Tangled - Manipulation vs Influence | with military interrogator Josh Emfield

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Welcome to Yes and Land, where we say yes to

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the reality of yesterday and today, and we say

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and to the possibility, growth, and imagination

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of tomorrow. All right, my friend. Well, welcome

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to our next episode of Yes and Land. Very excited

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today because we have, I think, a very interesting

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conversation in store. Uh, we've got somebody

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here, Josh, who is an interrogator for the military,

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which is pretty cool. Um, and then in addition

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to that, he also does real estate as a real estate

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broker. And, uh, you know, what's really interesting

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about that, I think is just what, uh, what we

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can learn from him about negotiations, about

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interactions with people, about, um, one of the

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topics today, which is manipulation versus influence.

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And if somebody understands those things, it's

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certainly you with both of these roles that you

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play. So very excited to jump into conversation

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with you today. Awesome. I'm glad to be here.

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And so today what we're going to do as well is

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we're going to take a journey as we talk about

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Josh's backstory and some of these topics. We're

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also going to look at this through the lens of

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some pretty interesting Disney villains. Uh,

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mother Gothel and tangled. Uh, and then lady,

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is it lady Tremaine? Is that the way you say

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her name and Cinderella? Uh, I think people know

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her more as the evil stepmother. Yeah. You know,

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people don't often know what her name was, uh,

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but she certainly was an evil stepmother. So

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it'd be really good to inform us, um, on these

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things and things to look out for and to avoid

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if we see ourselves starting to dive into those,

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or we see other people doing those things to

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us. So, as we jump into that today, the first

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thing I want to do is kind of talk about your

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background. Like, where did you come from? How

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in the world did you become an interrogator for

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the military and then also real estate? Well,

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first I came from my mother's womb. Yes, that's

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very good, right? And you didn't get raised by

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Mother Gothel, so... No, I wasn't. Actually,

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not at all. Good there. No manipulation in that

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case. To win so far. Yeah. So, my backstory is

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I actually joined the military right after my

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wife and I got married. How old were you? I think

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I was like 22. You're a young guy. Pretty young,

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yeah. And she was even younger. And she looked

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way younger. Okay, so I gotta tell you this one.

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When we went on our honeymoon, we went to California,

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where I was born, and I grew up there. We went

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down there, we checked into the hotel, and they

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asked to see ID for me and for her. I'm like,

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why do you need ID? and some guy in the back

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room, he's just like, are you guys from Utah?

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I'm like, yeah, they're good. So it was pretty

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funny. But she still looks young, but she now

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looks like an adult. I had that with my ex -wife.

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She looked very young. In fact, after we had

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gotten married, she got a job at a preschool

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that was inside of a school, an elementary school.

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And one time one of the teachers stopped her

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walking down the hallway because she was wearing

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a backpack and thought that she was a student

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at elementary school, right? And she was like

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23 at the time. You're like, wow, got mistaken

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for like an 11 year old. Okay. Yikes. That's

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a little rough. No, that's great. Yeah. So I

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ended up joining the military right after we

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got married a couple months and actually she

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got pregnant. And then I left her for like, you

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dirty dog eight months you dirty dog so i left

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before she had any signs of being pregnant and

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um everyone in the military was just like you

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do that on purpose avoid all the emotions um

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but i got back just like it was like a week and

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a half or two weeks before my son was born wow

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just just crazy so i was able to be there for

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his birth um that's good but yeah so i joined

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the military um and then i i transferred I was

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an electrician at first, quickly transferred

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over because I spoke Portuguese, and that's a

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valued asset there. And I really wanted to be

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in interrogations, and so I went that direction.

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What drew you to that? Why did you want to be

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in interrogations? Well, first, I liked the languages

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aspect. So all interrogators have to have a language

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to speak. And I just loved the thought of understanding

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how the mind works and how relationships and

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personal interactions come into play. And so

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it was just super invigorating for me. So I went

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down that course, did it. And I'll tell you,

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the first thing I thought when I was doing this

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course, I thought, this in the wrong hands is

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a horrible thing. And I was thinking, so many

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people could use this and take advantage of so

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many people. And I was thinking mainly for women,

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too. I'm like, oh my gosh, these guys are going

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to go and ruin these these girls lives and I'm

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just thinking it just really brought me down

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like oh there's a lot of evil in this world and

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it made me question a lot of things but um and

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so that's where I think this kind of comes into

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play is a lot of times when I talk to people

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and they find out I'm an interrogator they start

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thinking oh like they're questioning like oh

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are you gonna just like do stuff to me like what

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is it you know waterboard me it's nothing like

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that at all but I'm definitely more perceptive

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to body language, tonal pitches, word usage,

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and how that all encompasses into communication.

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And one of the things I actually teach some body

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language courses, and there's different scientific

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research that shows different levels, but pretty

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much it averages around 80 % of communication

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is actually body language. No kidding. That opens

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up the door to understand people quite a bit.

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If you break it down, it's hard for someone to

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know exactly what things are called, but we just

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call it the gut feeling, right? And you have

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a gut feeling because you recognize certain things

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that people are doing with their body, with their

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eyes, with their hands, and then you're like,

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something feels off. It feels off because it

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is off. It's not natural or it's not normal.

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And that really comes into play with people and

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they're like, I just don't feel good. Like, something

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just feels off, but like, they're just so charismatic.

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Well, most of the people who are manipulators

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are very charismatic. Yeah, and that's true.

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And so learning some of these items is very important.

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Simple things of people hiding their hands or

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they start covering their mouth like this, it's

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because they don't trust what's coming out of

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their own mouth. So slight things you can start

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to recognize come in hand. So yeah, I've been

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doing interrogations and crypto -linguistics.

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So what languages do you speak? You speak English

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and Portuguese, I heard. Yes, and then Spanish.

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Now, I don't practice my Spanish very much. I

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do mess around when I see some of my friends

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who are from Mexico or from Brazil and they're

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like, dude, your Spanish is... is wanky. That's

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because I'm not focusing on focus more on the

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Portuguese. In fact, my I put my kids in the

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Portuguese immersion program. So it's been kind

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of fun. That's awesome. Yeah. So are they are

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they picking it up pretty well? Yeah, actually,

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my three boys are doing it. How old are they?

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So I've got a 15, 13, and then almost 11 year

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olds. Okay. And they like speak it pretty well.

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Yeah, the older two are pretty good, the younger

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still learning it. But it was pretty fun. Last

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summer, I was able to go on a language immersion

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with them to Portugal. Oh, no kidding. And they

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hated it because I made them speak Portuguese.

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Sure. But I was making all the other friends

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speak it too. I'm like, well, you're out here

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for immersion. Yeah, that's what we're doing.

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But I was truly impressed that they could speak

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it. And I hailed food and money hostage the whole

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time. I'm like. I don't understand which means

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I don't understand. They spoke it and then I

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give them money when they talk to other people

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and you know in the language it was pretty good.

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I like the way that you but you kind of gamified

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it right and I think that's fun because ultimately

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they complained about a little bit but because

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you gamified it that way probably made it a little

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bit better it's probably something that I need

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to do. My daughters are At a Spanish dual immersion.

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Okay, so my youngest she's she's kindergarten

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So she's not in it yet should be in next year,

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but my older daughter of the two She's 10 and

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she's in fourth grade, but I struggled to get

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her to speak it to me She's just like too shy

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or too scared I think I need to gamify it with

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her a little bit like make it fun make it like

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here's a incentive reward for doing this with

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me and um, maybe that's it. This is good. This

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is making my wheels turn here because like it's

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fun to speak it with your kid It is it's so fun

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like when you can actually have a conversation

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and especially when your wife doesn't understand

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it the whole way then you can just like say stuff

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and be like ha ha and she's like what are you

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saying? Um, but yeah learning another language

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is, it's very difficult. It's easier for the

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kids. I actually struggled with it, learning

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it. First off, I went on a religious mission

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for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter -day

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Saints, down to Brazil. And the funny thing about

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that was, I barely graduated high school. So,

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I really didn't learn to read until I was like

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12. I struggled with dyslexia, ADD, And they

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even put me in a program called RSP. I think

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it's called the resource here. Um, but RSP, um,

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it was, I don't know what it stood for, but all

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I remember is the kids, what they called it was

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really stupid people. And so that's kind of,

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that's brutal as a kid. And for something that

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actually like, I think just really wasn't understood

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back when, when you and I were growing up, but

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I just not understood at all that dyslexia, it

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doesn't mean that you're Dumb or stupid at all.

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It just means you see things differently and

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you, so it doesn't look the same way to you.

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Right. And ADD or ADHD, like those things just

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cognitively affect your ability to pay attention

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is to keep attention focused on things. Right.

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Sitting down in the classroom. That was like,

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it was brutal killer for me. Right. It's real.

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My, my, uh, 16 year old is in that right now.

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He's got, he's got ADHD and it's tough, you know,

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trying to have him sit down and like pound out

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homework at the end of the day, like I used to.

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Oh, no, it doesn't work like he's it's like little

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chunks. He's got to do a little chunk. He's got

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to take a break He's got to do a little chunk.

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Take a break. Otherwise, it just it just doesn't

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work for him But you know, what what do you think

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that did for you having to experience that? You

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don't want anybody to have to experience tough

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things But how do you think that shaped you as

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you got older where you had to go through those

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experiences? You know I've kind of looked at

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this over the years and i've taken the approach

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is that People have different talents and attributes

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And you kind of have to hone in on your attributes

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rather than try to change them. It's figuring

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how do you use this to an advantage, right? And

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so for me, I use this advantage because now I

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had to pay attention a lot more. And I would

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use that to be very organized. And so that disadvantage,

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if you want to call it, actually became an advantage

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for me. and I was very analytical and focused

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on paying attention. And, you know, to the point

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where I kind of became obsessive with certain

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tasks, because I knew if I wasn't hyper -focused

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on something, I would just lose my mindset. And

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so, making, coming up with lists, and my wife

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is just like, you always have to have your list.

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And whether it's vacations or everything else...

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I, okay, we're gonna have another funny story.

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So my wife and I are planning vacation. We're

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going, I think it was down in, um, it was either

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San Diego or Anaheim, California. We go to the

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beach. We love the beach. And I literally planned

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out time. This is my relax, do nothing time because

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there's nothing worse than me not knowing what's

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going on. My mind is just like running like,

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okay, what am I supposed to do? And so my wife

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is like, you have to Plan when you're not gonna

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do anything and I'm like, yes I just need to

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know what I'm doing. If I know I'm doing nothing

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then I can relax and then she's like you're ridiculous

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and I embrace it and I embrace that I'm ridiculous

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Yeah, no, I I'm gonna bit the same way I like

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to have a plan and so we do go on vacation Especially

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if my wife's planned a lot of it I was like,

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okay, what's the plan? What are we doing here?

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Well, we're not doing anything. But what's next?

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What should I be getting ready for? What do I

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need to prep for? Mentally, what am I going to

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get up for? I was going to drive her crazy, but

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I like to have the idea of what's happening because

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I don't feel like I can relax otherwise. I feel

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like I got to be the one that is paying attention

00:13:11.320 --> 00:13:13.259
to what it is to keep things moving, keep it

00:13:13.259 --> 00:13:16.379
on a schedule. You work with deadlines. Those

00:13:16.379 --> 00:13:21.730
are so important. End up you're in the military.

00:13:21.750 --> 00:13:25.590
You're in linguistics and You wanted to be an

00:13:25.590 --> 00:13:27.370
interrogator. Yeah, what was it like to actually

00:13:27.370 --> 00:13:29.490
become one? Like I'm assuming there's some kind

00:13:29.490 --> 00:13:31.409
of qualification process that you've got to go

00:13:31.409 --> 00:13:33.649
through to do it Yeah, so you have to have a

00:13:33.649 --> 00:13:37.289
TS So it's a top secret security clearance, right?

00:13:38.590 --> 00:13:40.730
And then when I did crypto linguistics, you have

00:13:40.730 --> 00:13:42.950
to get an SCI. So it's just meaning that you

00:13:42.950 --> 00:13:46.429
can go into their sensitive compartmentalized

00:13:46.429 --> 00:13:50.090
rooms, where they can look at top secret documents

00:13:50.090 --> 00:13:52.529
and all that stuff. So you have to have an additional

00:13:52.529 --> 00:13:57.830
scrutiny on that. The process, though, is it's

00:13:57.830 --> 00:14:00.929
pretty lengthy when you're getting your top secret

00:14:00.929 --> 00:14:05.350
security clearance. This is another fun story.

