd also have to say Black Panther. Like, he's...

01:14:30.779 --> 01:14:34.600
Okay. Yeah. So good. Yeah, Black Panther's fantastic.

01:14:35.460 --> 01:14:38.640
Oh, sorry. Yes, hit me. Because I don't know

01:14:38.640 --> 01:14:43.000
if this is Disney now, but, like, Spider -Man

01:14:43.000 --> 01:14:45.020
and Miles Morales are my favorite heroes, like,

01:14:45.020 --> 01:14:48.079
period. Okay. Who was the second one you just

01:14:48.079 --> 01:14:50.239
said? Miles Morales. I don't know who that is.

01:14:50.579 --> 01:14:53.640
I know, I know. I'm so sorry. He's Spider -Man.

01:14:53.960 --> 01:14:55.800
He's Spider -Man? He's Spider -Verse Spider -Man.

01:14:56.380 --> 01:14:58.220
Okay, see, there you go. I guess I don't know

01:14:58.220 --> 01:14:59.800
enough. Come on, Spider -Man fans out there.

01:14:59.880 --> 01:15:01.380
I know, man. Spider -Man fans out there will

01:15:01.380 --> 01:15:02.659
be like, Ryan, what are you talking about? What

01:15:02.659 --> 01:15:03.699
are you thinking? Because Spider -Man's everything

01:15:03.699 --> 01:15:07.159
to me. I love Spider -Man. I mean, I would call

01:15:07.159 --> 01:15:08.699
it Disney adjacent now. It's Disney adjacent.

01:15:08.699 --> 01:15:11.439
Because they acquired Marvel, right? That's why

01:15:11.439 --> 01:15:13.600
I'm not going with it as my top choices. It was

01:15:13.600 --> 01:15:16.520
adjacent, yeah. So I went classic Disney, then

01:15:16.520 --> 01:15:18.600
we traversed into Pixar a little bit, then we

01:15:18.600 --> 01:15:22.300
went further into Star Wars, and now we're going

01:15:22.300 --> 01:15:24.060
further. Okay, so hit me with this then. On the

01:15:24.060 --> 01:15:27.109
fly, rapid fire. favorite Spider -Man actor?

01:15:27.569 --> 01:15:29.630
Oh my gosh, this is such a hard, I have like

01:15:29.630 --> 01:15:31.609
a real full answer for this. You wanna know?

01:15:31.710 --> 01:15:35.550
Let's hear it. Okay, so I believe, okay, I love

01:15:35.550 --> 01:15:37.750
Sam Raimi and I feel like those films are like,

01:15:37.789 --> 01:15:40.779
you know, they're core. They're core films for

01:15:40.779 --> 01:15:45.399
me in my life. So I feel like Toby is really

01:15:45.399 --> 01:15:48.039
good at like broody Peter, like trying to figure

01:15:48.039 --> 01:15:50.899
out, like Peter in his family life, Peter in

01:15:50.899 --> 01:15:55.079
the world. I feel like Andy is the best Spider

01:15:55.079 --> 01:15:57.960
-Man, like in the suit, he's the best Spider

01:15:57.960 --> 01:16:01.479
-Man. And then I think that Tom is the best like...

01:16:02.440 --> 01:16:06.460
Peter at school. Peter, like, nerdy, like, kind

01:16:06.460 --> 01:16:09.140
of kid. He gives the most kid energy. I think

01:16:09.140 --> 01:16:12.239
the best Spider -Man is Yuri Lowenthal, the guy

01:16:12.239 --> 01:16:14.960
that voices him in the video games. And I think

01:16:14.960 --> 01:16:18.420
that Miles is my favorite of Spider -Man. Man,

01:16:18.439 --> 01:16:20.760
that is somebody who loves Spider -Man. That

01:16:20.760 --> 01:16:24.399
is very thorough. Yeah. I love that. But I, like,

01:16:24.399 --> 01:16:27.680
really think if you like Spider -Man at all...

