Cinderella and the Courage to Find Joy | Kamille Bauer on Grief and Happiness

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Well, I was born six years later, and I was born

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with a birth defect. So I have three fully formed

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fingers, my thumbs and one pinky. When I saw

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Frozen, it was from a very different lens than

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probably most people. Sure. And Elsa's motto,

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right? Conceal. Don't feel. Don't let them in.

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Don't let them know. Without putting words to

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it, that's how I grew up. That was my inner voice.

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He says, you didn't know this? And she goes,

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well, she always wore gloves, but I just thought

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she had a thing about dirt. That's what she says

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to him. I just thought she had a thing about

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dirt. And I'm like, doesn't that tell you that

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people aren't thinking about you as much as you

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think they are? And yet we spend so much time

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thinking about other people that that's kind

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of the problem. And I reached my hand out to

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say, okay, let's go. And the little girl in the

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front went, ew. And she pulled back when she

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saw my hand and she wouldn't hold my hand. And

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it was like I was a five -year -old on the playground

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again. All of those feelings of you are. You're

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not good enough. Nobody wants to be around you.

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We may not get to pick the challenges, the trials,

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the struggles, the deformities. We get some of

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that. Some of that is just what we're dealt,

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right? But we get to pick who we become. Welcome

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to Yes And Land, where we say yes to the reality

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of yesterday and today. And we say and to the

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possibility, growth, and imagination of tomorrow.

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Well, welcome, everybody, to another episode

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of Yes and Land. We are very excited for our

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guest today, just a wonderful human being with

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really a very inspiring story of her life and

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some trials that she's gone through, some strength

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that she's shown and inspired just tons of other

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people, and specifically, I would say, especially

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girls and women. dedicated a lot of time, additional

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time on her own to speaking engagements and presentations

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to help inspire people to step into their own,

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to embrace what makes them different. And so

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very excited about that conversation today. And

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we're going to take a look at that topic through

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the lens of a wonderful Disney movie, Frozen,

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right? Everybody loves Frozen. So excited. So

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welcome, Stephanie, to the program. Thank you.

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Thanks for having me. So as we kind of dive into

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kind of where we're at here, so kind of set the

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stage for us for kind of what you've experienced

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in your life and take us back to young Stephanie,

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where was it, New Jersey? Yes. That you grew

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up in New Jersey. And maybe explain a little

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bit about what made you different and what that

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was kind of like when you were... younger and

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started to realize that maybe you were a little

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bit different yeah yeah yeah so um i grew up

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in yeah south jersey south jersey south jersey

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it's very different than north jersey so i feel

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like i have to make that distinction is that

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what's the what's the difference between the

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garden state right it's that that's south jersey

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north jersey is very new york new york is very

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like an extension almost of new york so it's

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just an industrial vibe versus the the farmland

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so it was very farmlandy okay side of jersey

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so important to get good definitely important

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to understand you know what the difference was

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yeah yeah yeah so i grew up out there in a in

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a big um family and i am i like to say i'm the

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jan brady i'm the i'm right in the middle of

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eight kids eight so i had this dynamic and i

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say that only because it it kind of lays a little

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bit of this um groundwork but my yeah i'm number

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five out of eight um my older brother just above

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me number four out of eight came with um a really

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significant physical problem. He was born with

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cerebral palsy. So he is he was born two and

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a half months early and has always struggled

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with a lot physically. Right. He's incredible.

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He's an incredible human who has not acknowledged

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in any way, shape or form that he has this problem.

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Right. And he has just killed it. So I grew up

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with this incredible role model of. I can do

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hard things, right? And I watched him do really

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hard things. Well, I was born six years later,

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and I was born with a birth defect as well. And

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we can get into the whole wording of birth defect.

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I have a whole thought on that too. That's why

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I actually didn't want to use it because I wasn't

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sure what wording to use for that. Isn't it funny?

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And it's what it is by definition, but it has

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this negative connotation to it. So that's actually

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something I've had to work through. But I was

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born with a birth defect only on my fingers,

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so my hands. So I have three fully formed fingers,

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my thumbs and one pinky. So superhuman pinky.

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I can take you down with this pinky if I need

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to. My kids know it. But the rest, so my left

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hand, I have like nub. fingers i guess you would

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say to describe it and then on my right hand

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my middle three fingers were webbed together

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completely and so when i was five i went through

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a surgery where they separated those they waited

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till the bones were like strong enough to be

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able to um move on their own and be independent

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from one another so i went through that they

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grafted skin in between and i started from a

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really young age just learning how to do me right

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um so And honestly, if it's okay, I'll dive in

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like right out of the gate with Elsa. When I

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saw Frozen, it was from a very different lens

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than probably most people. Sure. Because I connected

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things that really resonated with me individually

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and my story. But I love that like Elsa, the

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opening scene, right? She's using this magical

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ability to create joy and fun with her sister.

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She has no inhibition. She is playing, right?

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And having the best time with what she can do.

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with her defect right absolutely and she didn't

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know that it was something to be afraid of she

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didn't know it was something that people would

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be afraid of or that it would be not socially

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accepted or and i didn't know that either um

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it wasn't until i got into school kindergarten

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first grade second grade that i had kids make

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fun of me you know and they're kids nothing was

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really mean spirited but it's impactful at the

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same time it can be brutal So much so. And more

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than that, it's not like I was raised with a

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bunch of nasty bullies or anything, but even

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the looks you get, the ew comments, you know,

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things like that. People don't want to accept

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different sometimes. They're afraid of it. So

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it resonated. And I think the whole narrative

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of watching her put gloves on her hands to hide

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this thing is, I mean, talk about an actual like.

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apples to apples for me um i grew up hiding my

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hands and pretending like i didn't have this

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problem if i didn't if i didn't see it it wasn't

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there right and and elsa's motto right conceal

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don't feel don't let them in don't let them know

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um i without putting words to it that's that's

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how i grew up that was my inner voice yeah um

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so did you wear gloves a lot to try to so i didn't

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Because you don't walk around with gloves, right?

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But I will tell you that in wintertime, I loved

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wearing gloves because what I would do is I would

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get, functionally, mittens were better. I'll

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just be honest. If I needed to function, mittens

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were best, right? But if I could put small gloves

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on, I would take cotton balls and I would stuff

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the fingers of the gloves with cotton balls.

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And then I would wear them. And I felt like I

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was more beautiful. I felt like I was more normal.

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I would get to pretend like I had long fingers

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and that I was the same as everybody else. So

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those are things that I never talked to anybody

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about. No one ever, I don't know if people, like,

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I don't, I don't, people don't notice as much

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as we think. I mean, there's a moral to the story

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right there that people don't think about us

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as much as we think that they're thinking about

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us. But I didn't know that. Sure. I didn't know

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that. The gloves and Elsa's whole approach to

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handling her defect just resonated with me. And

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watching her figure herself out and figure out

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how to navigate this defect for good is something

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I've done. And not calculated or intentionally,

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but just developmentally. When I look back, I

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can see. You know, I have a million stories and

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things that have created and shaped me and my

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perspective. But yeah, Elsa is just she's she's

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me in some ways. Right. And so as we as we kind

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of take a look at what her journey was. Right.

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I mean, like you said, you identified she's having

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fun at first on her plan. She's making a snowman.

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She's doing all these fun things. But then because

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she didn't fully. understand or appreciate what

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what that power was or how to control it then

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something bad happens right and because that

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happens and suddenly like you said like concealed

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don't feel don't let it show um and then we have

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this just like it's such a good song and yet

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it's so brutal right do you want to build a snowman

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yeah you know and it's it's interesting you know

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elsa and and with her parents decide that she

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needs to not be around on at all right and then

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she sings this just like sweet song anna does

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where she's just so desperate to be around elsa

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and i mean i i wrote down some of the uh some

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of the words from it because it's just like um

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in the song and anybody's watching this probably

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knows the song because it's such a famous one

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but um in there anna says we used to be best

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buddies and now we're not i wish you would tell

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me why do you want to build a snowman it doesn't

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have to be a snowman go away anna okay bye So

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I think it's an interesting thing to look at.

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In your life, did you ever have times where you

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shut other people out because you were afraid

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of what it meant to be different? Absolutely.

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Absolutely, I did. I would recluse sometimes.

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And again, not intentionally, but looking backwards,

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you can see those periods of life where you didn't

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put yourself out there. So I don't I don't know

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that I necessarily shut people out where I didn't

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accept them. I didn't put myself out there to

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be loved. Yeah. I didn't put myself out there

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to be accepted because I just assumed I wouldn't

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be. Yeah. Right. And I thought a lot about like

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the parents approach because right. Life experience

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is what taught Elsa. Yeah. This is not OK. And

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life experience in a different way is what taught

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me. You're different. Hide it. Don't don't let

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people see. And then you don't have to worry

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about. You don't have to worry about explaining

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yourself or that you're different. But that was

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my inner voice. I actually had great parents

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that taught me that you can do whatever. Well,

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we'll figure it out. Everything's figureoutable.

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And you will have limitations. I think it's important

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to note that we sometimes say this narrative

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that you can do anything you want if you put

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your mind to it. Or if you work hard enough,

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you can. That's actually not true, right? There

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are limitations. It's okay to say. There are

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certain things I won't be able to do. But I can

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figure out most things. And I can figure a workaround

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for most things. So they weren't the problem.

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And no one around me actually said anything to

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create that. It was that inner voice that told

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me, no one's going to accept you. So, yeah, I

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did. I think I removed myself from things and

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didn't put myself out there. And one of the things

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that I know about you is that you play the piano.

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I do. Walk me through what that looked like for

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you to make the decision that's something you

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wanted to do. Because I think some people might

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have been like, hey, let's try something else.

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Yeah. Like maybe that's not the thing. Yeah,

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yeah. And for some reason you decided, no, I

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want to do that. So what did that look like?

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What inspired you to be like, no, this is the

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thing? So I often say, I think I came with that

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from heaven. My parents tell stories of me as

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a toddler, not even being able to speak, getting

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up on the piano and just pounding on those keys

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for. A long time. And then saying, I subbed that

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song. So I just was drawn to the piano from before

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I can remember. So I do think it was something

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inherent. Music, anyway, has something that's

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inherent for me. I grew up watching my older

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sister play the piano. I idolized my older sister,

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Elsa Anna. She would play the piano. on Sunday

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afternoons, and I would get a blanket and a pillow

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and lay at the base of the piano on the floor

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and just listen to her play. I loved it. So I

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wanted to be like her, I think was the initial

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reason that I said I want to do this. But I always

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loved music and was drawn to the piano specifically.

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And so I was probably about 11 or 12 when I went

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to my mom and said, I want to take piano lessons.

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And kudos to her, right? Because at the time,

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I didn't think anything of it. But now as a mom,

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That could have gone seven different ways, right?

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And she found me an amazing piano teacher that

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she said, I know this woman. She's going to teach

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you in a way that works for you. She basically

00:13:18.259 --> 00:13:22.879
took me on day one and she said, let her figure

00:13:22.879 --> 00:13:25.159
out what she can do. Just let her go, right?

00:13:25.240 --> 00:13:27.759
And so the sweet piano teacher who will always

00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:30.179
have a special place in my heart sat me down

00:13:30.179 --> 00:13:33.240
and said, can you hit an octave with both hands?

00:13:33.299 --> 00:13:35.960
If you can hit an octave, we've got this. And

00:13:35.960 --> 00:13:39.820
I can. Barely. My right hand, it's a little tricky.

