Luca and Seeing Problems Differently | Ryan Boswell on Perspective, Identity & Growth

WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.160
At the start of my career, I bounced from an

00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:04.900
AI startup over to a mechanical engineering firm,

00:00:04.940 --> 00:00:07.980
building a technology startup over to a nonprofit,

00:00:08.259 --> 00:00:10.519
building the community of business people and

00:00:10.519 --> 00:00:12.880
business owners here in Utah. Then I moved to

00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:15.439
Indiana to run a cold plunge business. From there,

00:00:15.500 --> 00:00:18.160
stepped into a hedge fund that my partners had

00:00:18.160 --> 00:00:19.859
started, which I'm now a general partner in.

00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:21.960
And so all of these things over the last four

00:00:21.960 --> 00:00:24.660
to five years have just been a result of me trying

00:00:24.660 --> 00:00:26.820
to get as much experience as possible. Even when

00:00:26.820 --> 00:00:28.219
things are going wrong, they're going right.

00:00:28.320 --> 00:00:31.640
All of those things. had to go wrong in order

00:00:31.640 --> 00:00:34.000
for them to go right in that given moment as

00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:36.299
i started to listen to this bruno in my head

00:00:36.299 --> 00:00:38.479
i realized how frequently that i was doing that

00:00:38.479 --> 00:00:40.880
whenever i was alone in the sauna like i would

00:00:40.880 --> 00:00:42.899
actually talk back to myself and i'd be like

00:00:42.899 --> 00:00:44.280
but like i would be sitting in the sauna and

00:00:44.280 --> 00:00:45.820
i'd hear something i'd be like no that's not

00:00:45.820 --> 00:00:48.350
the way it is and i think for me the the Bruno

00:00:48.350 --> 00:00:51.369
Ryan, that happens when I don't take the time

00:00:51.369 --> 00:00:53.149
to slow down. Yeah. Isn't there a quote in the

00:00:53.149 --> 00:00:55.770
movie where he says, like, silencio Bruno, silencio

00:00:55.770 --> 00:00:58.530
Bruno? Yes, yeah. And then big Massimo, who's

00:00:58.530 --> 00:01:00.250
this huge guy, he's the biggest guy in town,

00:01:00.369 --> 00:01:02.750
he comes up and he's like, I know who they are.

00:01:02.869 --> 00:01:05.049
And you're not sure at this point in time, is

00:01:05.049 --> 00:01:06.209
he gonna be like, yeah, they're monsters, let's

00:01:06.209 --> 00:01:08.709
kill them, right? Or what is he gonna say? And

00:01:08.709 --> 00:01:10.750
he says, I know who they are. They're Luca and

00:01:10.750 --> 00:01:13.250
Alberto. Truly, I think that this is one of the

00:01:13.250 --> 00:01:15.730
hardest things in life. It is near impossible.

00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:18.439
unless someone is actually willing to do it and

00:01:18.439 --> 00:01:20.120
go through the hard stuff to change your frame

00:01:20.120 --> 00:01:22.700
of someone else but as you start to then take

00:01:22.700 --> 00:01:24.079
those things that you think about and put them

00:01:24.079 --> 00:01:26.980
into action that's where you start to take more

00:01:26.980 --> 00:01:29.739
control over your life and your living life not

00:01:29.739 --> 00:01:33.140
living life as life is letting you live welcome

00:01:33.140 --> 00:01:36.920
to yes and land where we say yes to the reality

00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:40.859
of yesterday and today and we say and to the

00:01:40.859 --> 00:01:44.540
possibility growth and imagination of tomorrow

00:01:46.740 --> 00:01:49.700
Welcome to Yes and Land. Super excited today.

00:01:49.879 --> 00:01:52.760
We've got a great guest. Has a wonderful name.

00:01:52.859 --> 00:01:55.799
His name's Ryan. Ryan Boswell with us today.

00:01:56.200 --> 00:01:59.299
Ryan has a number of different business ventures

00:01:59.299 --> 00:02:02.000
that he's been a part of. He's actually a pretty

00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:05.099
young guy and yet one of the most connected guys

00:02:05.099 --> 00:02:08.860
that I know. Runs a business. He's a general

00:02:08.860 --> 00:02:11.219
partner in a hedge fund. Has a number of different

00:02:11.219 --> 00:02:13.439
things that he does as well. Super excited to

00:02:13.439 --> 00:02:15.259
have that conversation today. So welcome to the

00:02:15.259 --> 00:02:16.740
program, Ryan. Thank you. Thank you. It's good

00:02:16.740 --> 00:02:20.069
to be here and great name as well. And today,

00:02:20.289 --> 00:02:22.310
what we're going to be doing is talking a little

00:02:22.310 --> 00:02:25.909
bit about the way that we see problems or things

00:02:25.909 --> 00:02:28.150
that come up or situations that we encounter

00:02:28.150 --> 00:02:33.930
and seeing them in a different way to solve those

00:02:33.930 --> 00:02:37.289
problems or take advantage of the situations

00:02:37.289 --> 00:02:39.389
we're presented. And we're going to do that through

00:02:39.389 --> 00:02:42.150
the lens of a great Pixar, Disney Pixar movie,

00:02:42.270 --> 00:02:45.689
which is Luca. which i know you like right absolutely

00:02:45.689 --> 00:02:48.210
uh you've you've watched that with uh with your

00:02:48.210 --> 00:02:49.849
little one yeah am i getting that right yeah

00:02:49.849 --> 00:02:52.969
um definitely a fun movie and it'll be a really

00:02:52.969 --> 00:02:54.789
good opportunity for us to take a look at that

00:02:54.789 --> 00:02:57.490
through this lens today as well so uh so first

00:02:57.490 --> 00:02:59.750
off the way we want to start is just you telling

00:02:59.750 --> 00:03:02.500
a little bit more about um kind of how you got

00:03:02.500 --> 00:03:05.419
your start and how you got to where you are being

00:03:05.419 --> 00:03:08.099
CEO of a company and general partner in a hedge

00:03:08.099 --> 00:03:09.879
fund and the different things you're doing. Yeah,

00:03:09.979 --> 00:03:12.060
it's a good question. And I'm excited to be here.

00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:13.560
This conversation is going to be really fun.

00:03:14.460 --> 00:03:17.199
You know, my story kind of dates back when I

00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:18.939
was in high school. I started doing social media.

00:03:19.060 --> 00:03:20.780
That was kind of where I started. That was my

00:03:20.780 --> 00:03:22.860
generation was like the first generation to get

00:03:22.860 --> 00:03:25.539
Instagram in high school and figuring out how

00:03:25.539 --> 00:03:28.039
to like post and have friends and be building

00:03:28.039 --> 00:03:30.740
content and burner accounts and all of that fun

00:03:30.740 --> 00:03:33.860
stuff. And that was where my career really began

00:03:33.860 --> 00:03:36.300
was in posting social media for myself, doing

00:03:36.300 --> 00:03:39.080
social media for other brands. By the time I

00:03:39.080 --> 00:03:42.419
was 18, I had like seven or eight different sponsors

00:03:42.419 --> 00:03:45.280
that sponsored me for content on Instagram and

00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:47.319
YouTube. I was doing longboarding content, just

00:03:47.319 --> 00:03:48.879
kind of general lifestyle. I had no idea what

00:03:48.879 --> 00:03:51.759
I was doing. But that led into me really having

00:03:51.759 --> 00:03:53.699
a knack for marketing and building businesses.

00:03:54.599 --> 00:03:56.400
Kind of bounced around in the beginning of my

00:03:56.400 --> 00:03:58.219
career. I did two years of college before I dropped

00:03:58.219 --> 00:04:01.340
out of college at Utah. Valley University here

00:04:01.340 --> 00:04:05.740
in Orem, Utah, and really just tried to figure

00:04:05.740 --> 00:04:09.979
out what I wanted to do. I have always been big

00:04:09.979 --> 00:04:13.840
on different perspectives and trying to find

00:04:13.840 --> 00:04:16.019
different ways to do things. I realized early

00:04:16.019 --> 00:04:18.199
on that there wasn't just one set way that things

00:04:18.199 --> 00:04:21.379
could be done or should be done. And so I kind

00:04:21.379 --> 00:04:24.180
of set this goal and this mindset of when the

00:04:24.180 --> 00:04:26.930
goal is to experience, everything is a win. So

00:04:26.930 --> 00:04:29.170
even when things go wrong, even when crap hits

00:04:29.170 --> 00:04:31.550
the fan, even when you run into problems or you

00:04:31.550 --> 00:04:33.769
get into arguments, for some reason that's supposed

00:04:33.769 --> 00:04:36.550
to happen. As long as you're experiencing something

00:04:36.550 --> 00:04:38.290
and you're not just stuck when you experience,

00:04:38.550 --> 00:04:42.129
everything is a win. And so for five years at

00:04:42.129 --> 00:04:45.170
the start of my career, I bounced from an AI

00:04:45.170 --> 00:04:47.350
startup over to a mechanical engineering firm

00:04:47.350 --> 00:04:50.410
building a technology startup over to a nonprofit

00:04:50.410 --> 00:04:52.970
building the community of business people and

00:04:52.970 --> 00:04:55.350
business owners here in Utah. Then I moved to

00:04:55.350 --> 00:04:58.269
Indiana. run a cold plunge business. And while

00:04:58.269 --> 00:05:00.250
I was there, my business partners ended up being,

00:05:00.350 --> 00:05:03.050
we kind of had a whole portfolio of some startups

00:05:03.050 --> 00:05:04.550
and businesses that we were building together.

00:05:04.990 --> 00:05:07.990
And then from there, stepped into a hedge fund

00:05:07.990 --> 00:05:09.589
that my partners had started, which I'm now a

00:05:09.589 --> 00:05:12.170
general partner in. And so all of these things

00:05:12.170 --> 00:05:14.329
over the last four to five years have just been

00:05:14.329 --> 00:05:16.829
a result of me trying to get as much experience

00:05:16.829 --> 00:05:20.889
as possible. And so my day -to -day now, tying

00:05:20.889 --> 00:05:24.209
all of that together, comes down to capital and

00:05:24.209 --> 00:05:27.560
connections. Primary day -to -day is our hedge

00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:30.220
fund. We do capital raising. We have an investment

00:05:30.220 --> 00:05:33.459
strategy, about 1 ,500 investors in that group.

00:05:33.579 --> 00:05:35.500
That's been growing for about four years now.

00:05:36.019 --> 00:05:37.879
So that's kind of my day -to -day primary there.

00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:40.680
But then really my favorite part of what I do

00:05:40.680 --> 00:05:42.800
is I get to work with a lot of really cool people

00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:45.420
over here, but I also have all of these businesses

00:05:45.420 --> 00:05:47.600
and startups and ideas that people are building

00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:50.120
that are looking for either strategic connections

00:05:50.120 --> 00:05:53.079
or strategic capital to help them grow. And so

00:05:53.079 --> 00:05:55.040
when I'm not raising capital or working on our

00:05:55.040 --> 00:06:00.060
hedge fund, my kind of other focus is brokering

00:06:00.060 --> 00:06:02.060
connections and finding ways to make special

00:06:02.060 --> 00:06:05.220
projects happen. So an example, someone could

00:06:05.220 --> 00:06:06.540
send me a text and be like, hey, we're looking

00:06:06.540 --> 00:06:08.959
to buy two crumble cookie franchises up in Baltimore.

00:06:09.079 --> 00:06:11.500
This was a text I got in January. Do you have

00:06:11.500 --> 00:06:12.800
someone that would be interested in putting up

00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:15.959
$240 ,000 for a six -month short -term loan with

00:06:15.959 --> 00:06:18.480
X percent of the amount of interest? And I sent

00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:20.259
one text over to a person and said, hey, this

00:06:20.259 --> 00:06:22.339
is another deal that popped up. He's like, yes,

00:06:22.339 --> 00:06:24.220
I'm in. Send me the details. got them together

00:06:24.220 --> 00:06:26.079
and within about a week and a half we had the

00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:28.560
deal funded so I'll take a lot of those projects

00:06:28.560 --> 00:06:30.920
and find ways to put people together to broker

00:06:30.920 --> 00:06:33.019
connections to help other people make their ideas

00:06:33.019 --> 00:06:35.800
happen and all of that just going back to what

00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:37.500
I said earlier of kind of that perspective when

00:06:37.500 --> 00:06:40.000
the goal was to experience I didn't know five

00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:42.040
years ago fast forward to now that this is what

00:06:42.040 --> 00:06:44.139
I was going to be doing yeah but I knew that

00:06:44.139 --> 00:06:46.600
when I could just hop in find somewhere to help

00:06:46.600 --> 00:06:49.019
someone out being able to identify someone's

00:06:49.019 --> 00:06:51.339
problems, helping them understand, hey, yes,

00:06:51.420 --> 00:06:52.800
this is a problem, but there's a way that we

00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:54.819
can get over it and get around it. By the way,

00:06:54.839 --> 00:06:56.300
most of the time, that's either going to be through

00:06:56.300 --> 00:06:58.279
something I can do or someone that I know that

00:06:58.279 --> 00:07:01.120
can help you solve that problem. We take all

00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:02.740
of that, put that together, and help them take

00:07:02.740 --> 00:07:05.920
their idea and opportunity to market. I love

00:07:05.920 --> 00:07:08.620
that. So one thing that I wanted to pull on a

00:07:08.620 --> 00:07:10.939
little bit more, and this might be because my

00:07:10.939 --> 00:07:12.500
son's in high school, so of course I'm thinking

00:07:12.500 --> 00:07:14.620
about, like, what is he going to do after high

00:07:14.620 --> 00:07:16.259
school and for college? So I heard you say you

00:07:16.259 --> 00:07:18.160
did two years of college. and then you didn't

00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:21.639
anymore, okay? So walk me through, or walk people

00:07:21.639 --> 00:07:23.300
through what your advice would be about somebody

00:07:23.300 --> 00:07:26.459
who is gonna finish up, maybe wanting to further

00:07:26.459 --> 00:07:28.620
their education, but they're also maybe have

00:07:28.620 --> 00:07:30.560
a little bit of that entrepreneurial blood in

00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:33.459
them, like it sounds like you certainly do. What

00:07:33.459 --> 00:07:36.879
was that experience like for you, deciding I'm

00:07:36.879 --> 00:07:39.730
gonna do some college, but then... I'm now moved

00:07:39.730 --> 00:07:41.129
on, I'm going to do these other things, I have

00:07:41.129 --> 00:07:42.769
these opportunities to do? Yeah, it's a really

00:07:42.769 --> 00:07:45.529
good question. My path with college was a little

00:07:45.529 --> 00:07:51.410
bit different. I actually... There's a few ways

00:07:51.410 --> 00:07:53.209
that I could kind of go about and explain this,

00:07:53.290 --> 00:07:55.329
but my path with college was a little bit different.

00:07:55.430 --> 00:07:58.610
I got into college and realized that what I really

00:07:58.610 --> 00:08:01.250
wanted to do was business. I was pre -marketing.

00:08:01.310 --> 00:08:03.129
I took one marketing class in college, and that

00:08:03.129 --> 00:08:04.810
was the one that inspired me to drop out of college.

00:08:05.009 --> 00:08:07.529
I had this professor. His name is Ryan Schill,

00:08:07.629 --> 00:08:12.170
who's a really good friend of mine. It was basically

00:08:12.170 --> 00:08:13.870
an entrepreneurship class through the lens of

00:08:13.870 --> 00:08:15.470
marketing, but he was just teaching us about

00:08:15.470 --> 00:08:17.649
all of the different basics and fundamentals

00:08:17.649 --> 00:08:20.569
of this concept of what marketing is. was and

00:08:20.569 --> 00:08:22.490
and i knew that i was really interested in it

00:08:22.490 --> 00:08:24.209
but i didn't actually know anything about it

00:08:24.209 --> 00:08:26.649
i didn't know the acronyms i have had no accolades

00:08:26.649 --> 00:08:27.850
or anything like that but he was telling these

00:08:27.850 --> 00:08:30.569
stories of how he took taco bell into costa rica

00:08:30.569 --> 00:08:33.490
and how he had built this online car parts business

00:08:33.490 --> 00:08:35.269
and how he had all these other businesses that

00:08:35.269 --> 00:08:36.990
failed and i just realized i was like that's

00:08:36.990 --> 00:08:39.309
what i want to do but i'm not going to do that

00:08:39.820 --> 00:08:42.899
sitting here theorizing over how to build a business

00:08:42.899 --> 00:08:45.240
plan how to do it i realized that what i needed

00:08:45.240 --> 00:08:47.980
was actual experience from people and so i set

00:08:47.980 --> 00:08:50.299
out the goal to go learn and connect with people

00:08:50.299 --> 00:08:52.779
that were actually in the trenches to find opportunities

00:08:52.779 --> 00:08:54.539
to be able to do that and at the time i was running

00:08:54.539 --> 00:08:56.059
the social media and the athletics department

00:08:56.059 --> 00:08:58.899
at uvu i got connected over through a mutual

00:08:58.899 --> 00:09:00.919
friend whose father -in -law was starting a tech

00:09:00.919 --> 00:09:03.000
business and he was like hey i need someone to

00:09:03.000 --> 00:09:04.419
help me with social media and marketing i was

00:09:04.419 --> 00:09:07.320
like sure let's give it a shot like i had to

00:09:07.320 --> 00:09:09.389
google what is artificial intelligence my first

00:09:09.389 --> 00:09:11.970
day on the job. I was starting day one. I think

00:09:11.970 --> 00:09:14.110
it was June 13th, June 12th. That night, I was

00:09:14.110 --> 00:09:16.289
Googling, what is AI? I don't know what this

00:09:16.289 --> 00:09:20.429
is. I was 20 years old. I had no idea what I

00:09:20.429 --> 00:09:24.610
was doing. But my path for me came about, really,

00:09:24.769 --> 00:09:28.490
it happened by looking at realizing what I wanted

00:09:28.490 --> 00:09:30.669
to do or looking at and analyzing what I wanted

00:09:30.669 --> 00:09:33.570
to do, which was business. And I realized that

00:09:33.570 --> 00:09:34.889
the only way that I was going to really figure

00:09:34.889 --> 00:09:37.450
out what I wanted to do was by doing things.

