Pinocchio and Breaking Free From Your Strings | Kristin Reinbold

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To this day, I still feel the remorse of, and

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I remember like it was yesterday, yelling at

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my parents like, I hate you. You're not my real

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parents. The biggest takeaway for me, I think,

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was I just wanted to look her in the eye. And

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I remember writing a poem about this, being a

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kid, like a child, well before I turned 18. I

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wanted to be able to look her in the eye and

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hug the woman that had to hug me goodbye. And

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she says, no, Pinocchio, to make Geppetto's wish

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come true will be entirely up to you. Prove yourself

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brave, truthful, and unselfish, and someday you

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will be a real boy. He had to do it, and he had

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to prove himself to be brave, truthful, and unselfish.

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That was what the magic was going to be in him

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becoming that, because that's how he was going

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to be a real boy. I think we all have strings

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if we're willing to really look authentically

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and be a little vulnerable with ourselves. But

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my whole life has been this up and down, you

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know, cycle with it. And for the first time in

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a long time, I can say my insides match my outsides.

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If you are not living a life that is truly fulfilling

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and is worthy of a fulfilling life, then do a

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different one. Like, just do a different one.

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Stop waiting. No one's going to save you. Do

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it for yourself. where we say yes to the reality

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of yesterday and today, and we say and to the

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possibility, growth, and imagination of tomorrow.

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Well, welcome, everybody, to another episode

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of Yes and Land. We are very excited today for

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our guest. Our guest today. is uh man she knows

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all things disney and and not just that she actually

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co -hosts a podcast called the wisdom of walt

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uh with dr disneyland himself uh and she holds

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her own um and uh she she is writing a book which

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we will talk about we're so excited for when

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that ends up coming out and hits the shelves

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uh hearing more about that um she's also happens

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to be A teacher, a middle school teacher, bringing

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in bits of Disney into her classroom, inspiring

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her students. And we're really excited to where

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the conversation is going to go today. Today,

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our guests welcome Kristen Reinbold. Hi, thank

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you so much for having me. It is an honor and

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a privilege to be able to sit down and talk with

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somebody else that's like minded, that just really

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appreciates not just Disney for the parks and

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for the entertainment, but for who the man was

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behind all of that. So thank you so much. Yeah,

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it's going to be really fun today. One of the

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things that we'll dive into a little bit more

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is about those types of lessons and stuff that

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we can take, both from Walt himself and also

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the things that he did. And today we're going

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to take specifically a look at classic Disney

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movie, Pinocchio. If I'm not mistaken, 1940.

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Am I getting that right? Is that when that was

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done? oh this is why we need dr disneyland he's

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the dates guy let's say it is and if it's not

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drop it in the comments yeah correct i think

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that's what it is when when my daughters and

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i were watching it on old disney plus i think

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that's what i said and i was like i didn't realize

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it was that long ago i didn't realize it was

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that old because i don't seem that old but i'm

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like well okay i guess you know i mean i wasn't

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alive when it came out but i definitely watched

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it as a child watched it as a young lad and you

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know what was gonna be fun today is we're gonna

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talk a little bit about probably makes a lot

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of sense talking about pinocchio is kind of breaking

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free from the strings that might hold us down

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or keep us restricted and uh we should have a

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fun conversation today about how we can do that

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and again taking some more lessons from uh walt

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disney himself so you know kristen maybe take

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us back a little bit what i always like to do

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is get to learn a little bit more about our guests

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and kind of where they're from their their personal

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stories so take us back like where where did

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you grow up so i was actually Adopted as a baby.

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So I was born in Oregon and adopted. It was prearranged.

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So I wasn't able to meet my biological parents

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for safety reasons. Adopted right as a baby.

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And then about two years old, my adopted family

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relocated us here to Las Vegas. I'm now 42. I

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just turned 42 last week. So I've been here in

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Vegas for 40 of my 42 years of life. My goodness.

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And I should say. Unless I'm mistaken, I'm remembering

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incorrectly. Your birthday is July 29th. Because

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your birthday is July 29th. Because that's my

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birthday. Hey, everybody. The best birthday ever.

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We should get, like, tattoos now or something.

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Make it official. Leo. That's why we get along

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so well. Yeah, we're Leos. We're, like, I've

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been told. I've been told that we're cheater

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Leos, right? Because Leos are August normally,

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but we're, like, the little bit of July that's

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a Leo. So, hey, you know what? I'm still a Leo.

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They changed it later. But when we were born

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in 84, it was considered Leo. So dang it, I'm

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sticking to that. That's right. That's right.

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So you've been in Vegas for a very long time.

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So what was life like growing up, having been

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adopted? Did you know you were adopted? Was that

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a conversation y 'all had about being adopted?

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Or was there a point in time where your parents

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sat you down and said, hey, by the way, Kristen,

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you are adopted? Yeah, what a great question.

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And that's one thing that I dive in quite heavily

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throughout the book that we'll touch more on

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later. My parents, and I'm going to start by

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saying this, and it took me a very long time

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to be able to really believe what I'm about to

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say, but my parents did the absolute best and

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made decisions according to the information they

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had at the time. What I mean by that is, to answer

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your question in short, I've always... known,

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I was adopted. It was never this like dramatic

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sit down moment with like, you know, the Netflix,

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you know, a challenge that's going on right now,

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but on socials, like there wasn't the Netflix

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background music of like, we need to talk. I've

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always known. In fact, their exact vernacular

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for it was we got to pick you out special. And

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what was interesting about that is my biological

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Excuse me, my adopted parents, including my brother,

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who's not blood related, but was my parents that

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adopted me, their child. They all had dark brown

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eyes and dark brown or black hair. My brother

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is very tall, very thin, very athletic, went

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on to be a doctor. I'm not built that same way.

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And so like growing up, it was very difficult

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because while I felt special. Right. Because

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when you're told over and over, we got to pick

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you out special. You feel like, oh, OK. but then

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there's also another side of it where you don't

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have that identity to the very people that say

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i love you and call you theirs and so there's

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this huge dichotomy of except acceptance versus

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abandonment and so i struggled big time with

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that um we used to call it you know really big

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feelings little body like i i felt all of these

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confusing emotions and back then right so i was

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born in 84 It wasn't really something a lot of

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people talked about. I didn't have any other

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friends that were adopted, so I didn't really

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have anyone to turn to to talk to about these

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things. And unfortunately, I spent a lot of my

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life, especially my teenage years, really battling

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and fighting back against my parents. To this

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day, and I'm just going to jump in and be raw

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here, but to this day, I still feel the remorse

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of, and I remember it like it was yesterday.

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Yelling at my parents, like, I hate you. You're

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not my real parents. And being a mom now with

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two children, like, the heaviness of that, you

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know, knowing now what it feels like to carry

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a child physically, the idea of giving a child

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away even for a better life, like, the gravity

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of that is just so profound. So, yeah. You know,

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we're going to talk about Pinocchio, but it always

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reminds me whenever I talk with people about

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the... being adopted and thinking about like

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somebody giving you up it always reminds me of

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maui right because now we you know in the story

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when he's explaining all these tattoos like the

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idea is that like his parents threw him into

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the ocean to give him up and he has to be saved

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and to be made a demigod so that he can survive

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and that's why his whole life he's just out for

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the praise of man because he's trying to have

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that sense of belonging and like he matters like

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it it's like something in life matters for him

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because he was just cast out into the ocean and

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so you're talking about that and just reminding

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me like i can totally understand how those would

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be natural emotions that would come up like oh

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but i was abandoned yes they chose me but i was

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also abandoned Yes, absolutely. And I think what

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made it even more difficult is I've been a writer

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since I came out. I make a joke that like it's

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no sooner did I was I born, you know, I had a

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pencil in my hand. And I remember writing journal

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after journal, these like elaborate stories about

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what my life was going to be like once I made

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it back home. and I dreamed up, and I genuinely

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believed that my biological family was just waiting

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for me. You know, they had to just get their

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stuff figured out for 18 years, but magically

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after 18 years, they were going to have, and

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it sounds so silly to say, but I genuinely believed

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they were going to have a home on the cliffs

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of Oregon waiting for me. There was going to

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be a fun setup for my college. I was going to

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be able to go back to Oregon State, which is

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where my dad graduated, my adopted dad. And I

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just literally, I would write poems about it

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and short stories. I even drew, and I'm a terrible

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artist, but I would even draw pictures of what

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that life looked like. And it was just this longing.

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And I love that you mentioned Maui because I

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think that's what helped me fall in love with

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and resonate with Disney storytelling from such

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a young age is because it's the hero's journey,

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right? Over and over and over. Looking for something,

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whether it's a relationship or a sense of home

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or a purpose or their special power, you know,

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we're all seeking. And I think I spent so much

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of my life seeking for something out there that

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was going to fulfill this, like, you know, gaping

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hole in me. And so it's been 42 years of just

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really discovering. discovering the truth in

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that and realizing that there is nothing out

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there that's going to fulfill that. It's an inner

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work that I have to do in myself. And then once

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you find that, you find peace. And that's a lot

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to going back to the book, a lot of kind of what

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the book is about. Did you ever end up connecting

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with your biological parents? Yeah. So again,

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I have to practice this by saying my... Adopted

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parents, David and Linda, did a beautiful job

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and did the best that they could. But for much

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of my life, I was told that my biological father

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was killed in a logging accident. He was a lumber

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guy up in Oregon. And I don't have the full story

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if that was told to them and they believed it

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or they shared that with me because they were

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just trying to protect me. But it ended up being

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he was not a guy that you would want to meet.

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I wanted to take a second and shout out another

00:11:22.039 --> 00:11:24.960
show I've been really into lately. It's called

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The Wisdom of Walt. Didn't expect to get hooked

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the way that I did, but here we are. If you like

00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:33.379
what we do here, I think you'll really vibe with

00:11:33.379 --> 00:11:36.120
that one too. So go check it out. Yeah, no doubt.

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So you're, you are kind of going through this

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like struggle of being adopted and not like feeling

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necessarily a part of your adopted family. Once

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you're 18, your parents make you this promise

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that you can go meet your biological mother.

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Was she still in Oregon when you did that? Yeah,

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she was. She was right where we left her. Yeah,

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yeah. Yeah, we'll just say on the coast of Oregon.

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And yeah, that was surreal. The biggest takeaway

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for me, I think, was I just wanted to look her

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in the eye. And I remember writing a poem about

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this. Being a kid, like a child, well before

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I turned 18, I wanted to be able to look her

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in the eye and hug the woman that had to hug

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me goodbye and to say thank you. And even at

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18, I thought that I was ready for that interaction.

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I thought, you know, and I've raised a now 21

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-year -old, and my son is 15, and I teach middle

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schoolers for a living. Like, they definitely

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believe that once they're 18, they are adults,

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and they know what they're doing, and I sure

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as heck did too. I was not at all ready. Quite

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frankly, I don't think I was ready until maybe

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40, you know, until I really had done some living.

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But it was unfortunate because remember that

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reality that I painted for myself through my

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writing and through my drawings and, you know,

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just the daydreams that I would have about what

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my life was going to look like. It was the complete

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opposite. The home was basically getting. repossessed

00:13:16.730 --> 00:13:20.669
they had an outhouse uh porta potty in the front

00:13:20.669 --> 00:13:25.110
yard um they had asked me for money i was 18

00:13:25.110 --> 00:13:27.490
years old they had asked me for money to help

00:13:27.490 --> 00:13:30.409
pay for groceries um just some really bizarre

00:13:30.409 --> 00:13:33.230
things and so it was definitely a culture shock

00:13:33.230 --> 00:13:36.269
and it was weird um and i don't think i really

00:13:36.269 --> 00:13:37.789
made this connection until i'm saying it out

00:13:37.789 --> 00:13:39.549
loud to you right now but i think there was this

00:13:39.549 --> 00:13:42.309
whole identity crisis in me because again i spent

00:13:42.309 --> 00:13:45.879
18 years of my life believing something Feeling

00:13:45.879 --> 00:13:48.899
kind of this dichotomy of emotions, feeling pulled

00:13:48.899 --> 00:13:51.139
in two different directions, believing that something

00:13:51.139 --> 00:13:53.820
else is out there that's going to fix it for

00:13:53.820 --> 00:13:56.419
18 years. And then 18 years later, you go to

00:13:56.419 --> 00:13:58.740
discover that what you thought was there was

00:13:58.740 --> 00:14:01.580
not at all what you had planned. I mean, isn't

00:14:01.580 --> 00:14:05.460
that life, right? And now what? Now the very

00:14:05.460 --> 00:14:08.379
thing that I thought that I was going to identify

00:14:08.379 --> 00:14:13.500
with and was going to be welcomed in is not it.

00:14:14.279 --> 00:14:16.379
and i had to bail like i left i was supposed

00:14:16.379 --> 00:14:18.200
to be there two whole weeks with them and i ended

00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:20.720
up leaving early because it was it was not the

00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:23.740
the best most safe situation for me so it was

00:14:23.740 --> 00:14:26.120
it was hard it was really hard to come back from

00:14:26.120 --> 00:14:29.820
that what what were your emotions you experienced

00:14:29.820 --> 00:14:32.360
in the aftermath of that so you go you have that

00:14:32.360 --> 00:14:34.120
you have to leave early because it's not a safe

00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:37.620
place for you to be in one sense i think this

00:14:37.620 --> 00:14:40.759
world that you had created kind of came crashing

00:14:40.759 --> 00:14:42.539
broke creating your mind he kind of come crashing

00:14:42.539 --> 00:14:44.899
down because it didn't really exist and wasn't

00:14:44.899 --> 00:14:47.620
going to exist what was that like in the aftermath

00:14:47.620 --> 00:14:53.159
i think we just discovered something like in

00:14:53.159 --> 00:14:56.159
real time it makes perfect sense now the aftermath

00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:59.830
of that for me was to jump in to things that

00:14:59.830 --> 00:15:02.570
made me feel accepted, welcomed, and loved. Now,

00:15:02.590 --> 00:15:05.250
let me say that my parents did nothing but show

00:15:05.250 --> 00:15:08.330
me love, acceptance, and support. They were in

00:15:08.330 --> 00:15:10.950
all of my games. They had me in every type of

00:15:10.950 --> 00:15:13.269
activity I could possibly be in. They were amazing

00:15:13.269 --> 00:15:16.990
servants of God in the church and so loving and

00:15:16.990 --> 00:15:20.190
home -cooked meals. And from the outside, people

00:15:20.190 --> 00:15:23.049
would look at me and be like, what do you mean?

00:15:23.289 --> 00:15:25.870
What more could you possibly want? And I think

00:15:25.870 --> 00:15:28.639
that's what was so frustrating. My mom, I remember,

00:15:28.700 --> 00:15:30.659
would used to cry and say, we've done everything.

00:15:30.779 --> 00:15:34.039
We know you're still not happy. What else can

00:15:34.039 --> 00:15:36.100
we do? And not having the answer to that was

00:15:36.100 --> 00:15:38.700
so frustrating. But coming back from that, the

00:15:38.700 --> 00:15:41.299
aftermath was, okay, I'm going to dive into very

00:15:41.299 --> 00:15:44.279
toxic, unhealthy relationships with men that

00:15:44.279 --> 00:15:46.179
I probably shouldn't be with because at least

00:15:46.179 --> 00:15:47.860
it's giving me a sense of belonging and they're

00:15:47.860 --> 00:15:51.409
not going to leave. So I thought. And I think

00:15:51.409 --> 00:15:53.590
that that kind of explains why I was so quick

00:15:53.590 --> 00:15:56.570
to jump into these relationships and then so

00:15:56.570 --> 00:16:00.350
quick to jump into marriage way too young, more

00:16:00.350 --> 00:16:04.570
than once. So I think that that can all be, speaking

00:16:04.570 --> 00:16:06.870
of Pinocchio and strings, I think that can all

00:16:06.870 --> 00:16:11.669
be tethered back to my unrest and my unsettling

00:16:11.669 --> 00:16:15.990
relationship with my own adoption. It is interesting

00:16:15.990 --> 00:16:19.029
how things that happen for us at such a young

00:16:19.029 --> 00:16:23.389
age can carry through the things that we experience.

00:16:23.509 --> 00:16:27.870
What do you think for you were the good things

00:16:27.870 --> 00:16:29.769
that came from that? Because in things that we

00:16:29.769 --> 00:16:32.490
experience, there can be obviously a lot of downsides,

00:16:32.490 --> 00:16:34.309
right? Getting into a relationship too early,

00:16:34.389 --> 00:16:35.830
you're looking for that sense of belonging. You're

00:16:35.830 --> 00:16:38.350
looking for someone who's going to have you be

00:16:38.350 --> 00:16:42.649
theirs and choose you. And that didn't work out

00:16:42.649 --> 00:16:44.610
because they weren't the right people you were

00:16:44.610 --> 00:16:47.450
jumping into quickly. Were there any things that

00:16:47.450 --> 00:16:50.590
you found that that did, that were good for you,

00:16:50.649 --> 00:16:54.090
that helped you, that gave you some extra things

00:16:54.090 --> 00:16:56.429
that other people maybe didn't have without those

00:16:56.429 --> 00:16:59.450
experiences? Yeah, the two things that come to

00:16:59.450 --> 00:17:02.950
my mind are Brighton and David. Brighton is my

00:17:02.950 --> 00:17:05.289
daughter that came from my first marriage. And

00:17:05.289 --> 00:17:09.230
that one, that was a very difficult one. That

00:17:09.230 --> 00:17:14.710
was probably, That 18 years of having to co -parent

00:17:14.710 --> 00:17:18.230
with that particular person, he who should go

00:17:18.230 --> 00:17:22.089
unnamed, was the thing that almost killed me.