00:13:39.940 --> 00:13:41.700
So you'll sometimes hear wrong notes if I have

00:13:41.700 --> 00:13:43.820
to do something big with octaves. But I could

00:13:43.820 --> 00:13:46.580
do it. And so she didn't focus on fingering and

00:13:46.580 --> 00:13:48.799
where to, you know, traditional where to put

00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:51.919
what note gets hit with what finger. She just

00:13:51.919 --> 00:13:53.820
let me figure it out. She taught me the notes,

00:13:53.860 --> 00:13:57.340
taught me to read. And I only took lessons for

00:13:57.340 --> 00:14:01.600
a few years before we moved from New Jersey to

00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:04.940
Utah. And by the time we moved from Utah, so

00:14:04.940 --> 00:14:08.450
again, like 12 -ish. And then I moved to Utah

00:14:08.450 --> 00:14:11.289
at 16, and I was accompanying the a cappella

00:14:11.289 --> 00:14:15.350
choir at Bingham High School. Wow. So I dove

00:14:15.350 --> 00:14:17.090
into it. When I tell you I spent a lot of time

00:14:17.090 --> 00:14:19.909
at the piano, I loved it. Did you have to learn

00:14:19.909 --> 00:14:22.710
how to play it, like, substantially differently

00:14:22.710 --> 00:14:25.950
because of that? Like, you know, I hear about

00:14:25.950 --> 00:14:27.610
things, and I don't know a ton about playing

00:14:27.610 --> 00:14:30.090
the piano, but a Suzuki method is one method

00:14:30.090 --> 00:14:32.350
where you hear something, right, and you learn

00:14:32.350 --> 00:14:34.710
what it sounds like so you can do it. Did you

00:14:34.710 --> 00:14:36.669
have to learn what things sounded like to be

00:14:36.669 --> 00:14:38.389
able to make adjustments so that you could play

00:14:38.389 --> 00:14:41.090
things the way that you could? You didn't have

00:14:41.090 --> 00:14:42.509
to make adjustments at all. You could just do

00:14:42.509 --> 00:14:44.629
it exactly the way it needed to be. No. I mean,

00:14:44.649 --> 00:14:46.269
I have a sister -in -law who plays the Suzuki

00:14:46.269 --> 00:14:49.230
method, and I am so envious. That is like real

00:14:49.230 --> 00:14:51.429
deal piano player. I sometimes say I'm a fake

00:14:51.429 --> 00:14:54.570
piano player. I did not learn the theory. I just

00:14:54.570 --> 00:14:57.690
learned how to play. So I don't play by ear.

00:14:57.889 --> 00:14:59.809
I am very much I need the notes in front of me

00:14:59.809 --> 00:15:02.870
to be able to read it. But I just learned how

00:15:02.870 --> 00:15:05.169
to play it. So I can't speak to a lot of the

00:15:05.169 --> 00:15:07.269
theory like you would imagine I could. In fact,

00:15:07.269 --> 00:15:10.710
I took AP Music my senior year. I dropped the

00:15:10.710 --> 00:15:12.529
class because I was like, I can't do this. Even

00:15:12.529 --> 00:15:15.309
though I can play, that was kind of where my

00:15:15.309 --> 00:15:18.370
interest stopped. So I didn't learn any specific

00:15:18.370 --> 00:15:20.470
method. I kind of learned my own method, I guess,

00:15:20.629 --> 00:15:22.370
right? Yeah, absolutely. And embraced it. And

00:15:22.370 --> 00:15:24.149
obviously did very well in it. I mean, if you're

00:15:24.149 --> 00:15:28.690
accompanying the choir there for it, you can't

00:15:28.690 --> 00:15:30.509
do that if you don't have some skills. Yeah,

00:15:30.509 --> 00:15:32.190
I did pretty well. Yeah, you did pretty well.

00:15:32.350 --> 00:15:35.789
That's pretty impressive. Okay, so I want to

00:15:35.789 --> 00:15:38.470
read this quote to you from somebody that I just

00:15:38.470 --> 00:15:41.159
think. is is terrific and a terrific example

00:15:41.159 --> 00:15:42.799
of some of these things we're talking about do

00:15:42.799 --> 00:15:45.820
you know jamie kern lima no so she was the founder

00:15:45.820 --> 00:15:50.279
of it cosmetics okay and basically i mean kind

00:15:50.279 --> 00:15:52.200
of the overarching story i guess of her was that

00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:56.000
she had decided that she wanted to create cosmetics

00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:59.940
in a different way that would be not for the

00:15:59.940 --> 00:16:03.129
traditional like has to be for the magazine person

00:16:03.129 --> 00:16:05.250
cosmetics right that always has to the person

00:16:05.250 --> 00:16:07.610
has to look this way with this particular skin

00:16:07.610 --> 00:16:11.230
type and with a certain level of skinniness and

00:16:11.230 --> 00:16:13.470
she was like no like i have some skin conditions

00:16:13.470 --> 00:16:16.769
and um i'm a little bit bigger and i want to

00:16:16.769 --> 00:16:19.549
have cosmetics that appeal more to that and she

00:16:19.549 --> 00:16:21.490
started out of her garage started selling on

00:16:21.490 --> 00:16:25.289
qbc built this this brand up to being just huge

00:16:25.289 --> 00:16:29.080
and then i believe they ultimately sold to I

00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:31.320
think it's L 'Oreal, but so she, she's amazing.

00:16:31.759 --> 00:16:33.700
Like she's got an incredible story and incredible

00:16:33.700 --> 00:16:36.480
book. And she, she said this, she said, hiding

00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:39.200
your uniqueness might feel safe, but you won't

00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:41.879
ever be able to impact and serve the world the

00:16:41.879 --> 00:16:45.820
way you're created to like, isn't that so good?

00:16:46.120 --> 00:16:49.379
Give me your take on that. Well, now tears are

00:16:49.379 --> 00:16:51.120
going to come. And I didn't think that would,

00:16:51.179 --> 00:16:54.259
um, no, that resonates. That's big. That hits

00:16:54.259 --> 00:16:56.940
the, um, the driving, you know, what drives you

00:16:56.940 --> 00:17:01.230
to do what you do. That hits that for me. Impacting

00:17:01.230 --> 00:17:04.130
the people around you and making their lives

00:17:04.130 --> 00:17:06.890
better because you're in it is a big deal for

00:17:06.890 --> 00:17:11.210
me. And so that resonates big time. I love that.

00:17:11.349 --> 00:17:14.089
And you being able to embrace that you are unique.

00:17:14.609 --> 00:17:18.609
Oh, absolutely. And whatever the official terminology

00:17:18.609 --> 00:17:22.250
is for your fingers, I mean, it's, I think, unique.

00:17:22.680 --> 00:17:24.740
I think that's a better way. It's unique. It's

00:17:24.740 --> 00:17:27.859
unique, and we all have it. When I speak, like

00:17:27.859 --> 00:17:29.740
you mentioned before, I speak to different youth

00:17:29.740 --> 00:17:32.400
groups whenever I can or groups of women. I've

00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:37.500
even spoken to groups of young men. It's a message

00:17:37.500 --> 00:17:41.119
that resonates and is applicable to anyone. We

00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:43.380
all have the things that we're hiding with gloves,

00:17:43.519 --> 00:17:46.180
right? We all have things we're putting gloves

00:17:46.180 --> 00:17:50.759
on for, and when you can figure out how to use

00:17:50.759 --> 00:17:55.599
those things to, Make yourself stand out, not

00:17:55.599 --> 00:17:58.160
for the attention of it and look at me, right?

00:17:58.240 --> 00:18:01.019
Your why, when your why is not about yourself,

00:18:01.160 --> 00:18:04.059
but about other people, you connect with people

00:18:04.059 --> 00:18:06.619
on that uniqueness. And it's an immediate vulnerability

00:18:06.619 --> 00:18:10.960
where you become safe. You become a safe place

00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:14.920
for people because you get it, right? And every

00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:18.140
one of us has something. Yeah. So you bring up

00:18:18.140 --> 00:18:21.220
the why. Yeah. Are you... Are you familiar with

00:18:21.220 --> 00:18:24.039
Simon Sinek and the why? So I was not until our

00:18:24.039 --> 00:18:26.200
conversation, but I did get the book. It's on

00:18:26.200 --> 00:18:28.440
my nightstand. I'm going to start it next. So

00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:31.099
that's where we did talk about that. I mean,

00:18:31.180 --> 00:18:33.160
and you're just hitting it, the nail on the head

00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:36.680
with a why. And that's something that Simon talked

00:18:36.680 --> 00:18:39.859
a lot about, which is a why is always outward

00:18:39.859 --> 00:18:43.180
facing. It's about the impact that you're going

00:18:43.180 --> 00:18:48.079
to have on others, right? And that's what drives

00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:50.799
us to do something. greater beyond ourselves.

00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:55.700
Because ultimately, I mean, we don't live on

00:18:55.700 --> 00:18:58.539
this earth alone. We're not solo creatures. We're

00:18:58.539 --> 00:19:00.420
social creatures. We're meant to be around other

00:19:00.420 --> 00:19:02.619
people. Can I share a quote with you? Please.

00:19:02.619 --> 00:19:05.140
Okay. Yes. I brought a quote because I'm like,

00:19:05.180 --> 00:19:08.579
when you kind of mentioned the why, right? I

00:19:08.579 --> 00:19:11.619
have a quote that is so meaningful to me. Pope

00:19:11.619 --> 00:19:13.599
Francis said this, so I don't even know when.

00:19:13.660 --> 00:19:15.519
It couldn't have been too long ago, right? But

00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:17.940
he said, rivers do not drink their own water.

00:19:18.269 --> 00:19:21.089
Trees do not eat their own fruit. The sun does

00:19:21.089 --> 00:19:23.869
not shine on itself and flowers do not spread

00:19:23.869 --> 00:19:26.630
their fragrance for themselves. Living for others

00:19:26.630 --> 00:19:29.230
is a rule of nature. We are all born to help

00:19:29.230 --> 00:19:32.049
each other. No matter how difficult it is, life

00:19:32.049 --> 00:19:34.609
is good when you are happy, but much better when

00:19:34.609 --> 00:19:38.650
others are happy because of you. So good. And

00:19:38.650 --> 00:19:44.279
that is like. When I tell you the experience

00:19:44.279 --> 00:19:46.700
I've been through, and I go back and I look at

00:19:46.700 --> 00:19:50.299
Elsa, this is another comparable, I feel like

00:19:50.299 --> 00:19:54.619
there is such an issue when you start. The words

00:19:54.619 --> 00:19:56.880
of the song, okay, I'm spiraling here. The words

00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:58.839
in her song say conceal, don't feel, don't let

00:19:58.839 --> 00:20:01.400
them in. Be the good girl you're supposed to

00:20:01.400 --> 00:20:04.980
be is in the lyrics of that song. So I did that.

00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:11.019
I performed. I was. I did everything I could

00:20:11.019 --> 00:20:13.920
to the best of my ability and without meaning

00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:17.599
to created a full life of other issues, right?