00:14:06.370 --> 00:14:09.879
So I was going through my initial. Actually,

00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:11.000
I don't think it's my initial. I think it's my

00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:13.399
second top secret security clearance. After a

00:14:13.399 --> 00:14:14.960
few years, you have to renew it and go through

00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:17.500
background checks. My first experience, I was

00:14:17.500 --> 00:14:20.559
at UVU, still studying. And then I'm walking

00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:22.600
out one of my evening classes, and all of a sudden

00:14:22.600 --> 00:14:24.779
this guy walks up next to me. He's like, follow

00:14:24.779 --> 00:14:29.269
me. And I'm like, OK. And he's like, don't look

00:14:29.269 --> 00:14:31.409
at me directly, but I'm with the FBI. I'm here

00:14:31.409 --> 00:14:34.649
for your safety. And I'm like, OK, yeah. So I

00:14:34.649 --> 00:14:36.389
walk him. I'm not worried, because I haven't

00:14:36.389 --> 00:14:39.309
done anything. I just thought it was funny that

00:14:39.309 --> 00:14:42.389
they get to practice their options there. And

00:14:42.389 --> 00:14:44.629
he's just like, yeah, so why do you talk to these

00:14:44.629 --> 00:14:47.330
people? I'm like, well, I was in a mission to

00:14:47.330 --> 00:14:50.029
Brazil. And yeah, I talked to a lot of foreigners,

00:14:50.250 --> 00:14:51.929
because they're really worried about your foreign

00:14:51.929 --> 00:14:55.389
interactions. And so as a missionary, you've

00:14:55.389 --> 00:14:58.059
got a ton of them. Sure. And even after your

00:14:58.059 --> 00:15:00.919
mission, you're still talking people. And so

00:15:00.919 --> 00:15:05.019
that's like a red flag for FBI, NSA, for the

00:15:05.019 --> 00:15:07.820
military, and your security clearances. So they

00:15:07.820 --> 00:15:10.299
scrutinize everything from the past 10 years.

00:15:10.299 --> 00:15:12.600
Oh, goodness. So who you talk to on a regular

00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:17.019
basis, any foreign travel, all of your addresses

00:15:17.019 --> 00:15:20.019
over the past 10 years, everyone you worked with,

00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:23.299
your family, where they've lived for the past

00:15:23.299 --> 00:15:25.679
few years. I mean, it's just the paperwork was

00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:29.490
like, I want to say like 50 pages of just information

00:15:29.490 --> 00:15:33.750
of people and and that's the the suckiest part

00:15:33.750 --> 00:15:36.470
of doing that sure but you know the process can

00:15:36.470 --> 00:15:38.889
take anywhere from like six months to even longer

00:15:38.889 --> 00:15:40.990
some people who have married someone in another

00:15:40.990 --> 00:15:43.250
country it takes like a couple years if they

00:15:43.250 --> 00:15:48.610
even get it so um that's that process but um

00:15:48.610 --> 00:15:51.070
that's the biggest step into that and then you

00:15:51.070 --> 00:15:52.870
have to go through interrogation school which

00:15:52.870 --> 00:16:01.289
is a A very intense course. And you start early

00:16:01.289 --> 00:16:02.950
in the morning. You go to lay at night. They

00:16:02.950 --> 00:16:05.389
put you in stressful situations. And then you

00:16:05.389 --> 00:16:07.110
have to do a lot of research, figure out how

00:16:07.110 --> 00:16:08.990
to fill out forms and everything else. Obviously,

00:16:08.990 --> 00:16:13.009
we can't talk about certain techniques. But then

00:16:13.009 --> 00:16:16.350
you go and do these interrogations. They go into

00:16:16.350 --> 00:16:19.509
this booth. And it's all simulated. So you've

00:16:19.509 --> 00:16:20.929
got someone who's experienced who then takes

00:16:20.929 --> 00:16:23.350
on a role of a terrorist or anything like that.

00:16:23.720 --> 00:16:25.799
And then you have to practice these techniques

00:16:25.799 --> 00:16:29.980
without breaking the law of warfare. And so you're

00:16:29.980 --> 00:16:32.840
like, OK. They drill it into you. It's like,

00:16:32.840 --> 00:16:35.799
if you break this, you will go to jail. And then

00:16:35.799 --> 00:16:37.659
you're like, oh, great. I'm not like an attorney.

00:16:37.740 --> 00:16:39.899
And you have an attorney who comes in, a JAG

00:16:39.899 --> 00:16:41.799
officer, and it's like, yeah, you will go to

00:16:41.799 --> 00:16:44.860
jail. And we will prosecute you. Oh, my goodness.

00:16:44.940 --> 00:16:47.980
So it's like, so the army's against us. You know,

00:16:47.980 --> 00:16:49.759
Geneva Conventions, all this stuff. They're like,

00:16:49.940 --> 00:16:52.740
you've got to know it in and out. You can't mean

00:16:52.740 --> 00:16:55.759
like, to some point, they can't even feel threatened.

00:16:56.519 --> 00:16:58.340
Like, you have to reassure them that they're

00:16:58.340 --> 00:17:00.659
like, am I safe? You have to like, oh, yes, you're

00:17:00.659 --> 00:17:03.320
safe. And I thought that was so interesting that

00:17:03.320 --> 00:17:06.480
we play by those rules when a lot of other countries,

00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:10.000
they don't. Russia doesn't. China absolutely

00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:13.859
doesn't. North Korea doesn't. So here's what's

00:17:13.859 --> 00:17:15.799
so interesting to me. Like, all the things you're

00:17:15.799 --> 00:17:17.880
describing is a really intense school with a

00:17:17.880 --> 00:17:20.539
lot of study, a lot of perfecting something that's

00:17:20.539 --> 00:17:23.240
very difficult. Not many people can do it. And

00:17:23.240 --> 00:17:25.880
this is coming from the kid that was in the stupid

00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:28.740
class, right? Like, yeah, like, I mean, first

00:17:28.740 --> 00:17:31.740
off, it just goes to show you why sometimes what

00:17:31.740 --> 00:17:33.779
kids say are just so inappropriate and so damaging

00:17:33.779 --> 00:17:35.500
and hurtful, but also that, like, that wasn't

00:17:35.500 --> 00:17:38.660
the case. Just because you had dyslexia and you

00:17:38.660 --> 00:17:40.920
had ADD, it just meant you needed to find the

00:17:40.920 --> 00:17:42.660
right way or right vehicle to be able to learn.

00:17:42.700 --> 00:17:45.559
So how did you do that? How did you go from struggling

00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:47.859
to barely graduate to now you're in this intense

00:17:47.859 --> 00:17:50.039
program that very few people could complete?

00:17:50.279 --> 00:17:52.740
Well, I think this comes back to my mission.

00:17:54.679 --> 00:17:57.880
um i didn't know what an adverb a verb and i

00:17:57.880 --> 00:17:59.380
knew what a noun was that was like the one thing

00:17:59.380 --> 00:18:01.779
i knew an adjective all that stuff i had no idea

00:18:01.779 --> 00:18:03.319
because i barely passed you know me through high

00:18:03.319 --> 00:18:07.200
school and and honestly a few teachers passed

00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:10.200
me because they're like all right you know you

00:18:10.200 --> 00:18:12.740
work hard sure and in fact i was student of the

00:18:12.740 --> 00:18:14.259
month in one of my math classes but i had the

00:18:14.259 --> 00:18:16.240
lowest grade because i was just in there trying

00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:18.720
to figure this out trying so hard yeah and and

00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:22.980
so when i got my mission communication It was

00:18:22.980 --> 00:18:27.680
horrible. I'd be speaking, but no one understood

00:18:27.680 --> 00:18:30.599
a single thing I was saying. They're just like,

00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:33.740
mm -hmm, mm -hmm, yeah, sure. And it got to the

00:18:33.740 --> 00:18:36.900
point where even most missionaries will learn

00:18:36.900 --> 00:18:39.339
the language within four to six months, at least

00:18:39.339 --> 00:18:42.200
enough to communicate. I was just struggling.

00:18:42.500 --> 00:18:44.119
And so what I did was I said, well, I'm going

00:18:44.119 --> 00:18:45.500
to have to memorize everything, because this

00:18:45.500 --> 00:18:49.079
whole structure, sentence, and grammar stuff,

00:18:49.799 --> 00:18:53.380
I can't figure that out right now. So I had this

00:18:53.380 --> 00:18:56.480
huge book, a notebook, seriously, like that thick.

00:18:57.160 --> 00:19:00.559
And I just started going through the words and

00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:04.240
I would write out the tenses and give examples

00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:08.900
of sentences. And then I would memorize all those

00:19:08.900 --> 00:19:11.420
sentences. I'm like, I can memorize something

00:19:11.420 --> 00:19:13.619
that can say, oh, wait, that's that phrase I

00:19:13.619 --> 00:19:17.339
can I can use now. Right. It really took me about

00:19:17.339 --> 00:19:20.119
a year and a half to actually start speaking

00:19:20.119 --> 00:19:23.960
the language. And then at that point, I learned

00:19:23.960 --> 00:19:27.440
that I can now go back and now I understood what

00:19:27.440 --> 00:19:29.839
the phrases were and the meanings were. I'm like,

00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:33.000
I'm going to start trying to learn grammar. And

00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:35.220
so then as I started learning Portuguese grammar,

00:19:35.480 --> 00:19:38.279
I started to understand that's what they meant

00:19:38.279 --> 00:19:40.700
in English. And so it started to kind of capture.

00:19:41.859 --> 00:19:45.259
But it was, I would spend hours each day. And

00:19:45.259 --> 00:19:49.829
as I read you know, the Scriptures in both languages,

00:19:49.950 --> 00:19:54.750
and I did that as well, and it just... I had

00:19:54.750 --> 00:19:56.490
to just keep working even till, like, after my

00:19:56.490 --> 00:19:59.609
mission. I kept taking classes, I kept, you know,

00:19:59.769 --> 00:20:03.289
studying it. My wife was super supportive. I

00:20:03.289 --> 00:20:05.609
started labeling stuff in the house just to keep

00:20:05.609 --> 00:20:07.890
my mind going, and I did in Spanish and Portuguese,

00:20:08.670 --> 00:20:11.190
and... Now I think back, I'm like, wow, she was

00:20:11.190 --> 00:20:14.009
so supportive, but it's like the fridge. When

00:20:14.009 --> 00:20:17.269
did you serve a mission? What years? It was 2006

00:20:17.269 --> 00:20:20.069
to 2008. Okay, so at that point in time, you

00:20:20.069 --> 00:20:22.029
guys were doing Preach My Gospel. That's correct.

00:20:22.130 --> 00:20:24.549
So for those of you who don't know, who listen,

00:20:25.670 --> 00:20:27.910
so missionaries in the Church of Jesus Christ

00:20:27.910 --> 00:20:29.509
of Latter -day Saints, it used to be, back when

00:20:29.509 --> 00:20:31.950
I served, that you memorized the things that

00:20:31.950 --> 00:20:33.190
you were going to go teach people, and that's

00:20:33.190 --> 00:20:37.089
what I had to do. Before we jump back in, can

00:20:37.089 --> 00:20:39.829
I ask you a quick favor? If you're enjoying the

00:20:39.829 --> 00:20:43.329
journey so far, will you like, rate, and subscribe

00:20:43.329 --> 00:20:46.210
to our show? It helps us reach more people like

00:20:46.210 --> 00:20:49.730
you. We can design and create and build the most

00:20:49.730 --> 00:20:52.589
wonderful place in the world, but it takes people

00:20:52.589 --> 00:21:07.430
to make the dream a reality. The memorized discussions

00:21:07.430 --> 00:21:09.349
were actually great for me. I serve Spanish speaking

00:21:09.349 --> 00:21:11.450
in Seattle. Yeah, so I was not immersed in the

00:21:11.450 --> 00:21:13.730
language. I was not speaking it every day I'm

00:21:13.730 --> 00:21:16.990
trying my best to and like my initial companion

00:21:16.990 --> 00:21:18.690
was from Guatemala, but had been living in the

00:21:18.690 --> 00:21:20.569
States But he was like, nope, speak your language.