00:09:37.809 --> 00:09:40.309
And so I know that that's different for different

00:09:40.309 --> 00:09:42.190
paths, right? Like my wife went medical. She

00:09:42.190 --> 00:09:44.929
was an x -ray tech and then did echocardiology.

00:09:45.629 --> 00:09:47.929
She was an echo tech, so she did heart ultrasounds.

00:09:47.929 --> 00:09:50.210
Like she's very, very smart. She had to stay

00:09:50.210 --> 00:09:52.570
in school and had to follow her specific program

00:09:52.570 --> 00:09:55.289
to go through and get those certifications for

00:09:55.289 --> 00:09:57.470
her to do that. But with business, like I would

00:09:57.470 --> 00:09:59.929
much rather take someone with experience than

00:09:59.929 --> 00:10:03.159
certifications. that's been through the trenches

00:10:03.159 --> 00:10:05.220
and actually understands it and you know for

00:10:05.220 --> 00:10:07.440
example moving to indiana to take over a struggling

00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:10.049
business that had three thousand dollars in the

00:10:10.049 --> 00:10:11.789
bank and we had payroll due on friday and we

00:10:11.789 --> 00:10:14.269
were a couple hundred thousand dollars in debt

00:10:14.269 --> 00:10:16.870
and we had we were three months behind on rent

00:10:16.870 --> 00:10:19.250
had to figure out how do we get to break even

00:10:19.250 --> 00:10:21.210
keep the store alive save all of those things

00:10:21.210 --> 00:10:23.750
with a zero dollar marketing spend that's experience

00:10:23.750 --> 00:10:25.950
that i would not trade anything for in the world

00:10:25.950 --> 00:10:29.169
and so for me it came as a result of having i

00:10:29.169 --> 00:10:31.889
in my opinion specifically with with business

00:10:31.889 --> 00:10:33.929
i'll say this i think college is there to help

00:10:33.929 --> 00:10:35.570
you figure out and get an idea of what you would

00:10:35.570 --> 00:10:37.750
like to do sure life is there to help you figure

00:10:37.750 --> 00:10:41.570
out what want to do and for me I just realized

00:10:41.570 --> 00:10:44.870
that I needed to go test this theory of I want

00:10:44.870 --> 00:10:46.350
to go in business I want to go in marketing but

00:10:46.350 --> 00:10:48.070
I need to test that in a variety of different

00:10:48.070 --> 00:10:50.570
situations to see if I actually do want to do

00:10:50.570 --> 00:10:53.250
this because I see it time and time again whenever

00:10:53.250 --> 00:10:55.169
I'm guest lecturing at universities is a question

00:10:55.169 --> 00:10:56.590
that's always brought up whenever I'm talking

00:10:56.590 --> 00:10:58.110
to people that are like established into their

00:10:58.110 --> 00:11:00.309
career I see it way too often where people are

00:11:00.309 --> 00:11:02.929
in their dream job in an industry that they hate

00:11:02.929 --> 00:11:05.110
and they didn't get that experience testing out

00:11:05.110 --> 00:11:08.019
seeing hey I love doing this but I hate doing

00:11:08.019 --> 00:11:10.279
it for this specific industry. So I don't know

00:11:10.279 --> 00:11:12.080
if that helps, but that's kind of how I look

00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:13.340
at it. I think it's interesting. You know, as

00:11:13.340 --> 00:11:15.200
I've thought a lot about my experiences, because

00:11:15.200 --> 00:11:17.100
as an attorney, I had to go to school, right?

00:11:17.159 --> 00:11:19.120
That was kind of the requirement. But I decided

00:11:19.120 --> 00:11:22.019
to study business in undergrad because I thought

00:11:22.019 --> 00:11:23.840
it was interesting. I liked it. So I thought,

00:11:23.940 --> 00:11:25.580
I'm going to do something that's interesting

00:11:25.580 --> 00:11:27.919
that I like studying about because I don't want

00:11:27.919 --> 00:11:30.580
to major in poli sci like everybody else or English,

00:11:30.779 --> 00:11:33.809
yuck. I didn't like that at all. But through

00:11:33.809 --> 00:11:35.409
my college experience, one of the things that

00:11:35.409 --> 00:11:38.409
I've kind of come to a realization of is one

00:11:38.409 --> 00:11:40.029
of the ways that people can take advantage of

00:11:40.029 --> 00:11:43.590
a college experience is in connections. And it's

00:11:43.590 --> 00:11:45.809
a stark contrast for me. Undergrad, I didn't

00:11:45.809 --> 00:11:47.610
at all. I went to the University of Utah, which

00:11:47.610 --> 00:11:50.549
is like a classic commuter school. Never lived

00:11:50.549 --> 00:11:52.789
on campus. I wasn't a part of any organization

00:11:52.789 --> 00:11:56.009
at all. I just went to classes, mostly worked

00:11:56.009 --> 00:11:58.149
full time, went at night. So I didn't make a

00:11:58.149 --> 00:12:00.649
single friend in undergrad, which is crazy because

00:12:00.649 --> 00:12:03.730
I love people. Whereas in law school, the law

00:12:03.730 --> 00:12:06.409
school I went to, you have to, you don't have

00:12:06.409 --> 00:12:08.110
to, but they say you're not supposed to work

00:12:08.110 --> 00:12:10.230
at all. They make you sign something saying you're

00:12:10.230 --> 00:12:11.450
not gonna work, because you're gonna dedicate

00:12:11.450 --> 00:12:13.529
all your time to school. Now I had a few classmates

00:12:13.529 --> 00:12:17.190
that did, I won't name them. So I was in school

00:12:17.190 --> 00:12:20.289
all the time, and it was hard, but I built connections

00:12:20.289 --> 00:12:24.090
with my classmates. And I started to understand

00:12:24.090 --> 00:12:25.769
and appreciate the value of those connections.

00:12:26.009 --> 00:12:27.169
And one of the things I was hearing from your

00:12:27.169 --> 00:12:28.950
story is, build a connection with your professor.

00:12:29.559 --> 00:12:31.039
And you start getting connected with these other

00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:33.159
things. I think a lot of people don't understand

00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:35.519
the value of the connections they can build if

00:12:35.519 --> 00:12:37.259
they're going to go to school, especially if

00:12:37.259 --> 00:12:38.799
it's business. Now, it might mean they end up

00:12:38.799 --> 00:12:40.139
taking a different path after and they don't

00:12:40.139 --> 00:12:42.360
finish, but there is some value in the connections

00:12:42.360 --> 00:12:45.120
you can make and creating genuine connections

00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:46.940
with those people too. Well, and I think it's

00:12:46.940 --> 00:12:51.259
important to distinguish here. And I talk about

00:12:51.259 --> 00:12:53.039
this concept of connecting versus networking

00:12:53.039 --> 00:12:55.139
frequently. Like I have a lot of people that

00:12:55.139 --> 00:12:57.179
are like, oh, you're so good at networking. I'm

00:12:57.179 --> 00:12:59.700
like, thank you. I don't like try though. Like

00:12:59.700 --> 00:13:01.399
at the end of the day, it's just people. And

00:13:01.399 --> 00:13:04.620
the thing that I realized was that right now

00:13:04.620 --> 00:13:08.159
at this stage in my career, I'm 27 years old,

00:13:08.259 --> 00:13:11.460
right? Like I have some good ideas, but I don't

00:13:11.460 --> 00:13:13.820
have the fuel in the tank nor the experience

00:13:13.820 --> 00:13:16.620
that I think that I'd necessarily need or the

00:13:16.620 --> 00:13:19.100
right idea to go build like $100 million company.

00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:21.539
But I do know that I'm really good and I've gotten

00:13:21.539 --> 00:13:23.379
really good at diagnosing other people's problems,

00:13:23.480 --> 00:13:25.039
figuring out what they need and finding ways

00:13:25.039 --> 00:13:28.500
to help them. And in return, I then find success

00:13:28.500 --> 00:13:30.879
like that. For me, it's never been about how

00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:33.500
much money am I going to make up front? What

00:13:33.500 --> 00:13:35.480
like what am I going to be compensated? What

00:13:35.480 --> 00:13:37.139
do I get out of this? And that's where I think

00:13:37.139 --> 00:13:38.700
a lot of people go wrong with networking. Like

00:13:38.700 --> 00:13:41.919
I'd even in I guess I'll call it undergrad. I've

00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:43.419
never referred to it as that because I never

00:13:43.419 --> 00:13:46.139
even got my associate's degree. But like in my

00:13:46.139 --> 00:13:49.980
undergrad, per se, like I. Saw so many people

00:13:49.980 --> 00:13:52.159
and we were always getting advice like you need

00:13:52.159 --> 00:13:53.820
to network with people and you build connections

00:13:53.820 --> 00:13:56.779
and this and that I'm like but how and then i

00:13:56.779 --> 00:13:58.679
realized i like looked at what i was doing when

00:13:58.679 --> 00:14:00.639
i was connecting with people at basketball games

00:14:00.639 --> 00:14:02.559
or working in the athletics department and i

00:14:02.559 --> 00:14:04.320
realized that i was just connecting like networking

00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:08.279
to me is you have something that i want or i

00:14:08.279 --> 00:14:09.720
have something that you want and so we're going

00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:10.919
to network together and we're going to build

00:14:10.919 --> 00:14:13.120
a network of people that can do that connecting

00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:15.279
is we're going to connect and then when the opportunity

00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:17.720
presents itself then we have the opportunity

00:14:17.720 --> 00:14:20.100
to do something together right and i mean that's

00:14:20.100 --> 00:14:21.860
kind of how we met too we went to a jazz game

00:14:21.860 --> 00:14:24.080
we were chatting we we connected we found different

00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:25.500
spots I was like, what are you working on? What

00:14:25.500 --> 00:14:27.279
do you need help with? Oh, you're building this

00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:29.159
cool thing. I've got the perfect person that

00:14:29.159 --> 00:14:30.600
could help you build that with the right budget

00:14:30.600 --> 00:14:32.159
and save you a lot of money. Let me connect you

00:14:32.159 --> 00:14:34.820
guys together. That's my day to day now. And

00:14:34.820 --> 00:14:36.500
it literally is just putting people together

00:14:36.500 --> 00:14:38.879
and finding out every single day. It's talking

00:14:38.879 --> 00:14:40.679
to a new person, figuring out what they're working

00:14:40.679 --> 00:14:42.399
on, what they're excited about, what problems

00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:44.379
that they're facing, and then having a solution

00:14:44.379 --> 00:14:46.059
to be able to connect in together and finding

00:14:46.059 --> 00:14:47.860
ways to solve everyone's problems. And then as

00:14:47.860 --> 00:14:50.879
a result, the effect, not the cause, is you're

00:14:50.879 --> 00:14:52.980
very fairly compensated when you do that. Right.

00:14:53.039 --> 00:14:55.529
And then. My day -to -day now, literally, everything

00:14:55.529 --> 00:14:58.129
that I do revolves around helping people do what

00:14:58.129 --> 00:15:00.909
they love to do. So I think that regardless of

00:15:00.909 --> 00:15:02.250
if you're in your undergrad, if you're in your

00:15:02.250 --> 00:15:05.450
master's degree, when you were connecting with

00:15:05.450 --> 00:15:08.649
people in your law program, it was probably a

00:15:08.649 --> 00:15:10.190
little bit easier because you had common ground.

00:15:10.309 --> 00:15:11.889
It was easier for you to make connections because

00:15:11.889 --> 00:15:14.850
you knew, if I invest into this relationship,

00:15:15.149 --> 00:15:17.149
we have a whole career that we could be friends

00:15:17.149 --> 00:15:19.429
together. Whereas in undergrad, not that it seems

00:15:19.429 --> 00:15:21.129
pointless, but it's a little bit harder because

00:15:21.129 --> 00:15:23.529
I felt the exact same thing. was sitting in that

00:15:23.529 --> 00:15:26.029
marketing class I was surrounded by students

00:15:26.029 --> 00:15:29.350
that while it was a general marketing class I

00:15:29.350 --> 00:15:30.850
was surrounded by students that yes we're going

00:15:30.850 --> 00:15:33.769
to be in that program for another three years

00:15:33.769 --> 00:15:35.909
in college but I could tell that most of them

00:15:35.909 --> 00:15:37.649
didn't really enjoy it they didn't really love

00:15:37.649 --> 00:15:40.669
it and so I I wasn't incentivized to want to

00:15:40.669 --> 00:15:42.610
build into that or stick around or stay inside

00:15:42.610 --> 00:15:44.570
of that program because it wasn't gonna be what

00:15:44.570 --> 00:15:46.549
I necessarily wanted yes that was a little selfish

00:15:46.549 --> 00:15:48.250
but I think that if you're gonna be selfish it's

00:15:48.250 --> 00:15:49.929
gonna be about your career in your life sure

00:15:49.929 --> 00:15:52.169
but I think that the the most valuable thing

00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:54.220
that come out of life are when we connect with

00:15:54.220 --> 00:15:56.480
people on an authentic level and find ways for

00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:58.419
us to mutually benefit and help each other out.

00:15:58.960 --> 00:16:01.220
Adam Grant wrote a book, Give and Take. Yeah.

00:16:01.659 --> 00:16:03.820
And in that, he talks a lot about that idea,

00:16:03.879 --> 00:16:05.840
right? That you have people who are takers. And

00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:07.620
those are the traditional, like, that gives me

00:16:07.620 --> 00:16:09.559
the ick when it comes to networking. Someone

00:16:09.559 --> 00:16:11.460
who I can clearly tell that, like, they're trying

00:16:11.460 --> 00:16:13.360
to network with me just because they want something

00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:15.240
from me. And the question is always, like, what

00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:18.019
I can do for them. And I don't like that at all.

00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:20.220
And that's why I always hated networking, to

00:16:20.220 --> 00:16:22.500
be honest. Like it was something early on in

00:16:22.500 --> 00:16:25.080
my career that at my last firm, they were very

00:16:25.080 --> 00:16:26.980
entrepreneurial and they would encourage me to,

00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:28.659
but I hated because that's the only thing that

00:16:28.659 --> 00:16:31.340
I knew. Oh, go to these networking groups and

00:16:31.340 --> 00:16:33.279
you're just looking for somebody that can give

00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:35.460
you something. And that's why I hated it. And

00:16:35.460 --> 00:16:37.440
once I started evolving in my career, especially

00:16:37.440 --> 00:16:39.240
as I opened up my own firm and started realizing

00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:40.620
like, hey, just creating genuine connections.

00:16:41.399 --> 00:16:42.679
and seeing what I can do to help somebody else,

00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:45.080
much like you do, that's brought me way more

00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:46.960
opportunities, and been much more fulfilling,

00:16:47.100 --> 00:16:49.059
to be honest. Because then sometimes I just have

00:16:49.059 --> 00:16:50.659
a genuine connection with somebody, and we don't

00:16:50.659 --> 00:16:52.419
end up doing anything together, but I learn something

00:16:52.419 --> 00:16:54.679
from them, right? And I learn something that

00:16:54.679 --> 00:16:56.480
they've done in their career, or I get connected

00:16:56.480 --> 00:16:58.799
with somebody else, and it's just a much more,

00:16:58.860 --> 00:17:01.200
I guess for me, fulfilling and enjoyable way

00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:03.600
of having connection, as opposed to this like,

00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:05.839
let's go out and be a taker and network that

00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:08.960
way. Or even, I mean, just as bad too as people

00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:11.119
who are just givers and only give but aren't

00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:13.500
willing to accept something back. Like one of

00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:15.779
the things you said was that as you've done that,

00:17:15.819 --> 00:17:18.200
you've also been fairly compensated. And so in

00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:19.819
this idea of having these connections, you do

00:17:19.819 --> 00:17:22.460
need to be willing to accept back when those

00:17:22.460 --> 00:17:24.240
things come, when those opportunities come. Yeah.

