National Anthem Auditions, Shakira & 2000s Throwbacks | Hammerin' Hank

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Hammer and Hank? How are you? How are you doing,

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buddy? Doing great. If I had the music... Oh,

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I just got a text. I'm so popular. If I had the

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music, would you be ready to start the show?

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Looking forward, buddy. You're listening to The

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Hammer and Hank Show with Henry Oaks and Ryan

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Hoppy. Legend on the airway spree Autistic kingpin,

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Cali's hard OG Wild 949, he the voice they need

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Doghouse days, layin' down the cream Too legit

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to quit, Hammond and Hank on fire Mic and head,

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lifeline and wire Radio beast ain't showin' no

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tire Underdog champion, always goin' higher Wild

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like a wolf, howl at the moon Airways rockin',

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makin' calls What up, Hank? Dynamic trio tune

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Buckley there, buddy Doing pretty fucking good.

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How are you? Very good, buddy. So, what have

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you been up to this week? Mm -hmm. I've been

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trying to audition to sing the National Anthem

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at Minnesota High Football Games, Santa Cruz

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Warriors, and Stockton Kings. How is it going

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reaching out to all of them? Thank you, buddy.

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No, you got to listen to me. How is it going

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reaching out to them? Pretty good. What do you

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say to them? How do you reach out? I got the

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email address through May .ai. That's good. I'm

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very proud of you, Hank. You're out here killing

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it in life. Thank you, buddy. You're welcome.

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You're a legend. So, let's see here. What's on

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our radio prep sheet? First of all, you can leave

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us a voicemail. It's for my show and this show.

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856 -49 -HOPPY. Or you can hit me up on Instagram

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at DJ Hammer and Hank. That's 856 -494 -6773.

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And we got a comment here from a listener. Wow.

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Every time I listen to this show, it gets better.

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I am so proud of Hammer and Hank for creating

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his own universe. Keep up the good work. Thank

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you, buddy. You're quite welcome. So Hammer and

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Hank. What is your radio memory of the week?

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I attended the 97 FM KSJQ. It was a realization.

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They had a one -year anniversary party way, way

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back in 1985. And I got to interact with a lot

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of the DJs that used to work there. Was it a

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good time when you were there? Very good time.

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What were some of the best parts of that day?

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I got hooked up with some prizes, like water

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slide prizes, which I didn't get to go, unfortunately.

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That sucks. What's the greatest prize you've

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ever won in radio besides a 15 -minute blowjob?

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Shakira, come on, you take it. Shakira? I got

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to see her. Did you see her in person? Like,

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did you meet her? No. She's a hot piece of ass.

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Because I got to sit way in the back, unfortunately.

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It was in the front, in the lower deck, though.

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But I had to sit in the back. Yeah, you did!

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I'm sorry, bud. But if I had to sit well closer,

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like, to the stage, and by the stage, in the

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first couple rows, my dick would got big. I love

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when you get dirty. Because that makes me uncomfortable,

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but in a good way. Because it's weird to think

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about you being pleasured. It's weird. Hammer

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and Hank, we've got to get you on dating apps,

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dude. Nobody. No, no, no. I'm telling you, we

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need to get you on dating apps. Right. Would

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you ever do it? Maybe. You're a god on it. Of

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course you would do well. Now, if you were to

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message a woman, how would you do it? To meet

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you and possibly take you to some concerts. The

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thing is, I want to know, what's your pickup

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line when you talk to a woman? What's up, buddy?

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Even to girls? Yep. Where would be your first

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date? We had a Britney Spears concert, but Britney

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Spears isn't performing anymore, unfortunately.

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So we had a Sabrina Carpenter concert, buddy.

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Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank. What are we going

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to do with you? We got to get you laid. That's

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what we gotta do. We gotta get you a hot -ass

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Latino woman. Oh, buddy. Fuck yeah. With that

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little energy we have, let's do the jokes. Let

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me hit the music. Okay, buddy. Fuck yeah. Fuck

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yeah. Here's what we're going to do. I send you

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for some. Well, first of all, why did you want

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it to say homeless jokes? Yes, I remember doing

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a joke at the well -known comedy jam way back

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in 2004. You know, San Francisco has the nation's

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largest homeless population. I hate the fact

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that they always pay people for money. Why don't

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they get a fucking job or something? Because

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the only thing I have for them is a cup of hot

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piss. You're the best, dude. You get mad over

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the weirdest things. It's so cute. You're the

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best. All right, so what we're going to do is

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we're going to start off with the first 10 jokes

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of the normal jokes. And then right after, tell

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us the homeless jokes, okay? You ready? Let's

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go. What I'll always put my keys in a safe place

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so I can never find them again. Why do I always

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check the pantry after dinner? Why? Because dessert

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doesn't count as another meal. What do I keep

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saying? I only watch one video. Why? Because

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I'm an optimist. Why do I always wear my oldest

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shoes? Why? Because they're the only Ha ha ha!

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Hilarious! Until I'm in bed to remember everything

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I forgot? I don't know. Because my brain likes

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perfect timing. Why do I keep buying notebooks?

