The Hammerin Hank Show With Henry Ochs & Ryan Hoppe: Episode 63

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What up, Hammer and Hank? How are you? Just fine.

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That was a lot of... What'd you say? I don't

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know, buddy. I'm doing good. Hopefully we can

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fight through this Zoom connection. If I hit

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this button, would you be ready to begin the

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show? Yes, buddy. You're listening to The Hammer

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and Hank Show with Henry Oaks and Ryan Hoppy.

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Legend on the air, waist free Autistic kingpin,

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Cali's hard OG Wild 949, he the voice they need

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Doghouse days, laying down the cream Too legit

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to quit, Hammer and Hank on fire Mic in hand,

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lifeline and wire Radio beast ain't showing no

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tire Underdog champion, always going higher What

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up, Hammer and Hank! How are you? How are you?

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It's really good. Man... You have been active

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this week on text messaging every five minutes,

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which it always cheers me up. What up, buddy?

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What's up? What up, Hank? How are you? You've

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been a chatty Kathy this week. How much caffeine,

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how many sodas a day have you been having? About

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two or four. I can tell. Do you have one next

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to you? Nope. I got my Coca -Cola, my Yeti cup,

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because at the radio station, they don't want

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us to... Spill the drink. Does everyone take

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a sip for you? I love how you laugh like that.

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How's your week been, Hank? What's your radio

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memory of the week? My radio memory of the week?

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Mm -hmm. It's when I got to visit a country station

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called K -Tom in Salinas way back in 1992. Were

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they airing Bob and Tom? Nope. It was a country

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station. What's your favorite? I was hooked up

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with a sales kit. They love those sales kits

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in radio. That's just, you know you're in radio

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when you're giving away a sales kit. Yeah. Your

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voice just cracked. Hammer and Hank, any other

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memories in your 49 million years in radio? Nothing

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for this week. Wow, nothing else. You've gotten

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blowjobs on air. You've had billboards. You've

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sang a national anthem about nine times. You

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did Battle of the Bay or whatever it was. You

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did all these doghouse memories. And you don't

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have another memory? You're out? Yes, actually.

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Do you have another one? When I jumped off the

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diving board at the James Lick High School San

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Jose way back in 1998 with Big Joe. How was that?

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Was that a fun day? It was very fun. Mm -hmm.

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Glad you had a good time, buddy. I'm going to

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hit the music here because I don't have all day.

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And I want to do the joke, so let me hit the

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music. Does that work with you? Okay, buddy.

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All righty. All right, Hank, let's start out

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with the normal jokes and then we'll do football

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jokes. Why do I always clean right before someone

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comes over? Because I like pretending I live

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this way all the time. Why do I keep checking

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my bank account? Why? Because apparently, I think

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money grows when I'm not looking. Why do I always

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say I'll remember that? Why? Because writing

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it down would be too easy. Why do I always take

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my phone to the bathroom? Why? Because apparently,

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three minutes alone... With my thoughts is a

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little too much. Mm -hmm. Why do I always order

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too much food? Why? Because hungry me has absolutely

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no respect for full me. Oh, jeez. Why do I always

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park in the same spot? Why? Because finding my

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car is already difficult enough. Mm -hmm. Why

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do I always say I'm going to bed early tonight?

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Why? Because I enjoy starting the evening with

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a lie. Okay. Why do I turn my radio down when

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I'm lost? Why? Because apparently my eyes can

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hear better sounds. Why do I keep clothes that

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don't fit anymore? Why? Because apparently my

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closet believes in second chances. Why do I I

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always forget someone's name right after meeting

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them. Why? Because my brain apparently has a

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very strict guest list. Got it. And now for the

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football jokes. Why did the football coach go

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to the bank? Why? Because he needed a quarterback.

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Why was the football stadium so cold? Because

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it was full of fans. Why did the football player

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bring a ladder? Why? Because he wanted to make

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it to the next level. Why did the football player

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go to the bakery? Why? Why did the football player

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go to the bakery? Why? Because he wanted a turnover.

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Why was the football player good at fishing?

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Why? Because he already knew how to make a great

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catch. Why did the quarterback bring a suitcase?