00:17:24.359 --> 00:17:27.119
And I think there's a difference between receiving

00:17:27.119 --> 00:17:31.910
and taking. right like yes i'm i'm not one i'm

00:17:31.910 --> 00:17:33.970
not one to call in favors very frequently like

00:17:33.970 --> 00:17:36.230
i could but i'm not the type of person that likes

00:17:36.230 --> 00:17:39.349
to do that like i in in my opinion my entire

00:17:39.349 --> 00:17:42.599
business model is is set up in the way primarily

00:17:42.599 --> 00:17:46.619
just on performance fees so like i'd i noticed

00:17:46.619 --> 00:17:48.660
that a lot of people whether that's in my industry

00:17:48.660 --> 00:17:51.519
doing business development or sales or brokering

00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:53.180
things like some people will charge like an upfront

00:17:53.180 --> 00:17:55.559
retainer and then they'll take a performance

00:17:55.559 --> 00:17:57.599
fee i like to just take the performance fee because

00:17:57.599 --> 00:18:01.420
in my opinion this really only works and and

00:18:01.420 --> 00:18:03.779
this is really only a win -win anytime i'm heading

00:18:03.779 --> 00:18:06.700
into a project or a deal like it it's really

00:18:06.700 --> 00:18:10.230
only a win -win if I win when you win rather

00:18:10.230 --> 00:18:12.109
than me charging you up front. And then you have

00:18:12.109 --> 00:18:14.569
to make and recoup those costs when we both win.

00:18:14.690 --> 00:18:16.329
And then you end up making less because you had

00:18:16.329 --> 00:18:17.730
to pay me up front. But then I'm also going to

00:18:17.730 --> 00:18:20.369
take a performance fee on top. Like I want to

00:18:20.369 --> 00:18:23.049
be just as incentivized and work on deals or

00:18:23.049 --> 00:18:25.690
projects or with people so that the only time

00:18:25.690 --> 00:18:28.609
that I win is if we all win together. And that's

00:18:28.609 --> 00:18:31.650
proven. I mean, that alone has helped me build

00:18:31.650 --> 00:18:33.670
some incredible relationships with people because

00:18:33.670 --> 00:18:37.769
it allows I'm always. You probably feel the same.

00:18:37.829 --> 00:18:39.690
When you first get to know someone, I'm always

00:18:39.690 --> 00:18:41.170
trying to sniff out, what does this person want

00:18:41.170 --> 00:18:43.470
from me? Is there something that they're trying

00:18:43.470 --> 00:18:46.470
to get? Are they angling for something? When

00:18:46.470 --> 00:18:49.130
I started adopting that method of, hey, I'm going

00:18:49.130 --> 00:18:52.130
to help you, and if you win, then I win as well.

00:18:52.210 --> 00:18:55.730
I'll just take a 20 % performance fee. When people

00:18:55.730 --> 00:18:58.029
realized that I wasn't trying to sell them anything,

00:18:58.210 --> 00:18:59.529
I was just like, let's just figure out what we

00:18:59.529 --> 00:19:01.150
want to do, how we want to do it, make it a win.

00:19:01.710 --> 00:19:03.450
it disarms people in a way where they're like,

00:19:03.509 --> 00:19:05.269
okay, I can let my guard down a little bit because

00:19:05.269 --> 00:19:08.210
I'm not trying to be sold. And I think that's

00:19:08.210 --> 00:19:09.890
actually one of the things that I noticed. I've

00:19:09.890 --> 00:19:13.309
got a project that I'm working on, on a contract

00:19:13.309 --> 00:19:14.809
on a business project, and I talked to you right

00:19:14.809 --> 00:19:18.089
before this interview. I looked at the stickers

00:19:18.089 --> 00:19:20.410
on your office when I walked in, and it says

00:19:20.410 --> 00:19:24.029
business law, estate, divorce attorney, family

00:19:24.029 --> 00:19:27.690
law, and then at the bottom it says business

00:19:27.690 --> 00:19:30.349
law. And I know that you guys are experts when

00:19:30.349 --> 00:19:33.930
it comes to... family estate divorce right i

00:19:33.930 --> 00:19:36.269
didn't i actually was wondering and and when

00:19:36.269 --> 00:19:37.869
i walked in today it confirmed i was like i wonder

00:19:37.869 --> 00:19:39.369
if he does anything with business because i need

00:19:39.369 --> 00:19:40.970
to ask him a question on a contract that i'm

00:19:40.970 --> 00:19:43.130
working on and from there we'd already built

00:19:43.130 --> 00:19:44.410
the connection and then when the opportunity

00:19:44.410 --> 00:19:46.329
popped up i knew who the person was that i needed

00:19:46.329 --> 00:19:48.690
to go to and that's just been the the model that

00:19:48.690 --> 00:19:50.269
i've tried to build for all my relationships

00:19:50.269 --> 00:19:52.329
because when someone feels like they're constantly

00:19:52.329 --> 00:19:54.569
being sold when someone feels like you're only

00:19:54.569 --> 00:19:56.369
connecting with them because they need something

00:19:58.090 --> 00:20:00.869
I was guest lecturing at a university a couple

00:20:00.869 --> 00:20:02.450
months ago and a student came up to me and said,

00:20:02.569 --> 00:20:04.269
hey, I'm looking for a job. Can I send you my

00:20:04.269 --> 00:20:06.009
resume and will you send me any jobs that you

00:20:06.009 --> 00:20:08.150
see open? I'm like, who are you? What's your

00:20:08.150 --> 00:20:09.849
background? What do you do? What's your last

00:20:09.849 --> 00:20:12.170
name? What's your first name? What do you want

00:20:12.170 --> 00:20:14.089
to do? What career have you done? What study?

00:20:14.150 --> 00:20:15.670
Like, what are you interested in doing? I didn't

00:20:15.670 --> 00:20:17.369
know any of that information, but it was just

00:20:17.369 --> 00:20:18.690
like, hey, you're connected. Looks like you do

00:20:18.690 --> 00:20:20.269
really cool things. Here's my resume. Can you

00:20:20.269 --> 00:20:22.210
get me a job? I'm like, I got to get to know

00:20:22.210 --> 00:20:24.549
you first. I can't make a suggestion or a recommendation

00:20:24.549 --> 00:20:27.079
if I don't know you first. that whole thing goes

00:20:27.079 --> 00:20:29.180
for everything in life you have to build the

00:20:29.180 --> 00:20:31.799
relationship first to be able to have that perspective

00:20:31.799 --> 00:20:33.900
and opportunity to then open it up to the rest

00:20:33.900 --> 00:20:36.140
of the things that need to happen yeah for sure

00:20:36.140 --> 00:20:37.960
one of the things we were talking about too with

00:20:37.960 --> 00:20:40.680
what you're kind of doing with these connections

00:20:40.680 --> 00:20:42.700
that you have and what people are coming to you

00:20:42.700 --> 00:20:46.019
for is problem solving And that kind of takes

00:20:46.019 --> 00:20:49.619
us to what our topic is today, which is how do

00:20:49.619 --> 00:20:52.640
we see the problems that we're facing? How do

00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:55.460
we look at those in a different way? And one

00:20:55.460 --> 00:20:57.940
of the things that I wanted to have you share

00:20:57.940 --> 00:21:01.400
about was your Porsche story that we talked about

00:21:01.400 --> 00:21:04.220
before of what happened one time when you were

00:21:04.220 --> 00:21:06.720
dealing with, I think it was the sale or purchase

00:21:06.720 --> 00:21:10.599
of a Porsche. And how you had to look at that

00:21:10.599 --> 00:21:12.819
differently. So if you wouldn't mind sharing

00:21:12.819 --> 00:21:14.180
that story and we can kind of talk about the

00:21:14.180 --> 00:21:17.279
lessons you learned from it. Yeah. Well, I think

00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:19.200
I'll start with I'm really big on perspectives,

00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:24.250
right? Like I tried to learn very early on. And

00:21:24.250 --> 00:21:26.970
not ever take the victim mentality, right? Because

00:21:26.970 --> 00:21:29.990
I realized that another kind of lesson and theme

00:21:29.990 --> 00:21:32.029
that I learned early on, even when things are

00:21:32.029 --> 00:21:34.930
going wrong, they're going right. So back in

00:21:34.930 --> 00:21:37.450
October, this is kind of a funny story. I actually

00:21:37.450 --> 00:21:39.809
had this other car that I was looking at buying.

00:21:39.990 --> 00:21:44.309
I would qualify myself as like a retro car collector

00:21:44.309 --> 00:21:46.670
now. It's not anything crazy, but they're cool

00:21:46.670 --> 00:21:49.289
cars and I like them. So I had this car out in

00:21:49.289 --> 00:21:50.769
the Midwest that I was looking at buying. I found

00:21:50.769 --> 00:21:53.029
it on Facebook. I booked a flight. I let the

00:21:53.029 --> 00:21:54.579
guy know. that i was coming out to check it out

00:21:54.579 --> 00:21:56.400
make sure that everything was good and then i

00:21:56.400 --> 00:21:58.400
was gonna buy it i was gonna trailer it back

00:21:58.400 --> 00:22:01.500
to chicago uh and then uh and then i was gonna

00:22:01.500 --> 00:22:04.880
have a friend ship it back for me um and so i

00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:06.559
booked the flight and i let the guy know that

00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:08.319
i booked it and three hours later he sends me

00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:10.640
a message he's like hey uh i just sold the car

00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:14.200
i'm like I just booked the flight. Like I'm coming

00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:16.859
out in two weeks. So I ended up going out because

00:22:16.859 --> 00:22:19.619
I'd booked a non -refundable ticket, mistake

00:22:19.619 --> 00:22:22.720
number one. But then I had also texted my high

00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:24.000
school. I was like, hey, I'm coming back into

00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:27.859
town. We kind of have this thing where I'll come

00:22:27.859 --> 00:22:29.700
back and speak if I'm in town and speak to a

00:22:29.700 --> 00:22:31.480
couple of their business classes. So I'd already

00:22:31.480 --> 00:22:34.119
confirmed for three straight days of me speaking

00:22:34.119 --> 00:22:36.440
at my high school too. So I did periods one through

00:22:36.440 --> 00:22:38.259
eight day one, one through eight day two, and

00:22:38.259 --> 00:22:39.819
then one through five day three. I'd already

00:22:39.819 --> 00:22:41.500
confirmed for all of these around this trip.

00:22:41.549 --> 00:22:44.430
So, trip gets canceled, and I'm just like, my

00:22:44.430 --> 00:22:48.190
goodness. Well, the purchase of the car gets

00:22:48.190 --> 00:22:50.250
canceled, but the trip is still going on. So,

00:22:50.289 --> 00:22:52.630
I'm looking at my phone, and I'm like, all right,

00:22:52.750 --> 00:22:55.029
let's just, I don't know, my go -to and default

00:22:55.029 --> 00:22:56.869
when I'm bored is I get on Facebook Marketplace.

00:22:57.190 --> 00:22:58.890
And so, I pull up Facebook Marketplace, and I'm

00:22:58.890 --> 00:23:01.640
looking at my phone, and this. really cool vintage

00:23:01.640 --> 00:23:03.279
Porsche pops up. And I'm like, oh, that looks

00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:04.880
really cool. I've always wanted one of those.

00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:06.819
It was about the same price as the car that I

00:23:06.819 --> 00:23:09.039
was looking at in the Midwest. And so I sent

00:23:09.039 --> 00:23:11.000
a message to the person. It looked like a really

00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:13.440
good deal. I sent a message to them. I was like,

00:23:13.519 --> 00:23:15.759
hey, I'd really love to come take a look at this.

00:23:15.759 --> 00:23:17.059
Would that be all right? And they're like, yeah,

00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:20.259
we have a couple other people that are interested.

00:23:20.539 --> 00:23:22.319
I was like, I can come look at it. I can come

00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:24.480
look at it this afternoon. They're like, okay.

00:23:24.740 --> 00:23:27.259
So I drive over. I go over like two hours later.

00:23:27.420 --> 00:23:31.880
I go look at it. It's a 1983 Porsche 944 five

00:23:31.880 --> 00:23:34.900
-speed manual. They're the original family owners.

00:23:35.039 --> 00:23:37.319
Her dad was the one that took delivery of it

00:23:37.319 --> 00:23:41.859
on July 1st, 1983. Garage kept, original everything.

00:23:42.039 --> 00:23:44.799
Like it was in beautiful condition. 47 ,000 miles.

00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:48.559
Like it just, it was a true, just like perfect

00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:53.059
find. And so I look at it. I asked her husband.

00:23:53.099 --> 00:23:55.339
to take me for a drive because i couldn't remember

00:23:55.339 --> 00:23:56.799
how to drive stick shifts because it's been so

00:23:56.799 --> 00:23:58.539
long so he takes me around the block i'm like

00:23:58.539 --> 00:24:01.140
yeah this thing's sick i'll take it uh i'm like

00:24:01.140 --> 00:24:02.480
how many other people do you have coming to look

00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:04.420
at he's like ah we have like six people coming

00:24:04.420 --> 00:24:06.380
to look at it on saturday this is a thursday

00:24:06.380 --> 00:24:08.720
i'm like i'll take it So I'm like, I'll send

00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:10.380
you 500 bucks on Venmo right now. Let me come

00:24:10.380 --> 00:24:11.619
back tomorrow and we'll complete everything.

00:24:11.819 --> 00:24:16.339
So I go back the next day and I had scheduled

00:24:16.339 --> 00:24:18.920
the wire and the payment to go through at 12

00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:21.279
o 'clock. And we were going to meet up at their

00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:23.220
house at one o 'clock and we were going to go

00:24:23.220 --> 00:24:25.180
and do all the paperwork. So I get there at one

00:24:25.180 --> 00:24:27.900
o 'clock. My wire still hasn't been sent. I call

00:24:27.900 --> 00:24:29.599
up my bank. I'm like, hey, I'm trying to get

00:24:29.599 --> 00:24:31.779
this wire to go through for this purchase. And

00:24:31.779 --> 00:24:34.599
they're like, OK, you're in the queue, but we.

00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:38.059
yeah, you're, you're in the queue, but I will

00:24:38.059 --> 00:24:40.519
just get to you when we get to you. And so I

00:24:40.519 --> 00:24:42.579
tell that to the, to the owner of the car and

00:24:42.579 --> 00:24:45.039
he's, they invite me in and they're like, you

00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:46.559
can just hang out. And why don't we just hang

00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:48.059
out until the wire goes through? It should be,

00:24:48.079 --> 00:24:50.220
it should be, you know, a short amount of time.

00:24:50.319 --> 00:24:52.460
Next thing I know, I've been in there like in

00:24:52.460 --> 00:24:55.180
his den and study and kind of living room area

00:24:55.180 --> 00:24:57.359
for like two and a half hours. So it's like three

00:24:57.359 --> 00:25:00.019
30 at this point, it's Halloween. My wife is

00:25:00.019 --> 00:25:01.319
like, Hey, we need to get back. We're going trick

00:25:01.319 --> 00:25:02.960
or treating. We need to meet at my dad's. We've

00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:05.370
got a two -year -old. It's her first like conscious

00:25:05.370 --> 00:25:06.970
Halloween where we're actually going to remember

00:25:06.970 --> 00:25:09.349
what she's doing. Um, and so I'm sitting in the

00:25:09.349 --> 00:25:11.069
living room and we ended up just having this

00:25:11.069 --> 00:25:14.650
phenomenal conversation, um, talking about, uh,

00:25:14.730 --> 00:25:17.049
life and career. And we get into it for a little

00:25:17.049 --> 00:25:19.230
bit and, and the dad goes, Hey, I, you know,

00:25:19.230 --> 00:25:20.509
I actually have a son that just got back from

00:25:20.509 --> 00:25:22.569
his mission. He's kind of looking for some, uh,

00:25:22.690 --> 00:25:24.789
for some career ideas and things that he wants

00:25:24.789 --> 00:25:27.269
to do. Um, would you be okay if he came and sat

00:25:27.269 --> 00:25:28.970
in with us? I was like, yeah, absolutely. So

00:25:28.970 --> 00:25:31.730
son comes in and then daughter comes in at one

00:25:31.730 --> 00:25:33.349
point, mom, we got the whole family here. There's

00:25:33.349 --> 00:25:36.809
like a party in there. or waiting for the wire

00:25:36.809 --> 00:25:38.289
to go through. And I'm looking at my phone every

00:25:38.289 --> 00:25:40.609
like 10 minutes because I'm just totally inconveniencing

00:25:40.609 --> 00:25:43.130
these people. But we're sitting there and we're

00:25:43.130 --> 00:25:45.289
talking and we kind of get into talking about

00:25:45.289 --> 00:25:47.490
my career a little bit, how I dropped out a year

00:25:47.490 --> 00:25:49.230
before I got my associate's degree. I didn't

00:25:49.230 --> 00:25:50.849
really know what I wanted to do, but I knew that

00:25:50.849 --> 00:25:53.750
I wanted to do something in business. And we

00:25:53.750 --> 00:25:55.549
go through this whole conversation and then we

00:25:55.549 --> 00:25:57.450
get into mental health. And mental health's a

00:25:57.450 --> 00:25:59.890
really big part of my story. A couple years ago,

00:25:59.930 --> 00:26:02.549
I got diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, depression,

00:26:02.789 --> 00:26:05.960
and OCD. That is what led me to doing ice baths.