01:16:28.029 --> 01:16:30.649
which i feel like you do so you got me if you

01:16:30.649 --> 01:16:33.189
like spider -man at all go back and watch the

01:16:33.189 --> 01:16:35.170
amazing spider -mans okay like go back and watch

01:16:35.170 --> 01:16:37.989
andy because i feel like those got a little bit

01:16:37.989 --> 01:16:41.350
like shit on can I say that like a little bit

01:16:41.350 --> 01:16:44.829
like denigrated and then like glossed over but

01:16:44.829 --> 01:16:47.210
if you watch the movies granted he is kind of

01:16:47.210 --> 01:16:50.430
like so beautiful and you're like no guy like

01:16:50.430 --> 01:16:54.409
this would ever be like not liked but he's like

01:16:54.409 --> 01:16:56.829
too likable but if you ignore that part of it

01:16:56.829 --> 01:16:58.829
and you just watch those movies they're great

01:16:58.829 --> 01:17:01.529
movies and I think he's really good as Spider

01:17:01.529 --> 01:17:05.909
-Man I think that Toby again is like really good

01:17:05.909 --> 01:17:08.460
at being like the tension with his family and

01:17:08.460 --> 01:17:11.939
the tension with his best friend and, like, all

01:17:11.939 --> 01:17:15.220
those elements. And then I really think Tom is

01:17:15.220 --> 01:17:17.720
kind of the blend, but he really captures, like,

01:17:17.739 --> 01:17:20.760
the youthfulness and the nerdiness. So I think

01:17:20.760 --> 01:17:23.640
they all have their strengths. But my favorite

01:17:23.640 --> 01:17:27.460
actor is probably Andy because I personally have,

01:17:27.539 --> 01:17:30.220
like, the biggest crush on him as a person. I

01:17:30.220 --> 01:17:34.060
get it. I love him. As an actor, I have a huge

01:17:34.060 --> 01:17:36.399
acting crush on him. I'm like, I want to act

01:17:36.399 --> 01:17:39.640
with this person so badly. He's just a phenomenal

01:17:39.640 --> 01:17:43.340
actor. Extremely talented. Yeah. Okay. Favorite

01:17:43.340 --> 01:17:46.939
Disney villain? My favorite Disney villain is,

01:17:47.279 --> 01:17:49.460
oh, I had this in my head just a minute ago.

01:17:49.619 --> 01:17:54.899
It's Darth Maul. Okay. Give me a strictly Disney,

01:17:55.039 --> 01:17:57.979
not Disney adjacent. Not Star Wars. Okay. Darth

01:17:57.979 --> 01:18:00.500
Maul is a great one. I mean, my goodness. Is

01:18:00.500 --> 01:18:05.100
he like the most iconic? I love him. My favorite

01:18:05.100 --> 01:18:09.000
Disney villain is Maleficent. Actually, the white

01:18:09.000 --> 01:18:12.739
queen. The one from Snow White. The evil queen

01:18:12.739 --> 01:18:15.359
from Snow White. She's my favorite villain. How

01:18:15.359 --> 01:18:19.659
come? She's badass. First of all, she turns herself

01:18:19.659 --> 01:18:25.500
into an old hag lady. And I honestly think she's

01:18:25.500 --> 01:18:28.819
pretty evil. Like she's legit evil, but she's

01:18:28.819 --> 01:18:31.819
also kind of like really cool and hot and strong.

01:18:32.439 --> 01:18:35.310
I'm like, she's like, it's funny because. As

01:18:35.310 --> 01:18:37.130
I got older, I was like, I kind of want to be

01:18:37.130 --> 01:18:39.810
one of these villains. Like, I love Ursula. I

01:18:39.810 --> 01:18:43.489
love Maleficent. I love the Evil Queen. But Snow

01:18:43.489 --> 01:18:45.770
White is actually one of my very favorite Disney

01:18:45.770 --> 01:18:49.529
movies across the board ever. Like, it's a classic.

01:18:49.590 --> 01:18:52.989
It's one of the very first. I just love Snow

01:18:52.989 --> 01:18:57.289
White. I love that story. And I think I once

01:18:57.289 --> 01:19:02.470
wrote an essay about Disney. Disney's stories

01:19:02.470 --> 01:19:04.770
and how they, like Disney's interpretation of

01:19:04.770 --> 01:19:07.250
stories and how they changed our ways of thinking

01:19:07.250 --> 01:19:11.090
about morality and folklore and stuff. And Snow

01:19:11.090 --> 01:19:15.329
White was the example I used. But yeah, I love

01:19:15.329 --> 01:19:17.050
the Evil Queen in Snow White. I think she's really

01:19:17.050 --> 01:19:20.310
cool. She just has a cool outfit. Yeah, she does.

01:19:20.529 --> 01:19:23.170
She's stylish. Snow White's a classic. Who's

01:19:23.170 --> 01:19:25.050
yours? Who's your favorite villain? You know,

01:19:25.090 --> 01:19:28.890
it's probably Scar. I think he's really good.

01:19:28.930 --> 01:19:31.250
Got a great villain song. You know, Be Prepared

01:19:31.250 --> 01:19:33.210
is, like, such a great song. Also, he's, like,

01:19:33.210 --> 01:19:38.090
weirdly hot. As a lion. Who else I like, too,

01:19:38.130 --> 01:19:40.789
a lot is Hades. Also another really good villain.