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I don't know. Because he was ready to pack the

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defense. Why did the football player bring a

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string on to the field? I don't know. Because

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he wanted to tie the game. Why did the quarterback

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become a comedian? I don't know. Because he had

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great delivery. Why did the football player bring

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a map? Why? Because he couldn't find the end

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zone. And finally, why did the football team

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go to the restaurant? Why? Because they were

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hungry for a win. And that's it for the jokes.

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Let me load up the NFL music I play every day

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on my show. This is also on Hot 97 .7 on Monday

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morning. Say hi to Fresno. I'm not Fresno. Oh,

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it says here. We got NFL predictions. What do

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you think of the NFL, Hank? The NFL's okay. What

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do you mean? I predict the Chiefs win it all

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this year. I think that I'm bringing back Eric

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B. Under me is huge. Why don't you do awful this

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year? Do what? The 49ers. I think it'll be okay.

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You'll be okay. I'm a little worried about the

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Bears because they got Caleb Williams on the

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cover. Madden. That's not good. There's the Madden

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curse. You don't want to be on the cover of Madden.

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You would hate it. Because there's always the

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Madden curse. Although, I think you would break

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the Madden curse. And you would also break some

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girls' backs, which we'll get into in a sec.

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But first... You have no idea what I just did

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because we were doing it on Zoom, but I was letting

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the NFL music finish out. So there you go, Hank.

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Hanky, I was very intrigued by this next topic.

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A lot of times, it's my favorite TV commercial

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from the 80s or radio memories. This is a topic

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that I am fascinated by. It says, number five,

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should I apply for a dating app? Should hammer

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it, Hank? Henry Oaks, be on a dating app. What's

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on your mind, Henry? I'm not thinking about applying

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for a dating app. The good one would be Hinge.

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Mm -hmm. That'd be cool. Not Bumble, not Tinder,

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because those are clout chasing broads. No, I'm

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telling you. I think Hinge, because you have

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a lot of prompts. So it'll be like, my favorite

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thing to do is, and then it'll have, so like,

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Let me get my profile. I'm going to read it to

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you. Let me know what you think. I actually kind

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of want your critique. You don't need to hold

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back. You never do. Let's see here. All right.

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So you see right here, this is a visual, but

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you see the picture? Yes. All right. It says,

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whoa, and this is my page. Whoa, I instantly

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hit it off. If you like holding hands while I

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drive on our first date, I like to cuddle on

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the couch after a long day. You believe in the

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concept of a ride or die. Dating me is like realizing

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that everyone will look since I'm the tallest

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person in the room. Blah, blah, blah. You get

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the point. My point is, I think it would be the

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best one for you because of your autism because

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you could say, hey, I don't drive, but I'm high

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-functioning autism. I have a radio crew. You

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know what I'm saying? I feel like Bumble and

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Tinder is a little too skanky for you, but I

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think Hinge is the way to go. It's the way to

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go too, buddy. But Hank, I got to ask you something.

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First of all, what would Smurfette think? I don't

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know. She'll probably have mixed emotions. Yeah,

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because at some point, dude, you deserve to live

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out your golden years. Right, buddy. That's what

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I'm saying. I don't know. I think you're... I'm

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going to be real. I think you're functioning

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enough to date somebody. I think there would

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be moments that there'd be, I mean, obviously

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arguments, but you're not, but I'm here. I'll

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get paid for this. I love you. You're a lovable

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guy. I think you'd be great. Now, if you were

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to go on a first date, if there's a hot ass one,

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what are the towns nearby you? I know you're

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in the San Francisco. You're in Hayward, right?

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Right. I'm in Hayward. So anybody near Hayward,

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California listening, and it's Hammer and Hank

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right now. Hammer and Hank, I'm going to give

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you the floor. Pitch yourself. Give yourself,

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think of this as an audition to get a hot ass

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girlfriend. Think of this as - My name is Hammer

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and Hank. I live in Hayward, California. I spent

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many, many, many years working in the radio business.

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I just been elected to the Bay Area Radio Hall

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of Fame with the Dog House. And I'm trying to

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attend some concerts. Hank, that was not bad.