00:26:05.960 --> 00:26:07.940
I then started posting my ice baths on TikTok,

00:26:08.059 --> 00:26:10.380
which led me to becoming CEO of an ice bath business

00:26:10.380 --> 00:26:12.420
in Indiana. There's a whole lot more that we

00:26:12.420 --> 00:26:15.059
can unpack there on episode two. But we get into

00:26:15.059 --> 00:26:16.920
all of this stuff and just how mental health

00:26:16.920 --> 00:26:19.720
has played a pivotal role for me in needing to

00:26:19.720 --> 00:26:22.180
be able to understand, one, connecting with myself,

00:26:22.579 --> 00:26:24.339
giving myself a little bit of grace, but also

00:26:24.339 --> 00:26:27.460
sometimes having to relinquish stuff to God and

00:26:27.460 --> 00:26:29.019
understanding that things are out of my hands

00:26:29.019 --> 00:26:33.240
at some points. And we connect with... I feel

00:26:33.240 --> 00:26:34.779
like I'm connecting really well with their son.

00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:38.819
And he looks at me and he goes, last night I

00:26:38.819 --> 00:26:41.420
was actually praying that I would find some direction

00:26:41.420 --> 00:26:44.019
of what I wanted to do in life. I've been having

00:26:44.019 --> 00:26:45.880
a really hard time with it. My friends are all

00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:47.880
going to college. I feel like I'm kind of stuck

00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:51.619
and I don't know what to do. And I sat down and

00:26:51.619 --> 00:26:54.059
I said a prayer last night. And I didn't expect

00:26:54.059 --> 00:26:56.140
for that prayer to be answered within 12 hours.

00:26:56.740 --> 00:27:00.819
And I looked at that and... I started shedding

00:27:00.819 --> 00:27:03.500
tears. I was just like, can you imagine if that

00:27:03.500 --> 00:27:06.180
car sale in the Midwest had gone through? If

00:27:06.180 --> 00:27:10.519
everything had gone right, if I hadn't happened

00:27:10.519 --> 00:27:13.519
to open my phone at the exact right time, I'm

00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:14.920
not saying that the thing that went right here

00:27:14.920 --> 00:27:16.759
was that I got a really cool car, but yes, that's

00:27:16.759 --> 00:27:18.359
a great thing that I got out there. I'm excited.

00:27:18.539 --> 00:27:22.119
For me, I had to take a step back and just realize

00:27:22.119 --> 00:27:25.089
that I was exactly where I needed to be. And

00:27:25.089 --> 00:27:27.890
if everything had gone how I wanted it to, if

00:27:27.890 --> 00:27:29.609
I'd gotten the car, if I'd gone out to Chicago,

00:27:29.710 --> 00:27:31.170
none of these other things would have happened.

00:27:31.410 --> 00:27:34.009
If the wire hadn't gone through and we would

00:27:34.009 --> 00:27:35.450
have only been there for 10 minutes, we would

00:27:35.450 --> 00:27:37.450
miss out on this whole conversation. And so we

00:27:37.450 --> 00:27:39.809
go through that and he says that and we share

00:27:39.809 --> 00:27:42.049
a quick hug, embrace for a second. And as soon

00:27:42.049 --> 00:27:44.089
as he says that, my phone dings and the wire

00:27:44.089 --> 00:27:46.529
goes through. And so I'm just sitting there.

00:27:46.569 --> 00:27:48.509
I'm like, OK, this is exactly what was supposed

00:27:48.509 --> 00:27:50.849
to happen. And it goes back to that perspective

00:27:50.849 --> 00:27:53.190
that I shared of even when things are going wrong,

00:27:53.230 --> 00:27:54.930
they're going right. All of those things had

00:27:54.930 --> 00:27:58.430
to go wrong in order for them to go right in

00:27:58.430 --> 00:28:01.109
that given moment. And so now, every single time

00:28:01.109 --> 00:28:04.930
I get in that 1983 Porsche 944, that's what I

00:28:04.930 --> 00:28:06.589
think of when I sit down in the driver's seat.

00:28:07.099 --> 00:28:09.839
I mean, how could you not? Right. And it was

00:28:09.839 --> 00:28:12.299
a really it was a very humbling experience for

00:28:12.299 --> 00:28:14.579
me. Like, I just felt like I was there and part

00:28:14.579 --> 00:28:16.359
of it. Not that I like played a massive role,

00:28:16.420 --> 00:28:19.059
but I had to be there. And it's something that

00:28:19.059 --> 00:28:21.319
I will remember forever. It's a story that I'll

00:28:21.319 --> 00:28:23.740
pass on to my kids. But I'm just so grateful

00:28:23.740 --> 00:28:25.700
for stuff like that. It all comes down to perspective,

00:28:25.900 --> 00:28:27.319
though, and being willing to look at things.

00:28:27.619 --> 00:28:29.500
Like I said, it would be very easy to look at

00:28:29.500 --> 00:28:31.940
the victim mentality and get mad at the guy that

00:28:31.940 --> 00:28:34.420
sold the car and, you know, this and that and

00:28:34.420 --> 00:28:37.440
just missing the opportunity. and not being willing

00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:39.680
to like move forward after one little setback

00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:41.819
I would have missed out on everything else that

00:28:41.819 --> 00:28:43.700
was supposed to happen even though it technically

00:28:43.700 --> 00:28:48.160
was going wrong right for sure we end and so

00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:50.180
what where does that come from where instead

00:28:50.180 --> 00:28:52.440
of just being mad the guy who sold the car ready

00:28:52.440 --> 00:28:56.599
or instead of the wires delayed and just getting

00:28:56.599 --> 00:28:58.960
in your car and just you know playing on your

00:28:58.960 --> 00:29:01.400
phone or going somewhere else But instead of

00:29:01.400 --> 00:29:03.500
being frustrated or mad at that, where does that

00:29:03.500 --> 00:29:05.119
come from for you where you made that decision

00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:08.559
to not let that stand in your way and still look

00:29:08.559 --> 00:29:12.059
for the next thing, still look for the positive

00:29:12.059 --> 00:29:13.460
in the situation, still look for the lessons

00:29:13.460 --> 00:29:16.759
there or being open to what's there? I think

00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:19.230
part of it comes from... I mean, a lot of it

00:29:19.230 --> 00:29:22.589
is mindset. A lot of it is mentality. One of

00:29:22.589 --> 00:29:24.069
the things that really helped me with that, I

00:29:24.069 --> 00:29:26.529
started listening to the Daily Stoic in like

00:29:26.529 --> 00:29:30.349
2021 from Ryan Holiday, which is a daily podcast

00:29:30.349 --> 00:29:33.329
on stoicism, different principle or tenant. And

00:29:33.329 --> 00:29:35.250
when I started listening to that, I felt like

00:29:35.250 --> 00:29:36.690
it really aligned with my beliefs and helped

00:29:36.690 --> 00:29:39.230
me instill some really positive mindsets. But

00:29:39.230 --> 00:29:41.230
I think that most of it honestly comes down to

00:29:41.230 --> 00:29:43.970
there's a really good book called Extreme Ownership.

00:29:44.230 --> 00:29:47.390
And there's one phrase that kind of I think is

00:29:47.390 --> 00:29:49.309
kind of. like the tie between stoicism and this

00:29:49.309 --> 00:29:52.390
book and it's if not me then who if not now then

00:29:52.390 --> 00:29:55.710
when like if if not me then who's going to do

00:29:55.710 --> 00:29:57.710
it if i don't do it now then when is it ever

00:29:57.710 --> 00:30:00.710
going to get done and so i've just kind of adopted

00:30:00.710 --> 00:30:03.430
this mindset of like if something's going wrong

00:30:04.269 --> 00:30:07.130
it's probably my responsibility to fix it and

00:30:07.130 --> 00:30:09.769
i'm going to be the one to give and give and

00:30:09.769 --> 00:30:11.730
give and give and give and try to do it and i

00:30:11.730 --> 00:30:13.089
know that people are going to take and take and

00:30:13.089 --> 00:30:15.170
take and take maybe occasionally i'll take something

00:30:15.170 --> 00:30:16.970
in return but that that's just kind of been the

00:30:16.970 --> 00:30:18.470
mindset that i've adopted and things have worked

00:30:18.470 --> 00:30:20.269
out pretty good for me and so when i've seen

00:30:20.269 --> 00:30:23.160
the theme i've seen it proven and i see that

00:30:23.160 --> 00:30:25.960
it pays off in the long run my mentality is just

00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:28.859
if if something goes wrong there's a reason that

00:30:28.859 --> 00:30:31.259
it's supposed to and i need to do something about

00:30:31.259 --> 00:30:34.680
it and if something needs to get done or a problem

00:30:34.680 --> 00:30:37.359
pops up then it's my responsibility to fix that

00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:39.740
or do it and i'd say that works nine times out

00:30:39.740 --> 00:30:41.119
of ten there's sometimes where i like run into

00:30:41.119 --> 00:30:43.099
a wall and there's nothing that i can do some

00:30:43.099 --> 00:30:45.599
things are just out of your control but for the

00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:47.559
most part adopting that mindset has helped me

00:30:47.559 --> 00:30:50.599
take a lot more I'd say a lot more ownership

00:30:50.599 --> 00:30:53.359
and having higher agency with what I end up doing

00:30:53.359 --> 00:30:56.500
in life. Yeah, for sure. Before we jump back

00:30:56.500 --> 00:30:59.839
in, can I ask you a quick favor? If you're enjoying

00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:03.480
the journey so far, will you like rate and subscribe

00:31:03.480 --> 00:31:06.440
to our show? It helps us reach more people like

00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:09.859
you. We can design and create and build the most

00:31:09.859 --> 00:31:12.740
wonderful place in the world, but it takes people

00:31:12.740 --> 00:31:17.740
to make the dream a reality. Well, let's kind

00:31:17.740 --> 00:31:20.779
of take a look then at how we see kind of this

00:31:20.779 --> 00:31:23.480
general topic when it comes to this movie, Luca.

00:31:23.619 --> 00:31:26.039
Okay. So set the stage, if you will, in case

00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:28.839
somebody hasn't seen Luca, what that overarching

00:31:28.839 --> 00:31:33.200
story is of Luca. So Luca, I would say the distinction

00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:36.359
is we've got a civilization of people, sea monsters

00:31:36.359 --> 00:31:38.960
that live below the water. My daughter loves

00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:42.019
Luca. This is one of our favorites. But we have

00:31:42.019 --> 00:31:43.559
the civilization of people that live below the

00:31:43.559 --> 00:31:45.200
water, the sea monsters. And then you have the

00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:47.980
people that live on land. I believe it takes

00:31:47.980 --> 00:31:49.940
place in Italy. It does. Okay, so it takes place

00:31:49.940 --> 00:31:52.099
in Italy. And then you've got the people that

00:31:52.099 --> 00:31:53.819
hate the sea monsters. This would be like if

00:31:53.819 --> 00:31:55.500
crocodiles could speak and they were coming up

00:31:55.500 --> 00:31:57.400
and standing on two legs. And we're like, no,

00:31:57.440 --> 00:31:59.019
we hate crocodiles. They should not be riding

00:31:59.019 --> 00:32:02.789
our bicycles. But we've got two primary characters,

00:32:02.990 --> 00:32:06.970
Luca and remind me the other. Alberto. Alberto.

00:32:07.630 --> 00:32:10.630
They become friends. They start to realize that

00:32:10.630 --> 00:32:13.069
they can break the surface of the water and actually

00:32:13.069 --> 00:32:15.250
go up to live with the land people, right? The

00:32:15.250 --> 00:32:17.210
land monsters is probably how they think of it.

00:32:17.690 --> 00:32:20.289
And they, I don't remember exactly how we get

00:32:20.289 --> 00:32:22.069
to it, but they really want a Vespa. They want

00:32:22.069 --> 00:32:24.450
like this little scooter. And they're having

00:32:24.450 --> 00:32:26.589
to do these things to like camouflage themselves

00:32:26.589 --> 00:32:29.970
anytime it rains or anytime. they get wet it

00:32:29.970 --> 00:32:32.809
like turns their skin back into looking like

00:32:32.809 --> 00:32:35.240
a sea monster and they have to stay hidden and

00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:37.420
covered uh from all the people so they don't

00:32:37.420 --> 00:32:40.000
get discovered that they're sea monsters um and

00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:41.740
they go through this whole movie basically learning

00:32:41.740 --> 00:32:43.799
and trying to find ways for them to blend in

00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:45.960
in this area in civilization where where they

00:32:45.960 --> 00:32:47.839
grew up they're not allowed to be there these

00:32:47.839 --> 00:32:49.859
are the bad people but they find out that these

00:32:49.859 --> 00:32:52.759
people like really aren't that bad uh but they

00:32:52.759 --> 00:32:55.079
just have this preconceived notion that sea monsters

00:32:55.079 --> 00:32:57.799
are really bad and so it's this whole story of

00:32:57.799 --> 00:33:00.099
friendship becoming friends with people from

00:33:00.099 --> 00:33:02.339
other areas finding ways to find those common

00:33:02.339 --> 00:33:05.359
interests and and blend to with the overarching

00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:07.799
goal of getting a Vespa while there's a lot more

00:33:07.799 --> 00:33:10.500
and a lot more things that happen inside of there.

00:33:10.599 --> 00:33:12.819
But that's kind of the theme is like having a

00:33:12.819 --> 00:33:14.900
different perspective of these people that traditionally

00:33:14.900 --> 00:33:16.539
haven't really liked each other, but finding

00:33:16.539 --> 00:33:18.119
common ground for them to become friends and

00:33:18.119 --> 00:33:19.680
realizing that they're not that different. Yeah,

00:33:19.700 --> 00:33:21.799
I think that's perfect. And so what I want to

00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:23.200
do is there's a couple of lines that I really

00:33:23.200 --> 00:33:24.599
like in here. And there's some other quotes too

00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:25.819
that I want to ask you about and get your perspective

00:33:25.819 --> 00:33:31.880
on. So at the very beginning, when Luca is under

00:33:31.880 --> 00:33:34.480
the water, and he's kind of shepherding these

00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:36.640
fish, much like a shepherd on the land would.

00:33:36.779 --> 00:33:38.740
And he's experiencing different things, and he's

00:33:38.740 --> 00:33:40.940
finding some things from the humans that float

00:33:40.940 --> 00:33:44.000
down. And his mom does not like this at all.

00:33:44.059 --> 00:33:47.359
And his mom says to him, the curious fish gets

00:33:47.359 --> 00:33:51.170
caught. And so what kind of limiting belief do

00:33:51.170 --> 00:33:53.750
you think that is? I mean, the mom didn't have

00:33:53.750 --> 00:33:55.329
bad intentions at all, right? It's not like his

00:33:55.329 --> 00:33:58.910
mom's trying to be mean to him. But in what way

00:33:58.910 --> 00:34:02.089
was that a limiting thing for Luca to hear? Well,

00:34:02.210 --> 00:34:04.500
I think it, I mean... curious fish gets caught

00:34:04.500 --> 00:34:06.519
this kind of now reminds me of like finding nemo

00:34:06.519 --> 00:34:08.820
right like you get curious you start to look

00:34:08.820 --> 00:34:11.980
for other things not maybe not necessarily in

00:34:11.980 --> 00:34:14.679
a bad way but like being willing to discover

00:34:14.679 --> 00:34:16.480
new things is going to open you up to a new world

00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:19.880
but when we grow up inside of this box and we

00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:23.389
know that this is our section of the ocean and

00:34:23.389 --> 00:34:26.130
we do not leave this fence everything outside

00:34:26.130 --> 00:34:28.550
of it is bad everything that is different is

00:34:28.550 --> 00:34:31.750
bad it restricts us to thinking that we can only

00:34:31.750 --> 00:34:34.530
play within this sandbox but how i actually like

00:34:34.530 --> 00:34:36.789
to think of those things is it's more of like

00:34:36.789 --> 00:34:39.130
a gate it's like a fence this is a barrier of

00:34:39.130 --> 00:34:41.809
safety but the gate can open and we can go out

00:34:41.809 --> 00:34:43.449
and we can branch out and go to other areas while

00:34:43.449 --> 00:34:45.130
knowing that we have the safety of our own home

00:34:45.130 --> 00:34:47.670
to come back to but i think that that is just

00:34:47.670 --> 00:34:50.289
a pure limiting belief of thinking that you know

00:34:51.130 --> 00:34:53.269
Everything else that is different from what we

00:34:53.269 --> 00:34:55.369
have right now, we're good. We should be comfortable.

00:34:55.610 --> 00:34:58.010
We have everything that we need. We don't need

00:34:58.010 --> 00:35:00.190
other people's things or ideas or perspectives

00:35:00.190 --> 00:35:02.769
or anything that they have is going to be different.

00:35:02.949 --> 00:35:04.989
Why can't we just be happy and comfortable with

00:35:04.989 --> 00:35:06.929
what we have now? But that's very limited because

00:35:06.929 --> 00:35:08.909
there's so much more that's out there. There's

00:35:08.909 --> 00:35:11.090
so much that we're missing out on if we restrict

00:35:11.090 --> 00:35:13.969
ourselves to just staying within the box. For

00:35:13.969 --> 00:35:17.860
sure. One of the things that I thought really

00:35:17.860 --> 00:35:20.000
ties into this is something that Stephen Covey

00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:23.179
said that you're probably familiar with as well.