00:17:22.250 --> 00:17:27.029
And yet, the most beautiful thing that helped

00:17:27.029 --> 00:17:30.430
me grow as a woman and as a mother and as a friend

00:17:30.430 --> 00:17:36.710
and as an empath was my daughter. And I know

00:17:36.710 --> 00:17:40.200
it sounds cliche, but... She would not be the

00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:42.079
way that she is and wired the way that she is

00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:44.180
if it weren't for her father being in the picture.

00:17:44.359 --> 00:17:46.819
And so if that's the only good thing that came

00:17:46.819 --> 00:17:49.440
of it, I would do it all over again. And then

00:17:49.440 --> 00:17:51.839
this thing could be said for my son, David. Yeah,

00:17:51.960 --> 00:17:53.839
raising a child with autism is very difficult.

00:17:53.960 --> 00:17:55.940
There's a lot of milestones that he will never

00:17:55.940 --> 00:17:58.019
achieve, and we never got to experience as a

00:17:58.019 --> 00:18:00.660
family that a neurotypical family would be able

00:18:00.660 --> 00:18:05.240
to. And it was unfortunate that his dad and I

00:18:05.240 --> 00:18:09.000
and our relationship didn't work out. We became

00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:11.859
two entirely different people. And I say this

00:18:11.859 --> 00:18:15.240
with love and grace, but his dad stayed stuck,

00:18:15.380 --> 00:18:17.940
if that makes sense, and did not grow, did not

00:18:17.940 --> 00:18:20.220
evolve and stayed right where he was when I met

00:18:20.220 --> 00:18:22.339
him. And, you know, you can only stay for so

00:18:22.339 --> 00:18:27.200
long. And so, again, David, I've been asked before,

00:18:27.319 --> 00:18:28.819
you know, if there's a medication out there,

00:18:28.900 --> 00:18:30.900
if there's a pill or an injection that would

00:18:30.900 --> 00:18:34.450
like take away his autism, would you do it? I

00:18:34.450 --> 00:18:36.230
know a lot of people would say, yeah, but I don't

00:18:36.230 --> 00:18:38.029
think I could because everything that I know

00:18:38.029 --> 00:18:41.529
about David and everything that I'm able to love

00:18:41.529 --> 00:18:43.470
about him, I think is a direct result of his

00:18:43.470 --> 00:18:45.670
autism and his spirit and his gentleness. And

00:18:45.670 --> 00:18:47.750
so those are the two things that I realized,

00:18:47.849 --> 00:18:52.849
man, even in the dark times and in the storms

00:18:52.849 --> 00:18:55.150
and in the turbulence and in the self -doubt

00:18:55.150 --> 00:18:57.789
and in the courtrooms and the custody battles,

00:18:57.970 --> 00:19:02.279
like beautiful things can come from ashes. I'm

00:19:02.279 --> 00:19:04.200
now in a reflective place where I can see that,

00:19:04.259 --> 00:19:06.400
you know, I'm so much removed from the darkness

00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:08.680
that I'm able to really see the light and what

00:19:08.680 --> 00:19:11.900
they brought. Oh yeah. And the other part of

00:19:11.900 --> 00:19:14.359
that too is, um, I had to be a single mom for

00:19:14.359 --> 00:19:17.980
a while. Um, and I raised two kids as a single

00:19:17.980 --> 00:19:20.940
mom and I had to go on welfare temporarily so

00:19:20.940 --> 00:19:23.460
that I can make ends meet and provide for the

00:19:23.460 --> 00:19:25.619
kids while I put myself through college. And

00:19:25.619 --> 00:19:29.839
so seeing me kind of go through this change of

00:19:30.119 --> 00:19:32.779
I need something else or somebody else to fulfill

00:19:32.779 --> 00:19:36.299
me, to make me feel complete and to help me feel

00:19:36.299 --> 00:19:39.539
enough. Well, time and time again, I was coming

00:19:39.539 --> 00:19:41.359
up empty. And so you could only do that for so

00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:43.440
long before my dad would say, you know, cowgirl

00:19:43.440 --> 00:19:46.740
up. And so I did. I cowgirled up and I didn't

00:19:46.740 --> 00:19:49.059
wait for a hero. I didn't wait for a man to save

00:19:49.059 --> 00:19:51.740
me. I'm like, all right, let's do this. And I

00:19:51.740 --> 00:19:54.700
did. And that's really freaking cool. And that's

00:19:54.700 --> 00:19:56.400
something I'm really proud of because both of

00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:59.000
my children. We're able to witness that like,

00:19:59.099 --> 00:20:02.819
OK, you want something bad enough. You're going

00:20:02.819 --> 00:20:05.180
to do what it takes to get to get to that success.

00:20:05.500 --> 00:20:06.799
And so, yeah, I think there were some really

00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:08.339
good things that came out of it. I think like

00:20:08.339 --> 00:20:10.640
it's really important. And thank you for asking,

00:20:10.740 --> 00:20:12.319
because I think it's so easy for us to dwell

00:20:12.319 --> 00:20:14.619
on the negative. And, oh, what was me? And it

00:20:14.619 --> 00:20:18.059
was so, so much of a dark time. But, man, there's

00:20:18.059 --> 00:20:20.579
two sides of it. You know, what that look like

00:20:20.579 --> 00:20:23.079
for you? Because I mean, obviously, like divorce

00:20:23.079 --> 00:20:25.700
these days is way more common than it used to

00:20:25.700 --> 00:20:28.190
be. Right. i do divorces all day every day and

00:20:28.190 --> 00:20:30.109
it happens a lot i remember growing up i had

00:20:30.109 --> 00:20:33.150
one friend that had divorced parents one and

00:20:33.150 --> 00:20:34.589
and we didn't really understand it at all we're

00:20:34.589 --> 00:20:35.990
like wait your parents don't live together like

00:20:35.990 --> 00:20:37.609
we didn't get it right and now it's so common

00:20:37.609 --> 00:20:39.990
and what i'm hearing from your story is that

00:20:39.990 --> 00:20:43.130
at some point in time you realize like i don't

00:20:43.130 --> 00:20:47.450
have to have somebody else i can have me and

00:20:47.450 --> 00:20:50.250
then if i find somebody else that augments what

00:20:50.250 --> 00:20:53.640
i have then great i don't have to have them What

00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:55.599
did that look like for you? Because I think there's

00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:59.000
a lot of women especially that can learn from

00:20:59.000 --> 00:21:01.799
your experiences that might be feeling like a

00:21:01.799 --> 00:21:05.220
lack of hope after going through a rough breakup

00:21:05.220 --> 00:21:07.599
or a tough marriage and feeling a little bit

00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:13.119
of despair about it. Sure. Wow. I think this

00:21:13.119 --> 00:21:15.240
goes hand in hand with something we haven't talked

00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:17.980
about yet. And that's some of the issues I had

00:21:17.980 --> 00:21:20.980
with like food addiction and like looking for

00:21:20.980 --> 00:21:23.200
things to soothe and to fill that hole again

00:21:23.200 --> 00:21:28.480
inside. And so when you are not content, and

00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:30.339
I think sometimes we get confused by what that

00:21:30.339 --> 00:21:35.359
word means, at least for me, content is being

00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:38.700
at peace with the situation and circumstances

00:21:38.700 --> 00:21:42.609
that are before you. I think we live in a world

00:21:42.609 --> 00:21:44.509
that makes it difficult for us to be that way.

00:21:44.569 --> 00:21:46.730
We're very much in a consumer society. I mean,

00:21:46.730 --> 00:21:48.190
if you looked at my credit card bill and how

00:21:48.190 --> 00:21:50.390
many times I order Amazon in a given week, like

00:21:50.390 --> 00:21:53.670
we constantly are needing things, right? And

00:21:53.670 --> 00:21:58.670
I use that word very loosely. In order for us

00:21:58.670 --> 00:22:00.930
to be content, I think we also have to be okay

00:22:00.930 --> 00:22:06.730
with the quiet and the reflection that we see

00:22:06.730 --> 00:22:09.690
in the mirror. And what I mean by that is who

00:22:09.690 --> 00:22:13.390
we really are. Not our jobs, not our position

00:22:13.390 --> 00:22:16.190
in a relationship, not our position in a family,

00:22:16.309 --> 00:22:20.529
but who we are, our passions, our skill sets,

00:22:20.650 --> 00:22:22.890
our desires, all of those things. When you take

00:22:22.890 --> 00:22:26.549
time to get to know that, which Kristen didn't,

00:22:26.549 --> 00:22:28.890
you know, the old Kristen didn't for a very,

00:22:28.930 --> 00:22:32.299
very long time. I didn't slow down enough to

00:22:32.299 --> 00:22:36.259
get to know me, to grow me, to develop me because

00:22:36.259 --> 00:22:38.680
I was so busy chasing after all these other things

00:22:38.680 --> 00:22:41.039
that when finally all of that fell away, I was

00:22:41.039 --> 00:22:44.000
really in a position where I had no other option.

00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:49.480
And in that stillness, which is, it takes courage,

00:22:49.579 --> 00:22:51.720
right? It takes guts and there's bravery there,

00:22:51.799 --> 00:22:53.920
right? To be okay with the silence. I think that's

00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:57.559
sometimes why people stay so busy and they can't

00:22:57.559 --> 00:23:00.720
just stop. Because once you stop and once you

00:23:00.720 --> 00:23:03.180
allow the silence, then you allow the reality

00:23:03.180 --> 00:23:06.180
of your environment and those thoughts to kind

00:23:06.180 --> 00:23:07.539
of come in and you have to kind of deal with

00:23:07.539 --> 00:23:12.519
some things. I think the most beautiful relationship

00:23:12.519 --> 00:23:15.700
and the one thing that I can say to women, especially

00:23:15.700 --> 00:23:18.059
for anybody that might be going through this,

00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:21.660
is the most important relationship. And I'm not

00:23:21.660 --> 00:23:24.240
talking about God or anything religious, but

00:23:24.240 --> 00:23:26.220
I truly believe the most important relationship.

00:23:26.839 --> 00:23:29.660
that you should take time, intentional time,

00:23:29.740 --> 00:23:32.880
to build and harvest is the one with yourself.

00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:37.000
My dad called it his inner Indian, and it was

00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:39.460
that still small voice, kind of like Jiminy Cricket,

00:23:39.500 --> 00:23:42.279
that would guide you, that would communicate

00:23:42.279 --> 00:23:46.240
with you if you're willing to listen. So many

00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:48.940
of us aren't willing to do that, or we get scared,

00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:53.039
or we stay busy, or, you know, distracted. Because

00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:55.720
I think if you allow yourself to really lean

00:23:55.720 --> 00:23:58.319
into what that voice is saying, a lot of things

00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:00.859
become clear. You start to realize who you are,

00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:04.500
what you stand for, your value systems, what

00:24:04.500 --> 00:24:08.440
you deserve, and you start to tolerate less of

00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:12.079
the things that don't serve you. And I think

00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:14.460
if we don't take the time to do that, we tend

00:24:14.460 --> 00:24:16.680
to fall into cycles or behaviors or relationships

00:24:16.680 --> 00:24:20.579
where we are consuming and experiencing things

00:24:20.579 --> 00:24:23.279
that... That we have no business, right? That

00:24:23.279 --> 00:24:28.799
are below us, that aren't meant for us. And,

00:24:28.940 --> 00:24:31.819
you know, my food addiction got to a point because

00:24:31.819 --> 00:24:33.519
it was a relationship with food, right? I think

00:24:33.519 --> 00:24:35.440
everything goes back to relationships. And a

00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:37.839
lot of people don't believe it, but I was 250

00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:40.660
pounds. And I just recently, for a second time,

00:24:40.740 --> 00:24:44.359
lost over 100 pounds. But my whole life has been

00:24:44.359 --> 00:24:46.500
this up and down, you know, cycle with it. And

00:24:46.500 --> 00:24:48.279
for the first time in a long time, I can say

00:24:48.279 --> 00:24:53.720
my insides. match my outsides. Um, and I like

00:24:53.720 --> 00:24:56.240
that now because for a while it was that, that

00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:59.220
same thing was true. My insides were junk and

00:24:59.220 --> 00:25:03.940
dark and chaos. And therefore my exterior was

00:25:03.940 --> 00:25:06.859
the same. And so I think it goes back to that

00:25:06.859 --> 00:25:10.160
relationship with yourself, get that right first.

00:25:10.619 --> 00:25:13.160
And it's not about getting yourself ready to

00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:16.559
be the mate of somebody else. I know some of

00:25:16.559 --> 00:25:18.539
the conditioning I had in church growing up was

00:25:18.539 --> 00:25:20.480
like that was my life's mission was to be the

00:25:20.480 --> 00:25:22.660
best mate for somebody else. And I respectfully

00:25:22.660 --> 00:25:25.759
disagree. I think my life's purpose is to like

00:25:25.759 --> 00:25:29.140
get in touch with this person here, love her

00:25:29.140 --> 00:25:32.720
well and in a healthy manner so that when I do

00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:35.140
meet somebody else that's at that same length,

00:25:35.259 --> 00:25:38.519
like you said, we we can pair and become a good

00:25:38.519 --> 00:25:41.440
team at that point. Yeah, I think it's a really

00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:44.160
actually, I think, beautiful tie into Pinocchio.

00:25:45.539 --> 00:25:49.779
And as you were talking about that, I kept looking

00:25:49.779 --> 00:25:52.039
at this quote I've written down from it. And

00:25:52.039 --> 00:25:54.779
this is the quote where I think it's the – I

00:25:54.779 --> 00:25:57.259
don't know what she is. She's a fairy. She's

00:25:57.259 --> 00:25:59.720
an angel. Whatever. She's a blue fairy. Okay.

00:25:59.779 --> 00:26:04.099
That's what she is. And she's talking with Pinocchio

00:26:04.099 --> 00:26:07.720
about this wish that Geppetto had. And she says,

00:26:08.019 --> 00:26:10.559
no, Pinocchio, to make Geppetto's wish come true

00:26:10.559 --> 00:26:13.839
will be entirely up to you. Prove yourself brave.

00:26:14.730 --> 00:26:17.990
truthful, and unselfish, and someday you will

00:26:17.990 --> 00:26:21.869
be a real boy. And so it was him that had to

00:26:21.869 --> 00:26:24.210
do it. It couldn't be because Geppetto wanted

00:26:24.210 --> 00:26:27.089
it for him. That wasn't going to happen, right?

00:26:27.430 --> 00:26:30.390
He had to do it, and he had to prove himself

00:26:30.390 --> 00:26:33.009
to be brave, truthful, and unselfish. And that

00:26:33.009 --> 00:26:35.769
was what the magic was going to be in him becoming

00:26:35.769 --> 00:26:37.890
that, because that's how he was going to be a

00:26:37.890 --> 00:26:40.509
real boy. Well, and I love the foreshadowing

00:26:40.509 --> 00:26:42.430
in that, like watching it now as an adult, especially

00:26:42.430 --> 00:26:44.230
as an English teacher, I'm able to like pick

00:26:44.230 --> 00:26:47.309
up on these things, these devices. But the foreshadowing

00:26:47.309 --> 00:26:50.269
of it is by her saying that it sets the stage

00:26:50.269 --> 00:26:52.950
for the adventures he's about to go on. So that

00:26:52.950 --> 00:26:55.710
was what he had to do. But in order for him to

00:26:55.710 --> 00:26:59.470
be able to prove himself, the story doesn't stop

00:26:59.470 --> 00:27:01.809
there. He has to actually go through some of

00:27:01.809 --> 00:27:04.190
these darker times and these trials and tribulations

00:27:04.190 --> 00:27:07.529
to be able to prove himself of those things.

00:27:08.349 --> 00:27:10.650
And the only way you're able to really show your

00:27:10.650 --> 00:27:13.509
true colors and show what you're made of and

00:27:13.509 --> 00:27:16.390
your innermost character is by going through

00:27:16.390 --> 00:27:19.309
the fire and going through that process of difficult

00:27:19.309 --> 00:27:21.170
times and dark times. And I think that's where

00:27:21.170 --> 00:27:23.329
a lot of people stop. You know, there's a whole

00:27:23.329 --> 00:27:27.369
other side of that story. If you're not willing

00:27:27.369 --> 00:27:30.390
to go through those things and to learn those

00:27:30.390 --> 00:27:33.309
important, valuable lessons along the way, then

00:27:33.309 --> 00:27:34.750
you don't really allow yourself the opportunity

00:27:34.750 --> 00:27:38.380
to bring that to fruition. And I love that you

00:27:38.380 --> 00:27:43.299
pointed out that it wasn't somebody else that

00:27:43.299 --> 00:27:46.259
could do it for him, which is ironic because

00:27:46.259 --> 00:27:49.059
Geppetto was the one that wished for him. And

00:27:49.059 --> 00:27:51.920
essentially, he's the one that crafted him with

00:27:51.920 --> 00:27:55.500
his own hands. So by definition, you would think

00:27:55.500 --> 00:27:58.500
that he would be the one that could do all of

00:27:58.500 --> 00:28:00.759
those things for Pinocchio. But just like with

00:28:00.759 --> 00:28:03.740
Dumbo and the feather, like it ultimately came

00:28:03.740 --> 00:28:07.019
down to him. and what's inside of him which again

00:28:07.019 --> 00:28:09.940
all the more reason proves why we have to be

00:28:09.940 --> 00:28:13.420
willing to do the inside work no matter what

00:28:13.420 --> 00:28:15.880
that takes to be able to get that external outside

00:28:15.880 --> 00:28:19.529
result And I think what you're saying is actually

00:28:19.529 --> 00:28:21.430
a really important lesson I think sometimes is

00:28:21.430 --> 00:28:24.029
misunderstood with Pinocchio specifically and

00:28:24.029 --> 00:28:27.230
the song, right? A Dreamage Wish Your Heart Makes.