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The last part was good. Here's the thing. Have

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a picture of you and Marley on the couch. Have

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a picture of your billboard. And then have a

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picture of you smiling like the one of you wearing

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the hot 97 .7 outfit. The thing is, you want

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people to date Henry. For Henry! I've dated cloud

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chasing broads that liked me because I was on

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the radio. And then when I left the radio show,

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buh -bye, running sound effects from Looney Tunes,

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never hear from them again. Here's my point.

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We want to get Hank a woman that's loyal. We

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want to get Hank a woman that ain't going to

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just be like, oh my God, I'm hanging out with

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the greatest autistic radio talent ever. And

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I believe that. What I'm telling you, you need

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to be like, hi, my name is Henry. I work in the

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media business for the last, let's say, Let's

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say 35 years, and I love hanging out with my

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family. You know what I mean? So let's do one

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more take. Less about the Radio Hall of Fame.

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Let's get to know, because listen, Hank, before

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you say it, there's two versions of me. There's

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this loud jackass known as Hoppy, and then there's

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Ryan. I obviously don't go around on dates going,

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mm -hmm. All my dates listen to my show, and

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they go, is that what's going to be the first

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date? So here's my point. Forget... Your hammer

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and hank career. You're Henry. Let's do the audio

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dating app of Henry. A take two. What's up? My

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name's Henry Oaks, OCHS. I'm also known as the

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world's most lovable autistic. I spent many years

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working in the media business. I would love to

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go on a date with a lovely female to a concert.

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Yes! Yes! Good job. This will be a video. And

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we will be promoting you. Now the thing is. Oh

00:13:45.960 --> 00:13:52.100
yeah. If things get hot and heavy Hank. Wear

00:13:52.100 --> 00:13:56.740
that condom. It's not as good but. We don't need

00:13:56.740 --> 00:13:58.860
Hank babies out there. Especially at your age.

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We don't need the Hank babies either. I love

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you dude. It says right here. Your birthday wish

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list for November 16th. What do you want for

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your birthday? My birthday wish list so far?

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I'm not going to pass. That's reasonable. At

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some point, when I figure out my budget, which

00:14:25.620 --> 00:14:28.779
is probably my next paycheck, I'm going to pay

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for your Chet GBT as an early present. I said

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that last month, and I'm sticking to it. Let

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me figure out, because here's the thing, ladies

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and gentlemen, boys and girls, people listening.

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Hank first loved Chad GVT. It's brilliant for

00:14:40.419 --> 00:14:43.240
autistic people. But what happened was because

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he's using the free version, it didn't let him

00:14:45.480 --> 00:14:48.220
use it anymore. So I'm not looking to be one

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of the radio hosts that goes, hey, I'm helping

00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:52.659
out the guy. But I'm going to help you out, Hank.

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I'm going to get you Chad GVT Plus in like two

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or three weeks. And then go talk to him about

00:14:59.000 --> 00:15:02.620
building this podcast, okay? Is there anything

00:15:02.620 --> 00:15:09.379
else you want for your birthday? Yes. What? Maybe

00:15:09.379 --> 00:15:14.419
some Warrior basketball tickets. You know what

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you need to do? I say this every time we bring

00:15:19.480 --> 00:15:24.740
it up. Hank, what you got to do is you got this

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likability to you that most people don't have.

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I honestly don't even. Sometimes when you're

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around an autistic person, the whole time you

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realize the person's autistic. I forget you're

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just Hank. You're just Henry. Yeah, you have

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autism, but fuck it. What I'm saying to you,

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ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, is you

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have a very likability when asking for things.

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You asked me, I was in the middle of a hurricane.

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You're like, hey, can I come on happy hour? And

00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:54.980
then the show began. I need you to use that Henry

00:15:54.980 --> 00:15:58.480
Oaks charm and hit up some people that have power.

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and ask if there's any way to get discounts on

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Warriors tickets, and voila, it could happen.

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Make it happen, Captain. Does that make sense?

00:16:11.190 --> 00:16:14.629
Yes, it does, buddy. You are at a loss of words.