00:21:20.670 --> 00:21:21.950
Speak your language What he was try to tell me

00:21:21.950 --> 00:21:23.890
to speak Spanish, but it was hard Yeah, we knocked

00:21:23.890 --> 00:21:25.549
doors all day and you're speaking English because

00:21:25.549 --> 00:21:27.130
most of people talk to you. It's English and

00:21:27.130 --> 00:21:29.230
then here I'm trying to learn it So memorizing

00:21:29.230 --> 00:21:30.970
the things I was gonna teach just like kind of

00:21:30.970 --> 00:21:32.809
like you did Well, that was the best thing for

00:21:32.809 --> 00:21:35.130
me to learn Spanish because then I could draw

00:21:35.130 --> 00:21:37.049
back on those phrases when things would come

00:21:37.049 --> 00:21:39.630
up And then I would be like, okay i'm here in

00:21:39.630 --> 00:21:42.230
this zone i'm talking about like religious words

00:21:42.230 --> 00:21:44.509
and it's a much more limited thing that i can

00:21:44.509 --> 00:21:46.289
go and memorize and learn these things and that's

00:21:46.289 --> 00:21:48.869
how i got by yeah my spanish even now is joking

00:21:48.869 --> 00:21:51.930
with with one of our employees today who uh she's

00:21:51.930 --> 00:21:54.019
a native spanish speaker She was like, you don't

00:21:54.019 --> 00:21:56.220
consider yourself like a dual, dual language.

00:21:56.319 --> 00:21:58.480
I was like, no, like I like to speak Spanish

00:21:58.480 --> 00:22:01.819
and I try, but like it's limited. Okay. It's

00:22:01.819 --> 00:22:03.799
limited and it's fun, but it's very limited.

00:22:05.180 --> 00:22:08.420
I can say that. Right. I remember that little

00:22:08.420 --> 00:22:10.960
chihuahua and those commercials. It was amazing

00:22:10.960 --> 00:22:15.160
commercials. So, um, in let's, let's wrap it

00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:17.160
over to kind of what we're talking about with

00:22:17.160 --> 00:22:20.819
this topic of what do you learn in going through

00:22:20.819 --> 00:22:23.339
interrogation school? and these experiences you

00:22:23.339 --> 00:22:27.359
have about the differences between manipulation

00:22:27.359 --> 00:22:29.200
and influence, because that's one of the topics

00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:30.980
we're going to talk about today. How did that

00:22:30.980 --> 00:22:33.599
inform you in figuring those things out? This

00:22:33.599 --> 00:22:37.400
is one that I actually honed in on my experience

00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:41.160
in the military. I got into real estate, but

00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:45.000
also having worked in, I worked for the US House

00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:47.599
of Representatives, worked for a couple of congressmen,

00:22:47.880 --> 00:22:53.019
Jason Chaffetz and John Curtis. And there's a

00:22:53.019 --> 00:22:54.779
lot of manipulation that goes on there, too.

00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:57.700
Oh, for sure, in politics. Yeah, no question.

00:22:57.940 --> 00:23:00.319
Absolutely. And I remember one instance I was

00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:02.519
out in DC, and then a group met with me. And

00:23:02.519 --> 00:23:04.500
I'm just like, this guy is lying left and right,

00:23:04.500 --> 00:23:07.160
his body, just everything. I'm just like, oh,

00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:10.779
just let him believe that he's winning one over.

00:23:10.859 --> 00:23:14.859
But I'm like, wow, this is just nonstop. So with

00:23:14.859 --> 00:23:17.359
that experience and in the interrogation training,

00:23:18.059 --> 00:23:19.799
as I was kind of thinking about this whole scenario,

00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:23.240
I'm like, Okay, so what what's the what's that

00:23:23.240 --> 00:23:26.259
boundary because I'm looking at this is between

00:23:26.259 --> 00:23:29.440
Okay, you know people do sales people, you know,

00:23:29.460 --> 00:23:32.859
you know influence, right? It's like you're you're

00:23:32.859 --> 00:23:37.740
helping people well manipulation, it's like You're

00:23:37.740 --> 00:23:40.160
it's kind of influence, right? And so it took

00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:41.720
me a couple of years to really figure it out,

00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:46.160
but I broke it down to Being a one -word differentiator

00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:51.009
and that was beneficiary so When you're thinking

00:23:51.009 --> 00:23:52.769
about this, in both cases, you're trying to get

00:23:52.769 --> 00:23:58.369
someone to do something. When it's influence,

00:23:59.150 --> 00:24:01.970
you are actually looking out for the interests

00:24:01.970 --> 00:24:04.549
of the other person. You might benefit from it

00:24:04.549 --> 00:24:08.069
as well, but you're actually caring and looking

00:24:08.069 --> 00:24:11.509
out for their best interests. So I look at that

00:24:11.509 --> 00:24:16.049
as, let's say my son, he wants to become a better

00:24:16.049 --> 00:24:18.609
wrestler or basketball player, right? I'm going

00:24:18.609 --> 00:24:22.400
to influence him. to work hard, right? I might

00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:24.720
get satisfaction of seeing him succeed, right?

00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:27.920
Sure. But I'm trying to help him. Yeah. Versus

00:24:27.920 --> 00:24:30.819
when you're manipulating someone, you are the

00:24:30.819 --> 00:24:34.200
beneficiary, not necessarily the other party.

00:24:35.220 --> 00:24:36.640
And so... At least not the primary focus, right?

00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:38.859
And the manipulation, the primary driving factor

00:24:38.859 --> 00:24:43.839
is to benefit yourself. Exactly. And so when

00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:47.500
you're manipulating someone, it's... a lot of

00:24:47.500 --> 00:24:50.559
times it's you're trying to get them to do something

00:24:50.559 --> 00:24:54.400
a lot of times it's with urgency right so they're

00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:58.759
feeling forced or they're feeling afraid and

00:24:58.759 --> 00:25:02.980
so you're using emotions you're using emotions

00:25:02.980 --> 00:25:06.980
on both but you're using detrimental emotions

00:25:06.980 --> 00:25:10.059
when you're trying to manipulate someone usually

00:25:10.059 --> 00:25:14.359
it's done with fear and so that's a very common

00:25:14.359 --> 00:25:18.339
tactic a fear of missing out. It's a fear of

00:25:18.339 --> 00:25:21.400
what's going to happen to me, a fear of, you

00:25:21.400 --> 00:25:25.339
know, what will be said about me or my family

00:25:25.339 --> 00:25:28.279
or whatever else, right? And you see this common

00:25:28.279 --> 00:25:33.240
in politics. Fear is constantly used. In fact...

00:25:33.240 --> 00:25:35.440
Fear is such a high driver of emotion, right?

00:25:36.059 --> 00:25:38.210
People... will take action quicker based off

00:25:38.210 --> 00:25:40.250
of fear than just about any other emotion they

00:25:40.250 --> 00:25:41.910
experience. Yes. And that's why that's why in

00:25:41.910 --> 00:25:43.630
the news you see it's like it's fear based like

00:25:43.630 --> 00:25:45.490
they know it gets views they know it gets clicks

00:25:45.490 --> 00:25:49.029
on on social media like the fear drives people's

00:25:49.029 --> 00:25:50.950
actions and emotions. Yes you're absolutely right

00:25:50.950 --> 00:25:54.630
it's it's quick reaction and the media likes

00:25:54.630 --> 00:25:57.190
that like you were saying because they can keep

00:25:57.190 --> 00:26:00.230
your attention and they try to make you irate

00:26:00.230 --> 00:26:01.829
so that way you're like you oh I've got to see

00:26:01.829 --> 00:26:04.250
what's going on now so they're using that that

00:26:04.250 --> 00:26:09.420
fear tactic. Now, fear is not the strongest emotion

00:26:09.420 --> 00:26:10.880
out there. A lot of people think that it is.

00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:14.000
It's a quick reaction emotion. Actually, love

00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:19.299
is a more long -lasting emotion. Fear is actually

00:26:19.299 --> 00:26:22.460
draining. And so you think about when you watch

00:26:22.460 --> 00:26:24.839
politics or anything online, the news media,

00:26:25.539 --> 00:26:27.559
people aren't necessarily feeling like, oh, wow.

00:26:27.740 --> 00:26:30.799
I feel so great. I'm excited to go on and do

00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:32.759
something else now. They're like, oh, the world's

00:26:32.759 --> 00:26:35.720
going to end. There's wars everywhere, all sorts

00:26:35.720 --> 00:26:41.440
of stuff, right? And with love, it's a calm but

00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:44.319
long lasting. It's like, I feel comfortable.

00:26:44.400 --> 00:26:49.799
And you know what? I'm energized now. So that's

00:26:49.799 --> 00:26:52.700
where you kind of think about this, is when you're

00:26:52.700 --> 00:26:53.859
interacting with people, one of the things that

00:26:53.859 --> 00:26:58.490
comes into play with Lady Tremaine and Mother

00:26:58.490 --> 00:27:04.549
Gothel, right? They both used fear. For sure.

00:27:05.210 --> 00:27:10.630
And they would focus on, there's a few, there's

00:27:10.630 --> 00:27:12.069
so many, I'm thinking of so many on top of my

00:27:12.069 --> 00:27:14.190
head right now, but there's a few specific actions

00:27:14.190 --> 00:27:16.049
that they would use, and they're manipulative,

00:27:16.130 --> 00:27:22.950
right? So when we talk about, like in the movie

00:27:22.950 --> 00:27:27.789
Tangled, Mother Gothel, right? There's, there's

00:27:27.789 --> 00:27:30.369
lots of scenes, but there's a scene when it's

00:27:30.369 --> 00:27:33.170
mother knows best. Yeah. The song, which is a

00:27:33.170 --> 00:27:35.150
great song. Can you sing it? Oh, I mean, I can't

00:27:35.150 --> 00:27:37.349
sing at all. I'm a terrible singer, but that,

00:27:37.349 --> 00:27:39.390
that song is like, when we first started talking

00:27:39.390 --> 00:27:41.130
about this and I thought about it, I was like,

00:27:41.289 --> 00:27:44.829
that song perfectly embodies this idea because

00:27:44.829 --> 00:27:46.789
it's pure manipulation. Exactly. Like through

00:27:46.789 --> 00:27:49.849
and through. So, and this is very, very common.

00:27:50.089 --> 00:27:54.319
So What Mother Gothel does is she goes and talks

00:27:54.319 --> 00:27:57.900
to Rapunzel, right? And Rapunzel's like, hey,

00:27:57.960 --> 00:28:01.759
I want to share this. Mother knows best. But

00:28:01.759 --> 00:28:05.400
then she turns it around and makes like, you

00:28:05.400 --> 00:28:10.000
would do that to me? How could you? I'm now the

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:13.480
victim. And people will call that gaslighting,

00:28:13.519 --> 00:28:17.240
right? So what is gaslighting? The term is misused

00:28:17.240 --> 00:28:19.819
multiple times. And overused a lot of times,

00:28:19.900 --> 00:28:24.059
too. Yes. But it's really turning the tension

00:28:24.059 --> 00:28:29.640
pretty much back on you, and then taking what

00:28:29.640 --> 00:28:31.819
they're trying to say, and then saying something

00:28:31.819 --> 00:28:35.420
else to make them feel bad for what they initially

00:28:35.420 --> 00:28:37.660
wanted to talk about first. So in this case,

00:28:37.660 --> 00:28:40.680
she's talking about being outside, going outside

00:28:40.680 --> 00:28:44.579
of the tower, and she's like, no, you'll get

00:28:44.579 --> 00:28:47.680
hurt. Now we're using the fear. There's so many

00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:49.980
evil things out there. It's so scary out there.

00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:52.400
Yeah, you can't handle it. Yeah, like you can't

00:28:52.400 --> 00:28:54.900
with all the men with pointy teeth, right? Oh,

00:28:54.920 --> 00:28:57.819
it's just gonna be so scary And this is about

00:28:57.819 --> 00:29:00.740
you, right? I'm trying to protect you Yeah, when

00:29:00.740 --> 00:29:03.259
in reality, like you said like it wasn't and

00:29:03.259 --> 00:29:06.859
even even if it's not even a An evil stepmother

00:29:06.859 --> 00:29:10.740
or evil stepfather, you know whomever it is people

00:29:10.740 --> 00:29:13.539
can still manipulate and they may not even know

00:29:13.539 --> 00:29:16.240
that they're doing it, but they're just They

00:29:16.240 --> 00:29:19.599
want to keep control. It really is about control

00:29:19.960 --> 00:29:24.980
And so sometimes mothers or fathers or boyfriends

00:29:24.980 --> 00:29:28.000
or husbands or whatever it is, they're afraid

00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:32.099
to lose control. And then they start, you know,

00:29:32.559 --> 00:29:38.799
overly blaming the other party. And so what that

00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:41.140
does is it creates a desire like, well, I really

00:29:41.140 --> 00:29:43.700
love this person. I don't want them to hurt.