00:20:17.700 --> 00:20:21.279
Of perfectionism and of comparing and the ugly

00:20:21.279 --> 00:20:24.339
side of that. And so as an adult, I had to unpack

00:20:24.339 --> 00:20:26.940
that. And I still struggle, right? This is stuff

00:20:26.940 --> 00:20:30.519
so many people struggle with. But me addressing

00:20:30.519 --> 00:20:35.019
this issue, right, or navigating it created another

00:20:35.019 --> 00:20:38.720
one for me. And Elsa has the same. issue right

00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:43.920
and I have had so many people not ill -intended

00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:47.000
but over time tell me you know oh you're just

00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:48.940
you care too much about what people think or

00:20:48.940 --> 00:20:50.859
you're a perfectionist or you're trying to be

00:20:50.859 --> 00:20:55.599
too perfect and and that has never felt like

00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:59.740
true to me and yet I see it so I have struggled

00:20:59.740 --> 00:21:02.359
and and I have I've worked with with in therapy

00:21:02.359 --> 00:21:06.160
and and I've come to realize um there's a fine

00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:11.029
line between perfectionism and then living to

00:21:11.029 --> 00:21:13.549
serve and show up for other people, right? And

00:21:13.549 --> 00:21:16.049
it comes down to that why. And I don't know what

00:21:16.049 --> 00:21:18.650
Simon Sinek, how he approaches that. And if I'm

00:21:18.650 --> 00:21:23.309
going into his narrative there, but that is what

00:21:23.309 --> 00:21:25.329
I have determined is it depends on what's your

00:21:25.329 --> 00:21:28.049
motivation, right? And the motivation for me

00:21:28.049 --> 00:21:32.670
is not about me. It's about this. It's about...

00:21:32.890 --> 00:21:35.069
showing up and impacting other people's lives

00:21:35.069 --> 00:21:38.829
for good. And so I have found more confidence.

00:21:38.890 --> 00:21:41.289
Instead of trying to overcome this, do I have

00:21:41.289 --> 00:21:43.730
perfectionism? I've learned, no, I just want

00:21:43.730 --> 00:21:46.950
to live a life that impacts others for good.

00:21:47.089 --> 00:21:49.990
That's my why. And so I've settled into myself

00:21:49.990 --> 00:21:52.549
again, you know, and feel confident in why I

00:21:52.549 --> 00:21:57.049
do what I do. But that's not intuitive for others

00:21:57.049 --> 00:22:00.390
sometimes if you don't resonate with that. Let's

00:22:00.390 --> 00:22:02.450
try and experiment. Yeah. Okay. Ready for this?

00:22:02.589 --> 00:22:05.670
I don't know, but let's do it. So I'm going to

00:22:05.670 --> 00:22:08.049
ask you about two different things. Okay. And

00:22:08.049 --> 00:22:11.470
I'll explain as we go. Okay. And then we'll see.

00:22:11.529 --> 00:22:15.130
We'll see where it takes us. Okay. What is your

00:22:15.130 --> 00:22:18.750
happiest childhood memory? And like a very specific

00:22:18.750 --> 00:22:21.569
memory. So not a generic one, not like I loved

00:22:21.569 --> 00:22:23.130
it when we would go to the park or something

00:22:23.130 --> 00:22:26.470
like a very specific childhood memory that you

00:22:26.470 --> 00:22:29.349
can relive with me right now. What's your happiest

00:22:29.349 --> 00:22:32.160
childhood memory? I'm sure I have others, but

00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:34.220
the very first thing that just came to mind is

00:22:34.220 --> 00:22:38.299
what you're going to get. I loved whatever time

00:22:38.299 --> 00:22:40.160
of year strawberries come into season. Is that

00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:42.740
like May, April, May? I don't know. My mom would

00:22:42.740 --> 00:22:45.200
check me out of school. She'd let me come stay

00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:47.420
home from school and we would go pick strawberries

00:22:47.420 --> 00:22:50.680
out of a field, come home, cut them, wash them

00:22:50.680 --> 00:22:53.759
and make strawberry jam. And I would miss school

00:22:53.759 --> 00:22:55.680
for that. And it was kind of this when a family

00:22:55.680 --> 00:22:57.329
of eight. You don't get a lot of one -on -one

00:22:57.329 --> 00:22:59.210
time with a parent. And I had some really cool

00:22:59.210 --> 00:23:01.269
experiences with my mom doing things like that.

00:23:01.670 --> 00:23:05.789
And so I picture myself in the backyard with

00:23:05.789 --> 00:23:08.650
bushels of berries coming in the door and working

00:23:08.650 --> 00:23:12.250
with my mom to make jam. Okay, amazing. And the

00:23:12.250 --> 00:23:14.029
first thing that came to your mind is exactly

00:23:14.029 --> 00:23:15.849
what we're going for. So that's exactly the right

00:23:15.849 --> 00:23:20.670
thing. In your professional career, when did

00:23:20.670 --> 00:23:24.109
you feel a specific occasion? When did you feel

00:23:24.109 --> 00:23:27.430
the most proud? of the work that you were doing,

00:23:27.490 --> 00:23:32.109
a specific day or a specific project or thing

00:23:32.109 --> 00:23:35.980
that you worked on. At any of the jobs you had,

00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:37.740
because you had a 20 -year career at Southwest.

00:23:37.900 --> 00:23:43.259
Yes. You were the COO of Betty's. Not COO. I

00:23:43.259 --> 00:23:44.900
worked with the COO. You worked with the COO

00:23:44.900 --> 00:23:47.200
of Betty's, and now you're moving into a new

00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:50.039
position with a new organization. But you've

00:23:50.039 --> 00:23:52.440
done some great things, and you've worked in

00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:54.460
some great organizations, right? Southwest is

00:23:54.460 --> 00:23:57.200
notoriously a great organization for employees.

00:23:58.119 --> 00:24:00.200
And so during all those different times in your

00:24:00.200 --> 00:24:02.259
professional career, when were you the most proud

00:24:02.259 --> 00:24:04.619
of what you did? I'm trying to think of a specific

00:24:04.619 --> 00:24:08.140
to give you. What I can tell you, there are a

00:24:08.140 --> 00:24:10.720
lot of different small situations where I came

00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:18.160
out feeling like people felt safe with me, which

00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:20.960
impacted the business for good, whatever the

00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:23.519
project was. Give us one. I was able to connect

00:24:23.519 --> 00:24:27.589
with somebody. Gosh, I'm trying to think of something

00:24:27.589 --> 00:24:29.390
that doesn't give somebody's personal information

00:24:29.390 --> 00:24:32.349
away. Sure. Everything I can think of is about

00:24:32.349 --> 00:24:36.390
an individual employee having a struggle, not

00:24:36.390 --> 00:24:38.210
even about a work project. I'm thinking about

00:24:38.210 --> 00:24:40.849
the people. I'm thinking about a situation where

00:24:40.849 --> 00:24:45.230
I had someone who was going through the loss

00:24:45.230 --> 00:24:50.470
of a spouse and navigating big, big, big things

00:24:50.470 --> 00:24:53.410
while still working. And so the project we were

00:24:53.410 --> 00:24:56.299
working on was still happening. She was killing

00:24:56.299 --> 00:24:59.880
it. Incredible, right? And so, but that wasn't

00:24:59.880 --> 00:25:02.180
the focus of our conversations. Focus of our

00:25:02.180 --> 00:25:04.200
conversations was her. And how do we support

00:25:04.200 --> 00:25:06.599
you? And what do you need? And because that's

00:25:06.599 --> 00:25:09.160
how I approached that as a leader, I watched

00:25:09.160 --> 00:25:14.220
her shine professionally. And why does that one

00:25:14.220 --> 00:25:17.640
stick out more than maybe other projects you

00:25:17.640 --> 00:25:19.319
did that were successful, but somebody didn't

00:25:19.319 --> 00:25:20.839
have a trial or a struggle? Why does that one

00:25:20.839 --> 00:25:23.880
stick out? I think that goes back to my why,

00:25:24.059 --> 00:25:28.680
right? My personal why is attached to that story

00:25:28.680 --> 00:25:31.500
because I'm impacting someone's life and allowing

00:25:31.500 --> 00:25:34.059
them to be the best version of themselves and

00:25:34.059 --> 00:25:38.299
allowing them space to grow and to see what they're

00:25:38.299 --> 00:25:43.839
capable of. And that is so rewarding to me, not

00:25:43.839 --> 00:25:46.359
only as an individual, but as a leader in any

00:25:46.359 --> 00:25:49.019
organization. And then without fail, success

00:25:49.019 --> 00:25:52.339
comes in that project when you can focus on.

00:25:52.799 --> 00:25:54.920
the people first. That's been my experience.

00:25:55.059 --> 00:25:59.539
When you give someone a space to feel safe, to

00:25:59.539 --> 00:26:01.720
feel vulnerable, to talk about whatever it is

00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:03.700
that they're going through, because sometimes

00:26:03.700 --> 00:26:07.059
these gloved situations are a short period of

00:26:07.059 --> 00:26:09.539
time, right? I'm going through a divorce. I'm

00:26:09.539 --> 00:26:11.660
going through a pregnancy that's difficult. I'm

00:26:11.660 --> 00:26:13.859
going through the loss of a parent or a sick

00:26:13.859 --> 00:26:17.720
parent or a move at home or financial struggles,

00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:20.480
whatever those vulnerable personal things are,

00:26:20.500 --> 00:26:23.019
impact our professional life. So much, right?

00:26:23.079 --> 00:26:26.720
So when you allow space for that person to be

00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:30.920
human and still shine, they show up for you tenfold

00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:34.700
professionally. It has been my experience. And

00:26:34.700 --> 00:26:37.740
so these two stories, you see the through line.

00:26:37.980 --> 00:26:42.980
You see the through line. You're your mom. And

00:26:42.980 --> 00:26:47.720
you're fighting amongst eight kids. And there's

00:26:47.720 --> 00:26:51.619
a lot going. She pulls you out of school. And

00:26:51.619 --> 00:26:53.920
she picks strawberries with you. And she makes

00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:56.839
jam with you. And this project you do together,

00:26:56.940 --> 00:26:58.819
it's not about the strawberries. It's about the

00:26:58.819 --> 00:27:01.819
relationship. And that's what you're doing. You

00:27:01.819 --> 00:27:04.160
have this project, and it's still important.

00:27:04.240 --> 00:27:05.779
You've got to do this project. But you're finding

00:27:05.779 --> 00:27:08.140
the individual, and you're finding what they

00:27:08.140 --> 00:27:10.240
need. And you're pulling them out of school,

00:27:10.359 --> 00:27:12.519
and you're making jam with them. And it's magical,

00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:16.559
right? And that's what Simon Sinek talks about

00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:19.980
with a why. Your why. if everybody can truly

00:27:19.980 --> 00:27:23.359
discover, it goes back to something that you

00:27:23.359 --> 00:27:27.000
found in your childhood, that the happiness that

00:27:27.000 --> 00:27:29.700
you found and it, and it, and it carries throughout

00:27:29.700 --> 00:27:31.539
your life and it becomes, it is always outward

00:27:31.539 --> 00:27:33.380
facing. It's, it's what you're doing for others

00:27:33.380 --> 00:27:35.619
and the way that you're impacting them, the way

00:27:35.619 --> 00:27:39.000
that you're making them feel. And so, sorry,

00:27:39.079 --> 00:27:41.940
that, that, uh, that was, I mean, that's just

00:27:41.940 --> 00:27:44.259
strikes, strikes me right at the heart, right?

00:27:44.299 --> 00:27:46.720
Like it's just, That's what a why is all about.

00:27:46.799 --> 00:27:50.359
And when we have a why that we have really identified

00:27:50.359 --> 00:27:52.779
and that we can go back to for ourselves individually,

00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:56.640
but also for our organization, that's where it

00:27:56.640 --> 00:27:59.140
becomes something far greater than ourselves

00:27:59.140 --> 00:28:02.220
and where an organization can have real impact.

00:28:03.059 --> 00:28:05.140
One of the things that Simon Sinek says is people

00:28:05.140 --> 00:28:07.779
don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it.