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Hammer and Hank, we have a comment here. Henry,

00:16:19.029 --> 00:16:21.490
I've been a fan of you since when you worked

00:16:21.490 --> 00:16:24.870
on Mancow's morning show. Keep up the good work.

00:16:25.929 --> 00:16:29.179
Hey, buddy. And also, I was talking, do you know

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who Flying Brian is? He used to be on 105 .5

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The Beat in Fort Myers. Yes, buddy. He was a

00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:40.320
huge fan of the Dog House. Listened to them online.

00:16:40.600 --> 00:16:42.480
He used to buy tapes of them online, I believe.

00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:45.460
Or somehow, back in the day, the Dog House influenced

00:16:45.460 --> 00:16:47.980
Flying Brian and the Freak Show in Fort Myers

00:16:47.980 --> 00:16:51.679
to its quarter century of being number one. and

00:16:51.679 --> 00:16:53.980
I was talking to him yesterday about radio because

00:16:53.980 --> 00:16:57.139
I was trying to, he got laid off by iHeart. There's

00:16:57.139 --> 00:16:59.279
a non -compete. He can't do anything right now,

00:16:59.340 --> 00:17:01.399
but I was talking to him, and we were talking

00:17:01.399 --> 00:17:04.400
about radio, and his quote about you is, Hammer

00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:07.460
and Hank is the GOAT, one of God's most special

00:17:07.460 --> 00:17:11.220
people. Thank you, buddy. We love you, Hank.

00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:13.880
Thank you, buddy. All right, I feel like I'm

00:17:13.880 --> 00:17:16.559
talking too much. Hammer and Hank, let's see

00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:18.980
here. If I hit the music, would you be ready

00:17:18.980 --> 00:17:52.109
for Buddy of the Week? Yes. All right. My buddy

00:17:52.109 --> 00:17:54.809
of the week is definitely Selena from Lonnie

00:17:54.809 --> 00:17:57.970
for 9, and also Graham and Jess. What do they

00:17:57.970 --> 00:18:03.970
do? They play my talkbacks from time to time.

00:18:04.430 --> 00:18:07.650
Oh, you do talkbacks in the talkback button?

00:18:08.329 --> 00:18:12.250
Yes, I do. What are the usually ongoing topics?

00:18:12.890 --> 00:18:16.809
Mm -hmm. Talkback button. You click on the microphone

00:18:16.809 --> 00:18:19.150
on the iPod. No, no, no, no, Hank. And you...

00:18:19.450 --> 00:18:23.029
Every fucking, listen, every talk break, I heard

00:18:23.029 --> 00:18:24.809
talking about the talkback button. I think everyone,

00:18:24.910 --> 00:18:27.750
I'm saying, what are some examples of things

00:18:27.750 --> 00:18:30.069
you've left on the talkback button? Mm -hmm.

00:18:31.049 --> 00:18:34.089
My national anthem performances. So wait, you

00:18:34.089 --> 00:18:36.349
would sing the national anthem into the talkback?

00:18:37.069 --> 00:18:40.829
Nope, I would promote it. Oh, got it. That would

00:18:40.829 --> 00:18:43.950
be a good one. You should do parody songs. My

00:18:43.950 --> 00:18:47.549
name is Graham. I'm from Napa Valley and I'm

00:18:47.549 --> 00:18:52.690
a pretty boy. I'm glad that made you laugh. Are

00:18:52.690 --> 00:19:24.950
you ready for Prickin' the News? Yes. Yes. What's

00:19:24.950 --> 00:19:27.809
going on Hank? Who's your prick of the week?