00:29:44.079 --> 00:29:46.059
And they're like, well, maybe I'm wrong. Right.

00:29:46.180 --> 00:29:50.299
So you start to have some self -doubt. It's a

00:29:50.299 --> 00:29:53.640
very, very common tactic used by manipulators.

00:29:54.859 --> 00:29:57.519
And yeah, I think Mother Gothel, there's so many

00:29:57.519 --> 00:29:59.980
parts to that whole scene. I mean, she was manipulating

00:29:59.980 --> 00:30:01.880
everyone, even to like the guards in another

00:30:01.880 --> 00:30:04.619
scene. She used them to get what she wanted and

00:30:04.619 --> 00:30:07.599
then betrayed them to then betray the next person,

00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:13.420
right? And so the thing I would say in that scenario,

00:30:14.019 --> 00:30:18.829
how do you address someone like that? You really

00:30:18.829 --> 00:30:22.029
have to kind of come back and say, you ask them

00:30:22.029 --> 00:30:25.309
a couple of questions and you say, so how does

00:30:25.309 --> 00:30:28.329
this benefit me? Someone's going to say, well,

00:30:28.329 --> 00:30:30.230
you know, this is good for you. Like, well, I

00:30:30.230 --> 00:30:32.150
don't, I, this sounds like it's benefiting you.

00:30:32.390 --> 00:30:35.529
Can you explain further how it benefits me? So

00:30:35.529 --> 00:30:39.789
now they're having to elaborate. And when someone

00:30:39.789 --> 00:30:43.950
truly believes something, they, they, or they've

00:30:43.950 --> 00:30:45.450
already figured something out in their mind.

00:30:45.990 --> 00:30:49.859
It comes from memory. when someone is lying,

00:30:50.680 --> 00:30:52.759
it actually is from the creative side of the

00:30:52.759 --> 00:30:55.359
brain. And so this is where it's different. There'll

00:30:55.359 --> 00:30:57.940
be a delay. Usually, I mean, there might be a

00:30:57.940 --> 00:30:59.700
delay response, and people are thinking about

00:30:59.700 --> 00:31:03.319
stuff. But when you're asking for past memories,

00:31:03.420 --> 00:31:05.920
if you think they're lying, you just ask them

00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:08.819
a question that they weren't expecting, and then

00:31:08.819 --> 00:31:10.839
see how they respond. And they start thinking

00:31:10.839 --> 00:31:17.759
like, well, like, They're trying to either say

00:31:17.759 --> 00:31:21.480
something that is not lying, but is misleading,

00:31:22.240 --> 00:31:26.440
or they're afraid to answer a certain way that

00:31:26.440 --> 00:31:28.740
would then show that they are lying. So they're

00:31:28.740 --> 00:31:30.880
trying to manipulate the words in their minds

00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:33.900
and trying to figure out, OK, how do I say this

00:31:33.900 --> 00:31:39.839
and make them think something different? There's

00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:46.299
a lot of ways to say, to get somebody to feel

00:31:46.299 --> 00:31:51.980
that they are believing what the person is saying.

00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:54.220
I might ask you a question, right? There's a

00:31:54.220 --> 00:31:56.579
great example of this. I don't know if you remember

00:31:56.579 --> 00:32:00.180
Anthony Weiner? Yeah. Okay. So he was a congressman.

00:32:00.299 --> 00:32:02.319
I can't remember of which state. Well, he got

00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:04.799
caught with some lewd pictures, right? And then

00:32:04.799 --> 00:32:07.599
people start asking him and then they catch him

00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:12.269
and they say, Hey, Well, the reporters were asking,

00:32:12.410 --> 00:32:14.289
yeah, tell us about these these little pictures.

00:32:14.430 --> 00:32:16.089
Did you receive these little pictures? And he's

00:32:16.089 --> 00:32:21.490
like, if I'm to be in front of a group and someone's

00:32:21.490 --> 00:32:26.710
to throw a pie at me, and am I going to respond

00:32:26.710 --> 00:32:30.710
to them? And then he's like, I'm just asking

00:32:30.710 --> 00:32:33.789
you, did you or not receive pictures from this

00:32:33.789 --> 00:32:38.119
young lady? And he's like, again, if I'm to receive,

00:32:38.299 --> 00:32:40.799
and it just repeats, right? So that's one tactic

00:32:40.799 --> 00:32:42.380
people will use. They'll repeat the same thing

00:32:42.380 --> 00:32:44.160
without changing it because they don't want to

00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:46.059
mess up because they've rehearsed their line.

00:32:46.740 --> 00:32:49.380
Another thing that they'll do is they'll say,

00:32:49.660 --> 00:32:51.640
like, if I were to ask you a question or ask

00:32:51.640 --> 00:32:55.339
me any question right now. How's the weather

00:32:55.339 --> 00:32:58.680
outside? Well, my office is actually pretty warm,

00:32:58.700 --> 00:33:02.109
so I'm actually not cold at all right now. Oh,

00:33:02.170 --> 00:33:04.049
that was a non -answer of what I actually asked.

00:33:04.410 --> 00:33:06.930
Well, see, I answered you, but I didn't answer

00:33:06.930 --> 00:33:09.069
the question, or I might answer the question

00:33:09.069 --> 00:33:11.329
half -heartedly. Yeah, or the way that you wanted

00:33:11.329 --> 00:33:14.250
to. Exactly, because now they're like, oh, oh,

00:33:14.349 --> 00:33:16.710
I guess, okay, they feel awkward to then question

00:33:16.710 --> 00:33:19.089
you again the same question. This is very common

00:33:19.089 --> 00:33:20.930
with kids. Because I wouldn't have. I wouldn't

00:33:20.930 --> 00:33:23.160
have been like, well... no josh what's the weather

00:33:23.160 --> 00:33:25.240
like outside i didn't ask what your office was

00:33:25.240 --> 00:33:26.279
or what you're feeling right now because now

00:33:26.279 --> 00:33:28.440
i could take offense yeah like i don't want to

00:33:28.440 --> 00:33:30.000
offend him like he answered the best way he could

00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:32.359
i'm yeah oh that's so interesting and so kids

00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:33.759
do this all the time like if you ask your kids

00:33:33.759 --> 00:33:35.759
and i do this with my my kids and they still

00:33:35.759 --> 00:33:37.299
the problem is when i call them out they get

00:33:37.299 --> 00:33:39.680
better so i'm like do i call them out do i not

00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:41.519
call them out but i'm like did you brush your

00:33:41.519 --> 00:33:46.799
teeth and they said yes i did okay Today? Yeah.

00:33:46.859 --> 00:33:48.480
Did you brush them just now? Did you brush them

00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:50.480
long enough? Was it three seconds? Exactly. Did

00:33:50.480 --> 00:33:53.160
you use toothpaste? And it's like, was it yesterday?

00:33:53.559 --> 00:33:55.579
All those things, they've gone really good at

00:33:55.579 --> 00:33:59.740
lying to me. And I'm like, almost proud. But

00:33:59.740 --> 00:34:02.019
I'm like, I don't know how this can go, right?

00:34:03.980 --> 00:34:09.059
But yeah, so that's the situation. I think Mother

00:34:09.059 --> 00:34:12.380
Gothel in Tangled, she gives so many examples.

00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:16.239
And I would encourage you guys watching, go ahead

00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:18.380
and watch Tangled again and start looking for

00:34:18.380 --> 00:34:23.019
symptoms or indicators of her manipulating. Think

00:34:23.019 --> 00:34:24.920
in your mind, okay, what's she doing to manipulate?

00:34:25.320 --> 00:34:27.519
As you start to do that, you'll be able to recognize

00:34:27.519 --> 00:34:30.059
how other people are manipulating you in everyday

00:34:30.059 --> 00:34:31.820
aspects. Well, I think what's interesting too

00:34:31.820 --> 00:34:34.619
is people can think about Tangled, be like, well,

00:34:34.659 --> 00:34:36.079
yeah, I know that Mother Gothel was off and I

00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:38.880
know that she did, but might not realize the

00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:40.760
times that she did until you go back and you're

00:34:40.760 --> 00:34:44.000
like, oh my God. gosh it's right there and and

00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:46.280
it's right there and it's there again make it

00:34:46.280 --> 00:34:48.340
a game tally it like wow i think one of the things

00:34:48.340 --> 00:34:50.860
that she does a lot of in this manipulation is

00:34:50.860 --> 00:34:53.599
she she works and operates in the shame game

00:34:53.599 --> 00:34:56.539
she's shaming oh yes you know uh rapunzel all

00:34:56.539 --> 00:34:58.840
the time and i think there's the one time where

00:34:58.840 --> 00:35:00.480
she's going to come back up the tower and rapunzel

00:35:00.480 --> 00:35:02.900
always has to let her hair down and So she does

00:35:02.900 --> 00:35:05.099
and mother Gothel is basically like, Oh man,

00:35:05.119 --> 00:35:06.480
it must be really exhausting for you have to

00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:08.119
do this every day. And you know, let me back

00:35:08.119 --> 00:35:10.199
up and down. She's like, Oh no, it's no problem

00:35:10.199 --> 00:35:13.099
mother. Yeah. I don't know why it takes so long.

00:35:13.300 --> 00:35:15.679
Right. You're like, Whoa, like that's messed

00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:18.400
up. That's manipulation. Right. She was getting

00:35:18.400 --> 00:35:20.900
Rapunzel to say it was no problem. Like she's

00:35:20.900 --> 00:35:22.559
manipulating her to say that just so that she

00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:24.219
could cut her and be like, no, you need to do

00:35:24.219 --> 00:35:26.019
it faster. You did too slow. You're way too slow.

00:35:26.039 --> 00:35:27.699
I'm manipulating you. I want you to do it faster.

00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:29.599
I'm going to shame you for not. Yeah. I mean,

00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:32.480
that's. and it's sprinkled with all this sweetness

00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:34.880
to you it's like she says it in a sweet way and

00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:38.139
really it's like so cutting and so cruel and

00:35:38.139 --> 00:35:43.800
so harsh yeah and this ties into um lady tremaine

00:35:43.800 --> 00:35:46.539
i think one of the scenes that i like best again

00:35:46.539 --> 00:35:49.739
multiple um options there you should watch next

00:35:49.739 --> 00:35:51.679
both of them next together and see how many you

00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:55.719
can count um but it's the scene where cinderella's

00:35:55.719 --> 00:35:59.599
got her dress um and then they start ripping

00:36:00.509 --> 00:36:03.590
like, pieces off the dress. And what they're

00:36:03.590 --> 00:36:07.530
trying to do is diminish her sense of significance,

00:36:07.650 --> 00:36:11.130
right? And make her feel like dirt. You know,

00:36:11.230 --> 00:36:13.170
Cinderella, I guess, Ash, right? That's what

00:36:13.170 --> 00:36:14.969
the cinder is. So that's what they're trying

00:36:14.969 --> 00:36:18.630
to make her feel like she's worth nothing. And

00:36:18.630 --> 00:36:21.530
that way they can maintain control. And I think

00:36:21.530 --> 00:36:23.130
this kind of goes back into the military aspect.

00:36:23.210 --> 00:36:25.210
If you're dealing with terrorists, right, they're

00:36:25.210 --> 00:36:29.139
not usually the nicest people. But what you're

00:36:29.139 --> 00:36:31.659
trained to look at is like, well, you're dealing

00:36:31.659 --> 00:36:35.760
with emotions, right? And you can make someone

00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:38.960
feel like they're worth nothing. You can make

00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:40.880
them feel like they're worth a million bucks.

