Radio Memories, Dog Watch & Church Talk | Hammerin' Hank Ep. 60

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America's social casino. All right, Hammer and

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Hank, have I hit the button? Would you be ready

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to begin the show? Yeah. All right, let's go.

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You're listening to The Hammer and Hank Show

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with Henry Oaks and Ryan Hoppy. Yeah. Uh. Uh.

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Yeah. Hammer and Hank. Legend on the air, waist

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free. Autistic kingpin. What's up, Hammer and

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Hank? How you doing, buddy? I'm doing good. How

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are you doing? Doing good. What you been up to

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this week? Nothing much. Nothing at all? Not

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even one thing? I was doing, I was watching my

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dog Marty. How was that? Extremely good, buddy.

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What was the best part about watching Marty?

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Watching Disney Juniors. What's your favorite

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show on there? Super Cunies. I love Super Cunies.

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It's a great show. I watched it the other day

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when I was stunned as hell, which is me all the

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time right now. And I'm telling you, man, it's

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got some good plot lines. For a show about super

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kiddies, it's not bad. Agree? Agreed. Hank, what

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is your radio memory of the week? When I visited

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a radio station called KKIQ way back in 1992.

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How was that? I'm sorry. What did you do there?

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Did you get a blowjob there? It was an open house.

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How did that go? Was it good? I went with my

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mom and it was very, very good. What was the

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best part about it? Was there good food? Good

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conversation? Did you meet any of the DJs you

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liked at Hammer and Hank? Dewey Deppish, Mark

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Davis, Sean D 'Angelo. I read all of them. That's

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good. It's always good when you meet people you

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like listening to. It's always a good vibe. Any

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other radio memories? Yes. Go on. When I met

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my buddy Monica Dorado at the Sound Factory for

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the first time. Oh, yeah. I used to work on a

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radio show called Migs and Swig. Benjamin Heldfund,

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a .k .a. Swig, owned that nightclub. Do you remember

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that name? Yes. Yes, I used to work on his radio

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show. Get that jack off to Monica. Good to know.

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Good to know. Thank you for that info. Because...

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Pretending I was hugging and kissing Monica,

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my dick would get big. Oh, Jesus Christ. We had

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a discussion with our program director, Alex

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at Hot 97 .7, and we want Hank to be a little

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more raunchy after last week's show, and this

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is him bringing the raunch. Hank, I'm a single

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man. Give me some dating advice. My dating advice

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to you is, Go out. I'm trying to get out and

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meet some lovely fucking females. It's so cute

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hearing you swear. What type of lovely female

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would you want? A Hispanic female between the

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ages of 25 and 16. It's quite the age range.

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It's pretty much the age range of this show.

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Who does she need to look like? Very, very, very

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attractive. Yeah, like, is there a certain celebrity

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you would want the woman to look like? Sabrina

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Condor, fucking Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera.

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I love hearing you swear. It's so adorable. Is

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it because Alex told us to swear a little more

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that you're bringing it on? I think so. I love

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it. Have her an egg. Let me see here. What have

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we got on the prep sheet? If I hit the music,

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it's on me. If I hit the music, you want to do

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the jokes? Yeah. All right, let me go. All right.

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Why do I always open the fridge when I'm bored?

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Why do you what? Why do I always open the fridge

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when I'm fucking bored? Why? Because maybe this

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time I'll have better options. Why do I always

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wait until the last minute for fucking anything?

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Why? Because panic is surprisingly motivating.

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Why do I fucking buy things I don't need when

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they're on sale? Why, Hank? Because my brain

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likes to keep things mysterious ways. Why do

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I spend 20 minutes looking for my phone? Why?

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Because it's usually in my fucking hand. Would

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I keep every random box that comes with electronics?

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RJ's, why? Because apparently, I'm planning to

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sell them someday. What do I say? I'm just resting

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for a minute. Why? Because I am about to take

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a fucking two -hour nap. Sound successful? Why

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do I avoid making eye contact at the gym? Why?

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Because I'm here to exercise, not to accidentally

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make a new friend. Why do I choose the slowest

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checkout line? Why? Because I have a sixth sense

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for fucking bad timing. And finally, why do I

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keep watching cooking shows? Why? Because game

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food is easier than making it. And that's it

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for Storks for this week. You're the fucking

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best, Hank. There's nobody better than you. You

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made my day. That was great. I love hearing how

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you say the word fuck. It's so like... Hey, buddy.

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You're welcome. All right, let's get to music

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trivia. Let's hit the music. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

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Turn on the show with Henry and Ryan. Pop trivia

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questions. Yeah, no lying. Got my mind sharp

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like a blade that's flying. They asking those

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questions. Got my brain frying. Hammer and Hank's

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got the mic up high. Pop hits playing to the

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end of the sky. Gotta keep it real. Can't let

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it slide. Answers in my head. Can't let them

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hide. All right, Hank. What are you on? Bringing

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the heat. Top 10 hit record. Come on over. Back

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in 19, I mean 20, 20, 2001. What year, 2021?