00:19:29.190 --> 00:19:32.230
Actually, Jordan Lee, who has let go from his

00:19:32.230 --> 00:19:36.920
radio job in Wisconsin. Because of a lewd act

00:19:36.920 --> 00:19:40.380
on a child. So this guy was in charge of Radio

00:19:40.380 --> 00:19:43.019
1 out there in Milwaukee. You texted me this

00:19:43.019 --> 00:19:45.180
after I was leaving Toy Story 5 and I Googled

00:19:45.180 --> 00:19:49.339
it. And Hank, I think this country is way too

00:19:49.339 --> 00:19:53.039
nice to pedophiles. I think that once you're

00:19:53.039 --> 00:19:55.700
found guilty, you take them out to the back,

00:19:55.720 --> 00:19:58.539
you grab the shotgun, and you go, bye. You did

00:19:58.539 --> 00:20:03.579
a terrible job programming radio. Mm -hmm. How

00:20:03.579 --> 00:20:06.660
would you deal with pedophiles? Would you put

00:20:06.660 --> 00:20:11.200
them out to the pasture? Confront them. You would

00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:14.460
what? I would confront them. What would you say

00:20:14.460 --> 00:20:17.140
to this guy? I'd make sure they are locked up

00:20:17.140 --> 00:20:21.339
for a long, long time. How many years? About

00:20:21.339 --> 00:20:26.759
50. 50? 50. Yes, Jordan's never getting out.

00:20:26.839 --> 00:20:29.000
He's probably 40 years old. I saw he used just

00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:33.700
for meth because he's a loser. He's a loser.

00:20:35.940 --> 00:20:40.680
And also, the boss of K &B on San Francisco for

00:20:40.680 --> 00:20:43.779
letting Gray Papa go. Yeah, that was very sad.

00:20:43.900 --> 00:20:46.960
Doesn't he have cancer as well? He has cancer,

00:20:47.180 --> 00:20:51.099
yes. Hank, what are some random thoughts on your

00:20:51.099 --> 00:20:57.220
mind? Well, I have a blood test this Tuesday.

00:20:57.380 --> 00:20:59.759
I mean, I have to come in and do some lab work.

00:21:00.839 --> 00:21:03.059
You'll be okay, buddy. You're just getting old.

00:21:03.059 --> 00:21:06.559
I'll be okay. God's on your side. You'll be fine.

00:21:07.099 --> 00:21:11.180
Anything else? That's it. All right. Let me load

00:21:11.180 --> 00:21:16.440
up the button here. Give me a second here. Oh!

00:21:17.579 --> 00:21:23.740
One second. I got a loader. We're taking a screenshot.

00:21:24.099 --> 00:21:27.759
All right. Everyone's going to be patient. Let's

00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:35.640
get zeroed up. All right. One, two, three. We

00:21:35.640 --> 00:21:41.240
got Lena on the show. Hey, Lena. How the hell

00:21:41.240 --> 00:21:43.299
are you? You just scratched me, you little bitch.

00:21:43.559 --> 00:21:49.900
Oh, you're so cute. There's Lena. Lena. I love

00:21:49.900 --> 00:21:56.539
this kid. You're cute. That was psychotic. Hammer

00:21:56.539 --> 00:21:59.869
it, Hank. Let me. text myself this picture. We

00:21:59.869 --> 00:22:03.589
look cute. We always look cute because we're

00:22:03.589 --> 00:22:10.009
handsome. You want to hear something funny? Yes.

00:22:10.490 --> 00:22:12.869
Supposedly because I have a loud mouth. People

00:22:12.869 --> 00:22:14.869
can hear me through the walls. I'm not at work

00:22:14.869 --> 00:22:17.569
right now, but at work people can hear the show.

00:22:19.029 --> 00:22:22.670
Okay, buddy. Anyway, I'm just kind of prolonging.

00:22:22.690 --> 00:22:26.740
I hate when the show ends. It's so sad. Hate

00:22:26.740 --> 00:22:29.839
it too, buddy. We'll have next week episode 64.

00:22:30.279 --> 00:22:37.740
Because this was a 60, a 3. All right. Hammerhead

00:22:37.740 --> 00:22:42.220
Hank. I give you the floor. Sign off. All right.

00:22:42.799 --> 00:22:44.859
I got to say what's up to all my buddies out

00:22:44.859 --> 00:22:47.680
there. I love you so much. And I'll talk to you

00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:51.259
real soon. Peace in your hood. Bye, Hank. I love

00:22:51.259 --> 00:22:55.779
you. I love you too. Bye. And there he goes on

00:22:55.779 --> 00:23:05.279
his own. If you're listening on 97 .7, I'm pretty

00:23:05.279 --> 00:23:08.099
caffeinated. And happy hour begins in two minutes.