00:36:41.679 --> 00:36:43.780
But the people who are really good at manipulating

00:36:43.780 --> 00:36:46.599
and integrations are manipulation. I mean, that's

00:36:46.599 --> 00:36:50.820
just what it is. But you want to figure out a

00:36:50.820 --> 00:36:52.860
sense of balance, right? Because if you give

00:36:52.860 --> 00:36:55.920
someone just a little bit of hope and then you

00:36:55.920 --> 00:37:00.320
tear that down, Then there's like oh I'm dependent

00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:02.320
on this this person now because I'm not worth

00:37:02.320 --> 00:37:04.679
anything The same thing like you might tear them

00:37:04.679 --> 00:37:07.000
down and then give them a little sense of hope

00:37:07.000 --> 00:37:11.039
So then now you're like, I'm your way out I'm

00:37:11.039 --> 00:37:12.860
gonna be the one that protects you and I think

00:37:12.860 --> 00:37:14.980
mother Gothel does that and then Tremaine Tremaine

00:37:14.980 --> 00:37:17.539
does too right because like when there's this

00:37:17.539 --> 00:37:20.670
ball coming up Lady Tremaine gives Cinderella

00:37:20.670 --> 00:37:22.969
the hope that if she can have a dress to go,

00:37:23.050 --> 00:37:25.130
that she can go. So she's torn her down, torn

00:37:25.130 --> 00:37:27.070
her down. She's the one who has to cook and clean

00:37:27.070 --> 00:37:28.730
and do all these things for them all the time.

00:37:29.469 --> 00:37:31.769
But then she gives her this sliver of hope. So

00:37:31.769 --> 00:37:33.110
that's where she goes. Which was an unrealistic

00:37:33.110 --> 00:37:35.469
expectation. Totally. Yeah. But she goes and

00:37:35.469 --> 00:37:37.929
creates this very, you know, beautiful dress

00:37:37.929 --> 00:37:39.769
with the things that she had with the scraps

00:37:39.769 --> 00:37:42.269
that they didn't want at all. Yeah. But she can't

00:37:42.269 --> 00:37:44.489
let her have it. So after that hope, then she's

00:37:44.489 --> 00:37:45.789
got to tear her down. And that's when they...

00:37:45.789 --> 00:37:48.110
the dress off. Now I do want to stop and pause

00:37:48.110 --> 00:37:50.969
here because I think I could be wrong, but I

00:37:50.969 --> 00:37:54.349
think you have a story about step, uh, step sisters

00:37:54.349 --> 00:37:57.750
and dresses. Is this, is this true? Josh? You

00:37:57.750 --> 00:38:00.769
got to tell the story. And I sent you these pictures.

00:38:00.769 --> 00:38:04.070
So you have to show them to the group. But, um,

00:38:04.210 --> 00:38:07.869
so I've, I'm usually like on top of like the

00:38:07.869 --> 00:38:09.630
Halloween costumes. My wife doesn't care for

00:38:09.630 --> 00:38:11.469
them at all. Every once in a while I get her

00:38:11.469 --> 00:38:14.150
to dress up, but she's like, okay, it's a family

00:38:14.150 --> 00:38:16.869
thing. She hates Halloween. overall she loves

00:38:16.869 --> 00:38:18.929
Valentine's Day so I got to make sure oh yeah

00:38:18.929 --> 00:38:22.809
on that one you step up yeah but um so we we're

00:38:22.809 --> 00:38:25.570
going down to Disneyland during Halloween yes

00:38:25.570 --> 00:38:27.329
which is the most that's the best time it's the

00:38:27.329 --> 00:38:30.349
most magical time at Disneyland it is it's actually

00:38:30.349 --> 00:38:34.650
pretty cool I love it so cool yeah and so I dropped

00:38:34.650 --> 00:38:36.389
the ball in this time because I'm so busy with

00:38:36.389 --> 00:38:38.329
work and everything else I'm like we have nothing

00:38:38.329 --> 00:38:41.010
but my daughter's got like a legitimate Cinderella

00:38:41.010 --> 00:38:43.230
costume you can probably see it right here now

00:38:43.230 --> 00:38:46.980
blue it's like a very nice one. I'm like, it's

00:38:46.980 --> 00:38:50.000
not a costume, it's an actual dress. I can't

00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:53.320
remember why she got it, but my wife and her

00:38:53.320 --> 00:38:56.780
love to go shopping sometimes. So she's got that.

00:38:56.940 --> 00:38:57.820
And the rest of us are like, what are we going

00:38:57.820 --> 00:39:02.039
to do? I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, oh,

00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:04.480
Cinderella. She's got the dress. It looks just

00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:07.639
like it. And so we don't have any costumes. So

00:39:07.639 --> 00:39:09.019
I go to my mom like, do you have anything that

00:39:09.019 --> 00:39:12.480
can make us look like the ugly stepsisters? And

00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:15.500
I got the boys. One of them was like, yeah, this

00:39:15.500 --> 00:39:18.579
is so cool. The oldest was like, seriously, dad?

00:39:19.320 --> 00:39:22.119
The second one's like, I don't know. And then

00:39:22.119 --> 00:39:23.760
we started talking about it. He's like, OK, this

00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:27.119
is going to be funny. And so we're down there.

00:39:27.420 --> 00:39:30.320
We dress up. And you see in the picture right

00:39:30.320 --> 00:39:36.739
here is that we look hideous, right? And I'm

00:39:36.739 --> 00:39:40.449
just wearing this dress. And I'm just like. You

00:39:40.449 --> 00:39:43.750
know flexing and stuff and this just looks hilarious.

00:39:44.570 --> 00:39:48.349
Well as we start walking through Disneyland I

00:39:48.349 --> 00:39:52.130
kid you not I'm getting catcall left and right

00:39:52.130 --> 00:39:55.829
and Just like I now I know how fit women feel.

00:39:55.849 --> 00:39:58.489
Yeah, it doesn't feel good to get catcalled and

00:39:58.489 --> 00:40:00.510
so but I did tell my wife I'm like, well, I'm

00:40:00.510 --> 00:40:06.869
pretty attractive but As we're walking down waiting

00:40:06.869 --> 00:40:10.219
in line for one of the the rides or I don't I

00:40:10.219 --> 00:40:13.300
remember what it was and I'm just like I'm getting

00:40:13.300 --> 00:40:17.679
like a little little and I just sneeze and I

00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:19.880
just because it's so tight on me because it's

00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:22.340
not supposed to fit me just rip the whole back

00:40:22.340 --> 00:40:26.760
and just rips down I'm like oh no and so my kids

00:40:26.760 --> 00:40:30.519
are laughing like the whole time but my daughter

00:40:30.519 --> 00:40:33.340
had an absolute blast she loved it because she's

00:40:33.340 --> 00:40:35.179
the one that looked pretty of course the rest

00:40:35.179 --> 00:40:37.980
of us were not great My wife, she dressed up

00:40:37.980 --> 00:40:40.900
as the evil step -mother. And then we were just

00:40:40.900 --> 00:40:44.639
ugly step -sisters. It was pretty funny. Easy.

00:40:44.780 --> 00:40:48.099
I just went to my mom and she had some leftover

00:40:48.099 --> 00:40:52.579
dresses from proms and my sister's drill team

00:40:52.579 --> 00:40:56.320
and random stuff. That's part of what's so interesting

00:40:56.320 --> 00:40:59.500
for me with Disney and Disney movies. And part

00:40:59.500 --> 00:41:01.679
of why I think I really enjoy them so much is...

00:41:01.710 --> 00:41:04.090
You can have the aspects that kids enjoy and

00:41:04.090 --> 00:41:06.969
love. They love Cinderella. They love the dress.

00:41:07.070 --> 00:41:09.630
They love Tangle. They love Rapunzel. And yet

00:41:09.630 --> 00:41:12.829
when we do look deeper, there really are lessons

00:41:12.829 --> 00:41:14.690
we can take, right? Because obviously, like,

00:41:14.829 --> 00:41:16.610
the ugly stepsisters, it's hilarious. Your wife,

00:41:16.610 --> 00:41:19.050
Slady Tremaine, it's probably hilarious. Your

00:41:19.050 --> 00:41:22.610
daughter, cute as all get out. And we can also

00:41:22.610 --> 00:41:24.489
look a little deeper and we can say, okay, what

00:41:24.489 --> 00:41:27.550
are these things that these stories can teach

00:41:27.550 --> 00:41:29.789
us? Because I mean, ultimately, you know, when,

00:41:29.789 --> 00:41:31.710
when Walt started, started making these movies,

00:41:31.869 --> 00:41:34.210
he was drawing on these, these fairy tales of

00:41:34.210 --> 00:41:37.190
old that were designed to teach like morality

00:41:37.190 --> 00:41:41.030
stories to people, right? scaring them a little

00:41:41.030 --> 00:41:42.909
bit of, you know, monsters and stuff that were

00:41:42.909 --> 00:41:44.110
there if they didn't do the things they were

00:41:44.110 --> 00:41:45.929
supposed to, but really was originally designed

00:41:45.929 --> 00:41:48.469
that way. And Walt always said that his movies

00:41:48.469 --> 00:41:50.269
were for everybody. They weren't just for kids.

00:41:50.469 --> 00:41:53.809
And so, you know, I love, I love being able to

00:41:53.809 --> 00:41:55.210
pull out these lessons. And I think, you know,

00:41:55.269 --> 00:41:57.809
with Lady Tremaine and with Mother Gothel, they're

00:41:57.809 --> 00:42:01.530
such extreme examples. And yet there's so many

00:42:01.530 --> 00:42:03.789
times where we can see the manipulations from

00:42:03.789 --> 00:42:05.809
people around us, where we can see people trying

00:42:05.809 --> 00:42:09.090
to manipulate us. Or we even sometimes fall into

00:42:09.090 --> 00:42:11.530
those traps ourselves. What would you say of

00:42:11.530 --> 00:42:14.449
like, what are ways that you can pay attention

00:42:14.449 --> 00:42:16.250
and watch out for falling into some of those

00:42:16.250 --> 00:42:18.469
manipulation traps that people oftentimes do,

00:42:18.610 --> 00:42:22.429
even unintentionally? So even in my field, in

00:42:22.429 --> 00:42:25.989
real estate, right? A lot of times people think

00:42:25.989 --> 00:42:32.510
it's a cutthroat, you know, negotiations. And...

00:42:33.139 --> 00:42:35.300
I actually, I think you can get a lot further

00:42:35.300 --> 00:42:37.039
with influence than you can with manipulation.

00:42:38.159 --> 00:42:40.699
Especially when someone recognizes it, because

00:42:40.699 --> 00:42:43.139
you don't feel good when you're being manipulated.

00:42:43.719 --> 00:42:46.719
When you're influenced, you feel good about it.

00:42:47.199 --> 00:42:51.099
And so I've come at this in negotiations, I don't

00:42:51.099 --> 00:42:54.780
go in and try to just tear people down. And,

00:42:54.800 --> 00:43:00.460
you know, instead I'm trying to find what is

00:43:00.460 --> 00:43:03.699
their... their motive, what's their motivator,

00:43:03.780 --> 00:43:06.639
right? And this is key too. Everyone's got different

00:43:06.639 --> 00:43:07.980
motivators. A lot of people think it's money.

00:43:08.239 --> 00:43:11.840
That's not, it's never money. Rarely. Yeah. Rarely

00:43:11.840 --> 00:43:15.599
the case. It's what they can get from that money

00:43:15.599 --> 00:43:18.579
is what their true motivators, whether it's power,

00:43:19.059 --> 00:43:22.199
whether it's prestige or it's luxury, you know,

00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:25.519
living, you know, it can be service, all sorts

00:43:25.519 --> 00:43:30.019
of stuff, right? It can be security. So those

00:43:30.019 --> 00:43:34.880
are actual motivators. not money necessarily.

00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:38.159
Very few people. It can, in some cases, be. So

00:43:38.159 --> 00:43:40.500
when you look at the motivators, you say, OK,

00:43:40.840 --> 00:43:42.420
what is it really important to you? I'll give

00:43:42.420 --> 00:43:44.480
an example. One of my clients, he was a veteran,

00:43:45.099 --> 00:43:48.280
and he couldn't afford enough. And I'm like,

00:43:48.340 --> 00:43:51.019
well, we're up against competition. And so I

00:43:51.019 --> 00:43:53.179
reached out to the group and said, guys, look,

00:43:53.739 --> 00:43:56.320
my client's willing to pay this, but it doesn't

00:43:56.320 --> 00:43:59.719
appraise. Other people will only pay above. But

00:43:59.719 --> 00:44:02.239
what this does do is it does help my veteran

00:44:02.239 --> 00:44:06.280
clients. And this is who they are. This is what's

00:44:06.280 --> 00:44:09.199
taking place here. And they said, you know what?