00:28:08.460 --> 00:28:11.000
And so when an organization forgets why they

00:28:11.000 --> 00:28:13.480
do it, then they're not going to have the same

00:28:13.480 --> 00:28:17.069
impact. on their end client user because then

00:28:17.069 --> 00:28:19.930
it's just a transaction. Totally. This is where

00:28:19.930 --> 00:28:23.089
your value -based system comes into play, right?

00:28:23.130 --> 00:28:27.089
Because no one's above the values. Once you define

00:28:27.089 --> 00:28:29.130
that as an organization, I think you've got to

00:28:29.130 --> 00:28:32.710
stay true to that. Good times, bad times, whatever

00:28:32.710 --> 00:28:35.170
comes your way. And that's, I think, what resonates

00:28:35.170 --> 00:28:37.089
with someone on the outside watching you, right?

00:28:37.130 --> 00:28:40.190
For sure. And when an organization has locked

00:28:40.190 --> 00:28:43.880
in well what their why and values is, it's also

00:28:43.880 --> 00:28:46.920
it's a way to weed people out either before they

00:28:46.920 --> 00:28:48.900
come in the first place but also once they're

00:28:48.900 --> 00:28:50.599
there if somebody doesn't harmonize with the

00:28:50.599 --> 00:28:54.140
why of an organization um then it's not a good

00:28:54.140 --> 00:28:56.940
long -term fit and then it ends up you know not

00:28:56.940 --> 00:29:00.759
not continuing um okay i have another quote to

00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:03.299
ask you about okay this is from james clear who

00:29:03.299 --> 00:29:06.539
wrote a book called atomic habits and he said

00:29:06.539 --> 00:29:09.279
every action you take is a vote for the type

00:29:09.279 --> 00:29:13.269
of person you wish to become No single instance

00:29:13.269 --> 00:29:15.630
will transform your beliefs, but as the votes

00:29:15.630 --> 00:29:19.529
build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.

00:29:20.950 --> 00:29:22.869
Okay, so give me your take on that. I love that.

00:29:23.009 --> 00:29:26.150
The idea of reinventing yourself based on who

00:29:26.150 --> 00:29:29.829
you want to be rather than who you feel you already

00:29:29.829 --> 00:29:33.170
are or have to be, right? It's huge. And I feel

00:29:33.170 --> 00:29:35.269
like that's something we all probably continue

00:29:35.269 --> 00:29:37.990
to reinvent. My husband and I were just having

00:29:37.990 --> 00:29:39.890
a conversation because we were moving. And so

00:29:39.890 --> 00:29:41.950
we have this, even a new neighborhood, a new

00:29:41.950 --> 00:29:44.430
street, you have this little moment to reinvent

00:29:44.430 --> 00:29:46.029
yourself for a second. And there's something

00:29:46.029 --> 00:29:48.690
so exciting about that. And also pressure filled.

00:29:48.750 --> 00:29:50.410
And you're like, well, how do I want to show

00:29:50.410 --> 00:29:51.789
up, right? And meanwhile, you're going to be

00:29:51.789 --> 00:29:54.730
who you are, right? But the thought of being

00:29:54.730 --> 00:29:58.450
able to reinvent and be greater than you are

00:29:58.450 --> 00:30:02.309
is so exciting to me. And I think that's that

00:30:02.309 --> 00:30:06.000
growth mindset. Yes. Right? The ability to. To

00:30:06.000 --> 00:30:09.039
be able to say I never have everything figured

00:30:09.039 --> 00:30:14.559
out. One of my favorite, favorite authors, Adam

00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:17.519
Grant. Oh, yes. Think Again and Hidden Potential.

00:30:17.579 --> 00:30:19.319
Girl, we are right there. That Think Again book

00:30:19.319 --> 00:30:22.400
is just my favorite. It's like a study guide

00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:25.460
for me. I have it marked up all over. The idea

00:30:25.460 --> 00:30:29.180
of never really knowing something for sure because

00:30:29.180 --> 00:30:32.140
there's always more to add to it creates this.

00:30:32.730 --> 00:30:34.930
this environment to, to do exactly what that

00:30:34.930 --> 00:30:37.569
quote is speaking to, right. To be able to reinvent

00:30:37.569 --> 00:30:42.849
and, and achieve what you aspire to be and make

00:30:42.849 --> 00:30:46.309
that real. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I think what

00:30:46.309 --> 00:30:49.069
I love so much about think again is it really

00:30:49.069 --> 00:30:53.049
shifted my view on changing your mind, you know,

00:30:53.049 --> 00:30:56.390
and, and because, you know, and in, in society,

00:30:56.549 --> 00:30:59.630
especially say in politics, which I hate, but

00:30:59.630 --> 00:31:02.910
in politics, like If somebody changes their mind,

00:31:02.990 --> 00:31:05.789
it's terrible. Like, oh, no, no, no. This politician

00:31:05.789 --> 00:31:07.430
can't change their mind. Nope. Nope. What they

00:31:07.430 --> 00:31:09.509
said initially has to always be that. Right.

00:31:09.589 --> 00:31:11.970
And so we're taught that you can't change your

00:31:11.970 --> 00:31:14.970
mind. Right. But like in reality, as we learn

00:31:14.970 --> 00:31:16.589
and grow, we should absolutely be changing our

00:31:16.589 --> 00:31:19.450
minds all the time. Totally. And it completely

00:31:19.450 --> 00:31:21.910
changed the way that I look at decisions that

00:31:21.910 --> 00:31:24.670
I make and things that have happened and things

00:31:24.670 --> 00:31:28.109
that I want to do. Because if I will take that

00:31:28.109 --> 00:31:29.890
moment to like, OK, well, let me analyze this

00:31:29.890 --> 00:31:33.349
like. The things that I was thinking, was I actually

00:31:33.349 --> 00:31:37.269
wrong there? Do I actually need to update what

00:31:37.269 --> 00:31:39.930
my thoughts were on this thing? And the answer

00:31:39.930 --> 00:31:42.890
is yes. It's actually something they try to teach

00:31:42.890 --> 00:31:44.710
us in law school. They teach us the Socratic

00:31:44.710 --> 00:31:47.970
method, which is like you challenge the things

00:31:47.970 --> 00:31:50.210
that are said and you do everything you can to

00:31:50.210 --> 00:31:52.210
poke as many holes in it so that you can eventually

00:31:52.210 --> 00:31:54.329
reach truth, right? That's kind of the idea.

00:31:55.240 --> 00:31:58.000
And so as I've done that more, it's really helped

00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:00.140
me to kind of expand what things I think about.

00:32:00.220 --> 00:32:02.480
And I love this idea too of reinventing yourself

00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:07.119
because with the growth mindset, we always have

00:32:07.119 --> 00:32:09.700
this opportunity to, again, it's a vote for who

00:32:09.700 --> 00:32:12.480
we want to become. We don't have to be stuck

00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:15.000
with who we are. We can look at things differently

00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:18.019
and we can continue to strive to grow and become

00:32:18.019 --> 00:32:21.259
something new and different and better. Absolutely.

00:32:21.259 --> 00:32:23.839
And I think one step further from that is we

00:32:23.839 --> 00:32:25.619
need to allow space for other people to do the

00:32:25.619 --> 00:32:27.299
same. Oh, very good point. Because to your point

00:32:27.299 --> 00:32:29.599
in politics, right, we now view this person that

00:32:29.599 --> 00:32:31.539
changed their mind or their quote from 10 years

00:32:31.539 --> 00:32:33.940
ago that now they're a liar or they're a hypocrite

00:32:33.940 --> 00:32:36.539
or they ping pong to whoever the audience is.

00:32:36.640 --> 00:32:38.660
And then we immediately don't trust them. Well,

00:32:38.740 --> 00:32:40.859
if you applied that to everybody, we would all

00:32:40.859 --> 00:32:42.799
be walking around with no one trusting anyone,

00:32:42.980 --> 00:32:46.230
right? The reality is with new information, we

00:32:46.230 --> 00:32:48.170
should be open to changing our minds, right?

00:32:48.289 --> 00:32:51.789
We should be willing to change and grow and learn.

00:32:51.869 --> 00:32:54.289
And we need to allow space for other people to

00:32:54.289 --> 00:32:57.250
do the same. And we need to allow grace when

00:32:57.250 --> 00:32:59.430
someone does do something. I think that's upsetting

00:32:59.430 --> 00:33:03.849
to really not assume bad, but maybe consider

00:33:03.849 --> 00:33:07.250
their why in it. Because we usually don't know,

00:33:07.390 --> 00:33:10.309
right? And when you can do that, you immediately

00:33:10.309 --> 00:33:13.230
soften whatever the... the narrative that you're

00:33:13.230 --> 00:33:15.849
telling yourself about that person. And again,

00:33:15.910 --> 00:33:18.569
it's not usually about you, right? It's usually

00:33:18.569 --> 00:33:22.589
something about them. I have to go back to Frozen

00:33:22.589 --> 00:33:24.190
for a second because this just came to mind.

00:33:24.210 --> 00:33:26.029
But one of my favorite quotes, it's the dumbest

00:33:26.029 --> 00:33:28.289
line. You probably didn't even notice it. But

00:33:28.289 --> 00:33:31.049
when, okay, Elsa goes off to the mountain, right?

00:33:31.109 --> 00:33:34.049
She's gone. And Anna has Kristoff and she's super

00:33:34.049 --> 00:33:35.730
frustrated with them and she's trying to find

00:33:35.730 --> 00:33:38.950
Elsa and they're having this great dynamic. And

00:33:38.950 --> 00:33:41.509
he's learning about... the ice and the hands

00:33:41.509 --> 00:33:44.150
and what happened. And she says, he says, you

00:33:44.150 --> 00:33:45.849
didn't know this. And she goes, well, she always

00:33:45.849 --> 00:33:47.529
wore gloves, but I just thought she had a thing

00:33:47.529 --> 00:33:50.829
about dirt. That's what she says to him. I just

00:33:50.829 --> 00:33:51.990
thought she had a thing about dirt. And I'm like,

00:33:52.009 --> 00:33:53.990
doesn't that tell you that people aren't thinking

00:33:53.990 --> 00:33:56.430
about you as much as you think they are. And

00:33:56.430 --> 00:33:58.849
yet we spend so much time thinking about other

00:33:58.849 --> 00:34:02.170
people that that's kind of the problem. Like,

00:34:02.170 --> 00:34:05.990
it's so funny to me that Elsa's like literally

00:34:05.990 --> 00:34:09.710
hiding in a mountain. She's ashamed of everything.

00:34:09.829 --> 00:34:12.050
And her best friend, her sister that knows her

00:34:12.050 --> 00:34:14.429
the most is like, I don't know. I just thought

00:34:14.429 --> 00:34:16.269
she had a thing about dirt. Like she doesn't

00:34:16.269 --> 00:34:19.710
even consider anything bigger than this simple.

00:34:19.869 --> 00:34:23.050
Yeah. Maybe she has an aversion to being dirty.

00:34:23.250 --> 00:34:25.530
That's why she wore her gloves. Right. So I guess

00:34:25.530 --> 00:34:27.789
that just comes to mind when we talk about like.

00:34:27.869 --> 00:34:31.250
Absolutely. Brene Brown calls it assume positive

00:34:31.250 --> 00:34:35.909
intent. Love that. If we can do that more in

00:34:35.909 --> 00:34:38.369
our lives, we're going to be better off because

00:34:38.369 --> 00:34:42.210
it gives room for grace. It gives room for understanding.

00:34:42.369 --> 00:34:47.550
It gives this space for just, I think, so much

00:34:47.550 --> 00:34:50.510
more enrichment in our lives if we'll assume

00:34:50.510 --> 00:34:51.869
positive intent from other people and not that

00:34:51.869 --> 00:34:53.329
they're just out to get us or they're out to

00:34:53.329 --> 00:34:54.989
be mean to us or they're out to do horrible things.

