The Hammerin Hank Show With Henry Ochs & Ryan Hoppe: Episode 62

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What up, Hammer and Hank? How are you? How are

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you doing, buddy? Doing great. If I had the music...

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Oh, I just got a text. I'm so popular. If I had

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the music, would you be ready to start the show?

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Looking forward, buddy. You're listening to The

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Hammer and Hank Show with Henry Oaks and Ryan

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Hoppy. Callie's hard OG. Wild 949. He the voice

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they need. Doghouse days. Laying down the cream.

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Too legit to quit. Helen and Hank on fire. Mike

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in hand. Lifeline and wire. Radio beast ain't

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showing no tire. Underdog champion. Always going

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higher. Wild like a wolf. Howl at the moon. Airways

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rocking. Making calls. What up, Hank? Dynamic

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trio tune. How you doing, buddy? Doing pretty

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fucking good. How are you? And Hank on fire.

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Very good, buddy. So, what have you been up to

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this week? I've been trying to audition to sing

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the National Anthem at Minnesota High Football

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Games, Santa Cruz Warriors, and Stockton Kings.

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How is it going reaching out to all of them?

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Thank you, buddy. No, you got to listen to me.

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How is it going reaching out to them? Pretty

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good. What do you say to them? How do you reach

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them? I got the email address through me .ai.

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That's good. I'm very proud of you, Hank. You're

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out here killing it in life. Thank you, buddy.

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You're welcome. You're a legend. So, let's see

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here. What's on our radio prep sheet? First of

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all, you can leave us a voicemail. It's for my

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show and this show. 856 -49 -HOPPY. Or you can

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hit me up on Instagram at DJ Hammer and Hank.

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That's 856 -494 -6773. And we got a comment here

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from a listener. Wow. Every time I listen to

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this show, it gets better. I am so proud of Hammer

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and Hank for creating his own universe. Keep

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up the good work. Thank you, buddy. You're quite

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welcome. So Hammer and Hank. What is your radio

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memory of the week? I attended the 97 FM KSJQ.

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It was a radio station in Modesto. They had a

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one -year anniversary party way, way back in

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1985, and I got to interact with a lot of the

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DJs that used to work there. Was it a good time

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when you were there? Very good time. What were

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some of the best parts of that day? I got hooked

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up with some prizes, like water slide prizes,

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which I didn't get to go, unfortunately. That

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sucks. What's the greatest prize you've ever

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won in radio besides a 15 -minute blowjob? Shakira

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calls you tickets. Shakira? I got to see her.

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Did you see her in person? Like, did you meet

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her? No. She's a hot piece of ass. Because I

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got to sit way in the back, unfortunately. It

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was in the front, in the lower deck, though.

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But I had to sit in the back. Yeah, you did.

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I'm sorry, bud. But if I had to sit well closer,

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like, to the stage, and by the stage, in the

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first couple rows, my dick would got big. I love

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when you get dirty. Because that makes me uncomfortable,

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but in a good way. Because it's weird to think

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about you being pleasured. It's weird. Hammer

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and Hank, we've got to get you on dating apps,

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dude. Nobody. No, no, no. I'm telling you, we

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need to get you on dating apps. Right. Would

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you ever do it? Maybe. You would get on it. have

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her and hang. Of course you would do well. Now,

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if you were to message a woman, how would you

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do it? To meet you and possibly take you to some

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concerts. The thing is, I want to know, what's

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your pickup line when you talk to a woman? What's

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up, buddy? Even to girls? Yep. Where would be

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your first date? We had a Britney Spears concert,

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but Britney Spears isn't performing anymore,

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unfortunately. So we had a Sabrina Carpenter

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concert, buddy. Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank.

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What are we going to do with We got to get you

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laid. That's what we got to do. We got to get

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you a hot -ass Latino woman. What, buddy? Fuck

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yeah. With that little energy we have, let's

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do the jokes. Let me hit the music. Okay, buddy.

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Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Here's what

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we're going to do. I sent you for some. Well,

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first of all, why did you want it to say homeless

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jokes? Yes, I remember doing a joke at the Walton

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Academy Comedy Jam way back in 2004. You know,

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San Francisco has the nation's largest homeless

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population. I hate the fact that they always

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pay people money. Why don't they get a fucking

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job or something? Because the only thing I have

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for them is a cup of hot piss. You're the best,

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dude. You get mad over the weirdest things. It's

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so cute. You're the best. All right, so what

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we're going to do is we're going to start off

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with the first 10 jokes of the normal jokes.