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Why? Because apparently owning them is the same

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thing as being organized. Why do I look at the

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weather after I'm already outside? Why? Because

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I'm always... Confirming what I already know.

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Why do I always say I don't need another thing

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from the store? Because I enjoy making a second

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trip tomorrow. Now for the homeless jokes. Why

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did the homeless guy love the library? Because

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it had the best free Wi -Fi and air conditioning

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in town. A homeless guy said, I'm between homes.

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His friend replied, That's the longest move I've

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ever seen. Why do the fucking homeless people

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lose their keys? Because they fucking keep everything

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they own with them. A homeless guy walked into

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a coffee shop and asked, Do you have anything

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in the house? The cashier said, That's... fucking

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kind of the problem. Someone told a homeless

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guy to make yourself at home. He answered, I'm

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fucking trying. Why was the homeless guy so good

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at driving at given directions? He knew how to

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park in the fucking city. A homeless guy said,

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I finally got a place with an open floor plan.

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Yes, bro. Why did the homeless guy become a meteorologist?

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Why? He only knew exactly when it was going to

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rain. A homeless guy write, my fucking landlord

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never raised a rent. His friend said, that's

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one way to look at sleeping outside. The homeless

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guy said, I live in a mini list also. His buddy

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replied, that's a very optimistic way to describe

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it. That's not bad. Good job, Hank. Do you know

00:11:15.289 --> 00:11:19.149
what I'm playing right now? Church music. How

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the hell is church going? Extremely good. What

00:11:23.409 --> 00:11:27.490
are you learning? My pastor, John, he had surgery

00:11:27.490 --> 00:11:32.610
the other day. Is he okay? He is okay. We've

00:11:32.610 --> 00:11:35.730
had guest speakers during the month of August.

00:11:35.929 --> 00:11:38.009
We've been recording for 11 minutes and 11 seconds.

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That goes out to your pastor. Thank you, buddy.

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What have you been praying about? Mr. John's

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surgery, my radio career, and also my date. Oh,

00:11:54.409 --> 00:11:58.360
my God. We need to get you a woman named like,

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I don't know. Veronica. Yeah, Veronica. Suck

00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:07.620
them off. I don't know. Veronica, Lakeisha, Latinda.

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Okay, buddy. Hammer and Hank, let me see here.

00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:17.820
What are some songs from the 2000s you think

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they should bring back? Let me portrait my pants.

00:12:26.220 --> 00:12:32.440
Any time I Shakira, which I wish I could stay

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at her concert a little more. Mm -hmm. Also...

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Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. That's... Also... Yeah. What's

00:12:46.500 --> 00:12:49.299
up? All You Wanted by Michelle Branch. I love

00:12:49.299 --> 00:12:52.460
Michelle Branch. A little bit of this, a little

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bit of that. Started with a kiss, now we're...

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Up to bat. Doesn't that sound like the game of

00:12:59.169 --> 00:13:04.730
love? Yep. Not at all. Michelle Branch and Santana.

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Oh, yeah. I love Michelle Branch. Everywhere.

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And also Oops I Did It Again by Britney Spears.

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She's okay. She's fine. Have her at Hank. Do

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you have any trivia this week? One question.

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All right. What's the question? Who had the number

00:13:26.820 --> 00:13:31.919
one hit record, Live to Tell, way back in 1986?

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Is this a tell? Live to Tell. Live to Tell. Madonna,

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sucking off a guy. That's correct. Wow, I got

00:13:42.120 --> 00:13:47.779
her. That was a guess, Hank, and I did it. Cool,

00:13:47.860 --> 00:13:51.299
and that's it for this week. If I hit the music,

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would you be ready for a prick in the news? Yes.

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Let me do it. Let me turn it up. What do you

00:14:31.129 --> 00:14:35.230
got? Breaking news. Deathly P. Diddy. He's a

00:14:35.230 --> 00:14:43.429
douchebag. He got beat up in prison. The prison

00:14:43.429 --> 00:14:45.909
officials say it was his fault, so he was sent

00:14:45.909 --> 00:14:53.870
to solitary confinement. Loser! Loser! You got

00:14:53.870 --> 00:14:58.230
to do it. Your turn. Loser. Fucking bastard.

00:14:58.929 --> 00:15:01.070
Yeah, your mic can't even take you. You get so

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passionate about saying loser. Hammer and Hank,

00:15:06.470 --> 00:15:10.529
any other pricks? I'm good. All right, let me

00:15:10.529 --> 00:15:15.309
get buddy of the week. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo,

00:15:15.350 --> 00:15:19.330
yo, yo. Tune in to the show. It's Hammer and

00:15:19.330 --> 00:15:22.409
Hank. Autistic genius always keeping it dank.

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Henry Oaks on the mic. Hop, ride, and shotgun.

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Roll call for the buddies. We just having some

00:15:27.649 --> 00:15:30.210
fun. Buddy of the week. Who gonna get the crown?