00:34:55.190 --> 00:34:56.929
Yeah, they're working on reinventing themselves

00:34:56.929 --> 00:35:01.150
the same way each of us, right? It's great. Our

00:35:01.150 --> 00:35:04.980
common goal should be growth. for sure so i have

00:35:04.980 --> 00:35:07.579
i have another portion of let it go the song

00:35:07.579 --> 00:35:09.539
written down but i think fits well here and and

00:35:09.539 --> 00:35:12.980
i'll get your get your take on it too um after

00:35:12.980 --> 00:35:14.679
the initial portion of the song kind of identifying

00:35:14.679 --> 00:35:15.679
some of the things that were holding her back

00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:19.619
she then says it's funny how some distance makes

00:35:19.619 --> 00:35:22.300
everything seem small and the fears that once

00:35:22.300 --> 00:35:25.260
controlled me can't get to me at all it's time

00:35:25.260 --> 00:35:27.639
to see what i can do to test the limits and break

00:35:27.639 --> 00:35:30.840
through no right no wrong no rules for me i'm

00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:35.079
free So for you in your life, when was that?

00:35:35.179 --> 00:35:39.179
When did that happen where you were able to say,

00:35:39.219 --> 00:35:41.659
like, I'm going to embrace this. I'm different,

00:35:41.780 --> 00:35:45.159
and it's great, and it's wonderful that I'm different,

00:35:45.219 --> 00:35:48.599
and I'm going to be free and not let this thing

00:35:48.599 --> 00:35:50.619
hold me back, but I'm going to use it for good.

00:35:50.840 --> 00:35:53.840
When was that for you? It still happens for me.

00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:56.000
Love it. I'm still not done with that. Okay.

00:35:56.039 --> 00:35:59.119
It is a process, and it's a mindset process.

00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:02.840
So the first time I remember it happening is

00:36:02.840 --> 00:36:06.380
with the piano. So what are you, like sixth grade,

00:36:06.519 --> 00:36:09.019
seventh grade with that 12 -year -old? And I

00:36:09.019 --> 00:36:12.659
learned I can do this and I'm good. I have a

00:36:12.659 --> 00:36:15.079
talent here. And I wasn't afraid to play. It

00:36:15.079 --> 00:36:17.820
became this thing that like I'm this special

00:36:17.820 --> 00:36:19.820
person now because I can do this. And you're

00:36:19.820 --> 00:36:22.059
starting to get some attention for what you thought

00:36:22.059 --> 00:36:24.800
was negative and bad and ugly. You're getting

00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:27.699
positive attention for it. So it wasn't the reason

00:36:27.699 --> 00:36:31.599
I did it. But when I saw that happen, I gained

00:36:31.599 --> 00:36:33.860
some confidence, right? So that helps you to

00:36:33.860 --> 00:36:35.940
break past that and think, well, what else can

00:36:35.940 --> 00:36:39.320
I do, right? What else can I figure out how to

00:36:39.320 --> 00:36:42.760
do? And it gives you every win, every little

00:36:42.760 --> 00:36:46.260
step and win gives you a little more confidence

00:36:46.260 --> 00:36:50.619
to try something else, right? So my life around

00:36:50.619 --> 00:36:54.639
my hands and my abilities or inabilities, right,

00:36:54.699 --> 00:36:57.469
have been a series of. Putting myself out there

00:36:57.469 --> 00:36:59.449
and trying something brave and figuring it out.

00:36:59.570 --> 00:37:03.269
And then something happens and it's like it levels

00:37:03.269 --> 00:37:05.369
you. It takes you four or five steps backwards.

00:37:05.630 --> 00:37:08.090
And you have to keep going. And I'll give you

00:37:08.090 --> 00:37:09.989
an example of something that set me backwards.

00:37:10.210 --> 00:37:13.130
And this was when I was like in my 30s. But I

00:37:13.130 --> 00:37:15.969
was at church working with the little primary

00:37:15.969 --> 00:37:19.170
children. And we were getting ready to do this

00:37:19.170 --> 00:37:22.750
program, right, for all of the parents. And I

00:37:22.750 --> 00:37:26.440
reached my hand out. This line of all the little

00:37:26.440 --> 00:37:28.719
sweet, probably seven -year -olds, six -year

00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:30.960
-olds. They were young. So maybe even younger.

00:37:31.079 --> 00:37:32.860
And I reached my hand out to say, okay, let's

00:37:32.860 --> 00:37:35.320
go. And the little girl in the front went, ew,

00:37:35.679 --> 00:37:38.260
like this. And she pulled back when she saw my

00:37:38.260 --> 00:37:40.860
hand. And she wouldn't hold my hand. And I've

00:37:40.860 --> 00:37:44.019
got adults and people, friends, strangers, all

00:37:44.019 --> 00:37:47.059
watching this. And she wouldn't take my hand.

00:37:47.579 --> 00:37:50.139
And it was like I was a five -year -old on the

00:37:50.139 --> 00:37:53.239
playground again. It just flooded right back.

00:37:53.889 --> 00:37:57.989
all of those feelings of you are deformed. You're

00:37:57.989 --> 00:37:59.889
ugly. You're not good enough. Nobody wants to

00:37:59.889 --> 00:38:04.710
be around you. It's so impactful. I wish I could

00:38:04.710 --> 00:38:07.530
describe how quickly that takes you back. And

00:38:07.530 --> 00:38:09.389
then there's a mindset that has to happen. You

00:38:09.389 --> 00:38:11.809
have to kind of gussy up that courage again and

00:38:11.809 --> 00:38:14.369
get back to all the experiences you've had that

00:38:14.369 --> 00:38:16.510
you've done good and that you can do hard things

00:38:16.510 --> 00:38:18.090
and you can figure it out and you're good enough

00:38:18.090 --> 00:38:21.250
and you've got something to offer. So it's a

00:38:21.250 --> 00:38:24.239
process, right? It's a total process. I love

00:38:24.239 --> 00:38:26.219
actually that Elsa does the coronation, right?

00:38:26.360 --> 00:38:28.639
She's talk about courage. She is standing there

00:38:28.639 --> 00:38:31.159
like I was standing there, you know, at the piano

00:38:31.159 --> 00:38:35.079
and I'm going to do this. And that prayer, like

00:38:35.079 --> 00:38:37.900
constant in her mind, help me through this, help

00:38:37.900 --> 00:38:40.599
me get through this. And she did it right. She

00:38:40.599 --> 00:38:42.280
felt like a million bucks and then boom, life

00:38:42.280 --> 00:38:44.840
experience teaches her again. It's not safe.

00:38:45.159 --> 00:38:48.940
So we go through this. It's a process. But I

00:38:48.940 --> 00:38:52.059
think that's helpful because. I think sometimes

00:38:52.059 --> 00:38:55.739
when people hear stories like yours, it's like,

00:38:55.800 --> 00:38:58.320
okay, you overcame it and now everything's perfect.

00:38:58.800 --> 00:39:02.199
And it's not. It's the same idea of it's a growth

00:39:02.199 --> 00:39:04.360
mentality. We are going to, throughout our lives,

00:39:04.420 --> 00:39:06.840
continue to experience trials. We're going to

00:39:06.840 --> 00:39:10.380
experience setbacks. And when we can embrace

00:39:10.380 --> 00:39:12.039
that and understand that's the case, we're going

00:39:12.039 --> 00:39:13.699
to give ourselves more grace because it will

00:39:13.699 --> 00:39:16.440
happen. We're going to mess up. We're going to

00:39:16.440 --> 00:39:19.059
make mistakes. Absolutely. And we're all imperfect.

00:39:19.929 --> 00:39:22.849
And when we, though, can then look at it differently

00:39:22.849 --> 00:39:25.550
and use that to continue growing, say, okay,

00:39:25.650 --> 00:39:27.769
I had this setback. I had this failure, and it

00:39:27.769 --> 00:39:29.949
hurt, and it was hard. This thing was difficult,

00:39:30.230 --> 00:39:32.730
and now I'm going to move forward. Yeah, and

00:39:32.730 --> 00:39:34.829
I learned from it rather than letting it define

00:39:34.829 --> 00:39:36.550
me, right? And now I'm moving forward. That's

00:39:36.550 --> 00:39:38.809
the key. That's the key. Because if we just let

00:39:38.809 --> 00:39:40.949
it define us, then we're going to be in that

00:39:40.949 --> 00:39:42.730
fixed mindset, and we're not going to be able

00:39:42.730 --> 00:39:44.889
to continue growing. We'll never put ourself

00:39:44.889 --> 00:39:47.730
out there again, right? You become that. Inhibited

00:39:47.730 --> 00:39:50.269
child again where you hide and yeah, it's exactly

00:39:50.269 --> 00:39:53.130
right. Yeah, so in one of the things that I think

00:39:53.130 --> 00:39:56.130
many other major lessons we have from frozen

00:39:56.130 --> 00:40:01.070
is What is it that actually helps us move forward

00:40:01.070 --> 00:40:03.550
and helps others move forward and I think it's

00:40:03.550 --> 00:40:08.280
captured really well in the song that the little

00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:10.760
rock people are singing to Kristoff and Anna,

00:40:10.940 --> 00:40:12.780
right? They're just like, it's the funnest song,

00:40:12.840 --> 00:40:14.719
a fixer -upper, right? Because Kristoff is just

00:40:14.719 --> 00:40:18.360
this giant fixer -upper. But this is like a really

00:40:18.360 --> 00:40:20.599
actually deep, and I'm going to read it to you

00:40:20.599 --> 00:40:23.760
and then I'll get your take on it. And later

00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:25.980
in the song, towards the end, it says, we're

00:40:25.980 --> 00:40:28.099
not saying you can change him because people

00:40:28.099 --> 00:40:31.000
don't really change. We're only saying that loves

00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:35.289
a force that's powerful and strange. People make

00:40:35.289 --> 00:40:38.429
bad choices if they're mad or scared or stressed,

00:40:38.630 --> 00:40:44.070
but throw a little love their way and you'll

00:40:44.070 --> 00:40:47.130
bring out their best. True love brings out the

00:40:47.130 --> 00:40:51.429
best. So for you, what role has love played in

00:40:51.429 --> 00:40:54.150
your life? Both of people throwing a little love

00:40:54.150 --> 00:40:56.429
your way and then you being able to throw a little

00:40:56.429 --> 00:40:58.989
love to somebody else. Yeah. I mean, it's played.

00:40:59.090 --> 00:41:01.630
That's all of it. That's the root, right? Surrounding

00:41:01.630 --> 00:41:04.900
yourself with people. that love you without condition,

00:41:05.099 --> 00:41:08.340
and then learning to allow yourself to be loved.

00:41:08.699 --> 00:41:12.260
I think that's really key. It's a two -way. And

00:41:12.260 --> 00:41:15.780
one was much easier than the other for me. I

00:41:15.780 --> 00:41:20.059
think for most of us that's true. But it cuts

00:41:20.059 --> 00:41:21.400
down to everything we've talked about, right?

00:41:21.440 --> 00:41:23.579
The why behind it, the relationship building,

00:41:23.639 --> 00:41:26.619
the purpose that I just said resonates with me

00:41:26.619 --> 00:41:29.980
is to impact others' lives for good, right? Love

00:41:29.980 --> 00:41:33.820
is at the root of that. It is. And I have found

00:41:33.820 --> 00:41:36.960
that's the magic. That's the magic is when you

00:41:36.960 --> 00:41:40.840
can love people around you. And that's hard.