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And then right after, tell us the homeless jokes,

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okay? You ready? Let's go. What I'll always put

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my keys in a safe place so I can never find them

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again. Why do I always check the pantry after

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dinner? Why? Because dessert doesn't count as

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another meal. Why do I keep saying I only watch

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one video? Why? Because I'm an optimist. Why

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do I always wear my oldest shoes? Why? Because

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they're the only ones that understand me. Why

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do I always check my mailbox? Why? Because hope

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is free. Why do I always walk into the kitchen

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and stand there? Why? Because my stomach caused

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a meeting but forgot the agenda. Hilarious. Why

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do I always wait until the end? Until I'm in

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bed to remember everything I forgot? I don't

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know. Because my brain likes perfect timing.

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Why do I keep buying notebooks? Why? Because

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apparently owning them is the same thing as being

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organized. Why do I look at the weather after

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I'm already outside? Why? Because I'm always...

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Confirming what I already know. Why do I always

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say I don't need another thing from the store?

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Because I enjoy making a second trip tomorrow.

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Now for the homeless jokes. Why did the homeless

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guy love the library? Because it had the best

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free Wi -Fi and air conditioning in town. A homeless

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guy said, I'm between homes. His friend replied,

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That's the longest move I've ever seen. Why do

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the fucking homeless people lose their keys?

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Because they fucking keep everything they own

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with them. A homeless guy walked into a coffee

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shop and asked, Do you have anything in the house?

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The cashier said, That's... fucking kind of the

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problem. Someone told a homeless guy to make

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himself at home. He answered, I'm fucking trying.

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Why was the homeless guy so good at driving at

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given directions? He knew how to park in the

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fucking city. A homeless guy said, I finally

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got a place with an open floor plan. Yes, boo.

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Why did the homeless guy become a meteorologist?

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Why? He only knew exactly when it was going to

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rain. A homeless guy write, my fucking landlord

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never raised a rent. His friend said, that's

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one way to look at sleeping outside. The homeless

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guy said, I live in a minimalist hostel. His

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buddy replied, that's a very optimistic way to

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describe it. That's not bad. Good job, Hank.

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Do you know what I'm playing right now? Church

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music. How the hell is church going? Extremely

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good. What are you learning? My pastor, John...

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He had surgery the other day. Is he okay? He

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is okay. We've been recording. We have guest

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speakers during the month of August. We've been

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recording for 11 minutes and 11 seconds. That

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goes out to your pastor. Thank you, buddy. Yeah.

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What have you been praying about? Mr. John's

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surgery. My radio career. Your radio career is

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fine. And also my date. Oh, yeah. We need to

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get you a woman named like, I don't know. Veronica.

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Yeah, Veronica. Suck them off. I don't know.

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Veronica, Lakeisha, Latinda. Okay, buddy. Hammer

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and Hank, let me see here. What are some songs

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from the 2000s you think they should bring back?

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Family Portrait by Prince. Any time I should

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care, which I wish I could stay at her concert

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a little more. Mm -hmm. Also. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

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This. Also. Yeah. What's up? All You Wanted by

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Michelle Branch. I love Michelle Branch. A little

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bit of this, a little bit of that. Started with

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a kiss, now we're. up to bat. Doesn't that sound

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like the game of love? Yep. Not at all. Michelle

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Branch and Santana. Oh, yeah. I love Michelle

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Branch. Everywhere. And also Oops I Did It Again

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by Britney Spears. She's okay. She's fine. Have

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her at Hank. Do you have any trivia this week?

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One question. All right. What's the question?

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Who had the number one hit record, Live to Tell,

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way back in 1986? Visitel? Live to Tell. Live

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to Tell. Madonna, sucking off a guy. That's correct.

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Wow, I got it right. That was a guess, Hank,

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and I did it. Cool, and that's it for this week.

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If I hit the music, would you be ready for a

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prick in the news? Yes. Let me do it. Let me

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turn it up. What do you got? Freaking news. Deathly

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P. Diddy. He's a douchebag. You got beat up in

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prison. The prison officials say it was his fault,

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so he was sent to solitary confinement. You fucking

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bastard. You got to do it. Your turn. Yeah, your

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mic can't even take you. You get so passionate

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about saying loser. Hammer and Hank, any other

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pricks? All right, let me get buddy of the week.

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Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Tune in to the

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show. It's Hammer and Hank. Autistic genius always

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keeping it dank. Henry Oaks on the mic. Hop,

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ride, and shotgun. Roll call for the buddies.

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We just having some fun. Buddy of the week. Who

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gonna get the crown? Hank bringing smiles. Shut

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the haters down. On the airwaves. We breaking

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the code. Streetwise. On this radio. Catch the

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vibe when Hank spitting words so tight. Every

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moment electric like sparks in the night. We've

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talked a lot. We're going to smack today. So

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let's have positive vibes. Who's your buddy on

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the link? My buddy on the link is definitely

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all the people who are trying to get me to sing

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the National Anthem at sporting events. Name

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some of those people. Miguel. From the San Jose

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Giants. Also everyone at the Santa Cruz Warriors.