00:28:27.349 --> 00:28:29.829
And this idea that like, oh, if you just wish

00:28:29.829 --> 00:28:31.789
for something, it comes true. And people will

00:28:31.789 --> 00:28:33.990
sometimes criticize that idea of like, well,

00:28:34.049 --> 00:28:36.910
you can't just wish. But I think the lesson here

00:28:36.910 --> 00:28:39.029
is that you're not. Like, that's how it starts.

00:28:39.150 --> 00:28:42.279
You've got to start with. that is the dream that

00:28:42.279 --> 00:28:44.519
you have that's the wish you have and now what

00:28:44.519 --> 00:28:47.960
does it take to do it it takes it takes work

00:28:47.960 --> 00:28:50.519
to do it it takes going through these hard experiences

00:28:50.519 --> 00:28:52.640
learning what it is to lie and have your nose

00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:56.220
grow or go become a donkey in fantasy island

00:28:56.220 --> 00:28:57.980
or whatever the weird place was that he had to

00:28:57.980 --> 00:29:02.859
go acid trip right he had to go through those

00:29:02.859 --> 00:29:06.019
things so he could become it so the wish starts

00:29:06.019 --> 00:29:08.079
it and i do think it's important to dream i do

00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:10.670
think it's important to wish And then you've

00:29:10.670 --> 00:29:12.369
got to do the work for it. It doesn't just happen

00:29:12.369 --> 00:29:14.430
for you. I think I think that's something that

00:29:14.430 --> 00:29:17.230
sometimes gets lost that no, like this story

00:29:17.230 --> 00:29:20.549
is really about doing something. I agree. And

00:29:20.549 --> 00:29:22.549
I think that we have to be careful because I

00:29:22.549 --> 00:29:24.450
knew I fell for it. You know, back in the day,

00:29:24.490 --> 00:29:26.789
we would push in our VHS tape, you know, crack

00:29:26.789 --> 00:29:29.109
open our clamshell case and push it in. And,

00:29:29.109 --> 00:29:31.329
you know, I'd have to rewind it to watch it over

00:29:31.329 --> 00:29:34.029
and over again. But, you know, you figure a classic

00:29:34.029 --> 00:29:36.349
Disney film is about 80 minutes, maybe a little

00:29:36.349 --> 00:29:39.630
bit longer, 120 if you're pushing it. But in

00:29:39.630 --> 00:29:42.569
that time span, you go through the whole journey,

00:29:42.650 --> 00:29:44.089
right? You go through the whole hero's journey

00:29:44.089 --> 00:29:45.950
and they live happily ever after. And man, that

00:29:45.950 --> 00:29:48.869
looks pretty good. And you watch that over and

00:29:48.869 --> 00:29:52.930
over and over. And I think we kind of take for

00:29:52.930 --> 00:29:56.250
granted the real work that goes on. Like that's

00:29:56.250 --> 00:30:00.289
just a snippet, you know, or a highlight reel,

00:30:00.329 --> 00:30:04.710
if you will, of what our own journeys are. And

00:30:04.710 --> 00:30:07.109
I think I was kind of blindsided by, oh, wait.

00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:10.500
yeah the happily ever after is out there but

00:30:10.500 --> 00:30:13.200
oh lord does it look different than my 80 minute

00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:16.059
vhs tape you know conditioned me to believe for

00:30:16.059 --> 00:30:19.559
a while um yeah and that was kind of a it was

00:30:19.559 --> 00:30:22.839
a hard pill to swallow yeah yeah you it's it

00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:26.099
sometimes will romanticize it from those shows

00:30:26.099 --> 00:30:28.400
right and just pay attention to happily ever

00:30:28.400 --> 00:30:30.259
after and not really pay attention that this

00:30:30.259 --> 00:30:33.400
is just emblematic of the full arc that it needs

00:30:33.400 --> 00:30:36.940
to be and how long That journey sometimes will

00:30:36.940 --> 00:30:38.960
take of those little detours, right? Like, oh,

00:30:39.000 --> 00:30:41.279
it's not a five minute detour in life. Sometimes

00:30:41.279 --> 00:30:44.019
it's a five year detour. Sometimes it was, you

00:30:44.019 --> 00:30:46.339
know, for me, a nine year marriage that ended

00:30:46.339 --> 00:30:48.380
in divorce, right? Sometimes that's what it is.

00:30:48.380 --> 00:30:51.400
It's this long thing that doesn't just happen

00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:56.220
overnight. So one of the one of the things I

00:30:56.220 --> 00:30:58.660
want to get your thoughts on here, because it's

00:30:58.660 --> 00:31:03.299
this interesting idea of. of authenticity you

00:31:03.299 --> 00:31:07.259
know being who you are versus like also growing

00:31:07.259 --> 00:31:10.500
right having growth not being fixed i think you've

00:31:10.500 --> 00:31:12.140
mentioned it with your second husband that like

00:31:12.140 --> 00:31:14.839
what he was he just always stayed there he never

00:31:14.839 --> 00:31:17.619
grew he never did any work so here's a quote

00:31:17.619 --> 00:31:20.539
from bernie brown who we adore uh and it says

00:31:20.539 --> 00:31:23.059
true belonging doesn't require you to change

00:31:23.059 --> 00:31:25.960
who you are it requires you to be who you are

00:31:25.960 --> 00:31:30.369
so with with that being the case like if we're

00:31:30.369 --> 00:31:32.950
going to belong it needs to be belonging and

00:31:32.950 --> 00:31:37.549
who we actually are how do you resolve that with

00:31:37.549 --> 00:31:40.130
the idea too that we should have a growth mindset

00:31:40.130 --> 00:31:42.910
that we should grow and improve and and become

00:31:42.910 --> 00:31:47.890
better that's a that's an amazing question and

00:31:47.890 --> 00:31:52.289
what's funny is the more that we we explore these

00:31:52.289 --> 00:31:55.569
ideas almost all of them go back to a chapter

00:31:55.569 --> 00:31:58.390
in my book i have a chapter called chameleon

00:31:58.390 --> 00:32:01.809
kristin And I knew when I was a little girl that

00:32:01.809 --> 00:32:04.309
I was going to one day write something about

00:32:04.309 --> 00:32:07.049
Chameleon Kristen because I could recognize from

00:32:07.049 --> 00:32:10.630
a young age my adaptability because I was so

00:32:10.630 --> 00:32:13.450
hungry for acceptance and I was so, you know,

00:32:13.450 --> 00:32:16.369
on this mission to find fulfillment and, you

00:32:16.369 --> 00:32:20.150
know, belonging that I was darn near ready to

00:32:20.150 --> 00:32:23.809
do just about anything to get there. And there

00:32:23.809 --> 00:32:26.940
was just a constant, you know, evolving. um to

00:32:26.940 --> 00:32:28.839
meet the needs of the people around me and I

00:32:28.839 --> 00:32:31.920
had no self -esteem I had like no boundaries

00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:34.839
no barometer for my own self -worth and unfortunately

00:32:34.839 --> 00:32:37.680
that got me into a lot of very interesting predicaments

00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:39.980
which was very easy to do growing up in Las Vegas

00:32:39.980 --> 00:32:45.380
and we'll just leave it at that um but going

00:32:45.380 --> 00:32:47.680
back to your question like how do you resolve

00:32:47.680 --> 00:32:50.440
that by also keeping that growth mindset I think

00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:55.950
it goes back to knowing your value what you will

00:32:55.950 --> 00:33:02.789
stand for, what your worth genuinely is, the

00:33:02.789 --> 00:33:06.130
more you're able to readily recognize that, the

00:33:06.130 --> 00:33:08.589
more you're able to say no thank you to everything

00:33:08.589 --> 00:33:10.789
else around you that does not fall in line with

00:33:10.789 --> 00:33:13.250
that. Now, I believe wholeheartedly because I've

00:33:13.250 --> 00:33:15.650
done it over the past couple of years, especially

00:33:15.650 --> 00:33:18.849
in this deep dive of finally writing my first

00:33:18.849 --> 00:33:23.109
memoir, is you are able to hold tight to that

00:33:23.109 --> 00:33:27.730
when you're ready. while also learning from other

00:33:27.730 --> 00:33:32.329
people that can bring additional value or different

00:33:32.329 --> 00:33:37.710
belief systems to the table. And that also goes

00:33:37.710 --> 00:33:41.349
along with being okay with disagreeing. I've

00:33:41.349 --> 00:33:43.309
had a lot of very uncomfortable conversations

00:33:43.309 --> 00:33:47.230
with people that are themed entertainment executives.

00:33:49.079 --> 00:33:51.400
I will not name which type of themed entertainment,

00:33:51.559 --> 00:33:54.339
but I think you might know what they are. A lot

00:33:54.339 --> 00:33:56.980
of people that I look up to that I just don't

00:33:56.980 --> 00:33:59.039
see eye to eye or we don't have the same belief

00:33:59.039 --> 00:34:01.339
system and value system that I knew would keep

00:34:01.339 --> 00:34:04.200
us from being able to work together. And that's

00:34:04.200 --> 00:34:06.019
a tricky one, right? Because now you're talking

00:34:06.019 --> 00:34:08.659
like there's a financial tie to it. There's a

00:34:08.659 --> 00:34:10.619
business side to it. And I would be walking away

00:34:10.619 --> 00:34:13.519
from really amazing opportunities and clout and

00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:16.960
income. But yet, because I've done the work.

00:34:17.389 --> 00:34:20.010
for a long time to really ground myself in who

00:34:20.010 --> 00:34:23.690
I am and what I stand for, I'm less likely to

00:34:23.690 --> 00:34:26.829
change to meet that person's need because I know

00:34:26.829 --> 00:34:28.570
that that's no longer going to serve me because

00:34:28.570 --> 00:34:31.650
I'm okay with who I am over here. And again,

00:34:31.710 --> 00:34:33.969
that sounds a lot easier said than done, but

00:34:33.969 --> 00:34:35.849
the only way you're able to go about doing that

00:34:35.849 --> 00:34:39.989
is daily intentional investment in yourself.

00:34:40.190 --> 00:34:41.989
Now, I don't know if you know of or if you're

00:34:41.989 --> 00:34:45.230
a fan of Dr. Joe Dispenza. Have you ever heard

00:34:45.230 --> 00:34:48.440
of him by chance? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So a lot

00:34:48.440 --> 00:34:50.000
of people are kind of like, oh, that's frou -frou.

00:34:50.619 --> 00:34:54.340
But taking ownership of like your own thought

00:34:54.340 --> 00:34:57.179
process and how you see yourself and rebuilding,

00:34:57.380 --> 00:35:00.119
you build a new reality by building a new personality.

00:35:00.239 --> 00:35:04.659
And it's okay to change so long as you're changing

00:35:04.659 --> 00:35:06.780
for the better to become a better version of

00:35:06.780 --> 00:35:10.519
yourself. I think that's well said. I think it's

00:35:10.519 --> 00:35:14.820
well said because, you know, who we are. at our

00:35:14.820 --> 00:35:18.260
core we we have kind of who we are and what our

00:35:18.260 --> 00:35:22.000
values are and the way that we behave becomes

00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:24.880
a manifestation of what we truly value in life

00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:28.699
and if if what if what we're doing is we're growing

00:35:28.699 --> 00:35:31.880
into the best version of ourselves that's that's

00:35:31.880 --> 00:35:34.880
who we are right so we can still grow because

00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:37.619
it's just what's what is the best version of

00:35:37.619 --> 00:35:39.519
who i am right like You know, it's interesting

00:35:39.519 --> 00:35:40.820
you mentioned chameleon. I don't know if you

00:35:40.820 --> 00:35:43.340
are an Enneagram person at all. Do you follow

00:35:43.340 --> 00:35:49.400
Enneagram personality test? So I am, and I am

00:35:49.400 --> 00:35:52.139
a number three, okay? So for anybody who doesn't

00:35:52.139 --> 00:35:53.760
know what that means, basically it means that

00:35:53.760 --> 00:35:57.079
number three, they call it the entertainer. And

00:35:57.079 --> 00:36:02.039
a number three can wear a lot of hats. And so

00:36:02.039 --> 00:36:04.760
it's this double -edged sword. of a number three

00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:07.340
because you can easily adapt to situations and

00:36:07.340 --> 00:36:10.559
be a chameleon to assimilate into a situation

00:36:10.559 --> 00:36:12.219
to hopefully you know make other people feel

00:36:12.219 --> 00:36:15.739
comfortable or to you know adapt to a new audience

00:36:15.739 --> 00:36:19.219
or a new group of people right to help them be

00:36:19.219 --> 00:36:22.219
comfortable help you be comfortable and it can

00:36:22.219 --> 00:36:24.579
also Do the opposite. It can mean that you're

00:36:24.579 --> 00:36:28.079
phony and that you're fake and that you aren't

00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:29.760
authentically yourself. You're just changing

00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:32.380
to what the expectation is of you in that moment

00:36:32.380 --> 00:36:34.260
and what you think they want. And that can be

00:36:34.260 --> 00:36:37.340
really negative. And so I have these two versions

00:36:37.340 --> 00:36:41.519
of me, right? If I'm authentically myself, it's

00:36:41.519 --> 00:36:43.800
going to be the version that can assimilate in.

00:36:44.300 --> 00:36:47.300
for the benefit of others that can help others

00:36:47.300 --> 00:36:49.159
feel comfortable. It's more outward facing. And

00:36:49.159 --> 00:36:51.360
if it's not, then it's really just inward facing

00:36:51.360 --> 00:36:53.360
and it's to serve me so that I'm not uncomfortable,

00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:55.559
right? So I can fit in and people will like me,

00:36:55.639 --> 00:36:58.659
right? And so the growth mentality pushes me

00:36:58.659 --> 00:37:01.119
to the better version and the version that's

00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:03.019
not authentically me pushes me to the bad version.

00:37:03.119 --> 00:37:05.380
So I like your description of it being, we can

00:37:05.380 --> 00:37:09.380
still grow being who we truly are. Right. Yeah,

00:37:09.480 --> 00:37:12.239
I think it's having a sense of grounding while

00:37:12.239 --> 00:37:14.019
also kind of like Walt Disney, right? He always

00:37:14.019 --> 00:37:16.960
had one foot in the past while he was always

00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:19.440
looking to the future. And I think you can only

00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:24.420
do that with time and wisdom and maturity. And

00:37:24.420 --> 00:37:26.960
as you're describing me in number three, I did

00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:29.460
that test forever ago, but it wouldn't surprise

00:37:29.460 --> 00:37:31.119
me if I'm the same one. And I think that's what

00:37:31.119 --> 00:37:35.099
makes people like us really good. And I say that

00:37:35.099 --> 00:37:38.210
with humility, authentic humility. really good

00:37:38.210 --> 00:37:40.789
at our craft because I can walk into a classroom

00:37:40.789 --> 00:37:45.389
in a given day and teach 120 teenagers that all

00:37:45.389 --> 00:37:48.550
come at me with different needs, IEPs, disabilities,

00:37:48.989 --> 00:37:52.289
emotional disrupt, like you name it, right? And

00:37:52.289 --> 00:37:54.750
in that moment, I have to be able to read the

00:37:54.750 --> 00:37:57.829
room and tap in to make sure everyone's needs

00:37:57.829 --> 00:38:00.349
are met while also teaching them state curriculum.

00:38:01.010 --> 00:38:03.630
And if you're not wired that way to kind of be

00:38:03.630 --> 00:38:05.590
that chameleon and turn it on, turn it off and

00:38:05.590 --> 00:38:07.969
pivot, You're going to get eaten alive. And I

00:38:07.969 --> 00:38:09.989
think, correct me if I'm wrong, but I can only

00:38:09.989 --> 00:38:11.989
assume that that skill, and I'm going to call

00:38:11.989 --> 00:38:14.429
it a superpower, is what you probably have to

00:38:14.429 --> 00:38:16.570
use as you represent so many different people

00:38:16.570 --> 00:38:19.349
in the court of law. Even when you walk into

00:38:19.349 --> 00:38:21.050
a courtroom, you may or may not have the same

00:38:21.050 --> 00:38:23.510
judge or the same other opposing counsel. And

00:38:23.510 --> 00:38:25.670
you've got to be able to pick up on that and

00:38:25.670 --> 00:38:28.269
their nuances and know how to pivot and position

00:38:28.269 --> 00:38:31.550
yourself to win that case. It's totally true.