01:19:40.829 --> 01:19:43.390
To me, Hades isn't a villain. Well, because he's,

01:19:43.449 --> 01:19:45.510
like, I've had this experience with people. He's

01:19:45.510 --> 01:19:47.909
good at doing his job. He's, like, this is my

01:19:47.909 --> 01:19:50.649
job. Yeah. I'm the god of the underworld. What

01:19:50.649 --> 01:19:52.470
else am I supposed to do? Right? I'm out here

01:19:52.470 --> 01:19:54.569
just doing my thing. And he's hilarious. I don't

01:19:54.569 --> 01:19:56.420
think he's a villain. He's so hilarious. Although

01:19:56.420 --> 01:19:59.859
I will say this. I love pain and panic. And so

01:19:59.859 --> 01:20:02.100
a lot of times lately I've been saying, like,

01:20:02.159 --> 01:20:04.140
I've been using this funny voice. And I'm like,

01:20:04.159 --> 01:20:06.079
you know what it is? It's the voice when he's

01:20:06.079 --> 01:20:07.979
like, do you remember when all the girls were

01:20:07.979 --> 01:20:10.220
named Brittany and all the boys were named Jason?

01:20:10.779 --> 01:20:13.449
He's, like, getting smashed. I love Pain and

01:20:13.449 --> 01:20:15.569
Panic. I think they're amazing. I love Hades.

01:20:15.590 --> 01:20:17.909
I don't see him as a villain. That's fair. Zeus

01:20:17.909 --> 01:20:21.250
is the real villain in Greek mythology. Oh, okay.

01:20:21.350 --> 01:20:23.050
Greek mythology, okay. I mean, they probably

01:20:23.050 --> 01:20:24.750
don't paint him that way in Hercules the movie,

01:20:24.890 --> 01:20:27.569
but in Greek mythology, I'm with you. Zeus is

01:20:27.569 --> 01:20:31.289
the bad guy. That's good. Okay, so to kind of

01:20:31.289 --> 01:20:34.029
take us to a conclusion, what we like to do is

01:20:34.029 --> 01:20:37.109
we like to give everybody three actionable takeaways.

01:20:37.430 --> 01:20:41.020
Yeah. Three suggestions of what somebody could

01:20:41.020 --> 01:20:46.220
put into action today or this week that will

01:20:46.220 --> 01:20:51.180
help them to, in their own lives, create safer

01:20:51.180 --> 01:20:55.800
communities. I would say action item number one

01:20:55.800 --> 01:20:59.720
would be like practice presence. So whether that's

01:20:59.720 --> 01:21:02.520
like coming home, turning off devices and like

01:21:02.520 --> 01:21:06.859
sitting for 10 minutes to 30 minutes and doing

01:21:06.859 --> 01:21:09.000
some observations of what's around you, what

01:21:09.000 --> 01:21:12.060
the sounds are, how you're feeling, like doing

01:21:12.060 --> 01:21:14.640
some presence work, I think is my first actionable

01:21:14.640 --> 01:21:17.880
item. Excuse me, because that's like a connection

01:21:17.880 --> 01:21:22.729
to self. So I put that as number one, like start

01:21:22.729 --> 01:21:26.109
curating self connection. And like, I think that

01:21:26.109 --> 01:21:28.250
can lead to solitude. I think that can lead down

01:21:28.250 --> 01:21:30.609
some really cool pathways. I know you and I talked

01:21:30.609 --> 01:21:33.329
in our prep about the artist's way, but like

01:21:33.329 --> 01:21:36.029
this idea of journaling or like getting into

01:21:36.029 --> 01:21:38.050
a space where you're just like really paying

01:21:38.050 --> 01:21:42.319
attention in a really. Like all of your energy

01:21:42.319 --> 01:21:45.060
is there. All of your time is there. All of your

01:21:45.060 --> 01:21:47.560
intention is there. So I think that would be

01:21:47.560 --> 01:21:51.960
action item number one. Action item number two

01:21:51.960 --> 01:21:58.279
is maybe make some observations about the spaces

01:21:58.279 --> 01:22:02.100
you're in. Like, do they feel good? Do they feel

01:22:02.100 --> 01:22:05.500
safe? Like, what does safety mean to me? Like,

01:22:05.520 --> 01:22:08.039
I have challenged people I've worked with in

01:22:08.039 --> 01:22:09.939
the past to think about this. Like, what is the

01:22:09.939 --> 01:22:12.760
thing I want from the spaces I'm in? Like, what

01:22:12.760 --> 01:22:14.939
would make me feel most like myself in them?

01:22:15.239 --> 01:22:17.479
Where do I feel like I could be the most creative?