00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:11.420
We don't normally do this, but we've got enough

00:44:11.420 --> 00:44:14.719
spread that we'll move forward. So that's an

00:44:14.719 --> 00:44:17.619
influence. It's not a manipulation, right? Manipulation

00:44:17.619 --> 00:44:19.800
would be the opposite of like, you guys are going

00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:21.400
to screw up this couple. They're going to be

00:44:21.400 --> 00:44:24.460
homeless. How dare you? And then getting that

00:44:24.460 --> 00:44:27.159
fear factor like, oh, you're going to remember

00:44:27.159 --> 00:44:29.699
this the rest of your life. That's the fear.

00:44:29.960 --> 00:44:32.059
No one feels good about it. Can it work? Absolutely.

00:44:32.780 --> 00:44:36.900
But influence is a much stronger tactic, because

00:44:36.900 --> 00:44:41.280
it also helps you shine in any sort of business.

00:44:42.500 --> 00:44:44.659
In your personal lives, this is important, too,

00:44:44.679 --> 00:44:48.699
because spouses influence each other. They can

00:44:48.699 --> 00:44:51.880
also manipulate each other. And I've taught this

00:44:51.880 --> 00:44:55.539
to my daughter recently. She's learned the manipulation

00:44:55.539 --> 00:45:00.360
game with the brothers and us. But I taught her

00:45:00.360 --> 00:45:02.260
and said, hey, if you come at this in a softer

00:45:02.260 --> 00:45:07.360
way and you say, hey, brother, it would mean

00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:09.300
a lot to me if you would help me out with this

00:45:09.300 --> 00:45:13.260
chore. And I love it when you help me out. And

00:45:13.260 --> 00:45:17.019
she did it. And he just lit up because now he

00:45:17.019 --> 00:45:20.760
felt like he was a good brother versus, ah, I'm

00:45:20.760 --> 00:45:22.940
going to tell mom that you refuse to do anything,

00:45:23.139 --> 00:45:26.659
right? Do both of them work sometimes sometimes

00:45:26.659 --> 00:45:29.059
influence carries a much stronger weight. Yeah,

00:45:29.179 --> 00:45:31.460
you know when we're talking about this in relation

00:45:31.460 --> 00:45:35.460
to Anytime we're selling something I've always

00:45:35.460 --> 00:45:36.940
thought about it. I shouldn't say always I've

00:45:36.940 --> 00:45:38.440
more recently thought about it when I thought

00:45:38.440 --> 00:45:41.980
more deeply about this Is that when when someone's

00:45:41.980 --> 00:45:44.440
manipulated to buy something? they're almost

00:45:44.440 --> 00:45:46.940
always going to have buyer's remorse. Oh, absolutely.

00:45:47.039 --> 00:45:48.940
And when someone's influence, because it actually

00:45:48.940 --> 00:45:51.039
is benefiting them, they don't have the buyer's

00:45:51.039 --> 00:45:55.460
remorse. In teaching my attorneys here, and now

00:45:55.460 --> 00:45:57.800
our sales people staff that we have here since

00:45:57.800 --> 00:45:59.760
I started this firm, it's one thing that I've

00:45:59.760 --> 00:46:01.019
always going to beat in their heads is like,

00:46:01.440 --> 00:46:04.119
you need to run this consultation process in

00:46:04.119 --> 00:46:07.239
a way that the person feels good about moving

00:46:07.239 --> 00:46:09.690
forward with us. We need to actually believe

00:46:09.690 --> 00:46:11.010
that we're gonna do something good with them

00:46:11.010 --> 00:46:12.630
for them for their case that if they hire us

00:46:12.630 --> 00:46:13.670
They're actually going to be better if you have

00:46:13.670 --> 00:46:15.409
to believe because if you don't we are manipulating

00:46:15.409 --> 00:46:17.690
because you're only benefiting yourself But the

00:46:17.690 --> 00:46:19.469
last thing that I want is that person signing

00:46:19.469 --> 00:46:22.010
up with us that day and then the next day regretting

00:46:22.010 --> 00:46:24.090
it Absolutely, we can't have it because now we're

00:46:24.090 --> 00:46:26.630
actually representing them over the next On average

00:46:26.630 --> 00:46:29.610
10 months and if we're doing that and they immediately

00:46:29.610 --> 00:46:31.489
started out with buyer's remorse We've started

00:46:31.489 --> 00:46:33.150
out the wrong way. We've done the wrong thing

00:46:33.150 --> 00:46:36.650
and so we have to engage in influence and not

00:46:36.650 --> 00:46:39.599
manipulation because Frankly, our business counts

00:46:39.599 --> 00:46:43.000
on it for us to get people that. to listen to

00:46:43.000 --> 00:46:45.820
what we give them advice and to want to engage

00:46:45.820 --> 00:46:49.460
in the process here and try to be effective in

00:46:49.460 --> 00:46:51.340
our representation. We've got to have them bought

00:46:51.340 --> 00:46:53.539
in from the beginning. And I imagine the same

00:46:53.539 --> 00:46:55.480
thing probably works with you. If you're manipulating

00:46:55.480 --> 00:46:58.579
somebody to do something in real estate and they

00:46:58.579 --> 00:47:00.380
have buyer's remorse, that's not going to be

00:47:00.380 --> 00:47:01.719
an effective way for you to run your business.

00:47:01.900 --> 00:47:03.059
Yeah, because you're trying to run your business

00:47:03.059 --> 00:47:05.440
long term. And so there are plenty of people

00:47:05.440 --> 00:47:07.119
who will do one and done, take advantage, make

00:47:07.119 --> 00:47:11.070
a lot of money. they won't get that repeat business

00:47:11.070 --> 00:47:13.789
right and I think this goes back to couples especially

00:47:13.789 --> 00:47:15.530
I think this is where it can be super helpful

00:47:15.530 --> 00:47:20.389
and help avoid divorces you know the the situation

00:47:20.389 --> 00:47:25.429
is my wife could come to me and say why don't

00:47:25.429 --> 00:47:28.570
you help around with the dishes right the common

00:47:28.570 --> 00:47:30.289
common thing or take out the trash whatever the

00:47:30.289 --> 00:47:33.469
chore is right um or you just sit down and watch

00:47:33.469 --> 00:47:37.650
tv and say but she she came to me said I appreciate

00:47:38.210 --> 00:47:39.730
When you turn off the TV and you help me with

00:47:39.730 --> 00:47:42.030
the dishes, that means so much to me. Thanks

00:47:42.030 --> 00:47:44.630
for all that you do. I'm gonna be like, oh, where's

00:47:44.630 --> 00:47:47.969
the dishes, right? And in the inverse too, if

00:47:47.969 --> 00:47:49.730
you're saying to your spouse, and this isn't

00:47:49.730 --> 00:47:53.710
for all couples, but if the wife is making dinner

00:47:53.710 --> 00:47:55.849
and you're like, where's my dinner? Like, I'm

00:47:55.849 --> 00:47:58.010
home. I've been working all day long. Well, he

00:47:58.010 --> 00:48:00.449
said, hey, you know, thanks so much. I know you've

00:48:00.449 --> 00:48:02.469
been handling the kids. And I just appreciate

00:48:02.469 --> 00:48:04.349
when you make me dinner, even when it's been

00:48:04.349 --> 00:48:08.880
busy. Like, just appreciation. Then then people

00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:10.599
aren't dreading. It's not like work. It's like

00:48:10.599 --> 00:48:14.199
oh, I am excited I'm happy to do this because

00:48:14.199 --> 00:48:17.639
I get appreciated for it Yeah, that's huge. I

00:48:17.639 --> 00:48:20.159
mean and it's part of it is the thinking outside

00:48:20.159 --> 00:48:22.900
of yourself, right? Who is the beneficiary of

00:48:22.900 --> 00:48:25.099
that? Like are you saying it just so they'll

00:48:25.099 --> 00:48:26.380
make you dinner next time are you saying it because

00:48:26.380 --> 00:48:28.280
you actually want them to be appreciated for

00:48:28.280 --> 00:48:31.659
what they do and People will sniff it out. Yeah,

00:48:31.659 --> 00:48:34.119
like I'm gonna go manipulate. Hey, honey. I really

00:48:34.119 --> 00:48:36.869
love you make a dinner for me, right? Yeah it's

00:48:36.869 --> 00:48:38.730
it's gonna it's gonna come across tallow it's

00:48:38.730 --> 00:48:40.710
not gonna be genuine but if it is if you truly

00:48:40.710 --> 00:48:42.929
mean it so like go into it mean it if you're

00:48:42.929 --> 00:48:45.570
gonna say it uh but it does like it it resonates

00:48:45.570 --> 00:48:48.230
you know and uh my wife's been really good about

00:48:48.230 --> 00:48:51.269
this in the last year she knows that like because

00:48:51.269 --> 00:48:53.730
i own this firm and i run it a lot of times i'm

00:48:53.730 --> 00:48:56.329
having to work late late days and sometimes having

00:48:56.329 --> 00:48:59.130
to work on the weekends and every couple of weeks

00:48:59.130 --> 00:49:01.010
it seems like she'll just send me a text or just

00:49:01.010 --> 00:49:02.730
tell me like hey i really appreciate how hard

00:49:02.730 --> 00:49:05.179
you're working for us. And I know that you're

00:49:05.179 --> 00:49:07.679
sacrificing to provide for me. That's like, it's

00:49:07.679 --> 00:49:09.380
the best. Have you seen those memes where they

00:49:09.380 --> 00:49:11.500
have like the shark coming up, biting something,

00:49:11.619 --> 00:49:13.239
there's like a dinosaur and people like climbing

00:49:13.239 --> 00:49:16.159
stuff. It's like, yeah, invigorating. Exactly.

00:49:16.280 --> 00:49:18.500
Because I know that she's not doing that for

00:49:18.500 --> 00:49:21.539
herself. She's doing it just to look outward

00:49:21.539 --> 00:49:24.019
and to, and it has an influence on me for the

00:49:24.019 --> 00:49:26.139
better because she's knows that I need that.

00:49:26.329 --> 00:49:29.130
And when we will look for those things intentionally

00:49:29.130 --> 00:49:32.050
with our spouse and our relationships to do that,

00:49:32.050 --> 00:49:34.789
we can have influence for such good. And for

00:49:34.789 --> 00:49:38.329
such, like, love and happiness and joy, right?

00:49:38.329 --> 00:49:40.949
That love can be something that is so much stronger

00:49:40.949 --> 00:49:43.269
than the fear -based. Even though fear is quick,

00:49:43.769 --> 00:49:46.769
love long -term. And you talk about being genuine,

00:49:47.030 --> 00:49:50.090
being sincere, right? You said people sniff it

00:49:50.090 --> 00:49:52.449
out. It's that same thing, it's the gut feeling.

00:49:52.750 --> 00:49:57.739
Something just fills off. And... whether they

00:49:57.739 --> 00:50:01.519
recognize the what, they know there's something

00:50:01.519 --> 00:50:05.539
there. And body language is super important.

00:50:06.880 --> 00:50:09.659
And so sometimes, and some people, well, let's

00:50:09.659 --> 00:50:13.699
go back a second, because sometimes we overanalyze

00:50:13.699 --> 00:50:15.840
body language too. But there's people who are

00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:18.780
autistic, and they don't keep the eye contact.

00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:20.440
So you might get thrown off a little bit there.

00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:22.960
But really, when it comes down to it, if you're

00:50:22.960 --> 00:50:26.159
just genuine, sincere, And it's like, yeah, I'm

00:50:26.159 --> 00:50:29.280
going to go above and beyond for you in the sale

00:50:29.280 --> 00:50:32.940
of your property. And if I don't do it, now I'm

00:50:32.940 --> 00:50:36.800
going to feel guilty. But as you do it, everyone

00:50:36.800 --> 00:50:39.039
just feels better about it. And I feel like I've

00:50:39.039 --> 00:50:41.659
earned it. There's people who will, and same

00:50:41.659 --> 00:50:44.159
thing with attorneys, some people will charge

00:50:44.159 --> 00:50:46.679
everything and do nothing. Same thing with risk

00:50:46.679 --> 00:50:48.900
agents. Same thing with lenders. Same thing with

00:50:48.900 --> 00:50:54.320
various aspects of the industries. when you actually

00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:57.360
work for it it not only does it benefit your

00:50:57.360 --> 00:50:59.579
business you can look at it that way, but you

00:50:59.579 --> 00:51:03.599
feel good and So does everybody else and then

00:51:03.599 --> 00:51:06.000
there's no question like oh Am I ever gonna get

00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:07.820
sued or are they gonna hate me or are they gonna

00:51:07.820 --> 00:51:12.579
give a bad review? I've had tons of good reviews.