00:38:32.070 --> 00:38:35.130
Yeah, we've got to master it. Yeah, when I meet

00:38:35.130 --> 00:38:38.329
with people in an initial consultation and I've

00:38:38.329 --> 00:38:41.449
never met them before, I have to be able to pick

00:38:41.449 --> 00:38:44.250
up on what they're feeling in that moment, what

00:38:44.250 --> 00:38:47.369
their emotions are, and trying to match it. Because

00:38:47.369 --> 00:38:50.469
I can't go in with my normal, like, happy -go

00:38:50.469 --> 00:38:54.050
-lucky attitude with someone who is, yeah, right,

00:38:54.170 --> 00:38:56.510
who's really feeling the weight and the emotions

00:38:56.510 --> 00:38:59.010
of it. I have to read it, and then I have to

00:38:59.010 --> 00:39:01.969
bring it down to their level. Still authentically

00:39:01.969 --> 00:39:05.110
me, right? but bring it to their level so that

00:39:05.110 --> 00:39:07.349
i can engage in that conversation in a way that

00:39:07.349 --> 00:39:09.429
they can hear and we can have good communication

00:39:09.429 --> 00:39:11.550
so you're right yeah it's a it's a skill that

00:39:11.550 --> 00:39:14.269
can definitely be beneficial when you're dealing

00:39:14.269 --> 00:39:17.690
with those kinds of situations so i have yeah

00:39:17.690 --> 00:39:19.570
go ahead go ahead let me just say really quick

00:39:19.570 --> 00:39:21.469
the other side of that too which which is a double

00:39:21.469 --> 00:39:25.510
-edged sword and has been a detriment um is when

00:39:25.510 --> 00:39:28.309
you're able to pick up on the emotions and nuances

00:39:28.309 --> 00:39:32.460
of others and then cater to them that is extremely

00:39:32.460 --> 00:39:35.380
taxing and draining and you start to feel the

00:39:35.380 --> 00:39:37.139
weight of the world right a lot of times the

00:39:37.139 --> 00:39:39.920
term I think is empath where because you're able

00:39:39.920 --> 00:39:43.659
to do that so well all day long things affect

00:39:43.659 --> 00:39:46.699
you a lot more than it would you know your average

00:39:46.699 --> 00:39:49.199
bear and so there's been an art to learning how

00:39:49.199 --> 00:39:51.039
to separate myself from that too it kind of goes

00:39:51.039 --> 00:39:53.679
back to how do you stay a chameleon with a you

00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:58.320
know stay rooted and grounded while also adapting

00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:03.659
and growing I think you have to stay Stay disconnected

00:40:03.659 --> 00:40:05.920
emotionally enough so that you can preserve yourself

00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:08.579
and have appropriate boundaries while also still

00:40:08.579 --> 00:40:11.260
carrying with a whole heart. I wish I knew the

00:40:11.260 --> 00:40:14.139
complete recipe to that. But that also, in addition

00:40:14.139 --> 00:40:16.300
to everything else, takes practice. It takes

00:40:16.300 --> 00:40:19.539
you doing the work and the daily, the intentional

00:40:19.539 --> 00:40:22.699
practice of that to master it. It's a thing that

00:40:22.699 --> 00:40:25.059
I've talked about a couple of times on this podcast

00:40:25.059 --> 00:40:27.019
before, but I learned it from Adam Grant and

00:40:27.019 --> 00:40:28.639
Brene Brown, where they talk about the difference

00:40:28.639 --> 00:40:32.969
between. Empathy and enmeshment. Empathy is good.

00:40:33.070 --> 00:40:35.849
You want to empathize. But when it then becomes

00:40:35.849 --> 00:40:38.670
enmeshment and you're enmeshed in the emotions

00:40:38.670 --> 00:40:40.630
with that person, that's where it becomes problematic.

00:40:41.730 --> 00:40:43.829
That's where you have the negative impact on

00:40:43.829 --> 00:40:46.949
you because you've crossed over into enmeshment.

00:40:47.030 --> 00:40:48.789
And that's hard. I mean, I'm sure you, you know,

00:40:48.809 --> 00:40:50.889
you're teaching these kids and you're. trying

00:40:50.889 --> 00:40:53.210
to inspire them to learn and and yet some of

00:40:53.210 --> 00:40:54.969
them are probably really hard situations some

00:40:54.969 --> 00:40:56.429
of them probably have terrible home situations

00:40:56.429 --> 00:40:59.590
and you know terrible examples and and it would

00:40:59.590 --> 00:41:02.030
be really easy for you just to be worried about

00:41:02.030 --> 00:41:05.630
these poor kids all the time at home on the weekends

00:41:05.630 --> 00:41:08.949
what's what's been the key for you to be able

00:41:08.949 --> 00:41:13.010
to have empathy in the moment for them but not

00:41:13.010 --> 00:41:15.710
get enmeshed in those emotions take them on as

00:41:15.710 --> 00:41:17.369
your own and take them home what's been the key

00:41:17.369 --> 00:41:20.539
for you Oh, my gosh. The key to that is a few

00:41:20.539 --> 00:41:23.059
years of not doing it the right way. A few years

00:41:23.059 --> 00:41:26.159
of wearing it so much and literally like a cloak

00:41:26.159 --> 00:41:30.179
that I would then bring home that I, you know,

00:41:30.199 --> 00:41:33.360
I hit burnout head on. And so I learned really

00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:35.179
quick if I want to do this for the long haul,

00:41:35.260 --> 00:41:37.860
which I do, I got to go about it differently.

00:41:37.940 --> 00:41:40.719
And how I approach it now is that when I show

00:41:40.719 --> 00:41:43.119
up, these students know that I give them 110

00:41:43.119 --> 00:41:47.030
percent. while they are in my control, while

00:41:47.030 --> 00:41:49.570
they are in my scope and sphere of influence.

00:41:50.190 --> 00:41:54.349
But I've had to realize as a parent and as an

00:41:54.349 --> 00:41:58.769
educator, my impact and legacy can only go so

00:41:58.769 --> 00:42:03.909
far. I cannot undo 15 years of parenting. I just

00:42:03.909 --> 00:42:06.389
can't. I could be the teacher of the year every

00:42:06.389 --> 00:42:11.250
year all daggum day, but I cannot undo X, Y,

00:42:11.269 --> 00:42:13.750
and Z, nor can I change what they go home to.

00:42:14.190 --> 00:42:17.690
But what I can control and what I make sure I

00:42:17.690 --> 00:42:20.170
do well is that when they step in my classroom,

00:42:20.289 --> 00:42:22.269
they know that they are valued, that they matter,

00:42:22.369 --> 00:42:24.030
that they are loved. And I tell them that from

00:42:24.030 --> 00:42:26.010
day one and it makes them all uncomfortable and

00:42:26.010 --> 00:42:28.469
I love it. I look them each in the eye and I

00:42:28.469 --> 00:42:31.750
say, I love you. And I just let them sit with

00:42:31.750 --> 00:42:33.650
that for a second. Like, I love who you are.

00:42:33.730 --> 00:42:35.369
I love that you're in my class. I love that you

00:42:35.369 --> 00:42:37.170
have a story that I don't know yet. And I love

00:42:37.170 --> 00:42:39.010
that I have a year with you to get to know that

00:42:39.010 --> 00:42:41.510
story. And then I just keep showing up and I

00:42:41.510 --> 00:42:44.190
remain consistent. But then I also know that

00:42:44.190 --> 00:42:46.829
when I check out, which is right at that bell

00:42:46.829 --> 00:42:48.449
when it's time to go, because I used to stay

00:42:48.449 --> 00:42:51.309
hours late and work on the weekends, but that

00:42:51.309 --> 00:42:55.170
didn't serve me, right? Me showing up on an empty

00:42:55.170 --> 00:42:57.949
tank because I gave too much doesn't serve anybody.

00:42:58.070 --> 00:42:59.610
It doesn't serve my students on Monday, and it

00:42:59.610 --> 00:43:01.349
sure as heck doesn't serve my family or myself.

00:43:02.130 --> 00:43:04.489
So now I know that once I'm able to turn that

00:43:04.489 --> 00:43:08.349
off and I hop in that car, it takes practice.

00:43:08.429 --> 00:43:12.440
You just got to drop it and say, okay. That door's

00:43:12.440 --> 00:43:14.739
closed for a little bit. Now I get to go and

00:43:14.739 --> 00:43:19.360
be 110 % for my family. Because my son and my

00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:21.599
own children and my husband need me just as much,

00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:24.559
if not more, as my students do. And I need myself,

00:43:24.699 --> 00:43:27.500
too. There's times where I've had to learn to

00:43:27.500 --> 00:43:29.900
say, I love y 'all, but mama needs a minute.

00:43:30.119 --> 00:43:32.320
I just need some quiet. And so I intentionally

00:43:32.320 --> 00:43:34.179
started to get up at 4 o 'clock in the morning

00:43:34.179 --> 00:43:36.099
because I knew, and I'm not a morning person,

00:43:36.219 --> 00:43:38.420
but it took practice. I knew that in order for

00:43:38.420 --> 00:43:41.380
me to... check all the boxes. I've got to invest

00:43:41.380 --> 00:43:44.059
in me first, right? Like my oxygen mask first,

00:43:44.199 --> 00:43:46.440
then I can help treat everybody else the rest

00:43:46.440 --> 00:43:48.480
of the day. And that's been a huge game changer.

00:43:48.559 --> 00:43:50.480
Quite frankly, Ryan, that's how I was able to

00:43:50.480 --> 00:43:53.019
write an entire book in less than a year is because

00:43:53.019 --> 00:43:55.679
I had to intentionally carve that time out and

00:43:55.679 --> 00:43:58.360
invest in me going back to that relationship

00:43:58.360 --> 00:44:01.619
early on. I think what you're highlighting really

00:44:01.619 --> 00:44:06.320
effectively is why boundaries are important.

00:44:06.539 --> 00:44:10.630
And I think I've really like struggled a lot

00:44:10.630 --> 00:44:13.210
with the way that people use boundaries, you

00:44:13.210 --> 00:44:15.909
know, in recent years, because I think too many

00:44:15.909 --> 00:44:19.909
times people are using it as, as a weapon to

00:44:19.909 --> 00:44:23.690
break, break down or, or, or cast off somebody

00:44:23.690 --> 00:44:26.909
or use it to slash somebody else. Right. And

00:44:26.909 --> 00:44:29.630
in reality, at least in so far as I understand

00:44:29.630 --> 00:44:31.250
in the way that I connect with it is the boundary

00:44:31.250 --> 00:44:34.920
is about. building better relationships and so

00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:36.840
you can have a better relationship with your

00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:38.619
students if you have the boundary of the things

00:44:38.619 --> 00:44:41.579
at school stay at school because now i can be

00:44:41.579 --> 00:44:43.739
a better version of myself and my boundary is

00:44:43.739 --> 00:44:46.800
now i'm at home and my boundary is now i get

00:44:46.800 --> 00:44:49.460
to be at home so my relationship with my family

00:44:49.460 --> 00:44:52.000
is better because i have that boundary in place

00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:54.260
and so it's about building those relationships

00:44:54.260 --> 00:44:58.679
as opposed to just excluding or or being unkind

00:44:58.679 --> 00:45:01.940
to somebody else because I've got some some boundary

00:45:01.940 --> 00:45:04.420
and it's more about my behavior than it's about

00:45:04.420 --> 00:45:07.119
their behavior. Absolutely. I think that's a

00:45:07.119 --> 00:45:09.239
beautiful thing to point out. And I think the

00:45:09.239 --> 00:45:12.059
better you get at boundaries, which takes a while,

00:45:12.119 --> 00:45:13.840
because when you start, especially when you don't

00:45:13.840 --> 00:45:16.059
have any or you have very loose boundaries and

00:45:16.059 --> 00:45:18.019
you really start working on that and you implement

00:45:18.019 --> 00:45:20.000
them in your relationships and in your work life,

00:45:20.119 --> 00:45:22.659
it ticks off a lot of people because it makes

00:45:22.659 --> 00:45:24.659
them uncomfortable nine times out of 10 because

00:45:24.659 --> 00:45:26.739
they don't have appropriate healthy boundaries.

00:45:27.500 --> 00:45:31.179
So Jeff actually just told me this week a great

00:45:31.179 --> 00:45:33.059
quote, and I was like, that's genius. He's like,

00:45:33.159 --> 00:45:36.340
if people are upset when you start to enforce

00:45:36.340 --> 00:45:38.980
your boundaries, it's because it's working. I

00:45:38.980 --> 00:45:40.820
was like, oh, because we don't like to upset

00:45:40.820 --> 00:45:44.199
people. We don't like to make waves. But that

00:45:44.199 --> 00:45:47.619
is a telltale sign that, okay, the boundary is

00:45:47.619 --> 00:45:49.159
actually working. If it's making you uncomfortable,

00:45:49.440 --> 00:45:51.539
that's not my intention, and I certainly don't

00:45:51.539 --> 00:45:54.730
derive joy from that. Sometimes people have to

00:45:54.730 --> 00:45:56.329
feel uncomfortable for a little bit to change

00:45:56.329 --> 00:45:58.809
behavior. Yeah. That's how behavior modification

00:45:58.809 --> 00:46:01.050
works, at least in the world. But if they care

00:46:01.050 --> 00:46:03.389
about you and if they want to have a relationship

00:46:03.389 --> 00:46:06.630
with you, then they'll understand what that boundary

00:46:06.630 --> 00:46:09.309
is and respect it. And then it can enhance the

00:46:09.309 --> 00:46:13.869
relationship. But they have to. Yeah. Yeah, for

00:46:13.869 --> 00:46:17.210
sure. So, OK, one of the things I wanted to circle

00:46:17.210 --> 00:46:22.690
back to a little bit was. What's it the. you

00:46:22.690 --> 00:46:24.570
know kind of heart of any time that we have addiction

00:46:24.570 --> 00:46:26.349
you've talked about it a little bit and you've

00:46:26.349 --> 00:46:29.829
had some of those experiences and um one of the

00:46:29.829 --> 00:46:31.849
one of the quotes that i have here and i actually

00:46:31.849 --> 00:46:33.929
don't even know who it is i just found it that

00:46:33.929 --> 00:46:36.929
that uh his name is gabor mate and i don't know

00:46:36.929 --> 00:46:39.190
who he is but uh wrote a book called in the realm

00:46:39.190 --> 00:46:42.349
of hungry ghosts um and just the quote was good

00:46:42.349 --> 00:46:44.789
i thought and it said a hurt is at the center

00:46:44.789 --> 00:46:49.050
of all addictive behaviors And so for you, what

00:46:49.050 --> 00:46:51.269
did it look like to finally identify what that

00:46:51.269 --> 00:46:54.389
hurt was? And how did identifying the hurt help

00:46:54.389 --> 00:46:56.869
you to ultimately overcome the addictive behavior?

00:46:59.150 --> 00:47:01.570
Ryan, I am so glad that you're recording this

00:47:01.570 --> 00:47:04.349
because you can't make this stuff up. I'm sure

00:47:04.349 --> 00:47:07.670
you've heard of the term serendipity, serendipitous

00:47:07.670 --> 00:47:09.789
events, things that happen that you just cannot

00:47:09.789 --> 00:47:12.449
orchestrate or plan no matter how hard you try.

00:47:12.849 --> 00:47:15.289
And before you started reading that quote, which

00:47:15.289 --> 00:47:18.369
first of all. Just so the world knows, I did

00:47:18.369 --> 00:47:20.469
not know what quote you were going to read. I

00:47:20.469 --> 00:47:22.389
did not know what your question was going to

00:47:22.389 --> 00:47:25.929
be. But before you started to mention that, I'm

00:47:25.929 --> 00:47:28.650
over here thinking, just metacognitive here.

00:47:31.190 --> 00:47:35.210
I really hope that what I'm about to say is going

00:47:35.210 --> 00:47:37.010
to land well with your audience because I think

00:47:37.010 --> 00:47:38.570
it's going to ruffle a lot of feathers because

00:47:38.570 --> 00:47:40.369
it's not something that's talked about enough

00:47:40.369 --> 00:47:43.210
in terms of addiction. And what I mean by that

00:47:43.210 --> 00:47:48.110
is. I do not believe I ever had an alcohol problem.

00:47:48.530 --> 00:47:51.650
I don't believe I ever had a food problem. Did

00:47:51.650 --> 00:47:54.909
I end up checking myself into a rehab in Ogden,

00:47:54.929 --> 00:47:58.969
Utah for 30 days? I sure did. And hats off to

00:47:58.969 --> 00:48:01.170
Brighton Recovery Center. You all were a game

00:48:01.170 --> 00:48:05.309
changer for me. Alcohol is never the problem.

00:48:05.429 --> 00:48:06.869
And I think there's going to be people out there

00:48:06.869 --> 00:48:08.750
that are going to get very angry by that because

00:48:08.750 --> 00:48:09.969
they're going to say, well, you know, you have

00:48:09.969 --> 00:48:11.789
a chemical dependency and you can actually have

00:48:11.789 --> 00:48:14.110
a physical addiction to something. Yeah, I'm

00:48:14.110 --> 00:48:16.849
not negating the science on that, but it's a

00:48:16.849 --> 00:48:19.849
relationship problem. It is a relationship problem

00:48:19.849 --> 00:48:23.889
with myself. It was me not recognizing how to

00:48:23.889 --> 00:48:26.789
go about, number one, articulating what the true

00:48:26.789 --> 00:48:31.119
open wound was in me the entire time. And if

00:48:31.119 --> 00:48:33.280
I don't know what something is, like if you were

00:48:33.280 --> 00:48:35.260
to go to the doctor and you don't know what you

00:48:35.260 --> 00:48:37.300
have, how in the world are you going to start

00:48:37.300 --> 00:48:39.039
treating it? What you're going to do is like,

00:48:39.119 --> 00:48:41.880
okay, well, let's try this. Let's try this ointment.

00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:43.960
Let's try this pill. Let's try, okay, that's

00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:46.079
not working. What if I double this up? What if

00:48:46.079 --> 00:48:48.880
I combine this, this, and this and make a concoction?

00:48:48.920 --> 00:48:51.639
Maybe that'll work. So you're just chasing your

00:48:51.639 --> 00:48:56.079
tail, right? And so again, going back to my book,

00:48:56.119 --> 00:48:57.760
and I swear it's not to self -plug, but like

00:48:57.760 --> 00:49:00.219
I talked very openly about like the chemical

00:49:00.219 --> 00:49:02.719
addiction was never the issue for me. It was

00:49:02.719 --> 00:49:05.119
when you don't love yourself, when you don't

00:49:05.119 --> 00:49:08.380
take the time to really repair what's going on.