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2001. Come on over. Oh, Christina Aguilera. That's

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right, buddy. Oh, yeah, sit over there, Christina.

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We had that top 10 hit record everywhere back

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in 2002. Michelle Branch. Cool, buddy. You see

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what happens when you add artists that were within

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my lifetime? I know things, Hank. Cool, buddy.

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Any other ones? Who had that top ten hit record,

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Me So Horny, back in 1991? Two live crew! Two

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live crew! You're up, buddy. Oh, they so horny!

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Oh, they so horny! Me love you long time! Yeah.

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And that's it for music trivia for this week.

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I'm actually, wow, I went three for three. Maybe

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I'll get laid tonight and get lucky. But in order

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for me to get laid, Hank, you got to have a little

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bit of Jeebus in your life as I load up the church

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music. Yep. How's church going? Extremely good.

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What do you learn at church? We're studying the

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book of 1 Peter. How's that? Pretty good. And

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soon we'll be beginning studying the book of

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2 Peter. And what's going to happen in that book?

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I don't know. Are you excited about it? Yes.

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What does Jesus mean to you? Jesus means a lot

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to me. I want to be saved. Good heaven. Jesus

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and his little angels and my dad. And all the

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friends and family I lost. That's a guy real

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deep. 8 -5 -6 -4 -9 -4 -6 -7 -7 -3. What are

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your weekend plans, Hank? Hopefully to attend

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the radio day by the bay. Mm -hmm. In Alameda.

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It's to be held this Saturday at the California

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Historical Radio Society. Mm -hmm. Who else is

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going to be there? I don't know yet. You haven't

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talked to anybody from the breeze or anything

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like that? Nope. You got to hit them up. You're

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like, yo, can I get a VIP so I can hang out with

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the women? That's what you got to do, Hank. Okay,

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buddy. Fuck yeah. You're the best. What is a

00:11:02.730 --> 00:11:05.750
daytime game show you love to see come back?

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Mud Sharks. What show? Mud Sharks. Never heard

00:11:15.470 --> 00:11:19.330
of it. Mud Sharks? Park Sharks. Park Sharks?

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Hard Sharks. What's the show like? Any other

00:11:32.330 --> 00:11:39.429
shows you want to have a comeback? We've been

00:11:39.429 --> 00:11:41.470
recording for 11 minutes and 11 seconds. Make

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a wish, Hank. Hell yeah! 1997 called it the word.

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If I hit the music... Would you be ready for

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Buddy of the Week? Yes. Hey, who's your buddy

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of the week? Hollywood, from the doghouse. Who

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and JV discovered me way back in 1996. Shout

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out to Hollywood and rest in peace, JV. Yes,

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sir. Any other buddies of the week? My dog, Lardy?

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Mm -hmm. And everyone who voted for the doghouse

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into the Bay Area Radio Hall of Fame, living

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in the Hall of Fame. Doghouse. What? Doghouse.

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What? Love it. I love it. All right, if I hit

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the music, would you be ready for Brick of the

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Week? Yes. All right, let me hit the music right

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now. Brick of the Week. Straight out the dim

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lit, Henry on the mic, what's this? Prick in

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the news, fools thinkin' they slick. Ryan got

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the scoop crew ready to expose. Shots fired,

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dodgin' pigs in the petty pros. Coppers in the

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back, hoppy with that verbal machete. Every word

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on weapon cameras rollin', y 'all ain't ready.

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Keyboard warriors actin' tough behind the screen.

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Between the lines, you get sliced like a deli

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cheese. Prick in the news, he's a thorn in your

00:13:41.210 --> 00:13:45.710
side. What up, pigs? What you're doing this week

00:13:45.710 --> 00:13:48.360
is definitely Chris Brown. Why? What did Chris

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Brown do? He apparently assaulted Rihanna. 17

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years ago? I hate it. And I hate Chris Brown

00:13:58.679 --> 00:14:01.039
because of that. I feel bad that I like his music.

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Hey, did you hear Kanye West interrupted Taylor

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Swift? Yes. Hey, did you hear about Johnny K

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plus eight? Yep. Do you get what I'm doing here?

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What? I'm bringing up things from 2009. Mm -hmm.

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What are you on egg for? Well, because that sounded

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funnier in my head. I have an egg. Any other

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ideas? Any other topics for today? Or is that

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it? Yes. What's up? I jack off to Hispanic female

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women. Way back when. You're the only person

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that could say the sentence, I jack off to Hispanic

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women and not make it creepy. Congratulations.

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You're very intense this week. Last week, you

00:14:53.639 --> 00:14:55.519
were hanging out. This week, you're a little

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more intense, Hank. Anybody else? Any emails

00:15:02.120 --> 00:15:07.159
this week? No, I forgot to check. My bad. You

00:15:07.159 --> 00:15:10.600
have a ton of listeners, though. Anything else?