00:41:41.300 --> 00:41:43.960
It's hard to do when there are people that aren't

00:41:43.960 --> 00:41:46.519
maybe treating you the best. But when you can

00:41:46.519 --> 00:41:49.480
step back and look at them and say, what are

00:41:49.480 --> 00:41:52.820
they afraid of? Because what their action is

00:41:52.820 --> 00:41:55.380
that just hurt me or what their words were, the

00:41:55.380 --> 00:41:58.780
bully that just made this comment, the boss that

00:41:58.780 --> 00:42:01.889
just dismissed me in a meeting. The friend that

00:42:01.889 --> 00:42:06.909
forgot this big event in my life. These are normal

00:42:06.909 --> 00:42:13.110
life things. They're not usually rooted in animosity

00:42:13.110 --> 00:42:16.630
or pointed at hurting you. It's about something

00:42:16.630 --> 00:42:19.670
they're facing. And they're afraid. They're scared.

00:42:19.909 --> 00:42:22.369
They're sad. They're working through something.

00:42:22.469 --> 00:42:24.389
So when you can look at somebody with empathy

00:42:24.389 --> 00:42:28.269
and with that mindset, immediately love takes

00:42:28.269 --> 00:42:31.159
over. And your heart is softened to be able to

00:42:31.159 --> 00:42:33.340
look at them and see them as a person and a human

00:42:33.340 --> 00:42:36.920
and not any other name that might come to mind.

00:42:36.980 --> 00:42:40.440
And it's hard. That's hard to do. But that is,

00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:44.059
I will say, maybe a gift that I think I, again,

00:42:44.139 --> 00:42:47.199
developed either young or came with because I

00:42:47.199 --> 00:42:49.880
feel like I'm pretty good at that and being able

00:42:49.880 --> 00:42:52.239
to look at somebody and say, I'm not going to

00:42:52.239 --> 00:42:54.239
hold this against them. And there have been even

00:42:54.239 --> 00:42:57.980
people that really hurt me. And I don't feel

00:42:57.980 --> 00:43:01.480
animosity. I don't feel anger. I don't hold on

00:43:01.480 --> 00:43:06.780
to things. I feel sad. I feel worried about those

00:43:06.780 --> 00:43:09.960
people. And I want better for them because I

00:43:09.960 --> 00:43:13.710
know it's not about me. And it can be a real

00:43:13.710 --> 00:43:17.429
challenge to take that perspective, but it also

00:43:17.429 --> 00:43:19.349
can be one that makes all the difference. Yeah,

00:43:19.349 --> 00:43:21.309
it takes some time to get there, you know. You

00:43:21.309 --> 00:43:23.150
have to allow yourself space to work through

00:43:23.150 --> 00:43:26.070
those things and feel the hurt or the anger or

00:43:26.070 --> 00:43:28.710
the jealousy or whatever it is. But I think the

00:43:28.710 --> 00:43:33.210
quicker you can pivot back to a positive mindset

00:43:33.210 --> 00:43:36.590
and shift with love being your anchor and your

00:43:36.590 --> 00:43:39.730
guide, it's just, it makes your own life better.

00:43:39.789 --> 00:43:42.010
Why would you not want that? For sure. Yeah.

00:43:43.130 --> 00:43:46.769
So in all the different times that you've shared

00:43:46.769 --> 00:43:51.949
your story and you've given presentations or

00:43:51.949 --> 00:43:55.889
firesides or all of these things, I've got to

00:43:55.889 --> 00:43:57.849
imagine that there's been a time where someone's

00:43:57.849 --> 00:44:00.389
come back to you and told you about some kind

00:44:00.389 --> 00:44:02.389
of impact you had in their life. Is there any

00:44:02.389 --> 00:44:04.869
that you could share with us? I have had many,

00:44:05.010 --> 00:44:08.119
many, and that's what keeps me doing it. That

00:44:08.119 --> 00:44:10.460
one person, I show up sometimes to an event and

00:44:10.460 --> 00:44:12.400
I'm like, there's, I don't know, two or 300 people

00:44:12.400 --> 00:44:14.980
in this room. And it's a little scary. It can

00:44:14.980 --> 00:44:18.960
be intimidating. And you think, I'm not running

00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:21.099
a marathon with no legs here, right? Like there

00:44:21.099 --> 00:44:23.280
are people doing much harder things and much

00:44:23.280 --> 00:44:26.719
more remarkable challenges that have been overcome

00:44:26.719 --> 00:44:30.719
than this. But if I can say something that impacts

00:44:30.719 --> 00:44:33.780
even one person, especially when I'm talking

00:44:33.780 --> 00:44:37.659
to like youth, teenagers. where confidence is

00:44:37.659 --> 00:44:41.539
a game changer. That is the number one thing

00:44:41.539 --> 00:44:45.039
I think we have to focus on with our youth, teenage

00:44:45.039 --> 00:44:47.400
kids at home or at church or wherever we might

00:44:47.400 --> 00:44:50.000
have an impact is that their self -confidence

00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.460
and their self -worth has to be healthy, right?

00:44:54.579 --> 00:44:56.880
Because that's going to shape who they are and

00:44:56.880 --> 00:44:59.199
how they live their life. If I can say something

00:44:59.199 --> 00:45:02.179
in that setting that helps one person feel like

00:45:02.179 --> 00:45:05.679
they're enough or that they're... They're hiding

00:45:05.679 --> 00:45:07.380
something with gloves that maybe doesn't need

00:45:07.380 --> 00:45:10.139
to be hidden with gloves, right? Then I've done

00:45:10.139 --> 00:45:12.460
my work. I've done my job. It's worth anything

00:45:12.460 --> 00:45:15.320
else. So that's why I keep doing this. And I

00:45:15.320 --> 00:45:19.039
welcome it every time because of that thought

00:45:19.039 --> 00:45:23.179
of one person. And I have had many people over

00:45:23.179 --> 00:45:25.820
the time I've done this that have sent me a card

00:45:25.820 --> 00:45:28.460
or a note. I'll get a text. I've gotten a couple

00:45:28.460 --> 00:45:30.820
texts randomly from a number I don't know that

00:45:30.820 --> 00:45:33.059
says, hey, I got your name. your number from

00:45:33.059 --> 00:45:35.099
this person. And I just wanted you to know that

00:45:35.099 --> 00:45:37.880
you changed my life. Something you said is what

00:45:37.880 --> 00:45:40.579
I needed to hear at that, that moment. And so

00:45:40.579 --> 00:45:43.099
I have kept all of those things very close to

00:45:43.099 --> 00:45:46.260
my heart. It's pretty great. Yeah. Yeah. You're,

00:45:46.260 --> 00:45:48.860
you're picking lots of strawberries and making

00:45:48.860 --> 00:45:51.739
lots of strawberries. Yeah, you are. And you

00:45:51.739 --> 00:45:54.260
know that the reason we started this podcast

00:45:54.260 --> 00:45:56.119
is to try to have positive impact on people.

00:45:56.159 --> 00:45:59.320
And so getting to hear inspiring stories like

00:45:59.320 --> 00:46:02.019
yours and hopefully more people get to hear it.

00:46:03.519 --> 00:46:06.940
because it'll be out there. It's just, that's

00:46:06.940 --> 00:46:08.780
why we're trying to do this. We just, you know,

00:46:08.800 --> 00:46:10.659
more goodness, more love, more kindness in this

00:46:10.659 --> 00:46:13.199
world, I think is what everybody needs. Okay,

00:46:13.280 --> 00:46:16.000
so you ready to move to some fun segments here?

00:46:16.119 --> 00:46:18.280
Yes, here we go. So we're gonna do a little this

00:46:18.280 --> 00:46:21.519
or that, okay? So you just go with whichever

00:46:21.519 --> 00:46:24.019
one you feel like and you might have to defend

00:46:24.019 --> 00:46:26.320
a controversial pick. So we're gonna see how

00:46:26.320 --> 00:46:30.539
this goes, Stephanie, okay? Ice Palace or Arendelle?

00:46:31.739 --> 00:46:35.420
Arendelle. I hate being cold. And I just said

00:46:35.420 --> 00:46:37.920
I don't want to be alone, right? She's alone

00:46:37.920 --> 00:46:40.099
in the ice palace. Give me friends and people

00:46:40.099 --> 00:46:42.880
and parties. Okay, I love that. I love that.

00:46:43.639 --> 00:46:47.280
Building a snowman or ice skating? Ooh, that

00:46:47.280 --> 00:46:49.980
one's hard. Because the snowman led to Olaf,

00:46:50.119 --> 00:46:53.000
which is really fun. So I want to say that. But

00:46:53.000 --> 00:46:55.119
I do love ice skating, too. I don't know how

00:46:55.119 --> 00:46:59.739
I'd pick. That's fun. In downtown Daybreak this

00:46:59.739 --> 00:47:01.599
year, they had the little ice skating rink. Did

00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:03.860
you go to it? I did. I did. So fun. It's so fun.

00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:05.780
You can't really get some speed in that little

00:47:05.780 --> 00:47:07.480
rink. Yeah, because it's really small. Yes. You

00:47:07.480 --> 00:47:09.760
want to get speed, you got to go to the Olympic

00:47:09.760 --> 00:47:12.980
Oval, right? Where they had the Olympics and

00:47:12.980 --> 00:47:14.400
now the Olympics are going to come again. I'm

00:47:14.400 --> 00:47:15.639
sure they'll do it there again. You can get some

00:47:15.639 --> 00:47:17.380
real speed there. Though that's a little scary.

00:47:18.440 --> 00:47:20.739
Yeah, but the Daybreak one was almost like Arendelle

00:47:20.739 --> 00:47:22.739
ice skating. It was like a small little vibe.

00:47:22.760 --> 00:47:25.059
Just cute little like, you know, fun. And my

00:47:25.059 --> 00:47:27.119
six -year -old was five at the time when we went.

00:47:27.690 --> 00:47:29.469
And loved it. You know, because nothing's too

00:47:29.469 --> 00:47:31.269
fast. It's all just kind of small and cute and

00:47:31.269 --> 00:47:33.349
fun. So I guess I'm saying ice skating. Okay.

00:47:33.409 --> 00:47:36.150
That's my answer. I'm here for it. Olaf or Sven?

00:47:38.210 --> 00:47:42.070
Olaf. I love Olaf. I love Sven too. Sven's great.

00:47:42.269 --> 00:47:45.050
I have enough Sven in me that I need the Olaf

00:47:45.050 --> 00:47:47.650
balance. So I say Olaf. I'm with you there. The

00:47:47.650 --> 00:47:55.469
fun. Anna or Elsa? I mean, I feel like. Anna.

00:47:55.590 --> 00:47:58.050
I got to say Anna's who I aspire. Maybe Elsa's

00:47:58.050 --> 00:48:00.349
who I feel like I probably am and I want to be

00:48:00.349 --> 00:48:04.130
more Anna. Sure. So Anna. Anna's great. Beach

00:48:04.130 --> 00:48:08.610
vacation or visiting a city with history? Beach

00:48:08.610 --> 00:48:11.630
vacation. Okay. You're a beach gal. Yeah. I don't

00:48:11.630 --> 00:48:14.550
shut my brain off very easily. So if you put

00:48:14.550 --> 00:48:17.170
me physically in a space where I can't do anything

00:48:17.170 --> 00:48:19.849
else, I actually relax. But it takes a minute.