00:49:08.460 --> 00:49:10.400
And for me, a lot of it was internal. It wasn't

00:49:10.400 --> 00:49:13.699
even stuff going on elsewhere. I think the straw

00:49:13.699 --> 00:49:15.820
that broke the camel's back, at least in my story,

00:49:15.880 --> 00:49:18.900
was I lost my dad four weeks after we found out

00:49:18.900 --> 00:49:21.860
he had cancer and he died on Christmas Eve. as

00:49:21.860 --> 00:49:24.699
i was supposed to be graduating college and he

00:49:24.699 --> 00:49:26.360
was supposed to walk me down the aisle and he

00:49:26.360 --> 00:49:30.840
died two weeks later and that shook me and shook

00:49:30.840 --> 00:49:35.559
me hard and and that it wasn't dad's death that

00:49:35.559 --> 00:49:39.980
caused the addiction it was i had so much other

00:49:39.980 --> 00:49:44.420
layers of of un dealt with unhealed wounds that

00:49:44.420 --> 00:49:48.719
i had spent a lifetime improperly medicating

00:49:49.309 --> 00:49:52.369
through poor relationships or food or substance,

00:49:52.449 --> 00:49:56.010
you name it, that by the time dad died, like

00:49:56.010 --> 00:49:58.230
the damage was already done, right? That just

00:49:58.230 --> 00:50:00.989
kind of pushed me over the edge. And so, again,

00:50:01.110 --> 00:50:03.650
I say that with a soft heart and I say that to

00:50:03.650 --> 00:50:06.510
anybody that is really struggling with like the

00:50:06.510 --> 00:50:09.329
chemical dependency of it. I think there might

00:50:09.329 --> 00:50:11.309
be a lot more going on to it, you know, going

00:50:11.309 --> 00:50:14.769
on with it. I definitely think it goes back to

00:50:14.769 --> 00:50:19.780
a relationship issue. taking the time to heal

00:50:19.780 --> 00:50:22.719
and mend and to grow and to work through, and

00:50:22.719 --> 00:50:24.400
I'm going to use that work in all capitals because

00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:26.539
that's what it is. It is a daily work and investment.

00:50:27.179 --> 00:50:28.980
But when you get yourself to a healthy place

00:50:28.980 --> 00:50:31.340
mentally and emotionally, you start to really

00:50:31.340 --> 00:50:33.400
be aware of the things that you do to your body

00:50:33.400 --> 00:50:36.099
and how you treat your body because it's a love

00:50:36.099 --> 00:50:40.699
relationship. Before we jump back in, can I ask

00:50:40.699 --> 00:50:43.239
you a quick favor? If you're enjoying the journey

00:50:43.239 --> 00:50:46.780
so far, will you like, rate, and subscribe to

00:50:46.780 --> 00:50:49.469
our show? It helps us reach more people like

00:50:49.469 --> 00:50:52.929
you. We can design and create and build the most

00:50:52.929 --> 00:50:55.769
wonderful place in the world, but it takes people

00:50:55.769 --> 00:51:01.050
to make the dream a reality. How do you see yourself

00:51:01.050 --> 00:51:04.010
differently now that you've gone through that

00:51:04.010 --> 00:51:09.070
work than you did going through that death of

00:51:09.070 --> 00:51:11.130
your father, going through the addiction and

00:51:11.130 --> 00:51:20.900
going to rehab? I see myself now as someone that

00:51:20.900 --> 00:51:28.500
is rooted in contentment and peace and has become

00:51:28.500 --> 00:51:31.300
really good friends with quiet. And if you knew

00:51:31.300 --> 00:51:34.260
me years ago, you would say that's a stark contrast

00:51:34.260 --> 00:51:36.940
to all of the adjectives that you would use to

00:51:36.940 --> 00:51:40.559
describe me. Old Kristen was loud and chaotic

00:51:40.559 --> 00:51:46.650
and was nonstop in 0 to 60 in 2 .5 seconds. um

00:51:46.650 --> 00:51:49.469
chasing the next thrill and drop of the hat and

00:51:49.469 --> 00:51:51.989
spontaneity and all of that sounds like fun it

00:51:51.989 --> 00:51:53.869
sounds like the life of the party and quite frankly

00:51:53.869 --> 00:51:58.769
i was but when you're rocking at a 10 non -stop

00:51:58.769 --> 00:52:01.650
right like you can't sustain that for very long

00:52:01.650 --> 00:52:05.340
um I used to feel like I had to walk in the room

00:52:05.340 --> 00:52:07.400
and be the first person to talk and to laugh

00:52:07.400 --> 00:52:10.320
the loudest and to get everyone's approval. And

00:52:10.320 --> 00:52:13.000
now I did it today. And I was thinking about

00:52:13.000 --> 00:52:14.579
this. I was just having a moment of reflection

00:52:14.579 --> 00:52:18.719
in a staff meeting today. And I think I spoke

00:52:18.719 --> 00:52:23.219
less today than than anybody on campus. And it

00:52:23.219 --> 00:52:25.079
wasn't that I didn't have anything to say. It's

00:52:25.079 --> 00:52:27.340
like I just don't need to because I'm becoming

00:52:27.340 --> 00:52:31.449
more aware of who I am. what defines me, what

00:52:31.449 --> 00:52:33.650
my value systems are, and I don't have to compete

00:52:33.650 --> 00:52:39.010
with anything else. And there's a solid sense

00:52:39.010 --> 00:52:47.429
of, for lack of a better word, of I'm okay. Like,

00:52:47.429 --> 00:52:50.710
I'm okay. I'm enough. I'm good. There's nothing

00:52:50.710 --> 00:52:54.070
else out there for me that I need to add to it.

00:52:54.230 --> 00:52:57.610
And that's a really cool place to be for someone

00:52:57.610 --> 00:52:59.309
that wasn't able to be there for a very long

00:52:59.309 --> 00:53:01.400
time. Yeah, I think that's I think that's really

00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:02.760
important. It's a really important distinction,

00:53:03.039 --> 00:53:07.739
you know, and it's hard to get there for people.

00:53:07.800 --> 00:53:10.400
You know, it's hard to get to that point because,

00:53:10.460 --> 00:53:13.760
you know, we I think a lot of people might hear

00:53:13.760 --> 00:53:15.500
me like, oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

00:53:15.519 --> 00:53:20.800
of course. And yet no real mechanism for them

00:53:20.800 --> 00:53:22.519
to get there and how you actually connect the

00:53:22.519 --> 00:53:25.460
dots to do it, because there's. The only way

00:53:25.460 --> 00:53:28.539
to do it is to go through it. You just have to.

00:53:28.559 --> 00:53:30.059
You have to do the work. You have to go through

00:53:30.059 --> 00:53:34.219
it. Yeah, and to actually prescribe what I did,

00:53:34.260 --> 00:53:35.920
to be completely honest with you, going back

00:53:35.920 --> 00:53:38.360
to Joe Dispenza, and I don't get paid to say

00:53:38.360 --> 00:53:42.840
any of this, just for the record. In fact, Dr.

00:53:43.079 --> 00:53:45.440
Jeffrey Barnes, who's been a huge mentor of mine

00:53:45.440 --> 00:53:47.760
and a writing coach, he's been just instrumental

00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:52.130
in my growth. was this idea of taking at least

00:53:52.130 --> 00:53:54.329
15 minutes every single day in complete silence.

00:53:54.869 --> 00:53:57.630
And when he first asked me to do that, I literally

00:53:57.630 --> 00:54:00.449
laughed and I was like, that's funny. Like who

00:54:00.449 --> 00:54:03.190
does that? And he goes, if you can't do 15 minutes,

00:54:03.210 --> 00:54:05.269
how about five minutes? And so I legit started

00:54:05.269 --> 00:54:08.090
less than a year ago at five minutes every day,

00:54:08.170 --> 00:54:11.800
4 a .m. And I just sat that quiet. And then I

00:54:11.800 --> 00:54:14.900
started listening to like the meditation and

00:54:14.900 --> 00:54:17.400
the mindfulness and that kind of stuff. And then

00:54:17.400 --> 00:54:18.960
before you knew it, I was sitting in silence

00:54:18.960 --> 00:54:23.099
for 45 minutes. And it's amazing what transformative

00:54:23.099 --> 00:54:29.760
outcomes can happen with just shutting up. We

00:54:29.760 --> 00:54:31.820
don't like to be quiet. We are all little narcissists.

00:54:31.820 --> 00:54:33.739
We love to hear ourselves talk, right? We always

00:54:33.739 --> 00:54:37.159
got something to say. And our world is so loud.

00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:40.219
We live in such a loud environment of social

00:54:40.219 --> 00:54:43.159
media and the news. And, you know, we just always

00:54:43.159 --> 00:54:45.739
have to be consumed with information. But when

00:54:45.739 --> 00:54:48.199
you remove all of that and you get back to listening

00:54:48.199 --> 00:54:50.039
to, again, what my dad calls his inner Indian

00:54:50.039 --> 00:54:53.059
or your Jiminy Cricket, and you just listen to

00:54:53.059 --> 00:54:55.159
self, get okay with just sitting with yourself.

00:54:55.599 --> 00:54:57.940
And if you have to practice that every single

00:54:57.940 --> 00:55:01.920
day, just a little bit. To get to that next level,

00:55:01.980 --> 00:55:04.099
do it. Because just like with working out, what

00:55:04.099 --> 00:55:08.980
once was the hardest workout of my life is now

00:55:08.980 --> 00:55:12.179
my warm -up. And before you know it, you're progressing

00:55:12.179 --> 00:55:14.639
and you're doing things that you never thought

00:55:14.639 --> 00:55:17.280
possible. Which, if anyone's known me for any

00:55:17.280 --> 00:55:18.920
length of time, they're going to think, Kristen,

00:55:19.000 --> 00:55:21.920
sitting silently in a room full of people? That's

00:55:21.920 --> 00:55:27.320
impossible. Miracles do happen. We do grow, right?

00:55:27.679 --> 00:55:32.039
We can grow and still be authentically you, but

00:55:32.039 --> 00:55:35.019
just understand context and understand, you know,

00:55:35.039 --> 00:55:36.380
what's needed from you in that moment and what

00:55:36.380 --> 00:55:38.619
you don't need. Because I think to some degree,

00:55:38.719 --> 00:55:41.960
it's interesting. You talk about some of the

00:55:41.960 --> 00:55:43.619
things you're experiencing or experience in the

00:55:43.619 --> 00:55:45.460
past was want to kind of like be the center of

00:55:45.460 --> 00:55:49.059
attention. Girl, I have been plagued with that

00:55:49.059 --> 00:55:53.469
my whole life. Right. There's a reason why I

00:55:53.469 --> 00:55:56.909
liked theater. There's a reason why when I want

00:55:56.909 --> 00:55:58.530
to be an attorney, I want to be in the courtroom.

00:55:58.929 --> 00:56:01.849
Look at me. I'm going to do this amazing song

00:56:01.849 --> 00:56:03.329
and dance and everyone's going to think I'm so

00:56:03.329 --> 00:56:06.789
smart and so funny and so clever. And I was just

00:56:06.789 --> 00:56:10.389
searching for that for so long. And it is this

00:56:10.389 --> 00:56:13.070
idea of once we can become content that we don't

00:56:13.070 --> 00:56:15.130
have to just search for that all the time. I

00:56:15.130 --> 00:56:17.730
think we bring a lot more to the table. And so

00:56:17.730 --> 00:56:19.929
when I do speak up, if I'm doing something right,

00:56:19.969 --> 00:56:22.320
hopefully I'm bringing know something well thought

00:56:22.320 --> 00:56:24.260
out and like more meaningful the table rather

00:56:24.260 --> 00:56:25.940
than just to hear myself talk because i will

00:56:25.940 --> 00:56:29.059
admit i did that in the past like i guilty you

00:56:29.059 --> 00:56:30.719
know totally guilty of doing that in the past

00:56:30.719 --> 00:56:33.579
it's hard i love that you admit that because

00:56:33.579 --> 00:56:36.460
i don't know unfortunately i do know a few attorneys

00:56:36.460 --> 00:56:38.820
but i don't know a lot of attorneys that that

00:56:38.820 --> 00:56:40.900
would be able to say that i think that that shows

00:56:40.900 --> 00:56:43.800
tremendous growth and maturity on your part and

00:56:43.800 --> 00:56:45.880
hopefully others can be encouraged by that because

00:56:45.880 --> 00:56:48.900
there's something to be said about it i think

00:56:48.900 --> 00:56:51.769
that The coolest thing is when you have a superpower,

00:56:52.110 --> 00:56:54.750
like being a chameleon or being able to step

00:56:54.750 --> 00:56:56.670
on stage or in a courtroom or in a classroom

00:56:56.670 --> 00:56:59.389
and just command an audience naturally and be

00:56:59.389 --> 00:57:00.789
able to do it through words, through writing.

00:57:00.989 --> 00:57:03.230
I think the coolest thing, though, is not necessarily

00:57:03.230 --> 00:57:05.150
being able to use it. It's not what you say,

00:57:05.170 --> 00:57:08.389
but it's knowing when to shut up and how to intentionally

00:57:08.389 --> 00:57:12.349
position your silence. That's a superpower. And

00:57:12.349 --> 00:57:15.329
that's really, really cool when you figure that

00:57:15.329 --> 00:57:19.440
out. Yeah, totally agree there. So one other

00:57:19.440 --> 00:57:20.719
thing I want to ask you about as I'm kind of

00:57:20.719 --> 00:57:23.519
hearing this stuff is I want to take you on a

00:57:23.519 --> 00:57:27.340
little bit of a thought journey if we can. So

00:57:27.340 --> 00:57:32.179
I'm a big Simon Sinek fan. I just love his work,

00:57:32.280 --> 00:57:35.619
and I'm going to do something he sometimes does.

00:57:35.780 --> 00:57:37.539
He used to do it more on his podcast. He doesn't

00:57:37.539 --> 00:57:39.219
do it as much now, but I want to give it a try

00:57:39.219 --> 00:57:45.159
with you. Run through for me what your happiest

00:57:45.159 --> 00:57:48.400
childhood memory is, and not just any memory.

00:57:48.829 --> 00:57:52.030
A specific one, like one that you could relive

00:57:52.030 --> 00:57:54.150
with me right now where you know the details

00:57:54.150 --> 00:57:57.030
and you felt the absolute happiest as a child.

00:57:57.750 --> 00:58:02.789
Yeah, that's an easy one. We had a family cabin

00:58:02.789 --> 00:58:05.929
on a little North Fork up the Santiam River up

00:58:05.929 --> 00:58:09.750
outside of Salem, Oregon. And as a little kid,

00:58:09.849 --> 00:58:11.809
we would, you know, coming from the city, anything

00:58:11.809 --> 00:58:14.250
with trees and anything that wasn't brown and

00:58:14.250 --> 00:58:19.389
dirt and hot was like, ooh, fancy. I loved it.

00:58:19.449 --> 00:58:21.989
It's the rare time that I got to see all of my

00:58:21.989 --> 00:58:25.550
family and my relatives and my cousins. And it

00:58:25.550 --> 00:58:27.250
was like, it didn't matter how many months went

00:58:27.250 --> 00:58:29.630
by before we saw each other beforehand. We just

00:58:29.630 --> 00:58:31.650
picked up right where we left off. And it was

00:58:31.650 --> 00:58:33.809
a cool path that went down to a river. And my

00:58:33.809 --> 00:58:36.329
dad showed me like where the crawfish were. And,

00:58:36.329 --> 00:58:38.610
you know, we were inner tubing and it was just,

00:58:38.610 --> 00:58:41.210
it was heaven. It was just heaven. I love that

00:58:41.210 --> 00:58:45.780
so much. What was it about that? That occasion,

00:58:46.000 --> 00:58:48.199
going to this cabin, having family and cousins

00:58:48.199 --> 00:58:50.619
there, that's different than any other time you

00:58:50.619 --> 00:58:53.239
would get together with family and enjoy their

00:58:53.239 --> 00:58:56.300
company. Why specifically there and why specifically

00:58:56.300 --> 00:58:59.920
that gathering? I think it was because it was

00:58:59.920 --> 00:59:03.480
such a stark contrast to what I experienced back

00:59:03.480 --> 00:59:06.619
home. Now, again, I had a beautiful, loving home

00:59:06.619 --> 00:59:10.119
life. We had a beautiful home. We were well -blessed

00:59:10.119 --> 00:59:12.619
with multiple vehicles. My parents had good jobs.

00:59:13.309 --> 00:59:16.030
But it was just me, my mom and dad and my brother.

00:59:16.150 --> 00:59:20.349
And we didn't have a big family in Vegas because

00:59:20.349 --> 00:59:22.530
everybody else actually stayed back up in Oregon.

00:59:22.750 --> 00:59:25.230
And so I think there was so many things that

00:59:25.230 --> 00:59:29.289
were novel for me. You take just the environment,

00:59:29.690 --> 00:59:32.849
right? You go from Las Vegas, Nevada to Salem,

00:59:32.949 --> 00:59:35.989
Oregon up in the mountains. Couldn't be more

00:59:35.989 --> 00:59:38.210
different. And so it was like, oh, this is new.