00:35:23.420 --> 00:35:27.039
He said the way we see the problem is the problem.

00:35:27.719 --> 00:35:30.219
And so in what way is that kind of the case,

00:35:30.300 --> 00:35:33.559
both in the story of Luca, but also in problems

00:35:33.559 --> 00:35:35.800
that people would face in their businesses or

00:35:35.800 --> 00:35:38.460
in their lives? I think a lot of it comes down

00:35:38.460 --> 00:35:42.400
to learning to remove yourself from the situation.

00:35:43.119 --> 00:35:46.579
Like if it wasn't you, it's really easy for us

00:35:46.579 --> 00:35:48.840
to look at things and put a lot more emotion

00:35:48.840 --> 00:35:50.619
and weight to them and think that it's the end

00:35:50.619 --> 00:35:52.639
of the world when a decision is being made for

00:35:52.639 --> 00:35:55.139
us. But it's really easy for us to like look

00:35:55.139 --> 00:35:56.960
at other people's situations, be like, oh, all

00:35:56.960 --> 00:35:59.099
you need to do is this like that. Why don't you

00:35:59.099 --> 00:36:00.400
just do this one thing? That's the only thing

00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:03.579
that you need to do. So I think one, we need

00:36:03.579 --> 00:36:05.440
to take ourselves a little less serious because

00:36:05.440 --> 00:36:07.639
at the end of the day, like worst case scenario

00:36:07.639 --> 00:36:10.559
really isn't that bad. Like, oh, bummer, like

00:36:10.559 --> 00:36:12.559
you made a mistake at work. Now you know not

00:36:12.559 --> 00:36:15.059
to make that mistake anymore. But, oh, if you

00:36:15.059 --> 00:36:17.940
spend your whole life trying to focus on not

00:36:17.940 --> 00:36:20.000
making mistakes, you're going to miss out on

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:21.519
all the things that you could have learned if

00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:23.099
you were just willing to make one or two mistakes.

00:36:24.019 --> 00:36:29.679
And so, you know, I think that looking at, I

00:36:29.679 --> 00:36:32.739
think so many people get focused on the problem

00:36:32.739 --> 00:36:34.960
and looking at the problem and talking about

00:36:34.960 --> 00:36:38.269
the problem rather than. theorizing on and identifying

00:36:38.269 --> 00:36:41.050
solutions to what that problem could be so that

00:36:41.050 --> 00:36:43.010
that thing doesn't need to be a problem anymore

00:36:43.010 --> 00:36:45.889
like i don't i i look at problems as open loops

00:36:45.889 --> 00:36:47.730
and when i have like an open loop that hasn't

00:36:47.730 --> 00:36:50.809
been closed then it's just like piling up for

00:36:50.809 --> 00:36:52.429
me of all of these things that i know that i

00:36:52.429 --> 00:36:54.010
need to close the loop on and solve the problem

00:36:54.010 --> 00:36:57.010
for and so my mind is much more ocd and that

00:36:57.010 --> 00:36:59.210
like i need to close all of those loops and solve

00:36:59.210 --> 00:37:01.650
all of those problems but i think that the the

00:37:01.650 --> 00:37:03.909
more willing we are how we look at the problem

00:37:03.909 --> 00:37:06.349
is the problem we need to take a step back and

00:37:06.349 --> 00:37:08.949
realize that it's just a problem yes it's my

00:37:08.949 --> 00:37:11.769
problem but for now it's just a problem remove

00:37:11.769 --> 00:37:13.670
myself from the situation if i were going to

00:37:13.670 --> 00:37:16.170
make the suggestion to a friend what would i

00:37:16.170 --> 00:37:18.820
tell them to do if it weren't me in this scenario

00:37:18.820 --> 00:37:20.780
because you look at the word the long enough

00:37:20.780 --> 00:37:22.340
and it starts to not look like a word anymore

00:37:22.340 --> 00:37:24.280
i feel like the same thing happens when we're

00:37:24.280 --> 00:37:26.139
looking at our problems or issues or relationships

00:37:26.139 --> 00:37:27.980
or things that we're looking at and in reality

00:37:27.980 --> 00:37:29.840
we just need to take a step back not take ourselves

00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:32.440
so serious and be like if this were my best friend

00:37:32.440 --> 00:37:34.179
in this situation what would i tell them to do

00:37:34.179 --> 00:37:37.010
to solve this problem Yeah, and I wish I knew

00:37:37.010 --> 00:37:39.570
the research on this specifically, but it's research

00:37:39.570 --> 00:37:41.190
that I've heard both Brene Brown and Adam Grant

00:37:41.190 --> 00:37:43.590
talking about where when you're able to remove

00:37:43.590 --> 00:37:45.530
yourself from it and see it from that perspective

00:37:45.530 --> 00:37:48.570
outside, it helps you to overcome that problem

00:37:48.570 --> 00:37:52.480
because it's not you. the issue isn't you it's

00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:54.639
just something you were facing and the ability

00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:57.539
to take that perspective away from it allows

00:37:57.539 --> 00:38:00.519
you to then move past it because it is just a

00:38:00.519 --> 00:38:02.159
problem that you can then solve and move fast

00:38:02.159 --> 00:38:06.000
as opposed to i am the problem i am the thing

00:38:06.000 --> 00:38:09.139
that's gone wrong yeah and and i there's a really

00:38:09.139 --> 00:38:11.079
good book i'll reference ryan holiday again he's

00:38:11.079 --> 00:38:12.719
got a really good book called the obstacle is

00:38:12.719 --> 00:38:16.320
the way like i fell in love with when i when

00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:18.320
i started doing a deep dive into like mental

00:38:18.320 --> 00:38:21.159
health and understanding myself rather than looking

00:38:21.159 --> 00:38:24.460
at things as problems like oh why do i do this

00:38:24.460 --> 00:38:26.480
like why this is such a problem for me i just

00:38:26.480 --> 00:38:28.960
started realizing like oh this is this is a behavior

00:38:28.960 --> 00:38:30.920
that i do this is something that i do what can

00:38:30.920 --> 00:38:33.380
i do to change that oh, when I go into social

00:38:33.380 --> 00:38:35.940
situations and I say something stupid, I don't

00:38:35.940 --> 00:38:38.059
actually have to go home and overanalyze for

00:38:38.059 --> 00:38:40.340
three hours and toss and turn in bed wondering

00:38:40.340 --> 00:38:42.699
why I said that. Like, oh, wow, I just saved

00:38:42.699 --> 00:38:44.719
myself three hours every single time I go out

00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:46.579
in a social situation, all this stress and weight.

00:38:46.679 --> 00:38:48.119
And I realized, you know what, I'm going to say

00:38:48.119 --> 00:38:50.239
some stupid things. But if you don't say some

00:38:50.239 --> 00:38:51.659
stupid things, you don't say some funny things,

00:38:51.760 --> 00:38:53.659
right? And so I just realized that I had to loosen

00:38:53.659 --> 00:38:56.760
up a little bit for myself and not take myself

00:38:56.760 --> 00:38:59.019
so seriously in those situations. But when I

00:38:59.019 --> 00:39:01.730
stopped looking at things as like, these are

00:39:01.730 --> 00:39:03.909
like my problems this is a character flaw and

00:39:03.909 --> 00:39:06.889
just realized these are things that i can tackle

00:39:06.889 --> 00:39:10.349
and i will be better as a result of fixing them

00:39:10.349 --> 00:39:13.170
or solving them i started becoming obsessed with

00:39:13.170 --> 00:39:16.210
problem solving because we're not taught to i

00:39:16.210 --> 00:39:18.170
don't feel like we do a good job of teaching

00:39:18.170 --> 00:39:20.449
how to approach conflict Like we would rather

00:39:20.449 --> 00:39:22.429
avoid conflict and avoid a hard conversation

00:39:22.429 --> 00:39:26.809
rather than address it and love and bask in the

00:39:26.809 --> 00:39:28.829
glory of what's on the other side of just addressing

00:39:28.829 --> 00:39:31.550
a problem with someone, right? Addressing contention

00:39:31.550 --> 00:39:32.929
or something that we're running into. And so

00:39:32.929 --> 00:39:34.849
as soon as I started to realize that, and when

00:39:34.849 --> 00:39:37.230
I read that book, The Obstacle is the Way, I

00:39:37.230 --> 00:39:39.610
started to just fall in love with the idea of

00:39:39.610 --> 00:39:42.130
when I have obstacles, this is the way that I'm

00:39:42.130 --> 00:39:43.909
supposed to be going. like you're going to run

00:39:43.909 --> 00:39:46.690
into things and the more the more tolerance that

00:39:46.690 --> 00:39:48.570
you build up to be able to have hard conversations

00:39:48.570 --> 00:39:51.289
to be able to diagnose really tough problems

00:39:51.289 --> 00:39:53.690
to figure out solutions to those problems and

00:39:53.690 --> 00:39:56.730
this could go business or relationships right

00:39:56.730 --> 00:39:59.690
any of those things right there when those obstacles

00:39:59.690 --> 00:40:03.210
start to be overcome you become a lot better

00:40:03.210 --> 00:40:05.150
at overcoming obstacles and everything becomes

00:40:05.150 --> 00:40:07.170
less stressful the problems that I was solving

00:40:07.170 --> 00:40:09.250
five years ago in my career were like the smallest

00:40:09.250 --> 00:40:11.769
little tiny things in the world compared to what

00:40:11.769 --> 00:40:14.170
I'm doing now but I couldn't have had the confidence

00:40:14.170 --> 00:40:16.409
to do what I do now if I didn't just start solving

00:40:16.920 --> 00:40:19.079
and overcoming obstacles where I started at.

00:40:19.219 --> 00:40:20.920
Yeah, that was what you needed so that you can

00:40:20.920 --> 00:40:23.739
overcome greater obstacles. Correct, yeah. Another

00:40:23.739 --> 00:40:24.880
quote from the movie. I want to get your take

00:40:24.880 --> 00:40:27.199
on. This is a classic one. This is one of the

00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:30.019
most famous ones from the movie. It's where Alberto

00:40:30.019 --> 00:40:33.940
and Luca are talking, and Luca's afraid to go

00:40:33.940 --> 00:40:37.440
down this little hill on their homemade Vespa

00:40:37.440 --> 00:40:41.119
that keeps falling apart. And Alberto says to

00:40:41.119 --> 00:40:43.019
him, I know your problem. You've got a Bruno

00:40:43.019 --> 00:40:45.730
in your head. Luca, it's simple. Don't listen

00:40:45.730 --> 00:40:49.010
to stupid Bruno. And I think it's that sometimes

00:40:49.010 --> 00:40:51.889
people do let that Bruno in their head really

00:40:51.889 --> 00:40:56.929
hold them back. Yeah. I think that when you start

00:40:56.929 --> 00:40:59.289
to identify that voice, you realize how frequently

00:40:59.289 --> 00:41:02.269
that voice is there. Yeah. Right? Like when you

00:41:02.269 --> 00:41:06.719
hear that. uh, negative self -talk, you realize

00:41:06.719 --> 00:41:09.380
how frequently you're actually doing it. And,

00:41:09.380 --> 00:41:12.139
well, uh, this was probably three or four years

00:41:12.139 --> 00:41:15.659
ago. Um, one of the spots where I really, I was

00:41:15.659 --> 00:41:17.559
at a spot in life. I used to spend a ton of time

00:41:17.559 --> 00:41:20.019
in the sauna. I still do, but I would spend like

00:41:20.019 --> 00:41:22.679
a big sauna guy. I would spend like 20 to 30

00:41:22.679 --> 00:41:24.639
minutes a day in the sauna. And that's where

00:41:24.639 --> 00:41:26.199
I would, that's where I learned how to think.

00:41:26.679 --> 00:41:28.179
no one no one had ever taught me how to think

00:41:28.179 --> 00:41:30.960
and so i i started realizing i was just like

00:41:30.960 --> 00:41:32.800
i would just run through like my day to start

00:41:32.800 --> 00:41:34.440
and i'd look at all of these things and then

00:41:34.440 --> 00:41:36.760
i'd like listen to how my brain would react and

00:41:36.760 --> 00:41:38.800
respond to things that had happened through the

00:41:38.800 --> 00:41:40.679
day and then i would start making note of like

00:41:40.679 --> 00:41:43.460
why am i being so hard on myself for this thing

00:41:43.460 --> 00:41:46.909
like I did 10 reps instead of 12 at the gym.

00:41:47.010 --> 00:41:49.369
Like, why am I telling myself that, oh, you're

00:41:49.369 --> 00:41:51.610
weak. You didn't go as hard as you could have.

00:41:51.750 --> 00:41:54.070
You know, you didn't do this to completion. I'm

00:41:54.070 --> 00:41:55.809
like, I did the very best that I could. Like,

00:41:55.869 --> 00:41:57.929
I'm happy with that. Yes, I understand like challenging

00:41:57.929 --> 00:42:00.969
yourself sometimes and not skating by. But like,

00:42:00.989 --> 00:42:03.789
as I started to listen to this Bruno in my head,

00:42:03.829 --> 00:42:05.949
I realized how frequently that I was doing that.

00:42:06.190 --> 00:42:08.670
And then I actually, some may call it like heebie

00:42:08.670 --> 00:42:11.150
-jeebie, right? But like, whenever I was alone

00:42:11.150 --> 00:42:12.750
in the sauna, like I would actually talk back

00:42:12.750 --> 00:42:15.309
to myself. And I was sitting there. I'm sure

00:42:15.309 --> 00:42:16.949
there were people that walked up, opened the

00:42:16.949 --> 00:42:18.309
door, heard me talking. They're like, yeah, I'm

00:42:18.309 --> 00:42:20.269
not going in there. That guy's creepy. But I

00:42:20.269 --> 00:42:21.789
would be sitting in the sauna and I'd hear something.

00:42:21.809 --> 00:42:24.090
I'd be like, no, that's not the way it is. And

00:42:24.090 --> 00:42:26.369
I started doing this positive reinforcement to

00:42:26.369 --> 00:42:28.150
myself. And that was where I felt like I really

00:42:28.150 --> 00:42:30.809
started taking this connection of like. Ryan

00:42:30.809 --> 00:42:33.849
who's in my heart and Bruno Ryan who's in my

00:42:33.849 --> 00:42:35.969
head and starting to get him out of my head a

00:42:35.969 --> 00:42:37.769
little bit more and get my heart to pop up here

00:42:37.769 --> 00:42:39.690
a little bit more. I felt like I built this in

00:42:39.690 --> 00:42:41.730
tune relationship with myself that wasn't there

00:42:41.730 --> 00:42:45.170
because I was letting Bruno Ryan talk so much

00:42:45.170 --> 00:42:47.599
more than Ryan Ryan. And I think for me, the

00:42:47.599 --> 00:42:49.780
Bruno Ryan, because I guess that's for me as

00:42:49.780 --> 00:42:51.940
well, right? Yeah, there you go. That happens

00:42:51.940 --> 00:42:55.159
when I don't take the time to slow down. And

00:42:55.159 --> 00:42:58.300
then it's just like I'm in the heat of it and

00:42:58.300 --> 00:43:01.219
I'm negative self -talk and doing that. For me,

00:43:01.280 --> 00:43:03.619
what I found where I get that opportunity to

00:43:03.619 --> 00:43:05.659
almost have this meditative status actually in

00:43:05.659 --> 00:43:08.500
running, which I used to hate. I just hated it.

00:43:09.019 --> 00:43:11.719
and i have one of my best friends who just loves

00:43:11.719 --> 00:43:14.139
running and kept encouraging me to do it and

00:43:14.139 --> 00:43:15.760
i finally started doing it it took me a long

00:43:15.760 --> 00:43:18.679
time to get there to that point but once i did

00:43:18.679 --> 00:43:21.300
now when i run i get to that state where i can

00:43:21.300 --> 00:43:24.420
think through my day. I can think through the

00:43:24.420 --> 00:43:26.280
things that are holding me back. I can think

00:43:26.280 --> 00:43:29.059
through problems in a way that I just can't at

00:43:29.059 --> 00:43:30.880
any other time of day because it's so busy. When

00:43:30.880 --> 00:43:33.519
I look at my day and my schedule, it's like almost

00:43:33.519 --> 00:43:35.420
every minute of every day is just scheduled out.

00:43:35.760 --> 00:43:38.480
And taking that time though, first thing, I'm

00:43:38.480 --> 00:43:40.179
a morning person. Taking that time first thing,

00:43:40.219 --> 00:43:42.099
getting out running when no one else is awake.