00:48:20.239 --> 00:48:22.199
So they like the beach. Okay. I'm with you. I

00:48:22.199 --> 00:48:27.099
just got back from a dual trip to DC and yeah,

00:48:27.139 --> 00:48:29.260
my brain didn't really shut off. I mean, I was

00:48:29.260 --> 00:48:32.099
just like soaking up. Like I'm here. It's, it's

00:48:32.099 --> 00:48:35.539
America two 50. I'm visiting all these amazing

00:48:35.539 --> 00:48:37.659
things. Like, but my brain's going the whole

00:48:37.659 --> 00:48:40.559
time. It wasn't like a. I need to take some time

00:48:40.559 --> 00:48:42.940
away kind of thing. Beach vacation, though. I

00:48:42.940 --> 00:48:44.500
just did two weeks in Europe, and we were all

00:48:44.500 --> 00:48:47.679
cities. I mean, we were hopping. We were walking

00:48:47.679 --> 00:48:51.219
20 ,000 steps a day. So there's no relaxing.

00:48:51.340 --> 00:48:54.760
So give me a beach. Give you a beach. Sunrise

00:48:54.760 --> 00:48:57.820
or sunset? Oh, sunset. I don't want to get up

00:48:57.820 --> 00:48:59.699
early if I don't have to. Oh, is that why? Yes,

00:48:59.739 --> 00:49:03.280
sunset. Okay. I think a sunset is much more beautiful.

00:49:03.940 --> 00:49:06.760
But I love getting up early. I'm envious of that.

00:49:07.039 --> 00:49:12.170
In fact, I mean, it was... i i told my wife that

00:49:12.170 --> 00:49:16.409
so i've started running a bit more and so when

00:49:16.409 --> 00:49:19.210
we go on vacation i try to run and so i ran from

00:49:19.210 --> 00:49:21.449
our hotel to the national mall around it and

00:49:21.449 --> 00:49:24.590
back and i told her like that's top three for

00:49:24.590 --> 00:49:27.989
me it's central park new york city it was waikiki

00:49:27.989 --> 00:49:30.429
beach in oahu yeah sure and national mall and

00:49:30.429 --> 00:49:32.670
national mall running but doing it when the sun

00:49:32.670 --> 00:49:35.869
is rising is like there's something so fresh

00:49:35.869 --> 00:49:39.250
and the start of a new day that i just i soak

00:49:39.250 --> 00:49:41.590
up like it's that's when i actually get to think

00:49:41.590 --> 00:49:43.849
i love that that's when i get to clear my mind

00:49:43.849 --> 00:49:46.690
and that sunrise kind of becomes that i'm envious

00:49:46.690 --> 00:49:50.670
of both i aspire to be i love run i admire runners

00:49:50.670 --> 00:49:52.349
i really do i have friends that are runners but

00:49:52.349 --> 00:49:55.429
i can run to the block and pass out. Like, I

00:49:55.429 --> 00:49:57.730
just, I have to build that. And I know it takes

00:49:57.730 --> 00:49:59.849
work. I've just not done it. And getting up early.

00:49:59.909 --> 00:50:01.929
My husband is like, go to the gym at 4 a .m.

00:50:01.929 --> 00:50:03.650
to beat the people and then to have that fresh

00:50:03.650 --> 00:50:06.090
start of the day. And man, he's trying to get

00:50:06.090 --> 00:50:07.489
me. He's getting me there a little by little,

00:50:07.550 --> 00:50:10.190
but I just can't do that early. And I love it.

00:50:10.769 --> 00:50:13.789
I'm a 415 guy. Yeah. Got to get up early, beat

00:50:13.789 --> 00:50:15.329
everybody else. You're probably working out next

00:50:15.329 --> 00:50:18.030
to each other. World's just mine. Nobody else

00:50:18.030 --> 00:50:19.369
in the world exists. Everybody else is still

00:50:19.369 --> 00:50:21.010
asleep. Exactly what he says. I'm there with

00:50:21.010 --> 00:50:25.260
it. OK, this is one that I don't know. I just

00:50:25.260 --> 00:50:27.539
thought maybe I'll ask this because my wife would

00:50:27.539 --> 00:50:29.179
be the one who asked this question. But heels

00:50:29.179 --> 00:50:34.679
or flats? Oh, I was a heels girl all the way

00:50:34.679 --> 00:50:38.599
until like this last year, maybe. I'm just getting

00:50:38.599 --> 00:50:41.679
too old for the heels. I just can't. But I am.

00:50:41.699 --> 00:50:44.980
I have a closet of heels. And I always any opportunity

00:50:44.980 --> 00:50:47.480
to wear a high heel. I loved it. Yeah. So heels.

00:50:47.579 --> 00:50:50.239
I think, I think my wife likes heels, but she's

00:50:50.239 --> 00:50:53.559
tall. She's like five, 10 and a half. And so

00:50:53.559 --> 00:50:56.179
when she puts heels on, she's even taller. So

00:50:56.179 --> 00:50:57.800
I think a lot of times she'd prefer like a very

00:50:57.800 --> 00:51:00.019
short heel or flats, even though she likes heels.

00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:03.260
Yeah. I think the comfort level, I'm getting

00:51:03.260 --> 00:51:04.980
to a point where I'm like, I'm over it. I just

00:51:04.980 --> 00:51:06.880
need to be comfortable. So I'm still, but man,

00:51:06.920 --> 00:51:08.559
I love a good heel. I just think there's something

00:51:08.559 --> 00:51:11.420
really, I love it. For sure. Okay. Last this

00:51:11.420 --> 00:51:15.360
or that, um, a girl's trip or a solo adventure.

00:51:17.929 --> 00:51:20.849
Oh, it depends on the girls and the trip you

00:51:20.849 --> 00:51:23.449
choose. I'm going to say girls trip because I,

00:51:23.469 --> 00:51:25.550
and I, and I do this in my perfect world. It's

00:51:25.550 --> 00:51:27.809
like, I, my, I have a sister, I have three sisters

00:51:27.809 --> 00:51:29.869
and every now and again, the three of us, the

00:51:29.869 --> 00:51:31.909
four of us will do a trip and I love it. But

00:51:31.909 --> 00:51:33.769
almost every year, my one sister that's local

00:51:33.769 --> 00:51:36.349
and my daughter, who's now an adult, we'll do

00:51:36.349 --> 00:51:38.889
a trip a weekend away. And man, that is the best

00:51:38.889 --> 00:51:42.429
reset time. We laugh like I don't any other time.

00:51:42.909 --> 00:51:45.630
I love that. That's a reset in itself. Yeah.

00:51:46.389 --> 00:51:48.809
I'm definitely not a solo trip guy. Some people

00:51:48.809 --> 00:51:50.989
are and they claim it's great. On this DC trip,

00:51:51.130 --> 00:51:52.989
I had two different things I was there for. The

00:51:52.989 --> 00:51:56.309
first half was an ABA conference. And so my wife

00:51:56.309 --> 00:51:57.570
didn't join me for that because I was going to

00:51:57.570 --> 00:52:01.050
be in classes a lot. And so after the classes,

00:52:01.230 --> 00:52:04.070
like I was there by myself. And so I walked around,

00:52:04.309 --> 00:52:06.550
like I walked around DC and I went to a couple

00:52:06.550 --> 00:52:09.000
of shows. I'm like, oh, this solo trip stuff

00:52:09.000 --> 00:52:12.500
is for the birds. I don't like it at all. And

00:52:12.500 --> 00:52:14.860
so once my wife joined for the second half, I

00:52:14.860 --> 00:52:17.539
had a much more fun time. We just did fun things

00:52:17.539 --> 00:52:19.599
together. I love that. That says a lot about

00:52:19.599 --> 00:52:21.460
the two of you. That's great. We have fun for

00:52:21.460 --> 00:52:24.260
sure. Okay, here's a rapid fire. So first one

00:52:24.260 --> 00:52:26.599
that comes to mind. Okay. A lot of Disney stuff,

00:52:26.739 --> 00:52:29.059
but we'll see. We'll give you a little preview

00:52:29.059 --> 00:52:32.760
there. Favorite Disney movie. It's so hard for

00:52:32.760 --> 00:52:35.960
me to pick a favorite. At the moment. Encanto

00:52:35.960 --> 00:52:39.179
is the one I put on. I'm with you. That's my

00:52:39.179 --> 00:52:41.780
current fave. I tell people I know it's recency

00:52:41.780 --> 00:52:44.219
bias because I know that's a thing. But I love

00:52:44.219 --> 00:52:46.599
it. I still love it. I do too. I can watch it

00:52:46.599 --> 00:52:49.159
because my girls love it and I can watch it with

00:52:49.159 --> 00:52:51.039
them anytime and enjoy it. I can put the songs

00:52:51.039 --> 00:52:53.360
on and we love it and we all sing to it even

00:52:53.360 --> 00:52:55.219
though I'm a terrible singer. We'll sing anyways.

00:52:55.360 --> 00:52:56.739
We don't talk about Bruno. Give me some. We don't

00:52:56.739 --> 00:52:58.280
talk about Bruno. Who doesn't want to sing that

00:52:58.280 --> 00:53:00.940
over and over? It's so fun. I just love it. I

00:53:00.940 --> 00:53:03.079
love everything about it. So great. Speaking

00:53:03.079 --> 00:53:07.059
of songs. Favorite Disney song? So hard. Again,

00:53:07.159 --> 00:53:10.199
I'll say right now. I don't even know if I can

00:53:10.199 --> 00:53:12.480
say. Oh, my goodness. Over time, I'd say the

00:53:12.480 --> 00:53:14.780
Brother Bears soundtrack. Really? As a whole.

00:53:15.420 --> 00:53:17.639
That's a hot take. Yeah, isn't it? Because that

00:53:17.639 --> 00:53:20.599
movie did not do well. No? No. Well, my kids

00:53:20.599 --> 00:53:23.079
may be the ages they were, but I love the Brother

00:53:23.079 --> 00:53:25.820
Bear music. Interesting. Welcome to the family.

00:53:26.639 --> 00:53:29.219
See, I... Here's a little preview. Yeah. I don't

00:53:29.219 --> 00:53:31.139
really know anything from it. Oh, my goodness.

00:53:31.139 --> 00:53:33.559
I know. I don't think I've seen it since it came

00:53:33.559 --> 00:53:35.559
out. You should probably go put it on with your

00:53:35.559 --> 00:53:36.760
kids. They're going to think it's ancient and

00:53:36.760 --> 00:53:38.280
they're not going to like it. I'm going to have

00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:40.219
to go watch it. My kids love it still. But I

00:53:40.219 --> 00:53:43.800
love the Tarzan music. Maybe it's Phil Collins

00:53:43.800 --> 00:53:46.280
I like. Is that what it is? Because Tarzan music

00:53:46.280 --> 00:53:48.239
is great. Phil Collins is so great. Yeah, I love

00:53:48.239 --> 00:53:50.559
those. Those are like they just stand the test

00:53:50.559 --> 00:53:53.280
of time. I'm with you. Phil Collins was True

00:53:53.280 --> 00:53:55.460
Colors, right? Not in the movie, but just like

00:53:55.460 --> 00:53:57.679
in general. Did he do True Colors? wasn't that

00:53:57.679 --> 00:54:00.900
cindy lauper who was it okay maybe it was maybe

00:54:00.900 --> 00:54:02.780
it was i remember him singing it and i love that

00:54:02.780 --> 00:54:04.699
i'm sure he did and then so when tarzan came

00:54:04.699 --> 00:54:07.119
out i was like oh i know phil collins is we're

00:54:07.119 --> 00:54:08.260
gonna have to look this up i know we're gonna

00:54:08.260 --> 00:54:10.579
have to right we're gonna give credit where credit's

00:54:10.579 --> 00:54:12.679
due that's right totally favorite disney princess

00:54:12.679 --> 00:54:21.869
um i love rapunzel She's my current fave. She's

00:54:21.869 --> 00:54:23.809
amazing. Yeah. All of these have a caveat of

00:54:23.809 --> 00:54:25.849
current. Oh, yeah. It'll change. Because it does.