00:59:38.269 --> 00:59:40.030
This is beautiful. It's cooler temperatures,

00:59:40.150 --> 00:59:43.380
the smell of the trees, the wild animals. You

00:59:43.380 --> 00:59:45.539
know, rivers running freely. And it was just

00:59:45.539 --> 00:59:49.300
beautiful and majestic. And then now I'm surrounded

00:59:49.300 --> 00:59:53.300
by cousins that are similar in age and all of

00:59:53.300 --> 00:59:55.760
this family. Everywhere you look is family. And

00:59:55.760 --> 00:59:57.800
we have a lot of musicians in the family that

00:59:57.800 --> 00:59:59.880
would just sit down and play the either the guitar

00:59:59.880 --> 01:00:02.219
or the piano. And it's like, wow, I never get

01:00:02.219 --> 01:00:05.639
any of this back. And so for me, I think there

01:00:05.639 --> 01:00:08.519
was the novelty of it. okay i love this i think

01:00:08.519 --> 01:00:10.599
it goes back to the sense of belonging too right

01:00:10.599 --> 01:00:14.460
like being surrounded by even more family that

01:00:14.460 --> 01:00:18.599
was a great great feeling which is is perfect

01:00:18.599 --> 01:00:21.920
um uh that's that's an excellent description

01:00:21.920 --> 01:00:25.380
of it and i love that so now take me to a time

01:00:25.380 --> 01:00:29.079
in your professional career anytime in your professional

01:00:29.079 --> 01:00:32.880
career where you were the most proud of the work

01:00:32.880 --> 01:00:36.489
that you did And a specific occasion, again,

01:00:36.610 --> 01:00:39.849
a very specific one, not a general, but one specific

01:00:39.849 --> 01:00:43.030
time. I just got goosebumps because it just happened

01:00:43.030 --> 01:00:46.210
at the end of last year. So at the end of last

01:00:46.210 --> 01:00:50.429
year was the first time I got to watch my eighth

01:00:50.429 --> 01:00:55.610
graders graduate at the promotion ceremony. Because

01:00:55.610 --> 01:00:59.230
prior to that, I wasn't at that campus long enough

01:00:59.230 --> 01:01:01.329
to see them go from sixth grade to eighth grade.

01:01:01.409 --> 01:01:04.210
So now I was able to see. I call on my babies,

01:01:04.349 --> 01:01:07.429
these young kiddos that I got to invest in for

01:01:07.429 --> 01:01:12.289
three years in a row. I got to watch them walk

01:01:12.289 --> 01:01:14.809
across the stage. And while I was so proud and

01:01:14.809 --> 01:01:20.050
not the single most important proud moment was

01:01:20.050 --> 01:01:24.050
twofold. I got to hand select some of the students

01:01:24.050 --> 01:01:27.110
that read their final speech. And I watched some

01:01:27.110 --> 01:01:30.579
of these students that had an IEP, which. means

01:01:30.579 --> 01:01:32.380
they have some sort of learning disability and

01:01:32.380 --> 01:01:35.280
they needed extra support that came into my classroom

01:01:35.280 --> 01:01:39.199
a year beforehand, super insecure, self -doubt,

01:01:39.199 --> 01:01:41.420
full of anxiety. Now they're standing on stage

01:01:41.420 --> 01:01:44.739
in front of hundreds of people reading their

01:01:44.739 --> 01:01:49.019
own authentic story. That made me so incredibly

01:01:49.019 --> 01:01:51.579
proud to be followed up by right after that,

01:01:51.699 --> 01:01:54.119
there was literally a line that wrapped around

01:01:54.119 --> 01:01:57.539
the lockers outside of parents with their students

01:01:57.539 --> 01:02:02.159
in line. just to come talk to me and hug me and

01:02:02.159 --> 01:02:04.559
to take a picture with me. And parents were crying

01:02:04.559 --> 01:02:07.139
and they were running out of things to say in

01:02:07.139 --> 01:02:09.380
terms of like, thank you just so much for what

01:02:09.380 --> 01:02:13.000
you've done for our child. Like you've made a

01:02:13.000 --> 01:02:18.280
lifelong impact. And that was, I think, the first

01:02:18.280 --> 01:02:23.260
time that I really felt like you're being used

01:02:23.260 --> 01:02:25.500
and served and like you're right where you need

01:02:25.500 --> 01:02:33.449
to be. So stay with that. That was cool. So I'm

01:02:33.449 --> 01:02:35.070
going to try to get emotional. No, it's good.

01:02:35.230 --> 01:02:40.210
It's actually really lovely. If I can, I would

01:02:40.210 --> 01:02:44.769
suggest there's a through line there. That what

01:02:44.769 --> 01:02:49.869
you experienced as a child became what you're

01:02:49.869 --> 01:02:54.389
creating for these students. That you're creating

01:02:54.389 --> 01:02:58.429
something that is new and novel. that gives them

01:02:58.429 --> 01:03:02.329
a greater sense of belonging and who they are

01:03:02.329 --> 01:03:07.230
in this really beautiful way that that's what

01:03:07.230 --> 01:03:11.690
you've done for them. And so it's this thing

01:03:11.690 --> 01:03:13.670
that Simon Sinek talks about that when you find

01:03:13.670 --> 01:03:15.829
a why or a purpose in life, it hearkens back

01:03:15.829 --> 01:03:17.769
to when you were a kid and then it doesn't really

01:03:17.769 --> 01:03:20.010
change. And when you do things you're really

01:03:20.010 --> 01:03:21.869
proud of, there's a through line there. It's

01:03:21.869 --> 01:03:23.190
always going to be in the service of others.

01:03:23.250 --> 01:03:26.320
First off, a purpose always will be. And it's

01:03:26.320 --> 01:03:29.099
in doing that thing that is core to who you are.

01:03:29.280 --> 01:03:31.679
And to me, that's this beautiful thing you've

01:03:31.679 --> 01:03:33.780
created for these students. It's this beautiful

01:03:33.780 --> 01:03:37.920
cabin in this beautiful place with beautiful

01:03:37.920 --> 01:03:40.300
people around them that embrace them and love

01:03:40.300 --> 01:03:45.699
them. And it is, it is, it's magical. It's magical.

01:03:46.639 --> 01:03:48.900
What a gift that is for you to point that out.

01:03:49.000 --> 01:03:52.360
And I think you're spot on because when I look

01:03:52.360 --> 01:03:54.519
at these students, especially those that struggle,

01:03:54.599 --> 01:03:56.460
I have a background in special education, which

01:03:56.460 --> 01:03:59.380
I got my degree in because of my son with autism.

01:03:59.519 --> 01:04:01.500
And so I look at every single one of these kids

01:04:01.500 --> 01:04:06.179
and I genuinely try to be the teacher that I

01:04:06.179 --> 01:04:09.320
always needed but never had. I try to see them

01:04:09.320 --> 01:04:11.360
and see their hurts and see their shortcomings.

01:04:11.539 --> 01:04:15.159
And I see the, the, the invisible weights that

01:04:15.159 --> 01:04:17.480
they're carrying. And I try so hard to be intentional

01:04:17.480 --> 01:04:20.179
about being part of the solution to that, to

01:04:20.179 --> 01:04:22.800
help lighten their load so that when they leave

01:04:22.800 --> 01:04:25.019
my room, they feel seen and they feel valued

01:04:25.019 --> 01:04:27.900
because gosh, especially nowadays our kids are

01:04:27.900 --> 01:04:30.139
carrying stuff so much heavier than we ever did.

01:04:30.320 --> 01:04:36.400
You know? And so if, if I had to go through,

01:04:38.210 --> 01:04:41.010
All of what I did through my adoption, let's

01:04:41.010 --> 01:04:43.170
take it back to even the adoption. Like if that

01:04:43.170 --> 01:04:47.110
orchestrated event had to occur so that I went

01:04:47.110 --> 01:04:49.869
through those years of longing and searching

01:04:49.869 --> 01:04:55.269
and hunting and brokenness. So that I could then

01:04:55.269 --> 01:05:00.030
be a vessel for these students. Just like the

01:05:00.030 --> 01:05:02.809
divorce and my daughter and my son, like I do

01:05:02.809 --> 01:05:05.429
it all over again in a heartbeat because I think

01:05:05.429 --> 01:05:08.559
it. that's why I'm able to be effective, right?

01:05:08.679 --> 01:05:10.699
And I think the same might be true for you and

01:05:10.699 --> 01:05:14.239
what you're able to do in family law, right?

01:05:14.300 --> 01:05:17.039
There's a need there for you to help serve others,

01:05:17.179 --> 01:05:20.139
probably tied back to something from your childhood.

01:05:20.559 --> 01:05:22.780
Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure there's no doubt, right?

01:05:23.980 --> 01:05:25.360
That's the way that it does work. And that's

01:05:25.360 --> 01:05:29.079
why we just have the opportunities to do so much

01:05:29.079 --> 01:05:31.119
good for so many other people. And when we...

01:05:31.420 --> 01:05:34.280
We'll tap into that and become the best version

01:05:34.280 --> 01:05:37.199
of ourselves. It gives us such a great opportunity.

01:05:37.559 --> 01:05:39.019
You know, one of the things that I wrote down

01:05:39.019 --> 01:05:43.219
as well from a book by Adam Grant is he said

01:05:43.219 --> 01:05:45.500
the most meaningful way to succeed is to help

01:05:45.500 --> 01:05:48.280
others succeed. And one of the things you're

01:05:48.280 --> 01:05:51.539
doing in both your career as a teacher is you're

01:05:51.539 --> 01:05:53.960
doing that. And then, you know, I think as you

01:05:53.960 --> 01:05:58.739
my take is as you write this book. that that

01:05:58.739 --> 01:06:01.460
what you're doing is is you're you're multiplying

01:06:01.460 --> 01:06:06.179
it right you're you're taking it to an even greater

01:06:06.179 --> 01:06:09.400
audience and multiplying the impact that you

01:06:09.400 --> 01:06:12.019
can have by sharing what your story is to help

01:06:12.019 --> 01:06:14.320
others going through a hard time to help others

01:06:14.320 --> 01:06:16.179
be inspired from the things that you're doing

01:06:16.179 --> 01:06:17.820
for a greater reach which i think is a really

01:06:17.820 --> 01:06:21.650
beautiful thing yeah Thanks for that. And that's

01:06:21.650 --> 01:06:25.190
really the heart of it. It's not self -serving.

01:06:25.210 --> 01:06:27.769
It's funny, like being Leo's number three, that's

01:06:27.769 --> 01:06:28.849
what we're going to call ourselves now. Like

01:06:28.849 --> 01:06:32.349
I didn't write it and it's not sitting here in

01:06:32.349 --> 01:06:36.909
front of me as evidence of my value, but it's

01:06:36.909 --> 01:06:39.590
a reminder of like my purpose. I think it's a

01:06:39.590 --> 01:06:41.070
reminder that there are so many other people

01:06:41.070 --> 01:06:43.510
out there that are dealing with adoption. Maybe

01:06:43.510 --> 01:06:46.010
they are looking to adopt or they have been adopted

01:06:46.010 --> 01:06:48.960
or they. have adopted, but they don't know whether

01:06:48.960 --> 01:06:50.360
or not they should tell their child, like, you

01:06:50.360 --> 01:06:52.619
know, all the things, right? So everything from

01:06:52.619 --> 01:06:55.360
adoption to addiction to autism to, you know,

01:06:55.360 --> 01:06:58.679
all the, all of it, you know, we are not, we're

01:06:58.679 --> 01:07:02.739
not in a silo. We are a community on this planet.

01:07:02.820 --> 01:07:05.780
And if we can live a life and do things with

01:07:05.780 --> 01:07:08.199
our talents and our skill sets that help leave

01:07:08.199 --> 01:07:11.000
the world better than we found it and help others,

01:07:11.039 --> 01:07:13.480
even if it's just one person that picks up my

01:07:13.480 --> 01:07:16.750
book. And if just one person says, Man, that

01:07:16.750 --> 01:07:19.730
chapter that you wrote about losing your dad

01:07:19.730 --> 01:07:22.530
and what happened to you after that, like, thank

01:07:22.530 --> 01:07:25.369
you for that. Because I felt so alone. And then

01:07:25.369 --> 01:07:28.610
it was worth it. It was all worth it. Yeah. And

01:07:28.610 --> 01:07:30.789
it will. It'll have that impact when it comes

01:07:30.789 --> 01:07:33.289
out, when people get to read it. Are you going

01:07:33.289 --> 01:07:36.409
to do an audio book of your book? Yes, I am.

01:07:36.610 --> 01:07:38.769
And you're going to read it, right? I'm reading

01:07:38.769 --> 01:07:41.989
it. I'm reading my own. I got so mad at Jeffrey

01:07:41.989 --> 01:07:45.110
Barnes. Because he didn't read his own. And I'm

01:07:45.110 --> 01:07:48.329
like, who is this guy? Like, I want, here's what

01:07:48.329 --> 01:07:50.050
I want you to feel. And I keep going back to

01:07:50.050 --> 01:07:52.789
this. I wrote the book with this intention every

01:07:52.789 --> 01:07:57.050
day. I want the reader and the listener to feel

01:07:57.050 --> 01:07:59.469
as though they are sitting next to me on a bench

01:07:59.469 --> 01:08:02.849
on Main Street with a cup of coffee and they're

01:08:02.849 --> 01:08:05.550
just getting to know an old friend. And I want

01:08:05.550 --> 01:08:08.860
them to not learn. I don't want the focus to

01:08:08.860 --> 01:08:10.820
be you need to learn as much as you possibly

01:08:10.820 --> 01:08:13.460
can about me. But I hope in me sharing my story,

01:08:13.619 --> 01:08:15.940
you start to uncover a different perspective

01:08:15.940 --> 01:08:19.659
of you and your life. And when you leave, you

01:08:19.659 --> 01:08:22.579
leave changed. That's my hope for a forced perspective.

01:08:23.020 --> 01:08:26.939
Yeah, I love that. It's fantastic. Before we

01:08:26.939 --> 01:08:31.930
move to our this or that segment. And then after

01:08:31.930 --> 01:08:33.770
we do that, we'll do this or that. We'll do a

01:08:33.770 --> 01:08:35.989
rapid fire and then we'll get your three actionable

01:08:35.989 --> 01:08:38.010
takeaways at the end. But before we get there,

01:08:38.109 --> 01:08:41.909
anything that I missed in either your story that

01:08:41.909 --> 01:08:45.390
you wanted to share or from Pinocchio? I love

01:08:45.390 --> 01:08:47.550
going through the attraction of Pinocchio now

01:08:47.550 --> 01:08:49.850
as an adult because as I go through, I'm looking

01:08:49.850 --> 01:08:52.130
at it through the lens of like not just seeing

01:08:52.130 --> 01:08:55.170
Pinocchio, the little wooden boy that finds his

01:08:55.170 --> 01:08:58.829
way through some creative and difficult circumstances.

01:08:59.800 --> 01:09:02.180
I see little Kristen. I see little Kristen running

01:09:02.180 --> 01:09:05.100
and searching and looking, you know, running

01:09:05.100 --> 01:09:07.220
off to Pleasure Island and experimenting with

01:09:07.220 --> 01:09:08.699
things, thinking that that's going to be the

01:09:08.699 --> 01:09:12.520
answer. And, you know, getting stuck and getting

01:09:12.520 --> 01:09:14.939
trapped. And when that cage comes down, it's

01:09:14.939 --> 01:09:17.260
like, yeah, that was the cage that I put myself

01:09:17.260 --> 01:09:20.619
in because I had so many open wounds that I didn't

01:09:20.619 --> 01:09:24.380
quite know how to heal. And so when I ride that

01:09:24.380 --> 01:09:31.779
attraction. So when I go through the attraction

01:09:31.779 --> 01:09:35.479
now, it's like being able to step back and watch

01:09:35.479 --> 01:09:39.020
the growth cycle through my own personal journey.

01:09:39.439 --> 01:09:42.739
And it's beautiful. So the strings now, like

01:09:42.739 --> 01:09:45.720
I don't look necessarily at strings and Pinocchio

01:09:45.720 --> 01:09:48.779
strings as tangible strings per se. I think we

01:09:48.779 --> 01:09:50.979
all have strings if we're willing to really look

01:09:50.979 --> 01:09:54.520
authentically and be a little vulnerable with

01:09:54.520 --> 01:09:57.539
ourselves. Maybe a string is what your parents.

01:09:58.430 --> 01:10:01.010
told you on repeat when you were a little kid.

01:10:01.130 --> 01:10:02.930
Maybe you grew up believing that you weren't

01:10:02.930 --> 01:10:05.649
good enough or you're never going to amount to

01:10:05.649 --> 01:10:08.850
anything. Maybe a string is an abusive relationship

01:10:08.850 --> 01:10:12.630
or a habit that you got yourself hooked on or,

01:10:12.630 --> 01:10:14.970
you know, negative self -talk. That personal

01:10:14.970 --> 01:10:18.010
narrative that you create for yourself can be

01:10:18.010 --> 01:10:20.609
a string too. The belief that you're too old

01:10:20.609 --> 01:10:24.069
to pursue your dream. You know, you look hard

01:10:24.069 --> 01:10:27.439
enough and we've got strings out the wazoo. that

01:10:27.439 --> 01:10:31.800
will keep us bound from pursuing our true passions

01:10:31.800 --> 01:10:34.680
and our dream. And so once I started to recognize

01:10:34.680 --> 01:10:39.000
what my own strings were in my life, then came

01:10:39.000 --> 01:10:41.279
the work, right? Then came the active work of

01:10:41.279 --> 01:10:44.279
trimming those strings and breaking free from

01:10:44.279 --> 01:10:49.779
them so that I can be healthy and 42 and a full

01:10:49.779 --> 01:10:52.739
-time teacher and a full -time author and a podcast

01:10:52.739 --> 01:10:55.439
co -host. and a mom of a child with special needs.

01:10:55.520 --> 01:10:58.819
Like I can do all those things now because I'm

01:10:58.819 --> 01:11:01.560
not bound to the junk that's holding me back.

01:11:01.960 --> 01:11:04.159
And I hope that other people will be encouraged

01:11:04.159 --> 01:11:05.640
by that enough to where they can start doing

01:11:05.640 --> 01:11:08.399
the same thing in their own life. Besides this

01:11:08.399 --> 01:11:10.939
podcast, I actually own a law firm, RCG Law Group.