00:51:12.659 --> 00:51:14.440
I had one bad review I don't know who the guy

00:51:14.440 --> 00:51:18.179
is so might be a competitor, you know sure, but

00:51:18.179 --> 00:51:20.380
yeah, I think you're absolutely right when you're

00:51:20.380 --> 00:51:25.170
genuine people feel it And I think one of the

00:51:25.170 --> 00:51:28.449
things that we had touched on before in kind

00:51:28.449 --> 00:51:31.269
of our preparations was this idea as well when

00:51:31.269 --> 00:51:35.550
it comes to manipulation versus influence is,

00:51:35.769 --> 00:51:37.809
I believe we talked about this, but listening

00:51:37.809 --> 00:51:41.769
to respond or listening to understand. And in

00:51:41.769 --> 00:51:44.369
these situations, the genuineness comes out in

00:51:44.369 --> 00:51:48.039
it. If we are listening to understand. then we

00:51:48.039 --> 00:51:49.639
are being genuine because we are wanting to hear

00:51:49.639 --> 00:51:51.179
that person now. We want to hear their perspective.

00:51:51.300 --> 00:51:52.300
We're trying to understand where they're coming

00:51:52.300 --> 00:51:54.820
from. Whereas if we're simply listening to respond,

00:51:55.159 --> 00:51:57.099
we're not genuinely listening. It's just like,

00:51:57.159 --> 00:51:58.920
okay, get through what you're going to say because

00:51:58.920 --> 00:52:00.599
I got to say something now, right? It's my turn

00:52:00.599 --> 00:52:03.340
to say something. Yeah. So when you're listening

00:52:03.340 --> 00:52:07.119
to respond, first, your eye contact is not going

00:52:07.119 --> 00:52:09.119
to be on the person and they're going to feel

00:52:09.119 --> 00:52:11.599
it. Oh, interesting. Because you're, remember

00:52:11.599 --> 00:52:14.579
you're going to your creative mind, which you

00:52:14.579 --> 00:52:16.730
start to look that direction. Because you're

00:52:16.730 --> 00:52:18.070
like, in your head, writing what you're going

00:52:18.070 --> 00:52:21.550
to say. Yeah. So then they feel like you're outside,

00:52:21.550 --> 00:52:26.349
right? So the other thing is, when you're listening

00:52:26.349 --> 00:52:30.409
to respond, is you're actually not giving them

00:52:30.409 --> 00:52:33.849
validity, right? Because if you respond and you

00:52:33.849 --> 00:52:37.210
say, OK, but this, this is what we call the yes,

00:52:37.289 --> 00:52:41.170
but, right? Yeah. The yes, but kills any rapport.

00:52:42.449 --> 00:52:45.909
So if you say yes, but I got this this and that

00:52:45.909 --> 00:52:50.250
and if you go about it this way you say yes actually

00:52:50.250 --> 00:52:52.670
what I'm hearing you say is you're feeling this

00:52:52.670 --> 00:52:56.570
way and I can see why you feel that way okay

00:52:56.570 --> 00:53:00.809
I feel good and can I share something that's

00:53:00.809 --> 00:53:02.869
been bothering me and they're like you're asking

00:53:02.869 --> 00:53:04.489
and they give you permission so now they're gonna

00:53:04.489 --> 00:53:08.369
be more receptive um and so then you start saying

00:53:08.369 --> 00:53:11.110
and this is a little bit how I'm feeling and

00:53:11.110 --> 00:53:13.550
then and she does the same thing it's like okay

00:53:14.180 --> 00:53:17.820
But the yes but is a killer. It's a total killer.

00:53:18.380 --> 00:53:22.480
Listen to understand, listen not to respond.

00:53:23.239 --> 00:53:25.440
It's a game changer. It's a game changer and

00:53:25.440 --> 00:53:27.739
I think people will find when you engage in that

00:53:27.739 --> 00:53:30.400
in any relationship that you have with your spouse,

00:53:30.539 --> 00:53:35.239
a business partner, a co -worker, a client, it'll

00:53:35.239 --> 00:53:38.460
completely change the way the interactions feel

00:53:38.460 --> 00:53:41.039
during and it'll also change the way you feel

00:53:41.039 --> 00:53:45.219
after. And in a really positive way, too, is

00:53:45.219 --> 00:53:49.000
my experience. So there's the phrase, win the

00:53:49.000 --> 00:53:51.519
battle, but lose the war. A lot of times we win

00:53:51.519 --> 00:53:53.880
the argument, but lose the relationship. For

00:53:53.880 --> 00:53:56.360
sure. Too many times. Yeah. Too many times we're

00:53:56.360 --> 00:53:58.019
just really short sighted in that. And it's easy

00:53:58.019 --> 00:54:00.940
to because your emotions get going and it's really

00:54:00.940 --> 00:54:05.000
easy for those emotions to override those long

00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:08.280
term like benefits that are there. Speaking on

00:54:08.280 --> 00:54:12.599
that. This is the moment when we know emotions

00:54:12.599 --> 00:54:15.300
are high as an interrogator. That's when we have

00:54:15.300 --> 00:54:18.820
control And so when you lose your emotional cool

00:54:18.820 --> 00:54:23.219
You've lost So the more you can stay calm the

00:54:23.219 --> 00:54:26.820
less control a manipulator has It's so interesting

00:54:26.820 --> 00:54:29.980
when you say that too. It's like When I'm having

00:54:29.980 --> 00:54:33.760
a discussion with my wife the moment that I do

00:54:33.760 --> 00:54:36.400
the moment my emotion gets a hold of me too much

00:54:37.019 --> 00:54:38.679
It's over. I'm not going to get through to her.

00:54:38.800 --> 00:54:41.559
She's not going to get through to me. It's almost

00:54:41.559 --> 00:54:43.440
pointless for the discussion at that point in

00:54:43.440 --> 00:54:46.280
time, because it's lost. It's toast. Oh, it's

00:54:46.280 --> 00:54:49.420
such an interesting way to look at it. As an

00:54:49.420 --> 00:54:50.420
integrator, that's actually kind of what you're

00:54:50.420 --> 00:54:53.639
going for. In that case, yeah, that's my job.

00:54:53.780 --> 00:54:54.820
In that situation, I want to get them there.

00:54:54.860 --> 00:54:57.079
That is my job. Get them there. But then learn

00:54:57.079 --> 00:54:58.719
the lesson from it, right? That that's what we

00:54:58.719 --> 00:55:00.099
need to guard against when we're having a discussion

00:55:00.099 --> 00:55:01.980
with somebody. Don't let it get to that point,

00:55:02.079 --> 00:55:04.780
because then if you do, you're not going to have...

00:55:04.780 --> 00:55:07.639
the positive relationship there that you're looking

00:55:07.639 --> 00:55:10.619
for. Yeah. Okay, so we'll hit a this or that.

00:55:10.780 --> 00:55:12.599
We'll hit a rapid fire and then we'll circle

00:55:12.599 --> 00:55:14.460
back with some final thoughts in your three actual

00:55:14.460 --> 00:55:16.360
takeaways. Okay. Looking forward to those. Okay,

00:55:16.400 --> 00:55:19.820
so here is a this or that. So it's whatever you

00:55:19.820 --> 00:55:22.159
think. You choose between the two. Might be a

00:55:22.159 --> 00:55:24.480
controversial pick. You'll have to defend yourself.

00:55:24.719 --> 00:55:26.980
All right, let's go. If that's the case. Glass

00:55:26.980 --> 00:55:32.400
slipper or frying pan? Four. Whatever however,

00:55:32.400 --> 00:55:35.019
you want to take that i'll take the frying pan

00:55:35.019 --> 00:55:36.800
take the frying pan around you'd be repulsed.

00:55:36.900 --> 00:55:40.519
Oh there. Um, it's better weapon That fair. Yeah,

00:55:40.659 --> 00:55:42.659
it probably is that glass would just pull apart.

00:55:42.679 --> 00:55:44.619
Well, I don't know maybe good for stabbing the

00:55:44.619 --> 00:55:47.039
hill Okay, yeah, it could be i'll take the pan

00:55:47.039 --> 00:55:50.860
tower window or or castle ballroom tower window

00:55:50.860 --> 00:55:53.239
It's like iconic. It's really interesting when

00:55:53.239 --> 00:55:55.400
I went and re -watched cinderella for this like

00:55:55.400 --> 00:55:58.400
she's cast away into the tower, but really I

00:55:58.400 --> 00:56:00.539
was like, it could be rad to be up in that tower.

00:56:00.699 --> 00:56:02.400
I mean, you probably got to have a lot, but like

00:56:02.400 --> 00:56:04.260
if you would be amazing, right? You get some

00:56:04.260 --> 00:56:07.280
privacy, totally. Right. But then you got the

00:56:07.280 --> 00:56:11.219
mother and the evil and ugly stepsisters, um,

00:56:11.460 --> 00:56:19.119
Pascal or Gus Gus. Gus Gus. Gus Gus is fine.

00:56:19.179 --> 00:56:21.239
And Cinderella, he's really fun. Like he's the

00:56:21.239 --> 00:56:24.920
funny one. Um, okay. I don't know if you've experienced

00:56:24.920 --> 00:56:27.400
either of these, but i'm just gonna see right

00:56:27.400 --> 00:56:35.679
in military helicopter ride or tank ride Do I

00:56:35.679 --> 00:56:38.800
get to uh, shoot anything sure, okay the tank

00:56:38.800 --> 00:56:41.719
Okay fair. That's a great. That's a great clarification

00:56:41.719 --> 00:56:43.980
there. I haven't been in one yet actually so

00:56:43.980 --> 00:56:48.900
That'd be kind of fun. Um tactical gear or dress

00:56:48.900 --> 00:56:51.659
uniform tactical gear Absolutely. That's fair.

00:56:51.780 --> 00:56:52.760
I would have guessed that. I would have guessed

00:56:52.760 --> 00:56:56.920
that. Day one. Early morning mission or night

00:56:56.920 --> 00:57:02.480
mission? I like to... I'm an early bird guy,

00:57:02.960 --> 00:57:05.400
but night mission sounds cool. Yeah, right. You

00:57:05.400 --> 00:57:07.300
know... Yeah, night vision gobs. Yeah, like what

00:57:07.300 --> 00:57:09.619
you kind of see. Like, yeah, totally cool. Okay,

00:57:09.639 --> 00:57:15.219
here's a rapid fire. Favorite Disney movie? I

00:57:15.219 --> 00:57:17.099
think my favorite Disney movie is actually Tangled.

00:57:17.380 --> 00:57:19.889
So good. It reminds me of my wife. She's just

00:57:19.889 --> 00:57:22.449
like Rapunzel. Oh, man. That's good. Those are

00:57:22.449 --> 00:57:24.590
good characteristics to have. That's amazing.

00:57:25.190 --> 00:57:29.030
Favorite Disney song. Favorite Disney song. You

00:57:29.030 --> 00:57:30.550
know, I think this is going to be the Aladdin.

00:57:31.829 --> 00:57:35.150
Like the one jump. Oh, one step ahead. Yes. Or

00:57:35.150 --> 00:57:37.170
one jump ahead. Yeah, something like that. But

00:57:37.170 --> 00:57:39.489
yeah, I love that song. It's like so catchy.

00:57:39.630 --> 00:57:42.130
Yeah, it totally is. And then they have like

00:57:42.130 --> 00:57:44.710
during it, there's the ladies that kind of interact.

00:57:45.230 --> 00:57:47.030
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, it's really fun. Some

00:57:47.030 --> 00:57:50.340
funny moments of that one. Favorite Disney princess?

00:57:52.639 --> 00:57:55.619
I had a lot of princess girlfriends growing up.