00:43:42.380 --> 00:43:44.679
I run at 4 .30 in the morning. No one else is

00:43:44.679 --> 00:43:47.440
out there. It's still dark. The whole world is

00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:50.940
my oyster. And I can just think through those

00:43:50.940 --> 00:43:54.500
things. And then that Bruno in my head gets a

00:43:54.500 --> 00:43:57.099
lot quieter and then I'm able to process through

00:43:57.099 --> 00:43:59.599
like who I am and what I want to accomplish and

00:43:59.599 --> 00:44:01.559
putting things into perspective a lot better

00:44:01.559 --> 00:44:04.340
when I'm able to do that. Yeah. Well now, as

00:44:04.340 --> 00:44:06.519
you're saying that, isn't there a quote in the

00:44:06.519 --> 00:44:09.159
movie where he says like silencio Bruno, silencio

00:44:09.159 --> 00:44:12.239
Bruno? Yes. Yes. Um, so yeah. And, and I think

00:44:12.239 --> 00:44:13.920
there's, there's one thing in there that you

00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:16.840
said that I want to highlight. You default to

00:44:16.840 --> 00:44:20.000
that talk when you're busy. Because that's our

00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:23.079
natural reaction. When things are going wrong,

00:44:23.219 --> 00:44:26.380
just when life is happening, our default reaction

00:44:26.380 --> 00:44:30.360
is to respond in a way that puts us on guard

00:44:30.360 --> 00:44:33.340
and covers and is like a protective state. And

00:44:33.340 --> 00:44:35.820
it's like justifying other people's actions or

00:44:35.820 --> 00:44:37.599
the things that they did or the errors that they

00:44:37.599 --> 00:44:40.699
made, justifying the things that I did as a survival

00:44:40.699 --> 00:44:43.460
mechanism. But in reality, when we're doing that,

00:44:43.500 --> 00:44:45.840
that is just pure reactionary. And out of fear.

00:44:45.980 --> 00:44:48.019
Yeah, it's out of fear. Reacting out of fear.

00:44:48.239 --> 00:44:49.980
Whereas when you take the time to actually stop

00:44:49.980 --> 00:44:52.239
and think and be like, OK, they said this. Did

00:44:52.239 --> 00:44:53.940
they mean this or did they mean this? Because

00:44:53.940 --> 00:44:55.719
they have these five other things that's going

00:44:55.719 --> 00:44:58.059
on in life. And all of those things are causing

00:44:58.059 --> 00:45:00.099
all this pain and hardship. And that is what's

00:45:00.099 --> 00:45:02.519
manifesting through what they said to me. That

00:45:02.519 --> 00:45:04.880
allows you to be. it's not a word, but I'll say

00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:07.320
instead of being reactionary, proactionary, and

00:45:07.320 --> 00:45:09.500
you can actually look and bifurcate and separate

00:45:09.500 --> 00:45:12.340
out these scenarios and situations where people

00:45:12.340 --> 00:45:14.800
are responding negatively, but you're not reacting

00:45:14.800 --> 00:45:16.480
to that. You're taking that, you're internalizing

00:45:16.480 --> 00:45:18.159
it, running it through your filter and being

00:45:18.159 --> 00:45:20.940
proactive in how you respond to that. And sometimes

00:45:20.940 --> 00:45:23.340
just in doing that, that's where I've had some

00:45:23.340 --> 00:45:25.639
of the best conversations is when I see that,

00:45:25.679 --> 00:45:28.119
I hear that, I listen to that. And then I'm able

00:45:28.119 --> 00:45:30.539
to say, hey, I take a day or I take two days.

00:45:30.559 --> 00:45:32.610
I'm like, hey. I know that you said this. I know

00:45:32.610 --> 00:45:35.699
that you have a lot going on. is there any chance

00:45:35.699 --> 00:45:37.780
i i know that there's probably something that

00:45:37.780 --> 00:45:39.719
i could do a little bit better here but with

00:45:39.719 --> 00:45:41.280
kind of how you approached me and what you said

00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:43.199
i did notice that i'm not trying to find like

00:45:43.199 --> 00:45:44.960
another spot or trying to place blame somewhere

00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:46.860
else i know that you have a lot going on in any

00:45:46.860 --> 00:45:49.280
of in these other areas like is there stuff that

00:45:49.280 --> 00:45:51.099
we could do to help solve this so that we can

00:45:51.099 --> 00:45:53.800
not have this issue again in the future and is

00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:55.639
there stuff that i can do to help you with that

00:45:55.639 --> 00:45:57.920
so that we can get more to the root of the problem

00:45:57.920 --> 00:46:00.440
rather than just the zit and how it's manifesting

00:46:00.440 --> 00:46:01.980
right like there's more under the surface there

00:46:01.980 --> 00:46:04.530
that needs to pop for sure so and And to me,

00:46:04.550 --> 00:46:09.150
that's rooted in empathy. Because when you're

00:46:09.150 --> 00:46:11.070
looking at that with that person, you've got

00:46:11.070 --> 00:46:13.150
to care about that person to have that conversation.

00:46:13.650 --> 00:46:16.130
Because then you're caring about what else is

00:46:16.130 --> 00:46:20.630
going on in their life. And to me, it's the idea

00:46:20.630 --> 00:46:22.789
of kindness. Kindness is rooted in empathy. And

00:46:22.789 --> 00:46:24.969
you can't have that kindness and assume positive

00:46:24.969 --> 00:46:27.110
intent if you're not willing to try to empathize

00:46:27.110 --> 00:46:28.969
and understand what's really going on for them.

00:46:29.030 --> 00:46:31.610
You can't because you ignore those things. You

00:46:31.610 --> 00:46:32.949
ignore they have other things going on in their

00:46:32.949 --> 00:46:34.570
life. You just assume it's the worst. So they

00:46:34.570 --> 00:46:36.989
must mean the worst thing to you, to everybody

00:46:36.989 --> 00:46:39.030
else. They must be a bad person. But if we can

00:46:39.030 --> 00:46:42.050
flip that, empathize, find the kindness in the

00:46:42.050 --> 00:46:44.469
situation, we can really get to the root of the

00:46:44.469 --> 00:46:46.780
problem a lot easier. Yep, spot on. Yeah. So

00:46:46.780 --> 00:46:49.780
one more quote that I want to talk about where

00:46:49.780 --> 00:46:51.179
it kind of wraps up the movie. This is kind of

00:46:51.179 --> 00:46:53.460
where it reaches kind of the climax, right? So

00:46:53.460 --> 00:46:58.940
Luca and Alberto do this triathlon. And the triathlon

00:46:58.940 --> 00:47:01.880
is not a traditional one. It's swimming, a bicycle

00:47:01.880 --> 00:47:03.940
ride, and also eating pasta because, of course,

00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:05.820
it's Italy. So it has to be eating pasta, right?

00:47:06.260 --> 00:47:08.639
They get to the end of this race, and it starts

00:47:08.639 --> 00:47:11.679
to rain. And so then Luca and Alberto are both

00:47:11.679 --> 00:47:14.610
revealed to be these sea monsters. During the

00:47:14.610 --> 00:47:16.269
show, they've built this relationship with Julia,

00:47:16.429 --> 00:47:20.730
a young lady there who also has this nemesis

00:47:20.730 --> 00:47:23.130
kid in town who always wins and always beats

00:47:23.130 --> 00:47:25.550
her down. They build a relationship with her

00:47:25.550 --> 00:47:28.769
dad, Massimo, who's a fisherman with one arm,

00:47:28.809 --> 00:47:32.309
who's just this great but very stoic guy. He's

00:47:32.309 --> 00:47:35.030
this quiet guy. He doesn't say a lot. So they

00:47:35.030 --> 00:47:37.150
reach the end. They reveal the BBC monsters,

00:47:37.389 --> 00:47:40.349
and the villain of the show is calling them out.

00:47:40.590 --> 00:47:42.409
He's like, you guys are just monsters. You're

00:47:42.409 --> 00:47:45.230
just monsters. And Julius says like, no, they're

00:47:45.230 --> 00:47:47.750
not monsters. So he says, well, they're not monsters.

00:47:47.809 --> 00:47:51.269
Who are they? And then big Massimo, who's this

00:47:51.269 --> 00:47:53.889
huge guy, it's the biggest guy in town. He comes

00:47:53.889 --> 00:47:55.969
up and he's like, I know who they are. And you're

00:47:55.969 --> 00:47:57.949
not sure at this point in time, it's gonna be

00:47:57.949 --> 00:47:59.210
like, yeah, they're monsters. Let's kill them,

00:47:59.309 --> 00:48:01.650
right? Or what is he gonna say? And he says,

00:48:01.710 --> 00:48:03.650
I know who they are. They're Luca and Alberto.

00:48:04.650 --> 00:48:08.360
And to me, it was, it's just such a nice. i don't

00:48:08.360 --> 00:48:09.820
know it's just really emblematic of what we're

00:48:09.820 --> 00:48:12.300
talking about here seeing seeing it differently

00:48:12.300 --> 00:48:14.019
changing perspective let me get your take on

00:48:14.019 --> 00:48:17.559
that well number one i think that that that could

00:48:17.559 --> 00:48:19.880
have been like a a teeter that was definitely

00:48:19.880 --> 00:48:21.780
a teetering point like which way does mossimo

00:48:21.780 --> 00:48:23.980
lean here if i remember correctly and i could

00:48:23.980 --> 00:48:25.920
be wrong i'm pretty sure mossimo actually lost

00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:28.849
his arm to a sea monster I don't remember. I

00:48:28.849 --> 00:48:30.409
don't remember. I feel like there was some fishing

00:48:30.409 --> 00:48:32.070
incident or something where he lost his arm.

00:48:32.170 --> 00:48:33.989
But he definitely did not like sea monsters.

00:48:34.030 --> 00:48:35.809
Yeah, he didn't like sea monsters. Very antagonistic

00:48:35.809 --> 00:48:36.989
towards them. You know, looking at it from his

00:48:36.989 --> 00:48:39.590
perspective, right? Like these are these two

00:48:39.590 --> 00:48:41.750
kids that this whole time they've been living

00:48:41.750 --> 00:48:43.789
underneath my nose and they've been visiting

00:48:43.789 --> 00:48:45.210
and they built a friendship with my daughter

00:48:45.210 --> 00:48:47.349
and they turn out to be someone completely different

00:48:47.349 --> 00:48:49.570
from who I thought they were. In fact, they're

00:48:49.570 --> 00:48:51.550
the epitome of the thing that I hate, right?

00:48:52.159 --> 00:48:55.440
and to go in that moment and one having the frame

00:48:55.440 --> 00:48:58.079
of who he is stepping into that moment the whole

00:48:58.079 --> 00:48:59.980
town is going to listen to whatever he says yes

00:48:59.980 --> 00:49:01.699
but i think that the most important thing is

00:49:01.699 --> 00:49:04.480
that he and this truly i think that this is one

00:49:04.480 --> 00:49:07.099
of the hardest things in life it is near impossible

00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:09.820
Unless someone is actually willing to do it and

00:49:09.820 --> 00:49:11.500
go through the hard stuff to change your frame

00:49:11.500 --> 00:49:14.579
of someone else. Like, my perspective is I don't

00:49:14.579 --> 00:49:16.519
need someone to show me twice why I can't trust

00:49:16.519 --> 00:49:19.340
them. But, you know, I'm trusting until someone

00:49:19.340 --> 00:49:21.760
gives me a reason not to. And it's really hard

00:49:21.760 --> 00:49:24.199
for people to change a frame, especially for...

00:49:24.679 --> 00:49:29.940
I don't know how many centuries or layers of

00:49:29.940 --> 00:49:32.099
the family tree, generations, there we go, that's

00:49:32.099 --> 00:49:33.639
what I was looking for, how many generations

00:49:33.639 --> 00:49:36.039
the hate for sea monsters went back. But him

00:49:36.039 --> 00:49:38.280
saying that was the turning point that now changed

00:49:38.280 --> 00:49:40.900
the relationship of now being able to, I'll say,

00:49:41.000 --> 00:49:43.159
cross the border to go out of the water back

00:49:43.159 --> 00:49:46.320
up into town and having this bilateral relationship

00:49:46.320 --> 00:49:48.760
to go back and forth. And all of that came from

00:49:48.760 --> 00:49:51.840
being willing to... loosen your own heart up

00:49:51.840 --> 00:49:54.239
to see someone for who they actually are and

00:49:54.239 --> 00:49:57.320
who they've become and all of that trust was

00:49:57.320 --> 00:49:59.760
built over time if that was just you know they

00:49:59.760 --> 00:50:02.159
met and then that happened you know the next

00:50:02.159 --> 00:50:04.199
day there's no way that masmo would have stood

00:50:04.199 --> 00:50:05.980
up for them no chance but by building that relationship

00:50:05.980 --> 00:50:09.199
by being there by not networking and connecting

00:50:09.199 --> 00:50:10.900
right like they built that relationship over

00:50:10.900 --> 00:50:13.179
time they sat down for dinner together they built

00:50:13.179 --> 00:50:15.400
the friendship they they slept at the house right

00:50:15.400 --> 00:50:18.000
like all of those things led into him seeing

00:50:18.000 --> 00:50:19.860
them through a different light and he's like

00:50:19.860 --> 00:50:22.280
oh these people are actually just regular people

00:50:22.280 --> 00:50:24.420
right even though we may think and we've thought

00:50:24.420 --> 00:50:27.059
for years that they're different and that they're

00:50:27.059 --> 00:50:29.000
monsters and they're this and that all it took

00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:31.599
was that one friendship to be kindled and sparked

00:50:31.599 --> 00:50:34.179
to realize that we're really not that different.

00:50:34.340 --> 00:50:36.659
Why are we separating ourselves? And I think

00:50:36.659 --> 00:50:39.400
that resetting the frame is one of the best ways

00:50:39.400 --> 00:50:41.039
for us to build that deeper relationship with

00:50:41.039 --> 00:50:45.059
people. So it is so hard to do. especially when

00:50:45.059 --> 00:50:47.280
it comes from something that might be a deeply

00:50:47.280 --> 00:50:49.800
held belief or a long time or just assumptions

00:50:49.800 --> 00:50:51.739
that you've had for a long time. It's hard to

00:50:51.739 --> 00:50:53.780
break those down, but the willingness to do so

00:50:53.780 --> 00:50:56.219
and then to lead others in doing it is really

00:50:56.219 --> 00:50:57.780
something. And that's really what Moss is about.

00:50:57.780 --> 00:50:59.380
And I think it's important to clarify, like,

00:50:59.420 --> 00:51:01.519
if you have problems with someone or if someone

00:51:01.519 --> 00:51:04.599
betrays your trust, you don't need to rework

00:51:04.599 --> 00:51:08.260
to create the new frame of, like, them in a perfect

00:51:08.260 --> 00:51:10.340
light. Like, they've already recreated the frame.

00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:12.909
You trusted them, and now you don't. But I think

00:51:12.909 --> 00:51:15.650
that there is a lot of value and there's a lot

00:51:15.650 --> 00:51:19.309
of insight in being willing to be graceful and

00:51:19.309 --> 00:51:22.170
forgiving someone so that you don't have to carry

00:51:22.170 --> 00:51:23.929
the weight and the emotion of what they've done

00:51:23.929 --> 00:51:25.690
to you. I think that that's important to clarify.

00:51:26.010 --> 00:51:27.829
But I think that it's also good in scenarios

00:51:27.829 --> 00:51:31.869
where it may be. hey for the longest time a business

00:51:31.869 --> 00:51:33.510
relationship for example for the longest time

00:51:33.510 --> 00:51:35.369
we thought that we were competitors but now we

00:51:35.369 --> 00:51:37.550
realize that we're actually very synonymous and

00:51:37.550 --> 00:51:40.530
we've got overlap of our customer bases and there's

00:51:40.530 --> 00:51:42.550
opportunities for us to create a partnership

00:51:42.550 --> 00:51:44.949
together and this industry and this industry

00:51:44.949 --> 00:51:47.590
like we very frequently we thought that we hated

00:51:47.590 --> 00:51:49.309
each other but in reality there's a lot in common

00:51:49.309 --> 00:51:51.570
here why don't we work together um so i think

00:51:51.570 --> 00:51:53.030
it's important to clarify there that like if

00:51:53.030 --> 00:51:55.210
someone burns you or does something bad you don't

00:51:55.210 --> 00:51:59.099
it's not on you to recreate the frame after they've

00:51:59.099 --> 00:52:00.800
done that to put them back in the light of being

00:52:00.800 --> 00:52:02.440
a good person sure but i think it's important

00:52:02.440 --> 00:52:04.980
to still forgive them allow yourself to move

00:52:04.980 --> 00:52:08.210
on find closure even if you haven't gotten closure

00:52:08.210 --> 00:52:10.750
from that person, so that you don't have to carry

00:52:10.750 --> 00:52:12.489
that weight of the negative frame that they've

00:52:12.489 --> 00:52:15.469
put on you, and you can just carry with you who

00:52:15.469 --> 00:52:18.010
you are, understanding, I got the experience

00:52:18.010 --> 00:52:20.369
and I know what to look for now. But then on

00:52:20.369 --> 00:52:22.829
the relationship side, being able to reset that

00:52:22.829 --> 00:52:24.809
frame is very, very important because it opens

00:52:24.809 --> 00:52:27.110
up a whole other set of opportunities that was

00:52:27.110 --> 00:52:28.789
just on the other side of this obstacle right

00:52:28.789 --> 00:52:31.469
here. And that's what we see there, right? That

00:52:31.469 --> 00:52:33.889
even though Luke and Virgil had lied about who

00:52:33.889 --> 00:52:37.110
they were, um it was built based off of fear

00:52:37.110 --> 00:52:39.349
but they also did a lot to help build that relationship

00:52:39.349 --> 00:52:42.090
with both massimo and julia so that when that

00:52:42.090 --> 00:52:44.590
time came and they were sorrowful for what they

00:52:44.590 --> 00:52:46.989
did he was able to embrace that back in and see

00:52:46.989 --> 00:52:50.670
them in a different light yep um okay so when

00:52:50.670 --> 00:52:53.429
you when you think about kind of this approach

00:52:53.429 --> 00:52:56.829
that you've had what's what's kind of the what's

00:52:56.829 --> 00:52:58.170
kind of the takeaway that somebody could have,

00:52:58.389 --> 00:53:00.230
general advice, we'll get into our three actual

00:53:00.230 --> 00:53:01.690
takeaways here in a minute, but what's kind of

00:53:01.690 --> 00:53:03.170
the general advice that you would give to somebody

00:53:03.170 --> 00:53:06.289
when they're thinking about this topic in both

00:53:06.289 --> 00:53:07.670
their business relationships professionally,

00:53:07.909 --> 00:53:10.449
but also in their personal life? I think the

00:53:10.449 --> 00:53:12.230
most important thing is figure out who you are

00:53:12.230 --> 00:53:16.050
and what you stand for, right? Read through the

00:53:16.050 --> 00:53:18.289
books. I see some books on your shelf that I've

00:53:18.289 --> 00:53:21.590
read and gone through in here. Read through the

00:53:21.590 --> 00:53:26.449
books and research information online and study

00:53:26.449 --> 00:53:29.809
philosophers and different religions and scriptures

00:53:29.809 --> 00:53:32.829
and figure out what is the philosophy of Ryan.