01:11:11.359 --> 01:11:14.159
And I'll be honest, most people think only about

01:11:14.159 --> 01:11:16.359
calling a lawyer when something has gone sideways

01:11:16.359 --> 01:11:19.180
already. We'd rather you know who we are before

01:11:19.180 --> 01:11:22.619
that happens. So if you ever need us, we're right

01:11:22.619 --> 01:11:25.659
here. Yeah. Yeah. Break free from those strings

01:11:25.659 --> 01:11:27.720
for sure. Because there are so many invisible

01:11:27.720 --> 01:11:29.699
strings that do hold us back. And sometimes we

01:11:29.699 --> 01:11:31.720
don't even realize it. And sometimes we've suppressed

01:11:31.720 --> 01:11:34.140
it. And sometimes we put it off and didn't want

01:11:34.140 --> 01:11:35.500
to acknowledge it because we don't want to deal

01:11:35.500 --> 01:11:38.920
with it. But yeah, realizing those things are

01:11:38.920 --> 01:11:41.680
there and breaking free can really lead to a

01:11:41.680 --> 01:11:45.779
lot of joy and a lot of opportunity. I love that.

01:11:45.859 --> 01:11:49.699
It's a fantastic way to wrap up Pinocchio. Okay.

01:11:49.939 --> 01:11:52.100
Are you ready for some this or that, Kristen?

01:11:52.779 --> 01:11:56.199
I think I am. I don't know. Let's do it. If you've

01:11:56.199 --> 01:11:58.539
got some controversy opinions, I will not be

01:11:58.539 --> 01:12:01.000
shy in calling it out, all right? Like, I will

01:12:01.000 --> 01:12:05.239
disagree with you if need be. All right. We'll

01:12:05.239 --> 01:12:08.659
see. So, okay, first one, Jiminy Cricket or Blue

01:12:08.659 --> 01:12:13.520
Fairy? Jiminy Cricket. I love Jiminy. Oh, I just

01:12:13.520 --> 01:12:15.779
love him. The whole idea of him, and you tied

01:12:15.779 --> 01:12:17.380
it in really beautifully, too, about, you know,

01:12:17.420 --> 01:12:19.600
listening to Jiminy Cricket, being quiet so you

01:12:19.600 --> 01:12:21.640
can hear it. Yeah, definitely good answer there.

01:12:23.380 --> 01:12:32.159
Let's see. Road trip or flying? Flying. Yeah.

01:12:32.279 --> 01:12:33.819
Do you like road trips? Are you a road tripper?

01:12:34.739 --> 01:12:38.920
I am, but I like to get places fast now. I'm

01:12:38.920 --> 01:12:41.079
like the little kid. Even though I have to do

01:12:41.079 --> 01:12:44.140
all the driving, fun fact, Kristen Reingold has

01:12:44.140 --> 01:12:47.460
habitual motion sickness, and I get car sick

01:12:47.460 --> 01:12:49.300
no matter what. It doesn't matter where I sit,

01:12:49.479 --> 01:12:52.470
how much AC is on me. so i always have to do

01:12:52.470 --> 01:12:54.710
the driving which means whenever we go on vacations

01:12:54.710 --> 01:12:57.510
that require driving i'm the one exhausted because

01:12:57.510 --> 01:13:00.149
i did all the driving and so you know fly me

01:13:00.149 --> 01:13:02.590
so i can sit my husband and i can hang out audiobook

01:13:02.590 --> 01:13:06.869
done and peanuts or some sort of snack yeah you

01:13:06.869 --> 01:13:08.810
gotta have something to snack do you can you

01:13:08.810 --> 01:13:12.149
go on boats like can you do a cruise dude ryan

01:13:12.149 --> 01:13:14.850
i just did my very first cruise this summer and

01:13:14.850 --> 01:13:17.640
i got Those bands that like does a vibration

01:13:17.640 --> 01:13:20.100
pulse thing. It was like 120 bucks on Amazon,

01:13:20.359 --> 01:13:22.720
but it was a game changer. I didn't get sick

01:13:22.720 --> 01:13:27.840
at all with that sucker. So yeah, I do get motion

01:13:27.840 --> 01:13:29.600
sickness on rides at Disneyland. There's some

01:13:29.600 --> 01:13:31.680
things that I can't do unless I've got my band

01:13:31.680 --> 01:13:35.420
or I take medicine in advance. Yeah. What, what

01:13:35.420 --> 01:13:39.439
cruise did you go on? I did Royal Caribbean down

01:13:39.439 --> 01:13:42.119
to Mexico. Okay. It's a popular one. I'm not

01:13:42.119 --> 01:13:44.500
a cruise person. I'm not a cruise person. I'm

01:13:44.500 --> 01:13:46.119
just going to put that out there. Disney cruise

01:13:46.119 --> 01:13:49.239
movie. Yeah. I'm not a cruise person at all.

01:13:49.939 --> 01:13:53.960
It's not my favorite thing. No. I don't want

01:13:53.960 --> 01:13:55.720
to be on a boat with a bunch of strangers. No

01:13:55.720 --> 01:14:01.819
dice. I hear you. Okay. How about library or

01:14:01.819 --> 01:14:08.760
bookstore? Bookstore, especially if it's a used

01:14:08.760 --> 01:14:11.560
vintage bookstore. Oh, you like the used vintage

01:14:11.560 --> 01:14:15.159
ones, huh? In fact, I designed my entire classroom

01:14:15.159 --> 01:14:18.380
is that way. Like literally the whole classroom

01:14:18.380 --> 01:14:21.000
is like you walk into a vintage bookstore on

01:14:21.000 --> 01:14:23.479
Main Street. Like it's I love that all day long.

01:14:23.560 --> 01:14:26.960
Give me brick. Give me smelly old books. Oh,

01:14:27.159 --> 01:14:30.619
oh, you love older the better. OK, so how about

01:14:30.619 --> 01:14:32.560
I'm just going to throw a curveball in here for

01:14:32.560 --> 01:14:35.880
what I didn't have written down. Physical book

01:14:35.880 --> 01:14:40.239
or Kindle? Oh, look at this beauty. 20 ,000 leagues

01:14:40.239 --> 01:14:43.039
under the sea. See how old it is? It's falling

01:14:43.039 --> 01:14:49.180
apart. Wow. You can't get this experience on

01:14:49.180 --> 01:14:51.500
a Kindle. I wish you could smell this right now.

01:14:52.640 --> 01:14:56.460
Always physical books. Always. But do you ever

01:14:56.460 --> 01:15:00.199
do audiobooks? Okay, I can't say always. That's

01:15:00.199 --> 01:15:03.630
why it's hard. I know. Okay, well, when I'm driving,

01:15:03.729 --> 01:15:05.970
I can't be smelling old vintage books, so I got

01:15:05.970 --> 01:15:09.489
to do the audio book. I like to collect old books

01:15:09.489 --> 01:15:11.689
and books of value and meaning. I have a lovely

01:15:11.689 --> 01:15:13.890
signed copies from some amazing artists, Tim

01:15:13.890 --> 01:15:16.989
O'Day, Martha Blanding, and some others, Becky

01:15:16.989 --> 01:15:19.189
Klein. So like those that have nostalgic, you

01:15:19.189 --> 01:15:21.930
know, meaning for the Disney company. Yes. Give

01:15:21.930 --> 01:15:25.710
me hard book all day long. I just give them all

01:15:25.710 --> 01:15:28.170
to me. I'll put the old one on a shelf. I'll

01:15:28.170 --> 01:15:31.279
be over. Yeah. I love it. I love it. I'm such

01:15:31.279 --> 01:15:33.460
an audio book guy. And for me, it's because I

01:15:33.460 --> 01:15:36.760
found that I won't make the time to sit down

01:15:36.760 --> 01:15:39.779
and physically read through. And if I do audio

01:15:39.779 --> 01:15:42.479
book though, I'll consume way more. Do I pay

01:15:42.479 --> 01:15:44.539
as close attention? No, like it's true that I

01:15:44.539 --> 01:15:46.699
don't, like I will admit it, but then I do it.

01:15:46.720 --> 01:15:49.920
Then I read 30 books a year or more, right? Because

01:15:49.920 --> 01:15:52.789
I'll do audio book. Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent.

01:15:52.829 --> 01:15:54.449
Same way. Like, I love that. I think that's the

01:15:54.449 --> 01:15:57.310
ADHD in us. You know, I can go get my workout

01:15:57.310 --> 01:15:59.369
in listening to an audio book or I can drive

01:15:59.369 --> 01:16:02.329
or I can clean house. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

01:16:02.409 --> 01:16:11.100
I love it. Okay. Chalkboard or whiteboard? Whiteboard,

01:16:11.159 --> 01:16:13.699
because I have PTSD from Doris French Elementary

01:16:13.699 --> 01:16:16.520
School when I used to have to go clean the erasers.

01:16:16.520 --> 01:16:19.220
And I probably have lung damage from all the

01:16:19.220 --> 01:16:22.520
chalk dust that I had to inhale in the custodian

01:16:22.520 --> 01:16:26.939
office. So whiteboard. I'm sure. My first job

01:16:26.939 --> 01:16:29.600
was a sweeper and had to clean those dang things.

01:16:29.779 --> 01:16:33.579
That was a good time. That was a good time. Okay,

01:16:33.699 --> 01:16:39.039
back row or front row? What are we watching?

01:16:39.680 --> 01:16:41.800
Well, that's a good question. I was actually

01:16:41.800 --> 01:16:44.659
thinking in a classroom, but let's do both. I

01:16:44.659 --> 01:16:48.239
want to do classroom and then I want to do, let's

01:16:48.239 --> 01:16:53.119
do like, let's do like a Broadway musical. Classroom,

01:16:53.119 --> 01:16:57.420
Broadway musical. Okay. Classroom. I got rid

01:16:57.420 --> 01:17:00.550
of desks. Because I do what I like to call 360

01:17:00.550 --> 01:17:02.890
teaching. There is no front of the room because

01:17:02.890 --> 01:17:05.069
I'm constantly moving. So no matter where you

01:17:05.069 --> 01:17:06.729
are, it's the best seat in the house. And that's

01:17:06.729 --> 01:17:08.510
how I deal with behaviors and keep things at

01:17:08.510 --> 01:17:11.569
bay. Because again, rock star. Just kidding.

01:17:12.050 --> 01:17:17.109
Maybe. I, though, as a kid, I was always in the

01:17:17.109 --> 01:17:19.630
back row or I was in the hall because I never

01:17:19.630 --> 01:17:21.470
stopped talking. I would get in trouble and they

01:17:21.470 --> 01:17:23.750
would move my desk into the hallway. So like

01:17:23.750 --> 01:17:28.039
I was that kid. But I think in a classroom setting,

01:17:28.220 --> 01:17:31.220
if you were to do rows, put me in the front row.

01:17:31.300 --> 01:17:34.220
I was always a front row student. Heart -shocking,

01:17:34.340 --> 01:17:36.840
I know. But I think that's the best place to

01:17:36.840 --> 01:17:44.079
be. Consuming entertainment. Gosh. Front row

01:17:44.079 --> 01:17:46.319
is great because, like, if there's a live orchestra

01:17:46.319 --> 01:17:48.399
and you're like, you know, I like to see the

01:17:48.399 --> 01:17:50.520
sweat come down so, like, there's that humanity

01:17:50.520 --> 01:17:54.720
to it. But I don't like to creak my neck. That's

01:17:54.720 --> 01:17:56.750
the hard part. Right. That's the hard part. I

01:17:56.750 --> 01:17:58.649
mean, that's why in the movie theater, I can't

01:17:58.649 --> 01:17:59.909
ever do the front row because you're way too

01:17:59.909 --> 01:18:03.270
much like that cranking your neck. A musical,

01:18:03.350 --> 01:18:07.430
it depends on the venue. We have in Salt Lake

01:18:07.430 --> 01:18:10.550
up here, we've got a pretty popular theater that

01:18:10.550 --> 01:18:12.989
does theater in the round. And when you have

01:18:12.989 --> 01:18:16.350
theater in the round, front row is awesome because

01:18:16.350 --> 01:18:19.890
all the seats go down to the theater. And so

01:18:19.890 --> 01:18:21.869
you're not looking up. You're looking down to

01:18:21.869 --> 01:18:23.390
where it's at. So front row is amazing because

01:18:23.390 --> 01:18:25.069
you're right there. You're like eye level. Yeah,

01:18:25.130 --> 01:18:27.829
you're like right next to them, right? Whereas

01:18:27.829 --> 01:18:29.750
traditional one, yeah, front row is a little

01:18:29.750 --> 01:18:31.449
tough. If I had to choose, I'm probably back

01:18:31.449 --> 01:18:33.770
row because I don't want to be wrecking my neck

01:18:33.770 --> 01:18:35.909
watching the show. Yeah. When I go see a movie,

01:18:35.989 --> 01:18:38.069
which I don't do anymore because I just, it's

01:18:38.069 --> 01:18:41.710
too expensive. And I can't hold my bladder during

01:18:41.710 --> 01:18:46.960
a whole movie while you get soda. I don't. $100

01:18:46.960 --> 01:18:49.000
for a movie, and I miss it three times because

01:18:49.000 --> 01:18:51.739
I'm old and can't hold it. I went to see Odyssey,

01:18:52.039 --> 01:18:54.539
which I did love. I'm a movie guy. I love movies.

01:18:54.920 --> 01:18:57.319
That's a long movie. It was everything I could

01:18:57.319 --> 01:18:59.840
do to only go once. I really should have gone

01:18:59.840 --> 01:19:01.640
twice, but I was like, I can't be the guy that

01:19:01.640 --> 01:19:03.819
goes twice in a movie, right? So I was like,

01:19:03.880 --> 01:19:05.279
all right, well, I went halfway through. You

01:19:05.279 --> 01:19:07.000
have to be the guy that gets a catheter before

01:19:07.000 --> 01:19:08.699
you go, and then maybe I can make it through

01:19:08.699 --> 01:19:12.680
a movie. But for a movie, you've got to be back

01:19:12.680 --> 01:19:16.279
row. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right. That's

01:19:16.279 --> 01:19:17.720
exactly right. Okay, here's some really hard

01:19:17.720 --> 01:19:20.479
ones. Actually, maybe they might not be. Maybe

01:19:20.479 --> 01:19:22.640
it'll be really easy. Disneyland or Disney World?

01:19:23.640 --> 01:19:28.619
Land. Okay, within the Disney World realm, Animal

01:19:28.619 --> 01:19:33.199
Kingdom or Epcot? Those are my two favorite ones.

01:19:33.619 --> 01:19:39.180
Same. Shoot. Animal Kingdom. Oh, it's so good.

01:19:39.579 --> 01:19:42.079
It's so good. Okay, and this is not a this or

01:19:42.079 --> 01:19:43.619
that. What's your favorite ride in Animal Kingdom?

01:19:51.420 --> 01:19:54.220
Expedition Everest. Okay, that's a popular one.

01:19:54.359 --> 01:19:56.439
Yeah, it's a great ride. It's a great ride. Or

01:19:56.439 --> 01:20:00.079
Kilimanjaro Safari. I mean, I love the Safari.

01:20:01.399 --> 01:20:03.119
But you know what I also love there is Avatar

01:20:03.119 --> 01:20:04.600
Ride, right? Like, I can't remember what it's

01:20:04.600 --> 01:20:06.840
called, but you're riding the Banshee. Like,

01:20:06.880 --> 01:20:08.520
that might not do it for your motion sickness,

01:20:08.779 --> 01:20:12.159
but man, that is an amazing ride. That's true.

01:20:12.359 --> 01:20:14.039
So freaking good. That's true. There's so much

01:20:14.039 --> 01:20:15.640
stuff in Animal Kingdom. It's a blast. I love

01:20:15.640 --> 01:20:19.960
it. Yeah. it's super good okay here's our rapid

01:20:19.960 --> 01:20:23.739
fire you ready for some rapid fire yes okay favorite

01:20:23.739 --> 01:20:28.260
disney movie pinocchio okay now i just i haven't

01:20:28.260 --> 01:20:30.539
pointed out yet i should have earlier but if

01:20:30.539 --> 01:20:32.500
you're if you're only listening this you won't

01:20:32.500 --> 01:20:34.899
see but if you're watching it uh kristen has

01:20:34.899 --> 01:20:37.399
a pinocchio in the background off her i think

01:20:37.399 --> 01:20:39.899
right shoulder i think yep right shoulder and

01:20:39.899 --> 01:20:43.659
on her shirt and on her necklace so we're talking

01:20:43.659 --> 01:20:48.470
about a pinocchio fan here All in on Pinocchio.

01:20:49.029 --> 01:20:56.430
Favorite Disney song. Oh, it's not rapid fire

01:20:56.430 --> 01:21:03.609
because I'm having a brain fart. It's from Moana.

01:21:04.149 --> 01:21:09.270
How far I'll go. You're welcome. Oh, we know

01:21:09.270 --> 01:21:13.920
the way. Yeah. I don't care what mood you're

01:21:13.920 --> 01:21:16.199
in. You put that song on and all of a sudden

01:21:16.199 --> 01:21:20.220
I am skipping. I'm singing. I feel like I can

01:21:20.220 --> 01:21:23.560
do anything. Oh, it's a great song. It is. And

01:21:23.560 --> 01:21:26.680
it's, it's Lin -Manuel, right? And I huge Lin

01:21:26.680 --> 01:21:29.479
-Manuel fan. I freaking love his stuff. I'm obsessed.

01:21:30.319 --> 01:21:32.800
He's, he's the best favorite Disney princess.