00:23:08.900 --> 00:23:31.420
And that is that. Yeah. Yo, yo, yo, Mike Crackle,

00:23:31.500 --> 00:23:34.400
hammering Hank on the tackle. Autistic mind sharper

00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:36.640
than a bone -chilling shackle. Henry Oates with

00:23:36.640 --> 00:23:38.960
the hops, Ryan hopped in the spot. Radio waves

00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:41.519
hitting hard like a chef with a pot. Farewell,

00:23:41.559 --> 00:23:44.160
hammering Hank, gotta close up the show. Legend

00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:47.019
in the booth where the vibes used to flow. Autism

00:23:47.019 --> 00:23:49.500
warrior, always running the glow. But all good

00:23:49.500 --> 00:23:52.500
things gotta let the curtain go. Slug down, spitting

00:23:52.500 --> 00:23:55.160
truth with his unique grind. Thoughts intertwined

00:23:55.160 --> 00:23:57.180
like graffiti on the line. Run, run, run, run,

00:23:57.180 --> 00:24:28.890
run, run. We'll be right back. Puzzle piece crown,

00:24:29.029 --> 00:24:31.250
man. This dude was the boss. City missed the

00:24:31.250 --> 00:25:07.990
voice. That's the ultimate coast. where the vibes

00:25:07.990 --> 00:25:10.950
used to flow. Autism warrior always running the

00:25:10.950 --> 00:25:13.450
glow. But all good things gotta let the curtain

00:25:13.450 --> 00:25:26.269
go slow. Radio gate never goes. He a host with

00:25:26.269 --> 00:25:28.309
the stars. Harry Oaks and Ryan Hoff. Lightning

00:25:28.309 --> 00:25:57.690
never lost. Puzzle piece crown. What's up? Ryan

00:25:57.690 --> 00:25:59.869
Hoppe here. And I want to tell you about the

00:25:59.869 --> 00:26:03.190
Ride the Wave Media Podcast Network. They got

00:26:03.190 --> 00:26:06.289
such great shows. It's Practically Magic, Those

00:26:06.289 --> 00:26:09.970
Guys, Blaine's World, and even my show, Hoppe

00:26:09.970 --> 00:26:12.509
Hour with Ryan Hoppe, which can be heard by searching

00:26:12.509 --> 00:26:16.190
Hoppe Radio. This podcast network is going to

00:26:16.190 --> 00:26:19.269
take over the world. It is everything that radio

00:26:19.269 --> 00:26:21.710
is missing. Now you're hearing my voice and you

00:26:21.710 --> 00:26:25.789
go, how can I find it? RideTheWave .media is

00:26:25.789 --> 00:26:29.250
the website. And there has all the great podcasts.

00:26:29.589 --> 00:26:32.890
And once again, this is Ryan Hoppy from the Ride

00:26:32.890 --> 00:26:35.690
to Wave Media Podcast Network. What's up? Ryan

00:26:35.690 --> 00:26:37.890
Hoppy here. And I want to tell you about the

00:26:37.890 --> 00:26:41.250
Ride to Wave Media Podcast Network. They got

00:26:41.250 --> 00:26:44.309
such great shows as Practically Magic, Those

00:26:44.309 --> 00:26:48.069
Guys, Blame the World, and even my show, Hoppy

00:26:48.069 --> 00:26:50.569
Hour with Ryan Hoppy, which can be heard by searching

00:26:50.569 --> 00:26:54.230
Hoppy Radio. This podcast network is going to

00:26:54.230 --> 00:26:56.950
take over the world and It is everything that

00:26:56.950 --> 00:26:59.549
radio is missing. Now you're hearing my voice

00:26:59.549 --> 00:27:03.609
and you go, how can I find it? RideTheWave .media

00:27:03.609 --> 00:27:06.789
is the website name and there has all the great

00:27:06.789 --> 00:27:09.930
podcasts. And once again, this is Ryan Hoppe

00:27:09.930 --> 00:27:12.829
from the RideTheWave Media Podcast Network.