00:53:33.090 --> 00:53:35.809
What do I believe? What do I stand for? What

00:53:35.809 --> 00:53:38.989
do I not put up with? Who am I willing to surround

00:53:38.989 --> 00:53:40.829
myself? Who am I not willing to surround myself?

00:53:41.530 --> 00:53:43.909
And then from there, I think that allows you

00:53:43.909 --> 00:53:46.289
to have your perspective, which is uniquely you.

00:53:46.849 --> 00:53:48.530
And then I think from there, the most valuable

00:53:48.530 --> 00:53:50.710
thing that you could then go do is help other

00:53:50.710 --> 00:53:53.110
people figure that out, whether that is they

00:53:53.110 --> 00:53:54.510
have a business that they're building and they

00:53:54.510 --> 00:53:56.070
have this idea and they want to do it and they

00:53:56.070 --> 00:53:57.769
want to do it this way. But they're missing this

00:53:57.769 --> 00:53:59.590
one thing that from your perspective, you're

00:53:59.590 --> 00:54:01.489
able to share a piece of insight that's super

00:54:01.489 --> 00:54:04.010
valuable or they need help with this other person

00:54:04.010 --> 00:54:05.929
over here. And, you know, I'm talking about what

00:54:05.929 --> 00:54:07.889
I do now. Right. But like you're able to connect

00:54:07.889 --> 00:54:09.510
this other person that has a different perspective

00:54:09.510 --> 00:54:11.489
or a different insight to do things a different

00:54:11.489 --> 00:54:14.489
way. You have to figure out who you are first

00:54:14.489 --> 00:54:16.730
before you can help anyone else. Figure out who

00:54:16.730 --> 00:54:19.409
they are, do what they want to do. connect with

00:54:19.409 --> 00:54:21.469
other people. And I think the same thing goes

00:54:21.469 --> 00:54:24.989
for relationships. My wife, Taylor, is super,

00:54:25.070 --> 00:54:29.070
super strong in knowing who she is as an individual,

00:54:29.329 --> 00:54:31.989
who she is as a mom, who she is as a wife, who

00:54:31.989 --> 00:54:34.849
she is as a dog mom. She has the things that

00:54:34.849 --> 00:54:37.309
she knows that she has to do to feel comfortable

00:54:37.309 --> 00:54:39.610
with who she is. And I have the things that I

00:54:39.610 --> 00:54:41.869
know that I have to do. And we feed off of those

00:54:41.869 --> 00:54:45.090
and build a, it's not a 50 -50 relationship.

00:54:45.150 --> 00:54:47.789
We try to treat it as a 100 -100 relationship.

00:54:48.730 --> 00:54:51.130
We're always giving our all at all points in

00:54:51.130 --> 00:54:54.289
time. And there are some where I'm doing 75 and

00:54:54.289 --> 00:54:56.789
she's doing 125. And there's some where I'm doing

00:54:56.789 --> 00:54:59.809
100 and she's doing 150, right? Like she does

00:54:59.809 --> 00:55:01.570
a phenomenal job with that. But I think that

00:55:01.570 --> 00:55:03.449
it's really important to have a clarification

00:55:03.449 --> 00:55:05.010
of who you are, what you stand for, what you

00:55:05.010 --> 00:55:06.809
do, so that you can be there as a support and

00:55:06.809 --> 00:55:08.789
a balance. So that if you come in contact with

00:55:08.789 --> 00:55:10.610
someone that doesn't know who they are, who they

00:55:10.610 --> 00:55:12.469
are, what they do, what they stand for, that

00:55:12.469 --> 00:55:14.519
doesn't throw you off your game. You've got your

00:55:14.519 --> 00:55:16.460
foundation that you're rooted in, but you're

00:55:16.460 --> 00:55:19.019
also willing to open up and see things in a different

00:55:19.019 --> 00:55:20.880
perspective or in a different light by not just

00:55:20.880 --> 00:55:23.239
saying, oh, I've always my least favorite people

00:55:23.239 --> 00:55:25.039
in the world. We've always done it this way.

00:55:25.079 --> 00:55:26.679
This is how it's always been done. This is how

00:55:26.679 --> 00:55:29.500
I do it. And I'm like. okay, but if we did it

00:55:29.500 --> 00:55:31.119
this way, it actually would probably be a little

00:55:31.119 --> 00:55:33.239
bit better. And prove me wrong. Like if it doesn't

00:55:33.239 --> 00:55:34.639
work, we can go back to doing it your way. But

00:55:34.639 --> 00:55:37.159
I don't like the people that are just so hardheaded

00:55:37.159 --> 00:55:39.840
and stuck in their ways that we can't see past

00:55:39.840 --> 00:55:41.719
or can't see another opportunity because it's

00:55:41.719 --> 00:55:45.039
an ego stroke or it's a power play. Like we have

00:55:45.039 --> 00:55:47.920
to be willing to accept us for who we are, accept

00:55:47.920 --> 00:55:49.760
others for who they are, and find the common

00:55:49.760 --> 00:55:52.199
ground to build those opportunities. And I think

00:55:52.199 --> 00:55:54.019
that's the key to successful relationships in

00:55:54.019 --> 00:55:55.519
life is being able to meet people where they're

00:55:55.519 --> 00:55:58.349
at too. Yeah, I think that's right. Okay, let's

00:55:58.349 --> 00:56:00.269
take two quick segments here. Okay. Have some

00:56:00.269 --> 00:56:02.769
fun. So we're going to first hit a this or that.

00:56:03.130 --> 00:56:04.550
All right. So you just got to say which one you

00:56:04.550 --> 00:56:07.150
think. It might be a controversial opinion. You'll

00:56:07.150 --> 00:56:09.110
have to defend it if it is. Here we go. And we'll

00:56:09.110 --> 00:56:12.530
see how it goes. First one, Vespa or bicycle?

00:56:13.369 --> 00:56:17.369
Vespa. Okay. More entertaining, more fun than

00:56:17.369 --> 00:56:19.690
a bicycle. 100%. You can feel more wind on your

00:56:19.690 --> 00:56:21.889
face, too. Yeah, there you go. I like that. Number

00:56:21.889 --> 00:56:27.320
two, gelato or fresh pasta? Gelato. You big gelato

00:56:27.320 --> 00:56:29.880
guy. Big gelato guy. And gelato over ice cream.

00:56:30.619 --> 00:56:34.039
This is going to be controversial. Yes. I think

00:56:34.039 --> 00:56:39.460
all pasta tastes the same. Interesting. Someone

00:56:39.460 --> 00:56:43.059
can change my mind and take me to a... Nice restaurant,

00:56:43.119 --> 00:56:46.579
and prove me wrong, but I think that most, like

00:56:46.579 --> 00:56:48.800
my default, no joke, I was in Arizona last week,

00:56:48.800 --> 00:56:51.039
I got spaghetti and meatballs. I think that,

00:56:51.079 --> 00:56:52.820
I am lactose intolerant, so that probably plays

00:56:52.820 --> 00:56:55.039
a factor here. Sure, sure. So yes, gelato over

00:56:55.039 --> 00:56:58.139
ice cream, because there's no dairy in most gelatos.

00:56:58.420 --> 00:57:00.599
But yeah, I think most pasta tastes the same.

00:57:01.300 --> 00:57:04.900
Interesting. So. Yeah, I. I've never heard that

00:57:04.900 --> 00:57:07.260
perspective before. I don't know if I agree or

00:57:07.260 --> 00:57:08.739
disagree. I'm going to have to process through

00:57:08.739 --> 00:57:11.019
that. Have you been to Italy? Because I haven't.

00:57:11.019 --> 00:57:12.679
No, I haven't either. So I probably need to go

00:57:12.679 --> 00:57:13.719
there and experience Pasadena. If you're Italian,

00:57:14.000 --> 00:57:16.760
please do not listen to this. Because I'm sure

00:57:16.760 --> 00:57:18.420
that that would be different if I went over there.

00:57:18.440 --> 00:57:19.980
Oh, my goodness. And like I said, I'm more than

00:57:19.980 --> 00:57:22.000
willing to have my perspective changed and opened.

00:57:22.780 --> 00:57:24.780
It sounds like we need to have a Ryan and Ryan

00:57:24.780 --> 00:57:26.380
trip to Italy. There we go. That's what it sounds

00:57:26.380 --> 00:57:29.440
like. And then we will find out. R -R -I -I.

00:57:29.579 --> 00:57:32.219
Ryan, Ryan in Italy. Yeah, I love it. I love

00:57:32.219 --> 00:57:41.019
it. Okay. Massimo or Alberto? Massimo. Yeah,

00:57:41.139 --> 00:57:43.880
I like Massimo. He is a bit of a stoic. Yeah.

00:57:44.239 --> 00:57:49.210
Vintage car or brand new car? I think this is

00:57:49.210 --> 00:57:51.110
a good timing for this question. It's apples

00:57:51.110 --> 00:57:53.150
to oranges, in my opinion, because I have both.

00:57:53.289 --> 00:57:55.389
But I think that you appreciate them for different

00:57:55.389 --> 00:57:59.369
things. Because I've got a 1979 C3 Corvette,

00:57:59.530 --> 00:58:02.070
and then I have a 2026 C8 Corvette, and I love

00:58:02.070 --> 00:58:05.489
them for different reasons. I like it. Road trip

00:58:05.489 --> 00:58:09.650
or travel outside the country in a plane? Outside

00:58:09.650 --> 00:58:11.449
the country in a plane. Okay. What's your favorite

00:58:11.449 --> 00:58:14.489
place? Favorite place that I've been to recently

00:58:14.489 --> 00:58:16.670
would probably be the Philippines. Philippines.

00:58:16.769 --> 00:58:18.170
Yeah. All right. Went to the Philippines last

00:58:18.170 --> 00:58:21.690
February. I was speaking at a company on site

00:58:21.690 --> 00:58:24.369
for a company called KJ to all of their Asia

00:58:24.369 --> 00:58:28.329
Pacific employees. And that was a perspective

00:58:28.329 --> 00:58:30.730
changer. Like a lot of things that were just

00:58:30.730 --> 00:58:33.030
different, how they do things, how they approach.

00:58:33.630 --> 00:58:37.030
Karaoke was amazing. Everything just seemed a

00:58:37.030 --> 00:58:39.969
lot more happy and light over there. I like it.

00:58:40.110 --> 00:58:42.050
Okay. Here's a rapid fire. Okay. So just the

00:58:42.050 --> 00:58:44.090
first thing that comes to your mind, favorite

00:58:44.090 --> 00:58:49.039
Disney movie. Toy Story. Does that count? That's

00:58:49.039 --> 00:58:50.920
Pixar. Totally. Okay, Toy Story. Anything Pixar

00:58:50.920 --> 00:58:53.000
will count. In fact, we'd even give you all of

00:58:53.000 --> 00:58:56.380
Disney brands for any of these questions. Cool.

00:58:56.440 --> 00:58:58.460
Toy Story. Okay, Toy Story. It's great, by the

00:58:58.460 --> 00:59:06.260
way. Favorite Disney song? Probably the theme

00:59:06.260 --> 00:59:10.940
song from Up. Oh, it's so good. It really is

00:59:10.940 --> 00:59:13.610
like... I can't help but think of my wife when

00:59:13.610 --> 00:59:15.170
I hear it. That is exactly. It makes me like,

00:59:15.210 --> 00:59:18.690
I just see the two characters in that movie,

00:59:18.750 --> 00:59:21.409
and it's just like this lovely, oh, that's a

00:59:21.409 --> 00:59:23.010
great choice. I love that song. Theme song from

00:59:23.010 --> 00:59:24.909
Up, because every time you hear it, you can visualize

00:59:24.909 --> 00:59:27.829
the entire story of their life together from

00:59:27.829 --> 00:59:29.329
start to finish throughout the song. Yeah, they

00:59:29.329 --> 00:59:31.210
did a really nice job on that movie. I'm doing

00:59:31.210 --> 00:59:33.230
a poor job of rapid fire, sorry. No, this is

00:59:33.230 --> 00:59:34.949
great, this is great. Favorite Disney princess?

00:59:36.590 --> 00:59:39.849
Jasmine. Okay, favorite Disney hero or heroine?

00:59:42.859 --> 00:59:46.260
Probably The Beast. Okay. There you go. That's

00:59:46.260 --> 00:59:49.800
a good one, too. Favorite Disney villain? Captain

00:59:49.800 --> 00:59:53.219
Hook. Captain Hook's good. He's good. Favorite

00:59:53.219 --> 00:59:57.840
Disney sidekick? LeFou. No, I lied. Sorry. The

00:59:57.840 --> 01:00:00.000
Genie. I played them in my 7th and 8th grade

01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.219
plays, but definitely got to be Genie. Both of

01:00:02.219 --> 01:00:03.920
them are great. Both of them are great. The Genie's

01:00:03.920 --> 01:00:05.679
amazing. Absolutely wonderful. I mean, Robin

01:00:05.679 --> 01:00:08.440
Williams in Aladdin was phenomenal. I mean, just...

01:00:08.570 --> 01:00:10.170
out of this world okay these ones are gonna be

01:00:10.170 --> 01:00:12.010
tough but i i want you to come up with an answer

01:00:12.010 --> 01:00:13.849
okay all right you're gonna hedge i know you

01:00:13.849 --> 01:00:20.329
are okay hit me best car brand corvette okay

01:00:20.329 --> 01:00:23.289
chevrolet corvette okay there you go favorite

01:00:23.289 --> 01:00:32.250
city mccall idaho Whoa! Okay, we're going to

01:00:32.250 --> 01:00:33.989
have to not rapid -fire this one. I've got to

01:00:33.989 --> 01:00:36.329
have an explanation. Well, I guess I wouldn't

01:00:36.329 --> 01:00:38.090
really qualify it as a city. It's more of like

01:00:38.090 --> 01:00:42.250
a town. Chicago, big city. McCall, favorite place

01:00:42.250 --> 01:00:45.239
on Earth. It's a small little water skiing town.

01:00:45.440 --> 01:00:47.800
My family's been going there for 70 years, I

01:00:47.800 --> 01:00:49.719
think, is what we're at. Might be a little bit

01:00:49.719 --> 01:00:53.840
more than that. But we go up there. We get a

01:00:53.840 --> 01:00:56.539
house on the lake and go water ski for a couple

01:00:56.539 --> 01:00:58.440
days. It's like my favorite place to retreat

01:00:58.440 --> 01:01:00.900
to. You get the anticipation leading up to the

01:01:00.900 --> 01:01:02.139
trip. You know that it's always going to be fun.

01:01:02.219 --> 01:01:04.460
You know what to expect. But it's out in nature.

01:01:04.860 --> 01:01:06.960
Your best Wi -Fi speed there is going to be like

01:01:06.960 --> 01:01:09.780
40 megabytes per second. You're maybe getting

01:01:09.780 --> 01:01:11.239
a few emails out, and that's it. Which is good.

01:01:12.170 --> 01:01:13.730
Connected, which is good. It's my favorite place

01:01:13.730 --> 01:01:15.550
on Earth, McCall, Idaho. I love that. But if

01:01:15.550 --> 01:01:16.829
you're listening to this, don't go there because

01:01:16.829 --> 01:01:18.389
it's really small. So I want to keep it small.

01:01:18.610 --> 01:01:21.269
So pretend like we didn't say that. Totally fair.