00:54:25.929 --> 00:54:27.869
Yeah. Rapunzel. Our tastes change over time.

00:54:28.170 --> 00:54:36.510
Favorite Disney villain? Ooh. Villain. That's

00:54:36.510 --> 00:54:42.269
a tough one. That's a really tough one. My favorite

00:54:42.269 --> 00:54:46.349
Disney villain. Maleficent is just iconic. So

00:54:46.349 --> 00:54:47.530
I'm going to say her. That's the one I get the

00:54:47.530 --> 00:54:50.849
most. Do you? People love Maleficent. Yeah. People

00:54:50.849 --> 00:54:53.809
love her. That is, I don't know that I love her.

00:54:54.230 --> 00:54:57.170
As a villain. But I think she's got a cool background,

00:54:57.469 --> 00:55:00.210
dark story, broody. Oh, totally. You know, I

00:55:00.210 --> 00:55:01.989
almost said Ursula because there's something

00:55:01.989 --> 00:55:04.909
about Ursula that's, yeah. Ursula's pretty good.

00:55:04.969 --> 00:55:06.469
Anyway, yeah. The one that I get a lot too is

00:55:06.469 --> 00:55:09.519
Hades. Because he's just funny. Because he's

00:55:09.519 --> 00:55:12.000
great. Yeah. Like, it's his job. Like, he's the

00:55:12.000 --> 00:55:13.239
god of the underworld. What's he supposed to

00:55:13.239 --> 00:55:14.880
do? Right? Like, that's his job. That's what

00:55:14.880 --> 00:55:16.760
he's doing. But he's funny. You know, he's cracking

00:55:16.760 --> 00:55:18.699
jokes. Doing the best he can with what he's got.

00:55:18.739 --> 00:55:20.340
That's exactly right. He's filling his role well.

00:55:20.340 --> 00:55:22.340
He totally is. I love it. He totally is. Okay.

00:55:22.579 --> 00:55:27.199
Person you most admired growing up? Ooh. That

00:55:27.199 --> 00:55:29.639
is not Disney related. I know. I decided to take

00:55:29.639 --> 00:55:31.960
the last two are going to be curveballs. I got

00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:34.539
to say it was my sister. My older sister growing

00:55:34.539 --> 00:55:38.210
up. And still I do. But growing up, I didn't

00:55:38.210 --> 00:55:40.010
know a whole lot of other people. And I just

00:55:40.010 --> 00:55:42.909
thought she was it. She's pretty great. Amazing.

00:55:43.210 --> 00:55:45.349
And then last one I'm borrowing from Adam Grant.

00:55:45.449 --> 00:55:48.150
He does this on his podcast every time, which

00:55:48.150 --> 00:55:52.289
is Ultimate Dinner Guest. Ultimate Dinner Guest.

00:55:52.989 --> 00:55:57.070
Dead or alive. Oh, dead or alive. Do you know

00:55:57.070 --> 00:55:59.030
who I'm going to say? And it's, again, a current

00:55:59.030 --> 00:56:01.369
one. It'll probably change tomorrow. But Gail

00:56:01.369 --> 00:56:04.820
Miller is like my current favorite person. Really?

00:56:04.820 --> 00:56:07.260
I have listened to her speak a couple times recently.

00:56:08.119 --> 00:56:10.099
I've just learned a little bit more about her

00:56:10.099 --> 00:56:12.860
and what she's, she has a fascinating story and

00:56:12.860 --> 00:56:15.659
she's so genuine. So much of what we talk about

00:56:15.659 --> 00:56:19.340
and her why. I just think she's remarkable. I

00:56:19.340 --> 00:56:21.159
think you could probably make that happen. Somebody's

00:56:21.159 --> 00:56:21.760
got to be able to make that happen. I think we've

00:56:21.760 --> 00:56:23.699
got to put this out there now, and we've got

00:56:23.699 --> 00:56:25.380
to make this happen because that's somebody you

00:56:25.380 --> 00:56:26.780
actually could. I could. She's here. I could

00:56:26.780 --> 00:56:29.519
figure that out. She's here. I just think she's

00:56:29.519 --> 00:56:32.559
a remarkable human. Oh, yeah. She's a philanthropist,

00:56:32.579 --> 00:56:40.460
kindness. She's hard, but love drives her. There's

00:56:40.460 --> 00:56:43.360
something about her that I'm drawn to for sure.

00:56:43.519 --> 00:56:46.179
Yeah, amazing. That's a good one. Well, what

00:56:46.179 --> 00:56:48.340
we like to do at the end of every episode is

00:56:48.340 --> 00:56:51.659
we like to give three actionable takeaways to

00:56:51.659 --> 00:56:54.960
our listeners. And we like to give them specific

00:56:54.960 --> 00:56:59.260
things that somebody could do today or this week

00:56:59.260 --> 00:57:03.880
to start making some changes. In this particular

00:57:03.880 --> 00:57:08.559
instance, things where they could be embracing

00:57:08.559 --> 00:57:13.769
more of what makes them unique. And in so doing,

00:57:13.869 --> 00:57:16.150
doing good for others. So what are three specific

00:57:16.150 --> 00:57:17.969
things we could give to people that they could

00:57:17.969 --> 00:57:21.610
do today or this week? This one's hard, too,

00:57:21.690 --> 00:57:24.269
because I have a lot. Because I've spoken enough

00:57:24.269 --> 00:57:26.949
that I leave takeaways, right? So I spent a little

00:57:26.949 --> 00:57:29.969
time actually knowing this part, and I kind of

00:57:29.969 --> 00:57:33.750
went the frozen route. So I have three very frozen

00:57:33.750 --> 00:57:36.530
-related actionable things. So the first one

00:57:36.530 --> 00:57:40.989
is, don't hate me for it, but let it go. Let

00:57:40.989 --> 00:57:44.610
the expectation from other people that's driving

00:57:44.610 --> 00:57:48.590
you go. Let the perfectionism to perform and

00:57:48.590 --> 00:57:51.449
to be what you think you're supposed to be, let

00:57:51.449 --> 00:57:56.630
it go. And just be you. Like that is, I know

00:57:56.630 --> 00:58:00.489
cliche is this song, but it is such a real statement

00:58:00.489 --> 00:58:03.309
that you need to let some of that stuff go. Figure

00:58:03.309 --> 00:58:06.210
out what's holding you back and let go of it,

00:58:06.269 --> 00:58:08.570
right? There's number one. Love that. Yeah. Number

00:58:08.570 --> 00:58:14.519
two. I'd say discover your Olaf, your inner Olaf,

00:58:14.579 --> 00:58:17.260
right? Olaf is a piece of Elsa. Totally is. He

00:58:17.260 --> 00:58:20.860
is that uninhibited little child that just had

00:58:20.860 --> 00:58:22.880
fun. He doesn't know the sun is going to make

00:58:22.880 --> 00:58:25.619
him melt, right? He doesn't care that it's going

00:58:25.619 --> 00:58:26.940
to make him melt. Somebody is going to help me

00:58:26.940 --> 00:58:28.780
figure that out. I just want to be in the sun.

00:58:29.679 --> 00:58:31.760
I don't care if I can play the piano the same

00:58:31.760 --> 00:58:32.980
way as everybody else. I just want to play it.

00:58:33.039 --> 00:58:35.000
So somebody help me just do that and I will do

00:58:35.000 --> 00:58:38.670
the work. That is the magic. It's so good. I've

00:58:38.670 --> 00:58:42.130
never looked at Olaf that way, and it opens my

00:58:42.130 --> 00:58:46.050
eyes. That's who he is. He's so good. She needed

00:58:46.050 --> 00:58:51.429
to find him and that piece in her to be able

00:58:51.429 --> 00:58:54.130
to say, wait a minute, hold on. There's good

00:58:54.130 --> 00:58:58.130
in this thing that I've decided was bad. So find

00:58:58.130 --> 00:59:01.650
your uninhibited child and whatever it was before

00:59:01.650 --> 00:59:04.150
life experience taught you that something wasn't

00:59:04.150 --> 00:59:08.420
good enough. Hold on to it. Love that. Keep finding

00:59:08.420 --> 00:59:12.639
it. Love that. Yeah. And then the third one ties

00:59:12.639 --> 00:59:15.079
in with love being the root. And I would say

00:59:15.079 --> 00:59:20.599
find your five people, right? Have you ever heard?

00:59:20.639 --> 00:59:22.239
This was back in the day. I had to look up the

00:59:22.239 --> 00:59:24.179
guy. I'm going to find his name because I want

00:59:24.179 --> 00:59:27.800
to give credit for this. But 1980 -something,

00:59:28.119 --> 00:59:35.500
Jim Rohn, personal development author. in the

00:59:35.500 --> 00:59:39.480
80s but he taught about you become an average

00:59:39.480 --> 00:59:42.840
of the five people you hang around the most right

00:59:42.840 --> 00:59:45.079
you've heard that and i think and then it's like

00:59:45.079 --> 00:59:47.179
put yourself around higher achieving people to

00:59:47.179 --> 00:59:50.440
raise your average right and i would say more

00:59:50.440 --> 00:59:52.920
than about your performance the kind of person

00:59:52.920 --> 00:59:55.300
and character you want to be right we get to

00:59:55.300 --> 00:59:58.059
shape that we may not get to pick the challenges

00:59:58.059 --> 01:00:00.659
the trials the struggles the the deformities,

01:00:00.699 --> 01:00:03.539
we get some of that. Some of that is just what

01:00:03.539 --> 01:00:07.619
we're dealt, right? But we get to pick who we

01:00:07.619 --> 01:00:11.139
become. And so surround yourself intentionally

01:00:11.139 --> 01:00:16.300
with the people you want to be like, love them

01:00:16.300 --> 01:00:19.300
without guile and without judgment and without

01:00:19.300 --> 01:00:22.920
any type of parameters, love them for who they

01:00:22.920 --> 01:00:25.440
are, be forgiving and open, and then allow them

01:00:25.440 --> 01:00:28.190
to do the same for you. Because that's where

01:00:28.190 --> 01:00:30.489
magic happens too, right? That was the key for

01:00:30.489 --> 01:00:33.510
Elsa and Anna was love. 100%. Yeah. So let it

01:00:33.510 --> 01:00:36.550
go. Find your inner Olaf. Identify your five

01:00:36.550 --> 01:00:39.309
people. Yeah. So good. Yeah. Oh, it's been such

01:00:39.309 --> 01:00:42.389
a pleasure. Such a joy to visit with you. So

01:00:42.389 --> 01:00:46.190
inspiring for who you are, for what you do, for

01:00:46.190 --> 01:00:47.949
the goodness that you put out there in the world.

01:00:48.909 --> 01:00:51.710
It's been such a great addition to what we're

01:00:51.710 --> 01:00:55.110
trying to accomplish here. and putting positivity

01:00:55.110 --> 01:00:56.769
out there. So thank you so much for being with

01:00:56.769 --> 01:00:58.670
us today. Thanks for the opportunity. I appreciate

01:00:58.670 --> 01:01:02.230
it. Of course. As you leave this conversation,

01:01:02.530 --> 01:01:05.909
remember that yes, the past can hurt and you

01:01:05.909 --> 01:01:08.150
can either run from it or you can learn from

01:01:08.150 --> 01:01:11.849
it. So here's to learning and finding joy in

01:01:11.849 --> 01:01:13.650
the journey. See you real soon.