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Stockton Kings, San Jose Barracuda, Minnesota

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High School, and Hayward High. You are so popular.

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You're popular. You're more popular than me,

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Hank. Go, buddy. Whatever. Anything else going

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on? Well, I wish I could see a hot female artist

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in concert in the second row. Not the first row.

00:16:12.460 --> 00:16:20.600
By the stage. So my dick would get hard. Now

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there's different types of chubs. There's average

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hardness. And then there's like rock hard. Would

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you be rock? I'll dress up to go to concerts

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if that's the case. I'll definitely dress up.

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What's the F of your word? Oh, slacks. All a

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shirt. Anything else you'd wear? I'll probably

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wear a sweater if it's cold. Yeah, it's going

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to be cold. Their nipples are going to get hard.

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You're going to need to warm them up by twisting

00:16:56.149 --> 00:17:00.570
them. Hammer and Hank, I'm saying way too much.

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This is a family show. I can't be saying it.

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All you got to do is lick the clit the same way

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over and over. Just giving you advice. Hammer

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and Hank, any other random thoughts in your mind?

00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:16.940
That's it. Hammer and Hank, this has been a very

00:17:16.940 --> 00:17:20.920
strange show. We had fun. We got a little dirty.

00:17:20.920 --> 00:17:26.119
We got a little clean. What is the meaning of

00:17:26.119 --> 00:17:32.109
life, Hank? Never, never give up. I always say

00:17:32.109 --> 00:17:35.329
focus on your goals and they could come true

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one day. Sign us off! Well, I gotta sign off

00:17:43.230 --> 00:17:46.569
now and we hope to see you again next week. Peace

00:17:46.569 --> 00:17:49.250
in your fucking hood. Love you fucking heck!

00:17:49.730 --> 00:18:40.720
I love you. Bye now. We'll see you next time.

00:18:49.769 --> 00:18:52.210
Every beat they design. Static in the speakers

00:18:52.210 --> 00:18:54.490
where the laughter used to ride. Hank led the

00:18:54.490 --> 00:18:57.089
show with that beautiful pride. Autism didn't

00:18:57.089 --> 00:19:00.150
stop him, not amplified. Hammer and Hank, forever

00:19:00.150 --> 00:19:02.970
immortalized. Farewell, Hammer and Hank, gotta

00:19:02.970 --> 00:19:05.329
close up the show. Legend in the booth where

00:19:05.329 --> 00:19:08.130
the vibes used to flow. Autism warrior, always

00:19:08.130 --> 00:19:10.789
running the glow. But all good things gotta let

00:19:10.789 --> 00:19:13.670
the curtain go slow. Radio go, never go. See

00:19:13.670 --> 00:19:16.130
a host with the sauce. Henry Oaks and Reinhardt,

00:19:16.130 --> 00:19:18.589
lightning never lost. Puzzle piece crown, man,

00:19:18.589 --> 00:19:20.970
this dude was the boss. City missed the voice,

00:19:21.089 --> 00:19:54.059
that's the ultimate cost. Farewell Hammer and

00:19:54.059 --> 00:19:56.700
Hank, gotta close up the show Legend in the booth

00:19:56.700 --> 00:19:59.779
where the vibes used to flow Autism Warrior always

00:19:59.779 --> 00:20:02.400
running the glow But all good things gotta let

00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:14.839
the curtain go slow Radio Yate never ghosts,

00:20:14.940 --> 00:20:17.059
he a host with the stars Harry Oakes and Ryan

00:20:17.059 --> 00:20:47.480
Hoff, likely never lost What's up? Ryan Hoppe

00:20:47.480 --> 00:20:49.759
here. And I want to tell you about the Ride the

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00:21:18.140 --> 00:21:21.180
podcasts. And once again, this is Ryan Hoppe

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from the Ride to Wave Media Podcast Network.

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What's up? Ryan Hoppe here. And I want to tell

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you about the Ride to Wave Media Podcast Network.

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They got such great shows as Practically Magic,

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Those Guys, Blaine's World, and even my show,

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Hoppe Hour with Ryan Hoppe, which can be heard

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by searching Hoppe Radio. This podcast network

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is going to take over the world. It is everything

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that radio is missing. Now you're hearing like,

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voice and you go, how can I find it? RideTheWave

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.media is the website name and there has all

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the great podcasts. And once again, this is Ryan

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Hoppe from the Ride The Wave Media Podcast Network.