01:01:21.329 --> 01:01:24.010
Pretend like it's not on the top 10 most hidden

01:01:24.010 --> 01:01:26.309
cities or hidden gems on National Geographic.

01:01:26.389 --> 01:01:30.650
Yeah, there you go. Best business book? Who Not

01:01:30.650 --> 01:01:34.530
How by Dan Sullivan. Very good. And last one

01:01:34.530 --> 01:01:37.250
here. Best piece of advice you've ever received?

01:01:38.489 --> 01:01:44.940
Hmm. Best piece of advice that I've ever received.

01:01:47.840 --> 01:01:53.599
Is this just like life advice or like business

01:01:53.599 --> 01:01:56.280
specific advice? Whichever you like. All right.

01:01:56.300 --> 01:01:57.940
Well, the one that's coming to mind for me because

01:01:57.940 --> 01:02:00.219
it's 10 a .m. now and we're starting the workday.

01:02:01.039 --> 01:02:03.219
Business takes on a whole new meaning or relationships

01:02:03.219 --> 01:02:05.039
take on a whole new meaning when you do business

01:02:05.039 --> 01:02:07.599
with people. And that was a piece of advice that

01:02:07.599 --> 01:02:11.420
one of my mentors, Sean Holiday, gave me. i had

01:02:11.420 --> 01:02:13.980
a lot of relationships and i held a lot of value

01:02:13.980 --> 01:02:18.019
in my network and uh and he kind of told me straight

01:02:18.019 --> 01:02:20.460
up he's like those those relationships are really

01:02:20.460 --> 01:02:23.480
nice but like you haven't really done anything

01:02:23.480 --> 01:02:26.719
with them so go do stuff everyone's scared of

01:02:26.719 --> 01:02:29.139
like a business deal going south or something

01:02:29.139 --> 01:02:32.039
going wrong but no one ever talks about how much

01:02:32.039 --> 01:02:34.210
could go right and all the opportunity that sits

01:02:34.210 --> 01:02:36.130
on the other side of that and mutual success.

01:02:36.630 --> 01:02:38.769
And so when I took that piece of advice from

01:02:38.769 --> 01:02:41.630
him, I started falling in love with the idea

01:02:41.630 --> 01:02:43.670
of doing business with people because that's

01:02:43.670 --> 01:02:46.650
how fast forwarding now three years, that's how

01:02:46.650 --> 01:02:49.789
everything fun, exciting, successful in my life

01:02:49.789 --> 01:02:51.489
has happened has been by doing it with other

01:02:51.489 --> 01:02:53.849
people. It's great. It's wonderful. I love it.

01:02:54.630 --> 01:02:57.849
Okay, so to kind of wrap into kind of our closing

01:02:57.849 --> 01:03:00.829
reflections. So, you know, I thought today I

01:03:00.829 --> 01:03:04.829
really appreciate your perspective on how taking

01:03:04.829 --> 01:03:08.289
a look at these problems and seeing it from a

01:03:08.289 --> 01:03:11.489
different perspective, how we can look at this,

01:03:11.610 --> 01:03:15.690
you know, situations like a delayed wire or a

01:03:15.690 --> 01:03:19.309
deal that fell through and yet find the good

01:03:19.309 --> 01:03:21.909
in that situation, find how we can still make

01:03:21.909 --> 01:03:25.039
that into a positive thing. I appreciate your

01:03:25.039 --> 01:03:28.099
story, your willingness to share your experiences

01:03:28.099 --> 01:03:30.900
on how you've been successful and how we can

01:03:30.900 --> 01:03:33.860
kind of see Luca through this same lens of looking

01:03:33.860 --> 01:03:35.960
at things differently, looking at problems differently,

01:03:36.079 --> 01:03:37.960
seeing people for maybe who they truly are as

01:03:37.960 --> 01:03:40.280
opposed to what's on the outside. So what are

01:03:40.280 --> 01:03:43.559
three actionable takeaways that somebody could,

01:03:43.780 --> 01:03:45.880
who's listening to this, could say, I'm going

01:03:45.880 --> 01:03:50.460
to put this into action today or this week that

01:03:50.460 --> 01:03:52.599
can help them in the very things that we've been

01:03:52.599 --> 01:03:54.929
talking about? well i think the first specifically

01:03:54.929 --> 01:03:58.630
i'll say life career if you have an idea of what

01:03:58.630 --> 01:04:00.650
you want to do or you're doing something right

01:04:00.650 --> 01:04:05.309
now pause and take 15 to 20 minutes and ask yourself

01:04:05.309 --> 01:04:07.929
and look at like am i doing what i really feel

01:04:07.929 --> 01:04:11.090
drawn towards I talk about the concept of push

01:04:11.090 --> 01:04:13.309
versus pull. Am I pushing myself into something

01:04:13.309 --> 01:04:15.289
or am I letting myself be pulled towards something,

01:04:15.429 --> 01:04:18.949
that gravitational pull? And so analyzing and

01:04:18.949 --> 01:04:21.030
looking at whether you're early on in your career,

01:04:21.190 --> 01:04:22.750
do you feel like you're headed down the trajectory

01:04:22.750 --> 01:04:25.889
of what you want to do? If not, what do you want

01:04:25.889 --> 01:04:28.210
to do and how can you get there? Do you know

01:04:28.210 --> 01:04:30.289
someone, you know, you're in business, but you

01:04:30.289 --> 01:04:32.250
decide, hey, I do want to go be a cardiologist.

01:04:32.289 --> 01:04:34.789
Do you have any relationships or friends or family

01:04:34.789 --> 01:04:36.429
friends or connections or cousins or friends

01:04:36.429 --> 01:04:38.989
of cousins that are inside of that industry that

01:04:38.989 --> 01:04:41.449
you could send a text to your friend or your

01:04:41.449 --> 01:04:42.989
connection and say, hey, I'm really looking to

01:04:42.989 --> 01:04:44.389
talk to this person. Would you be willing to

01:04:44.389 --> 01:04:46.469
introduce us? I just have a couple of quick questions

01:04:46.469 --> 01:04:47.750
that I want to ask them. I'm trying to figure

01:04:47.750 --> 01:04:49.429
out if this is something I'm interested in doing.

01:04:49.630 --> 01:04:51.550
Being willing to just take that step in action

01:04:51.550 --> 01:04:53.829
towards, one, think about something that you

01:04:53.829 --> 01:04:56.889
want to do and then figure out. Step two, what

01:04:56.889 --> 01:04:59.610
could you do to put that into action? If that's

01:04:59.610 --> 01:05:01.190
building a relationship, if that's creating an

01:05:01.190 --> 01:05:05.110
internship or a job opportunity, if that is being

01:05:05.110 --> 01:05:06.869
a better person at home and identifying, hey,

01:05:06.929 --> 01:05:09.690
instead of letting the dishes pile up, I'm just

01:05:09.690 --> 01:05:10.969
going to do them right after dinner and I'm going

01:05:10.969 --> 01:05:12.449
to load the dishwasher so that my wife doesn't

01:05:12.449 --> 01:05:14.329
get upset with me. I need to be home for dinner

01:05:14.329 --> 01:05:16.409
more times throughout the week. Those are a couple

01:05:16.409 --> 01:05:18.889
of things that I've thought of recently. So take

01:05:18.889 --> 01:05:20.190
a little bit of time to think about what are

01:05:20.190 --> 01:05:22.349
some things that I want to do in life. Am I getting

01:05:22.349 --> 01:05:24.030
the most out of it? Am I feeling pulled towards

01:05:24.030 --> 01:05:26.460
what I'm doing? I think the second thing there

01:05:26.460 --> 01:05:29.000
would be anytime something happens in a relationship,

01:05:29.139 --> 01:05:32.480
when something happens to you, pause and take

01:05:32.480 --> 01:05:34.619
a second and ask yourself, why is this happening

01:05:34.619 --> 01:05:38.230
for me? Not to me, but for me. Taking that perspective

01:05:38.230 --> 01:05:40.630
allows you to take a step back, draw back and

01:05:40.630 --> 01:05:42.849
analyze and look at like, I know that they did

01:05:42.849 --> 01:05:45.389
this or I know that this happened, but why was

01:05:45.389 --> 01:05:47.570
this supposed to happen? What did they say that

01:05:47.570 --> 01:05:49.050
I could draw something out of there that could

01:05:49.050 --> 01:05:51.929
open up some insight for me to be able to turn

01:05:51.929 --> 01:05:54.210
or reframe this in a way that helps both of us

01:05:54.210 --> 01:05:57.730
get out of this sticky situation? So taking some

01:05:57.730 --> 01:06:00.050
time to pause and think about what you want to

01:06:00.050 --> 01:06:01.929
do, what you want out of life. And then the same

01:06:01.929 --> 01:06:03.690
thing on if something happens, stop and pause.

01:06:03.869 --> 01:06:06.730
Why is this happening for me? And taking the,

01:06:07.360 --> 01:06:10.619
I don't know what the opposite of victim mentality

01:06:10.619 --> 01:06:12.960
would be, but I'd say champion mentality, right?

01:06:13.039 --> 01:06:16.800
What can I do? What do I need to do to make this

01:06:16.800 --> 01:06:19.199
situation better? Or how do I put that into action?

01:06:19.840 --> 01:06:23.280
And then I think the third thing would be just

01:06:23.280 --> 01:06:26.219
growing. I touched on this a little bit earlier.

01:06:26.320 --> 01:06:29.400
No one ever teaches us how to think. We're taught

01:06:29.400 --> 01:06:32.219
how to do stuff and how to research stuff. We're

01:06:32.219 --> 01:06:34.500
never taught how to think about stuff. And I

01:06:34.500 --> 01:06:37.110
think that that's a... We have like the scientific

01:06:37.110 --> 01:06:40.210
method and the Socratic method. And I have like

01:06:40.210 --> 01:06:42.730
my Ryan method. I guess you can copy that because

01:06:42.730 --> 01:06:44.989
you're Ryan too. But I think that the third thing

01:06:44.989 --> 01:06:46.530
would just be building the muscle of starting

01:06:46.530 --> 01:06:49.610
to look at things differently. And, you know,

01:06:49.630 --> 01:06:51.590
I think we did a good job of unpacking the movie

01:06:51.590 --> 01:06:53.909
Luca. There's a lot of things that I think, you

01:06:53.909 --> 01:06:55.869
know, if people didn't pause and think about

01:06:55.869 --> 01:06:57.510
it, they would probably miss some of those things.

01:06:57.849 --> 01:06:59.730
If you're driving down the street and you see

01:06:59.730 --> 01:07:02.789
a billboard or you see a company that has a logo

01:07:02.789 --> 01:07:04.710
on the side of their building, like why do they

01:07:04.710 --> 01:07:07.739
have that logo? Can I tell what they do based

01:07:07.739 --> 01:07:09.840
on how they describe it or what they show in

01:07:09.840 --> 01:07:11.860
the visual depiction there? When I see something

01:07:11.860 --> 01:07:14.699
online, you know, is there a reason that they're

01:07:14.699 --> 01:07:16.519
doing that? Are they doing that to show off?

01:07:16.559 --> 01:07:19.119
Are they doing that to, you know, prove something

01:07:19.119 --> 01:07:21.559
to the younger version of themselves that, you

01:07:21.559 --> 01:07:24.039
know, they've achieved what their childhood dream?

01:07:24.280 --> 01:07:26.539
Like just starting to pause and look at the things

01:07:26.539 --> 01:07:28.380
that are around you and just trying to see things

01:07:28.380 --> 01:07:31.320
from a different perspective. I think that muscle

01:07:31.320 --> 01:07:34.860
then helps number one and number two. So a lot

01:07:34.860 --> 01:07:37.690
of that. I mean, all three of those revolve around

01:07:37.690 --> 01:07:40.809
pausing and stopping to think. And so I think

01:07:40.809 --> 01:07:42.369
that's kind of like the overarching theme. The

01:07:42.369 --> 01:07:44.550
only way that you're going to get new perspectives

01:07:44.550 --> 01:07:47.929
is if you're willing to stop, pause, and think.

01:07:48.309 --> 01:07:50.409
And then not just stopping there, but you actually

01:07:50.409 --> 01:07:52.349
then have to put things into action. You have

01:07:52.349 --> 01:07:53.969
to overcome the obstacles that we talked about.

01:07:54.050 --> 01:07:56.869
Maybe it's through it. Maybe it's over it. Maybe

01:07:56.869 --> 01:07:58.989
it's around it. Maybe it's under it, right? But

01:07:58.989 --> 01:08:00.909
as you start to then take those things that you

01:08:00.909 --> 01:08:03.530
think about and put them into action, that's

01:08:03.530 --> 01:08:05.329
where you start to take more control over your

01:08:05.329 --> 01:08:07.969
life and your living life, not living life as

01:08:07.969 --> 01:08:10.570
life is letting you live. And I think that's

01:08:10.570 --> 01:08:12.789
exactly why looking at why is this happening

01:08:12.789 --> 01:08:15.929
for me is a helpful reframe. Because if I know

01:08:15.929 --> 01:08:17.770
this, if I can say this is why this is happening

01:08:17.770 --> 01:08:19.829
for me, then it helps me to come up with better

01:08:19.829 --> 01:08:22.720
action items to... to approach that situation

01:08:22.720 --> 01:08:25.859
to take it as an opportunity as opposed to the

01:08:25.859 --> 01:08:27.260
victim mentality right it's a growth mentality

01:08:27.260 --> 01:08:29.260
versus a victim mentality so i love that those

01:08:29.260 --> 01:08:31.600
are great and i think it's accepting especially

01:08:31.600 --> 01:08:33.920
in like bad circumstances just to kind of close

01:08:33.920 --> 01:08:36.239
out on this right like i'll say bad where i thought

01:08:36.239 --> 01:08:37.699
i was buying this car and then it fell through

01:08:37.699 --> 01:08:39.119
and then i found myself and i was sitting in

01:08:39.119 --> 01:08:41.819
a on a friday afternoon three and a half hours

01:08:41.819 --> 01:08:44.739
in someone's living room right like looking at

01:08:44.739 --> 01:08:48.750
that if i had if i had focused so much so that

01:08:48.750 --> 01:08:50.409
and all the things I needed I could have gone

01:08:50.409 --> 01:08:52.210
back out and sat in my car and just sat on my

01:08:52.210 --> 01:08:53.590
phone I could have gone and run errands right

01:08:53.590 --> 01:08:55.649
but like there's a certain point in life where

01:08:55.649 --> 01:08:58.289
you you humble yourself to the circumstances

01:08:58.289 --> 01:09:01.050
of what is around you to just be able to sit

01:09:01.050 --> 01:09:04.649
and look around and see like okay yes this is

01:09:04.649 --> 01:09:06.810
happening for a very specific reason there's

01:09:06.810 --> 01:09:08.430
probably a reason that I'm supposed to be here

01:09:08.430 --> 01:09:11.090
let me look around and just like see and you

01:09:11.090 --> 01:09:14.609
almost like You almost just relinquish and cave

01:09:14.609 --> 01:09:17.250
and give in to the circumstances. And I remember

01:09:17.250 --> 01:09:19.770
being there when that experience happened. And

01:09:19.770 --> 01:09:20.869
I was sitting there and I was like, oh, there's

01:09:20.869 --> 01:09:22.789
probably a couple things I could do. And then

01:09:22.789 --> 01:09:24.930
I kind of just paused and I was just like, I'm

01:09:24.930 --> 01:09:27.369
just going to be here. There's a reason I'm supposed

01:09:27.369 --> 01:09:29.170
to be here. I don't know what it is. I've got

01:09:29.170 --> 01:09:32.670
this, I think it's a stoic philosophy of be where

01:09:32.670 --> 01:09:34.930
your feet are. And so I knew that there was nothing

01:09:34.930 --> 01:09:36.510
more important than what I was doing right there

01:09:36.510 --> 01:09:38.510
in that moment. And I think by being able to

01:09:38.510 --> 01:09:41.510
do that. to accept the circumstances that life

01:09:41.510 --> 01:09:44.630
has given you, but being willing to pause, think,

01:09:44.789 --> 01:09:48.289
look, identify a problem, identify a solution,

01:09:48.369 --> 01:09:50.390
a different perspective, and then put that into

01:09:50.390 --> 01:09:52.090
action. That's when we really start to live our

01:09:52.090 --> 01:09:55.529
lives. Yeah, fantastic. It's been so great having

01:09:55.529 --> 01:09:57.489
you here today. Thank you for your vulnerability,

01:09:57.869 --> 01:10:00.250
for your willingness to share with our audience

01:10:00.250 --> 01:10:03.590
some of the lessons that you've taken from your

01:10:03.590 --> 01:10:05.649
experiences, from your career, from your life.

01:10:05.710 --> 01:10:08.199
Appreciate you. Thank you. As you leave this

01:10:08.199 --> 01:10:11.279
conversation, remember that yes, the past can

01:10:11.279 --> 01:10:14.239
hurt and you can either run from it or you can

01:10:14.239 --> 01:10:17.500
learn from it. So here's to learning and finding

01:10:17.500 --> 01:10:20.119
joy in the journey. See you real soon.