01:21:35.899 --> 01:21:41.949
Tiana. Tiana. Great choice. hard for what she

01:21:41.949 --> 01:21:45.390
had. And I think it's because she also lost her

01:21:45.390 --> 01:21:48.510
daddy, right? For sure. And yeah, there's a piece

01:21:48.510 --> 01:21:50.409
there that I'm like, that is a prime example

01:21:50.409 --> 01:21:52.390
of somebody who didn't have anything handed to

01:21:52.390 --> 01:21:55.069
her. She had every reason to give up and to not

01:21:55.069 --> 01:21:58.310
go for something crazy. But I saw the hustle

01:21:58.310 --> 01:22:01.010
in her eyes and man, I loved it. I mean, I think

01:22:01.010 --> 01:22:03.949
the one song is like, I ain't got time for dancing,

01:22:04.090 --> 01:22:06.409
right? Like I gotta be working hard. I ain't

01:22:06.409 --> 01:22:08.390
got time to go out dancing. You guys ain't freaking

01:22:08.390 --> 01:22:12.890
me. She's great. Yeah, wonderful princess. Okay,

01:22:12.930 --> 01:22:22.229
favorite Disney hero or heroine? Oh, my goodness.

01:22:23.430 --> 01:22:29.270
Hero or heroine? I go to Hercules, but is that

01:22:29.270 --> 01:22:35.270
because it's just easy? Yes, and it's also great.

01:22:35.409 --> 01:22:37.430
Like, I just actually watched Hercules last night.

01:22:37.489 --> 01:22:40.500
My kids wanted to watch it. and he's a good hero

01:22:40.500 --> 01:22:44.460
he is he's got a great journey yeah like he's

01:22:44.460 --> 01:22:46.859
dealing with like the whole crush thing and you

01:22:46.859 --> 01:22:50.840
know betrayal and he's just finding his way yeah

01:22:50.840 --> 01:22:53.060
and he went on the journey of trying to find

01:22:53.060 --> 01:22:55.260
his connection to his you know dna and his parents

01:22:55.260 --> 01:22:58.359
like i get that totally i can go the distance

01:22:58.359 --> 01:23:01.640
it's a great song too like it's a terrific song

01:23:01.640 --> 01:23:06.850
i love that song I do like that. Okay, favorite

01:23:06.850 --> 01:23:15.149
Disney park snack? I'm a churro fan. Nothing

01:23:15.149 --> 01:23:19.789
beats a Main Street waffle cone on Main Street.

01:23:19.909 --> 01:23:22.010
Like, it tastes better if you're on Main Street

01:23:22.010 --> 01:23:23.930
while you eat it. Once you, like, turn the corner

01:23:23.930 --> 01:23:25.909
and you go to Adventureland or Tomorrowland,

01:23:25.970 --> 01:23:28.029
the flavor is off. You've got to stay on Main

01:23:28.029 --> 01:23:30.409
Street. That, to me, is like America nostalgia

01:23:30.409 --> 01:23:33.920
in my tummy. Okay. I love it. I'm going to make

01:23:33.920 --> 01:23:36.380
sure I do that next time I'm down there in Disneyland.

01:23:36.840 --> 01:23:38.500
And it's got to be in the waffle cone. Don't

01:23:38.500 --> 01:23:41.100
be putting it in a cup with a spoon. Not today,

01:23:41.159 --> 01:23:43.800
Satan. I'll have to take my gluten pill because

01:23:43.800 --> 01:23:46.699
I can't do gluten and it's terrible. But worth

01:23:46.699 --> 01:23:49.239
it for a churro, worth it for a waffle cone.

01:23:49.880 --> 01:23:52.899
Okay. Well, all right. No, because if I take

01:23:52.899 --> 01:23:55.500
a gluten pill, I'm okay. I don't have C -reacts,

01:23:55.579 --> 01:23:58.500
so it's more just like... If I take the pill,

01:23:58.520 --> 01:24:00.699
the enzymes, they do it right for me, and it's

01:24:00.699 --> 01:24:02.760
definitely worth it for, you know, a churro or

01:24:02.760 --> 01:24:04.500
a waffle cone, it sounds like. God, we're a bunch

01:24:04.500 --> 01:24:07.520
of winners, aren't we, out there with our seasickness

01:24:07.520 --> 01:24:11.020
bands and our celiac. Yeah, our gluten stuff

01:24:11.020 --> 01:24:16.560
is terrible. Okay, how about favorite book? And

01:24:16.560 --> 01:24:18.239
that's going to be a hard one, I guarantee it.

01:24:18.640 --> 01:24:22.380
Like, any book? Let's say, let's do two. Let's

01:24:22.380 --> 01:24:24.420
do favorite book, any book, and then I want to

01:24:24.420 --> 01:24:27.329
know favorite, like. Disney -related book, but

01:24:27.329 --> 01:24:29.449
you can't cheat and choose The Wisdom of Walt,

01:24:29.590 --> 01:24:32.050
okay? You just can't cheat because that's cheating,

01:24:32.250 --> 01:24:34.449
all right? It's an amazing book. We all know

01:24:34.449 --> 01:24:35.710
it's an amazing book. If you haven't read it,

01:24:35.710 --> 01:24:39.010
read it. It's by Dr. Jeffrey Barnes. But favorite

01:24:39.010 --> 01:24:42.890
Disney book and favorite any book. Okay. I'm

01:24:42.890 --> 01:24:47.189
going to go with Untamed by, oh, my God, Glennon

01:24:47.189 --> 01:24:51.069
Doyle. Yeah. Untamed, Glennon Doyle. That will

01:24:51.069 --> 01:24:53.350
cause you to second -guess everything we thought

01:24:53.350 --> 01:24:56.850
you knew about most things. Creative, courageous,

01:24:57.270 --> 01:25:01.810
brave woman to speak her truth. Is that also

01:25:01.810 --> 01:25:07.310
Abby Wambach? Yes. Yeah, yeah, fantastic. Her

01:25:07.310 --> 01:25:11.979
wife. Yeah, fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I read

01:25:11.979 --> 01:25:14.619
that at a time where I was not comfortable or

01:25:14.619 --> 01:25:16.720
nor was it encouraged for me to question things.

01:25:16.979 --> 01:25:19.699
And so that really just opened up a whole door

01:25:19.699 --> 01:25:23.300
of me for me to look at the world differently,

01:25:23.380 --> 01:25:26.659
kind of force my perspective, if you will. Yeah.

01:25:26.760 --> 01:25:33.819
As far as Disney book. It is right here. I think

01:25:33.819 --> 01:25:38.069
it is so incredibly important. it is the people

01:25:38.069 --> 01:25:41.390
behind the disney parks stories of those who

01:25:41.390 --> 01:25:44.350
stories of those honored with a window on main

01:25:44.350 --> 01:25:48.670
street and it is a beautiful dive into obviously

01:25:48.670 --> 01:25:51.170
there's been more people that have received windows

01:25:51.170 --> 01:25:54.170
but all of the disney linges that have windows

01:25:54.170 --> 01:25:56.210
on main street not only does it give you their

01:25:56.210 --> 01:25:58.390
information of who they were but their backstory

01:25:58.390 --> 01:26:00.909
of what led to them getting a window on main

01:26:00.909 --> 01:26:03.310
street so it just really brings it full circle

01:26:03.310 --> 01:26:06.340
and it brings more meaning to the storytelling

01:26:06.340 --> 01:26:09.000
that goes on right when you walk in. Okay. I'm

01:26:09.000 --> 01:26:11.659
going to have to get that exact information from

01:26:11.659 --> 01:26:12.800
you. We're going to put it in the show notes

01:26:12.800 --> 01:26:15.039
and I'm going to order it immediately. I've got

01:26:15.039 --> 01:26:16.819
to get this book. This sounds amazing. Yes, you

01:26:16.819 --> 01:26:19.720
do. Well, and because I write Mondays on Main

01:26:19.720 --> 01:26:22.760
Street before I wrote my first article for Dr.

01:26:22.960 --> 01:26:25.899
Barnes this year. I did a deep dive in this because

01:26:25.899 --> 01:26:27.960
I really wanted to almost do like a character

01:26:27.960 --> 01:26:29.800
study. Like, okay, if I'm going to be writing

01:26:29.800 --> 01:26:31.760
under this idea of Mondays on Main Street, like

01:26:31.760 --> 01:26:34.779
let's really look at what that embodies and the

01:26:34.779 --> 01:26:38.319
souls behind it. Super informative. Oh, I love

01:26:38.319 --> 01:26:41.380
this. Amazing. And real quick, it's not just

01:26:41.380 --> 01:26:44.000
Disneyland. It's Disneyland and Disney World.

01:26:44.340 --> 01:26:47.020
Oh, even better. Even better. We get a lot of

01:26:47.020 --> 01:26:49.319
stories. See, that's the best part. Like, I honestly,

01:26:49.539 --> 01:26:53.079
before I talked with Bob Weiss, I didn't even

01:26:53.079 --> 01:26:55.520
know that was a thing to have like a window on

01:26:55.520 --> 01:26:57.420
Main Street. I had no idea. But when I read his

01:26:57.420 --> 01:26:58.939
book, I'm like, oh, this is a thing. And I suddenly

01:26:58.939 --> 01:27:00.380
started realizing like, oh, there's all these

01:27:00.380 --> 01:27:02.520
amazing people windows. Start diving this whole

01:27:02.520 --> 01:27:04.779
world that I didn't even know existed is amazing.

01:27:06.300 --> 01:27:08.159
I have a collection. I know we don't have time,

01:27:08.260 --> 01:27:10.079
but I have a collection of signs. This one's

01:27:10.079 --> 01:27:12.920
signed by Bob Gurr. It's a replica of his own.

01:27:13.600 --> 01:27:16.220
window on Main Street. Bob Gurr is amazing. I

01:27:16.220 --> 01:27:19.479
also have Marty Sklar. Okay, what's that? Bob

01:27:19.479 --> 01:27:21.739
Gurr is amazing. And Marty Sklar is amazing.

01:27:21.800 --> 01:27:23.579
I have an amazing book. His book's terrific.

01:27:24.329 --> 01:27:26.390
I know. I wish I could have met Marty before

01:27:26.390 --> 01:27:30.310
he passed. And Bob, actually Bob Weiss is writing

01:27:30.310 --> 01:27:32.829
a book about Marty Scalar right now, set to come

01:27:32.829 --> 01:27:34.289
out toward the end of this year, I think is what

01:27:34.289 --> 01:27:36.050
Bob said, which is amazing. Can't wait to read

01:27:36.050 --> 01:27:38.189
that. It'd be fantastic. I know. And what, no

01:27:38.189 --> 01:27:40.770
better person to, to write that book, to be gifted

01:27:40.770 --> 01:27:42.529
with that. And the stories, and I don't want

01:27:42.529 --> 01:27:44.750
to spoil it for anybody, but, but what went into

01:27:44.750 --> 01:27:46.909
him being able to do that was really cool. Yeah.

01:27:46.989 --> 01:27:50.289
How he got all of those things. So. Okay. Final,

01:27:50.329 --> 01:27:55.590
final rapid fire. Favorite restaurant? In general

01:27:55.590 --> 01:27:58.069
or are we talking at a Disney park? Well, it's

01:27:58.069 --> 01:28:00.069
a cheater question because I think I know what

01:28:00.069 --> 01:28:02.189
it is because I think I remember a post from

01:28:02.189 --> 01:28:04.670
you about it. And it definitely was Disney related.

01:28:05.010 --> 01:28:08.949
So I want to hear it. I hate that this is my

01:28:08.949 --> 01:28:13.170
answer because we can't go for dinner here without

01:28:13.170 --> 01:28:15.649
dropping $1 ,000. And I'm not saying that to

01:28:15.649 --> 01:28:18.970
brag. I'm saying that as like a poor teacher.

01:28:19.689 --> 01:28:25.140
My poor husband. Sitting on the terrace at Club

01:28:25.140 --> 01:28:28.680
33, overlooking the Rivers of America and New

01:28:28.680 --> 01:28:34.359
Orleans Square, nothing beats it. The food is

01:28:34.359 --> 01:28:37.680
outstanding. The ambiance is outstanding. Being

01:28:37.680 --> 01:28:42.119
in something that was envisioned by Walt and

01:28:42.119 --> 01:28:44.579
helped decorate it by his wife Lillian, and just

01:28:44.579 --> 01:28:47.859
you have nods to the past. You're immersed in

01:28:47.859 --> 01:28:51.079
story, and as a storyteller, that's... my palate.

01:28:51.420 --> 01:28:55.039
That's what I love. And then if it's not that

01:28:55.039 --> 01:28:57.699
one, of course it's called 33. Okay. Blue Bayou.

01:28:58.399 --> 01:29:00.039
All right, Kristen. Well, the way we like to

01:29:00.039 --> 01:29:02.619
end every conversation we have is to get three

01:29:02.619 --> 01:29:05.319
actionable takeaways, something that somebody

01:29:05.319 --> 01:29:07.520
could put into effect in their life and take

01:29:07.520 --> 01:29:11.680
action on today or this week. So give us three

01:29:11.680 --> 01:29:14.340
actionable takeaways from the topic we had today.

01:29:14.680 --> 01:29:19.789
Oh, okay. If I can encourage you to every single

01:29:19.789 --> 01:29:23.010
day, start your day with intentional silence.

01:29:23.430 --> 01:29:25.329
If you have to start with five minutes, start

01:29:25.329 --> 01:29:27.649
with five minutes. Instead of grabbing your cell

01:29:27.649 --> 01:29:32.590
phone first, spend intentional silent time completely

01:29:32.590 --> 01:29:35.850
undistracted. And then work on incrementing that,

01:29:35.890 --> 01:29:37.930
you know, increasing your increments thereafter

01:29:37.930 --> 01:29:44.539
and let that become your new normal. I'm going

01:29:44.539 --> 01:29:46.579
to speak to the writers, those of you, or really

01:29:46.579 --> 01:29:48.500
anybody that wants to do anything, whether you

01:29:48.500 --> 01:29:50.880
have a dream of writing a book or you have a

01:29:50.880 --> 01:29:53.859
dream of wanting to do your own podcast or you

01:29:53.859 --> 01:29:57.699
want to produce a movie, whatever the dream might

01:29:57.699 --> 01:30:01.119
be. Again, intentional time every single day.

01:30:01.199 --> 01:30:07.260
Carve out 15 minutes to think of at least 15

01:30:07.260 --> 01:30:10.960
new ideas. Anything. It could be any concept.

01:30:11.020 --> 01:30:13.359
That's how I went from zero words on a page.

01:30:13.710 --> 01:30:18.270
to 43 chapters of a book in less than a year

01:30:18.270 --> 01:30:22.789
15 minutes 15 new ideas intentional alone time

01:30:22.789 --> 01:30:25.750
every single day that's how you do it um last

01:30:25.750 --> 01:30:34.789
one if you're not happy with the life that is

01:30:34.789 --> 01:30:37.850
written in front of you pick up the pen and write

01:30:37.850 --> 01:30:41.069
a new ending and the action step attached to

01:30:41.069 --> 01:30:45.899
that is See yourself as worthy enough to live

01:30:45.899 --> 01:30:48.300
differently, to have a different life that you

01:30:48.300 --> 01:30:51.640
feel you're worthy of having. Whether that's

01:30:51.640 --> 01:30:53.880
for you, that might be what you eat, what you

01:30:53.880 --> 01:30:56.500
consume, how you move your body, the job that

01:30:56.500 --> 01:30:58.800
you have. If you are not living a life that is

01:30:58.800 --> 01:31:02.699
truly fulfilling and is worthy of a fulfilling

01:31:02.699 --> 01:31:07.300
life, then do a different one. Like, just do

01:31:07.300 --> 01:31:09.760
a different one. Stop waiting. No one's going

01:31:09.760 --> 01:31:12.560
to save you. Do it for yourself. Just do it.

01:31:12.560 --> 01:31:15.739
I love it. Fantastic actual takeaways. What a

01:31:15.739 --> 01:31:18.100
great conversation today, Kristen. So appreciative

01:31:18.100 --> 01:31:20.779
of the time that you shared so freely of the

01:31:20.779 --> 01:31:23.260
vulnerability you shared and sharing your story.

01:31:23.460 --> 01:31:25.300
Very much looking forward to your book coming

01:31:25.300 --> 01:31:28.319
out. Can't wait to dive into it, to read it,

01:31:28.340 --> 01:31:30.199
to hear you read it because I will definitely

01:31:30.199 --> 01:31:32.600
listen to an audio book. I'm going to buy a copy

01:31:32.600 --> 01:31:35.359
and I want you to sign it. I go down to Vegas

01:31:35.359 --> 01:31:37.939
sometimes and I'll be like, Kristen, I'm showing

01:31:37.939 --> 01:31:39.779
up. You're signing my book, girl. You're going

01:31:39.779 --> 01:31:43.140
to sign my book. It'll be phenomenal. So great

01:31:43.140 --> 01:31:45.739
conversation today about how we can break free

01:31:45.739 --> 01:31:47.960
from the strings that hold us down, how we can

01:31:47.960 --> 01:31:51.640
design a life that we love. We can shift our

01:31:51.640 --> 01:31:53.720
mindset in the way that we've seen things from

01:31:53.720 --> 01:31:56.420
the past to find a greater sense of belonging,

01:31:56.560 --> 01:31:59.720
first off with ourselves and then extending out

01:31:59.720 --> 01:32:01.640
to others and finding ways to serve others. So

01:32:01.640 --> 01:32:03.520
such a pleasure visiting with you today. Yeah.

01:32:03.600 --> 01:32:06.119
Thank you, Ryan. You're a fantastic host. I love

01:32:06.119 --> 01:32:07.680
what you're doing in this community and thank

01:32:07.680 --> 01:32:11.670
you for serving all of us. As you leave this

01:32:11.670 --> 01:32:14.729
conversation, remember that yes, the past can

01:32:14.729 --> 01:32:17.689
hurt and you can either run from it or you can

01:32:17.689 --> 01:32:20.949
learn from it. So here's to learning and finding

01:32:20.949 --> 01:32:23.590
joy in the journey. See you real soon.