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That's it. One second. Can you believe it? I

00:15:23.639 --> 00:15:28.159
can't believe it, buddy. Sign us up. I'll talk

00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:30.139
to you real soon, buddies. Peace in your hood.

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Bye, Hank. Let's do the autism PSA. Oh, that's

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true. Here is a good idea. We're going to keep

00:15:40.740 --> 00:15:42.899
this in the episode. We want our audience to

00:15:42.899 --> 00:15:46.220
see what it's like behind the scenes. Normally,

00:15:46.259 --> 00:15:48.620
the show would be ending right now. We play the

00:15:48.620 --> 00:15:52.220
outro. But Hammer and Hank need to record a new

00:15:52.220 --> 00:15:59.600
PSA. So, take it away, superstar! Grabbing it

00:15:59.600 --> 00:16:07.860
right now. My autism PSA. I'm grabbing it right

00:16:07.860 --> 00:16:11.799
now. Let me... For everybody listening, Hammer

00:16:11.799 --> 00:16:14.860
and Hank. I just wanted to pull back the curtain!

00:16:15.580 --> 00:16:17.659
So everybody can say that this is what it's like

00:16:17.659 --> 00:16:19.220
behind the scenes on radio. We're not always

00:16:19.220 --> 00:16:21.960
just loudmouths. Sometimes we're going through

00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:26.080
emails to make a new PSA. I want that saga in

00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:31.340
the club. Hello again. It's your buddy Hammer

00:16:31.340 --> 00:16:33.980
Hank. And I'm living proof that autism doesn't

00:16:33.980 --> 00:16:36.799
define who you are. It reveals your strength.

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I was diagnosed with autism at an early age,

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but it didn't stop me. I became a radio DJ, a

00:16:43.580 --> 00:16:46.639
TV show host, performed the national anthem at

00:16:46.639 --> 00:16:49.460
several professional baseball games, and now

00:16:49.460 --> 00:16:52.759
I have a podcast that reaches people from all

00:16:52.759 --> 00:16:56.220
over the world. Autism is part of my story, but

00:16:56.220 --> 00:16:58.779
it's not the whole story. Believe in yourself

00:16:58.779 --> 00:17:02.120
and never give up. To find out more about autism,

00:17:02.340 --> 00:17:05.480
please contact your mental health center or visit

00:17:05.480 --> 00:17:08.539
autismspace .org. This is Hammer and Hank, and

00:17:08.539 --> 00:17:11.779
I appreciate your kindness. Good job, Hank! Good

00:17:11.779 --> 00:17:14.480
job! Thank you, buddy. All right. Let's do an

00:17:14.480 --> 00:17:17.799
official sign -off now. They got to see a little

00:17:17.799 --> 00:17:19.420
behind the scenes. Talk to you real soon, buddy.

00:17:19.740 --> 00:17:23.400
Peace in your hood. Love you, Hank! I love you.

00:17:23.500 --> 00:17:45.799
Bye! See you next week. And there he goes! Yo,

00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:49.880
yo, yo. Mike Crackle, hammering Hank on the tackle.

00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:52.500
Autistic mind sharper than a bone -chilling shackle.

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Henry Oates with the hops, Ryan hop in the spot.

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Radio waves hitting hard like a chef with a pot.

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Farewell, hammering Hank, gotta close up the

00:17:59.859 --> 00:18:02.299
show. Legend in the booth where the vibes used

00:18:02.299 --> 00:18:05.259
to flow. Autism warrior, always running the glow.

00:18:05.420 --> 00:18:07.759
But all good things gotta let the curtain go

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slow. On the dial, spitting truth with his unique

00:18:10.220 --> 00:18:12.640
grind. Thoughts intertwined like graffiti on

00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:15.819
the line. on the mic Henry's rhythm divine they

00:18:15.819 --> 00:18:19.119
the blueprint every beat they design static in

00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:20.779
the speakers where the laughter used to ride

00:18:20.779 --> 00:18:23.819
Hank led the show with that beautiful pride autism

00:18:23.819 --> 00:18:27.059
didn't stop him not amplified hammering Hank

00:18:27.059 --> 00:18:30.000
forever immortalized farewell hammering Hank

00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:32.619
gotta close up the show legend in the booth where

00:18:32.619 --> 00:18:35.440
the vibes used to flow autism warrior always

00:18:35.440 --> 00:18:38.099
running the glow but all good things gotta let

00:18:38.099 --> 00:18:42.759
the curtain He a host with the sauce Henry Oaks

00:18:42.759 --> 00:18:45.220
and Reinhardt Lightning never lost Puzzle piece

00:18:45.220 --> 00:18:48.180
crown Man this dude was the boss City Mr. Voice

00:18:48.180 --> 00:19:21.349
That's the ultimate cult Farewell Hammer and

00:19:21.349 --> 00:19:23.990
Hank, gotta close up the show Legend in the booth

00:19:23.990 --> 00:19:27.049
where the vibes used to flow Autism Warrior always

00:19:27.049 --> 00:19:29.670
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