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Hank bringing smiles. Shut the haters down. On

00:15:33.929 --> 00:15:37.769
the airwaves. We breaking the code. Street. On

00:15:37.769 --> 00:15:41.129
this radio. Catch the vibe when Hank spit them

00:15:41.129 --> 00:15:44.049
words so tight. Every moment electric like sparks

00:15:44.049 --> 00:15:47.830
in the night. We've talked a lot of smack today.

00:15:48.070 --> 00:15:51.289
So let's have positive vibes. Who's your buddy

00:15:51.289 --> 00:15:54.090
of the week? My buddy of the week is definitely

00:15:54.090 --> 00:15:57.009
all the people who are trying to get me to sing

00:15:57.009 --> 00:16:00.750
the nationalism at sporting events. Mm -hmm.

00:16:01.269 --> 00:16:06.509
Name some of those people. Miguel. Howdy. From

00:16:06.509 --> 00:16:09.980
the San Jose Giants. Mm -hmm. Also, everyone

00:16:09.980 --> 00:16:14.720
at the Santa Cruz Warriors, Stockton Kings, San

00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:18.220
Jose Barracuda, Middleton High School, and Hayward

00:16:18.220 --> 00:16:23.399
High. You are so popular. You're popular. You're

00:16:23.399 --> 00:16:27.299
more popular than me, Hank. Go, buddy. Ah, whatever.

00:16:27.580 --> 00:16:32.980
Ah, anything else going on? Well, I wish I could

00:16:32.980 --> 00:16:38.500
see a hot female artist in concert in a... Second

00:16:38.500 --> 00:16:46.360
row. Not the first row. By the stage. So my dick

00:16:46.360 --> 00:16:51.980
would get hard. Now there's different types of

00:16:51.980 --> 00:16:55.000
chubs. There's average hardness. And then there's

00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:59.879
like rock hard. Would you be rock? I'll dress

00:16:59.879 --> 00:17:03.919
up to go to concerts if that's the case. I'll

00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:06.960
definitely dress up. What's the F of your word?

00:17:08.170 --> 00:17:15.430
I wear slacks. Collar shirt. Anything else you'd

00:17:15.430 --> 00:17:20.049
wear? I'll probably wear a sweater if it's cold.

00:17:20.369 --> 00:17:23.210
Yeah, it's going to be cold. Their nipples are

00:17:23.210 --> 00:17:25.289
going to get hard. You're going to need to warm

00:17:25.289 --> 00:17:29.869
them up by twisting them. Hammer and Hank, I'm

00:17:29.869 --> 00:17:31.809
saying way too much. This is a family show. I

00:17:31.809 --> 00:17:34.539
can't be saying it. All you got to do is lick

00:17:34.539 --> 00:17:37.599
the clit the same way over and over. Just giving

00:17:37.599 --> 00:17:40.960
you advice. Hammer and Hank, any other random

00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:45.339
thoughts in your mind? That's it. Hammer and

00:17:45.339 --> 00:17:49.220
Hank, this has been a very strange show. We had

00:17:49.220 --> 00:17:51.980
fun. We got a little dirty. We got a little clean.

00:17:53.819 --> 00:17:59.500
Yep. What is the meaning of life, Hank? Never,

00:17:59.500 --> 00:18:02.769
never give up. Mm -hmm. I always say focus on

00:18:02.769 --> 00:18:06.049
your goals and they could come true one day.

00:18:07.589 --> 00:18:14.490
Sign us off! Well, I gotta sign off now and we

00:18:14.490 --> 00:18:17.109
hope to see you again next week. Peace in your

00:18:17.109 --> 00:18:20.609
fucking hood. Love you, fucking Hank! I love

00:18:20.609 --> 00:18:27.349
you. Bye now. Yeah! I got Hank to say he loves

00:18:27.349 --> 00:19:15.519
me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll

00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:45.640
be right back. with the sauce Henry Oaks and

00:19:45.640 --> 00:19:48.380
Reinhardt lightning never lost puzzle piece crown

00:19:48.380 --> 00:19:51.619
man this dude was the boss city Mr. Voice that's

00:19:51.619 --> 00:20:24.450
the ultimate coast 🎵Farewell Hammer and Hank,

00:20:24.529 --> 00:20:26.809
gotta close up the show🎵 🎵Legend in the booth

00:20:26.809 --> 00:20:29.430
where the vibes used to flow🎵 🎵Artism Warrior

00:20:29.430 --> 00:20:31.990
always running the glow🎵 🎵But all good things

00:20:31.990 --> 00:20:44.549
gotta let the curtain go slow🎵 🎵Radio Gate never

00:20:44.549 --> 00:20:46.930
goes, he a host with the stars🎵 🎵Harry Oaks and

00:20:46.930 --> 00:20:49.650
Ryan Hoff, life never lost🎵 🎵Puzzle Piece crown,

00:20:49.990 --> 00:20:53.380
man is doing what the boss🎵 That's the ultimate

00:20:53.380 --> 00:21:18.319
cost. What's up? Ryan Hoppe here. And I want

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