01:22:17.579 --> 01:22:20.119
Like, those kind of things. So I think if you

01:22:20.119 --> 01:22:22.300
can define what safety would feel like to you

01:22:22.300 --> 01:22:24.640
and start observing your spaces and being like,

01:22:24.739 --> 01:22:27.520
do I feel like I'm myself in those spaces? Yes

01:22:27.520 --> 01:22:30.539
or no? And I start from there and start going

01:22:30.539 --> 01:22:32.420
down like, well, what would need to shift for

01:22:32.420 --> 01:22:34.739
me to feel that way? And who would I need to

01:22:34.739 --> 01:22:37.560
talk to and things like that? And then I think

01:22:37.560 --> 01:22:41.960
my third is like try to connect with someone

01:22:41.960 --> 01:22:44.880
else, like about something that you love or about

01:22:44.880 --> 01:22:48.020
yourself, like the way we build communities with

01:22:48.020 --> 01:22:51.720
each other. So it's like get. get an opportunity

01:22:51.720 --> 01:22:54.880
this week at least once to connect with someone

01:22:54.880 --> 01:22:56.899
that's not immediately available to you like

01:22:56.899 --> 01:23:00.279
not your kid or your partner but like someone

01:23:00.279 --> 01:23:02.260
who you have to put some effort into connecting

01:23:02.260 --> 01:23:05.479
to and like do it over like the phone or maybe

01:23:05.479 --> 01:23:07.819
voice messages maybe a voice message I think

01:23:07.819 --> 01:23:09.600
that's the recommendation do a voice message

01:23:09.600 --> 01:23:15.300
or in person yeah and like surprise yourself

01:23:15.300 --> 01:23:19.810
like practice hey like I read this book or I

01:23:19.810 --> 01:23:21.250
listened to this thing. Like, what do you think

01:23:21.250 --> 01:23:22.810
about it? I'd love to hear your thoughts and

01:23:22.810 --> 01:23:26.989
like practice the active actions around building

01:23:26.989 --> 01:23:28.970
community with each other. Those would be probably

01:23:28.970 --> 01:23:33.529
my three actions. Absolutely fantastic. Um, so

01:23:33.529 --> 01:23:36.829
appreciate you taking the time today. Um, I always

01:23:36.829 --> 01:23:38.289
love having a discussion where I feel like I

01:23:38.289 --> 01:23:40.989
really learned a lot and I came away from this

01:23:40.989 --> 01:23:44.489
really learning a lot. Well, that means a lot

01:23:44.489 --> 01:23:47.609
to me. I feel, I feel like, I don't know. I just,

01:23:48.170 --> 01:23:50.130
It's really great. Thank you. And I think having

01:23:50.130 --> 01:23:52.409
more of these conversations with people is what's

01:23:52.409 --> 01:23:55.109
going to help us in this tech world that we're

01:23:55.109 --> 01:23:58.890
in, in this age of AI. Yeah. Building these safer

01:23:58.890 --> 01:24:01.090
communities that we can be in, that we can be

01:24:01.090 --> 01:24:04.609
authentically ourselves. And I think it's just

01:24:04.609 --> 01:24:06.229
going to lead to richer lives, better lives,

01:24:06.270 --> 01:24:09.840
and better community. I hope so. better off i

01:24:09.840 --> 01:24:13.000
i hope so and i will say too you know like i

01:24:13.000 --> 01:24:14.960
was telling a friend the other day like think

01:24:14.960 --> 01:24:16.800
about everything around you everything we're

01:24:16.800 --> 01:24:19.220
looking at like came from the earth i think we

01:24:19.220 --> 01:24:21.060
like have removed ourselves from not knowing

01:24:21.060 --> 01:24:22.960
which is i think another thing wally brings up

01:24:22.960 --> 01:24:25.899
you know it's like everything you touch and look

01:24:25.899 --> 01:24:28.779
at like came from the earth so like it's okay

01:24:28.779 --> 01:24:32.930
to want to like take care of the earth and like

01:24:32.930 --> 01:24:34.590
taking care of each other is taking care of the

01:24:34.590 --> 01:24:37.970
earth too so i think like we we can do that like

01:24:37.970 --> 01:24:40.630
we can really put the work into just like connecting

01:24:40.630 --> 01:24:43.310
in this organic special way and i think you're

01:24:43.310 --> 01:24:45.369
right like i think it's going to heal a lot of

01:24:45.369 --> 01:24:48.069
people i think it's going to help people feel

01:24:48.069 --> 01:24:50.729
less afraid of what's next and we like can then

01:24:50.729 --> 01:24:53.149
move forward with a lot more like love and confidence

01:24:53.149 --> 01:25:00.029
and sense of sense of safety thank you so much

01:25:00.029 --> 01:25:05.000
thank you As you leave this conversation, remember

01:25:05.000 --> 01:25:08.039
that yes, the past can hurt and you can either

01:25:08.039 --> 01:25:11.380
run from it or you can learn from it. So here's

01:25:11.380 --> 01:25:15.020
to learning and finding joy in the journey. See

01:25:15.020 --> 01:25:15.500
you real soon.