00:57:56.780 --> 00:58:01.800
I liked Jasmine. Yeah. I think that was my go

00:58:01.800 --> 00:58:03.619
-to. Jasmine was great. Jasmine was great. I'm

00:58:03.619 --> 00:58:06.780
a big fan of Jasmine. Favorite Disney hero or

00:58:06.780 --> 00:58:21.130
heroine? Favorite Disney hero? I would say probably

00:58:21.130 --> 00:58:24.849
Hercules. He's a good one. Yeah. Has a great

00:58:24.849 --> 00:58:27.929
character journey. He's strong but sincere. I

00:58:27.929 --> 00:58:30.809
think I like that. Yeah, and at first he's kind

00:58:30.809 --> 00:58:32.210
of fuddling his way around. I like it when they

00:58:32.210 --> 00:58:34.130
show him as a kid where he can't do anything

00:58:34.130 --> 00:58:36.590
right. You know he's all strong but nobody likes

00:58:36.590 --> 00:58:38.210
him because he keeps messing everything up and

00:58:38.210 --> 00:58:40.130
breaking everything, right? Actually, he really

00:58:40.130 --> 00:58:46.329
humanizes him. Favorite Disney villain. Oh, okay.

00:58:47.670 --> 00:58:56.500
Favorite Disney villain. it's gonna take a minute

00:58:56.500 --> 00:59:01.039
i never really thought of that there's so there's

00:59:01.039 --> 00:59:03.820
so many good villains out there and uh the ones

00:59:03.820 --> 00:59:06.639
that i love to see like in the uh parade they

00:59:06.639 --> 00:59:10.260
do uh during like the ogee boogie bash yeah disneyland

00:59:10.260 --> 00:59:12.179
because it's like a villain's parade so it's

00:59:12.179 --> 00:59:14.340
so fun and now they're doing the villains land

00:59:14.340 --> 00:59:16.659
in magic kingdom in orlando won't be there for

00:59:16.659 --> 00:59:18.300
a few years but once they do that'll be a fun

00:59:18.300 --> 00:59:22.650
line to go to I'm gonna take a rain check on

00:59:22.650 --> 00:59:24.750
that one. Okay, no problem. Well, the next two

00:59:24.750 --> 00:59:26.369
I'm looking forward to. These are two that I

00:59:26.369 --> 00:59:27.949
have. Normally I do about the same questions,

00:59:27.989 --> 00:59:29.889
but these two were for you. Okay. This is gonna

00:59:29.889 --> 00:59:33.389
make you think as well, okay? Okay. Disney character

00:59:33.389 --> 00:59:39.590
that would be the best interrogator. Okay. Honestly,

00:59:40.570 --> 00:59:45.210
Scar. Ooh, yeah. Because he's another manipulator,

00:59:45.329 --> 00:59:50.230
right? He's totally smart. Yes, but he... He

00:59:50.230 --> 00:59:53.389
uses his assets and uses people to then come

00:59:53.389 --> 00:59:56.849
into the play quite a bit So I think you get

00:59:56.849 --> 00:59:58.630
interrogator totally convinces Simba that it

00:59:58.630 --> 01:00:01.829
was his fault. Yeah his father Yep, like master

01:00:01.829 --> 01:00:03.710
manipulator to convince him to do that. We should

01:00:03.710 --> 01:00:05.789
talk more about that one But yeah, that is a

01:00:05.789 --> 01:00:07.530
great all of them do it. Yeah, that's a great

01:00:07.530 --> 01:00:10.489
answer. Okay Disney character you would most

01:00:10.489 --> 01:00:15.250
want to interrogate Most want to interrogate

01:00:23.279 --> 01:00:26.460
You know, I think I would like to interrogate

01:00:26.460 --> 01:00:29.559
Mother Gothel. Because I like to see people,

01:00:29.699 --> 01:00:32.179
when people are that type of person, I like to

01:00:32.179 --> 01:00:34.000
make them squirm a little. Yeah, and she could

01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:36.420
use a little of that. She made that Rapunzel

01:00:36.420 --> 01:00:39.280
squirm for a long time. She deserves it. She

01:00:39.280 --> 01:00:41.039
totally deserves it. Those are good answers.

01:00:42.780 --> 01:00:45.179
So as we kind of wrap up, a couple of things

01:00:45.179 --> 01:00:47.199
before we get to the takeaways that I was wondering

01:00:47.199 --> 01:00:50.300
about from you when it comes to interrogation

01:00:50.300 --> 01:00:52.719
stuff, which is... you know what what are some

01:00:52.719 --> 01:00:57.360
of the things that people could learn from what

01:00:57.360 --> 01:00:59.179
you know about interrogation that could help

01:00:59.179 --> 01:01:01.059
them in their lives that obviously don't violate

01:01:01.059 --> 01:01:02.480
anything you're not allowed to share yeah obviously

01:01:02.480 --> 01:01:04.820
uh but that like or something that somebody really

01:01:04.820 --> 01:01:07.699
can take and say okay that's actually an interesting

01:01:07.699 --> 01:01:09.619
skill or interesting way to look at an interesting

01:01:09.619 --> 01:01:15.380
technique that can improve my relationships the

01:01:15.380 --> 01:01:23.760
the thing i would probably um come to is I think

01:01:23.760 --> 01:01:28.820
understanding your partner, your friends, motivators.

01:01:29.619 --> 01:01:32.320
When it comes to that, then you can address and

01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:36.119
say, oh, to be a good friend, they like my time.

01:01:36.579 --> 01:01:39.340
Or they like presence. I'm not a present guy.

01:01:39.800 --> 01:01:45.579
I could care less about them. But if someone

01:01:45.579 --> 01:01:47.599
were to say, how do they have a good time with

01:01:47.599 --> 01:01:49.739
me, I'd just. good quality time with them. And

01:01:49.739 --> 01:01:51.480
I'd be like, that was the best thing you could

01:01:51.480 --> 01:01:54.880
do for me. So once you know their motivator,

01:01:54.940 --> 01:01:59.679
then, you know, work with them as giving what

01:01:59.679 --> 01:02:03.519
they need and then share your own motivator with

01:02:03.519 --> 01:02:05.639
your friend, your spouse. So they understand

01:02:05.639 --> 01:02:08.119
that, too, because we don't always understand.

01:02:08.199 --> 01:02:10.619
We don't want the same things. Even if we're

01:02:10.619 --> 01:02:13.380
friends or we have a partner, we think of it

01:02:13.380 --> 01:02:15.300
from the lens of, well, this is what I want.

01:02:15.400 --> 01:02:17.219
So she's definitely got to want it. And then

01:02:17.219 --> 01:02:21.170
she's going to think, Well, like my wife, she's

01:02:21.170 --> 01:02:23.389
like, well, I like having a birthday party and

01:02:23.389 --> 01:02:26.710
people over. I want this for you. I'm like, well,

01:02:26.769 --> 01:02:29.650
I don't want much people for my birthday. But

01:02:29.650 --> 01:02:32.989
then if she just did something simple, like rubbed

01:02:32.989 --> 01:02:37.409
my feet. That's like the best for me. You make

01:02:37.409 --> 01:02:39.590
me a nice little dinner. I watch a show and a

01:02:39.590 --> 01:02:42.150
quiet piece. And she's like, you're so weird,

01:02:42.289 --> 01:02:44.670
Josh. She loves the Gayla's. I hated the Gayla's,

01:02:44.670 --> 01:02:48.039
you know, but. Yeah motivation. Okay, I understand

01:02:48.039 --> 01:02:50.760
their motivation. It's a great answer and so

01:02:50.760 --> 01:02:52.739
when when it comes to the topic that we've been

01:02:52.739 --> 01:02:55.539
talking about and again drawing on all the Experiences

01:02:55.539 --> 01:02:57.519
that you've had and the things that you've learned

01:02:57.519 --> 01:03:00.420
through doing the things that you've done. What

01:03:00.420 --> 01:03:03.880
are three Actionable takeaways and somebody could

01:03:03.880 --> 01:03:06.380
have three things that they could put into their

01:03:06.380 --> 01:03:12.539
lives take action on today or this week The one

01:03:12.539 --> 01:03:15.409
of the things I would say is We talked about

01:03:15.409 --> 01:03:18.929
urgency. Slow it down. You don't have to make

01:03:18.929 --> 01:03:22.889
a decision right now. You can always say, thank

01:03:22.889 --> 01:03:25.269
you for the information. I'm going to go and

01:03:25.269 --> 01:03:30.030
research this further. And let's follow up. That

01:03:30.030 --> 01:03:32.610
slows any manipulator, especially for sales.

01:03:32.969 --> 01:03:35.030
I mean, you get this from door -to -door salesmen,

01:03:35.269 --> 01:03:38.610
pest controls, time shares, realtors, attorneys.

01:03:38.789 --> 01:03:40.730
I mean, you name it. They're trying to get you

01:03:40.730 --> 01:03:44.280
to sign something ASAP, right? But if you say

01:03:44.280 --> 01:03:46.599
let me review this and let me know if you have

01:03:46.599 --> 01:03:49.179
any questions and if they say Well, what can

01:03:49.179 --> 01:03:51.980
I do to get you to sign today say I'd be myself

01:03:51.980 --> 01:03:54.679
a promise. I won't sign anything right away.

01:03:54.679 --> 01:03:57.679
I'll do the research Don't you want me to do

01:03:57.679 --> 01:03:59.059
the research and make sure I make a good decision

01:03:59.059 --> 01:04:02.400
you put the onus back on them because they're

01:04:02.400 --> 01:04:05.900
back Yes, of course. Okay. Thank you. Thank you

01:04:05.900 --> 01:04:07.860
for giving me the time to now research it and

01:04:07.860 --> 01:04:12.269
get back with you Now they're stuck sure So that's

01:04:12.269 --> 01:04:13.909
the one thing I'd say it would be a takeaway.

01:04:14.090 --> 01:04:18.789
Slow it down and delay your response or your

01:04:18.789 --> 01:04:23.789
decision. What are two others? So the other one,

01:04:23.789 --> 01:04:26.809
I would say again, don't do the yes but. That's

01:04:26.809 --> 01:04:29.710
the takeaway. The yes but, it kills relationships.

01:04:31.929 --> 01:04:34.710
And another thing to keep into the relationship

01:04:34.710 --> 01:04:38.510
is what we talked about. The listen to understand.

01:04:39.400 --> 01:04:42.719
Not listen to respond so good and it's honestly

01:04:42.719 --> 01:04:45.260
it's it's benefited me and everything I do the

01:04:45.260 --> 01:04:46.380
more I listen to them then I understand what

01:04:46.380 --> 01:04:48.980
they want and they feel heard and It also helps

01:04:48.980 --> 01:04:53.059
me to know what I need to do as an agent To make

01:04:53.059 --> 01:04:55.659
them happy some people they're like I want something

01:04:55.659 --> 01:04:57.179
quick someone's like I want you checking in with

01:04:57.179 --> 01:04:59.179
me every day Someone's like don't talk to me

01:04:59.179 --> 01:05:01.500
at all until it's sold, you know, but knowing

01:05:01.500 --> 01:05:04.349
it But I don't talk a lot in those conversations.

01:05:04.510 --> 01:05:06.050
I let them talk. OK, what else are you looking

01:05:06.050 --> 01:05:07.710
for? What else are you looking for? OK, so you

01:05:07.710 --> 01:05:09.929
want these things. And if I do those things,

01:05:10.010 --> 01:05:12.030
then you will be satisfied with what I provide

01:05:12.030 --> 01:05:22.690
for you. Absolutely. There you go. Well, Josh,

01:05:22.730 --> 01:05:25.170
thank you so much for being on this episode with

01:05:25.170 --> 01:05:27.329
us. I really enjoyed learning from you, learning

01:05:27.329 --> 01:05:30.130
from a master interrogator on some of the things

01:05:30.130 --> 01:05:32.190
to avoid, some of the things to look out for

01:05:32.190 --> 01:05:34.190
in our own relationships and ways we can improve.

01:05:34.389 --> 01:05:37.670
On yes land and not yes but. That's right. That's

01:05:37.670 --> 01:05:40.030
right. That's exactly right. So appreciate you,

01:05:40.090 --> 01:05:43.349
brother. All right. Thanks, man. As you lead

01:05:43.349 --> 01:05:46.409
this conversation, remember that yes, the past

01:05:46.409 --> 01:05:49.369
can hurt and you can either run from it or you

01:05:49.369 --> 01:05:52.539
can learn from it. So here's to learning and

01:05:52.539 --> 01:05:55.519
finding joy in the journey. See you real soon.